50 Shades of Reds: Watch the Manchester United sex tape
Having endorsed everything from airlines to wine and tyres, it was inevitable that Manchester United would move into pornography. The Sun leads with news that Manchester United stars “film sex video in toilets”.
The story runs:
MANCHESTER United stars are being investigated by club bosses over claims they filmed a team-mate performing a sex act sex in a nightclub toilet.
Video of the ace with a girl in her late 20s, at an exclusive venue in Manchester, is believed to have been passed around among United players.
That exclusive venue sounds more wanky than swanky. And the facts are thinner than Louis Van Gaal’s smile. Since when is what people “believe” news?
She was apparently filmed carrying out an intimate act on one of United’s international stars.
We’d imagine that when Manchester United does go into the skin business it will be a bigger production than a few gurning, voyeuristic knobs in a toilet cubicle. Titles like The Buzz Me Babes, gay romps Man United and Woman United, The Bed Devils and George Best: My Life Story would be big sellers.
And the teasers on the official promotional material will run a tad fruitier than a source opining:
“They were in the toilets with the door closed but other players were filming over the top of the door. It’s disgusting behaviour.”
The alleged film’s featured unwilling starlet tells the apper:
“I have been crying my eyes out and I am not going to go into details about it now.”
Not now, no. So. When?
An unnamed source adds:
“She’ll be worried about how she appears to the players. That will be her concern more than anything, she wants to protect them. It was a drunken moment and they both got a bit excited.”
The Sun adds:
Any United players found to have broken club rules will face the fury of manager Louis van Gaal, a strict disciplinarian.
Fetch the whips and tell Ryan Giggs to up the clubs yoga regime. It’s 50 Shades of Reds.
Note: The Daily Mail is on message calling it “latest shame for football”.