Hilarious highlights from Kanye West’s speech to Oxford students
Pouty rapper and current holder of Kim Kardashian’s bum breasts Kanye West has been talking to the Oxford Guild Business Society.
The talk features one question from the audience, which he didn’t answer. Your question might
have been, “Who gives a talk to the Oxford Guild Business society?’
Shakeel Hashim was there to brings us a few highlights of Kanye West’s self-styled “stream of consciousness”:
It begins with Shhhh…:
“OK, everyone please be completely quiet, because I can literally hear a whisper, and it’ll throw off my stream of consciousness, and when I get my stream of consciousness going that’s when I give the best, illest quotes. Literally, a whisper can throw it off.”
Pablo’s Kanye Period:
“My goal, if I was going to do art, fine art, would have been to become Picasso or greater.”
“We have the resources as a civilisation to find a utopia, but we’re led by the most greedy and the least noble.
Acts of the Keanu:
“What I said was The Matrix is like the Bible of the post-information age.”
No Clocking Off:
“By the way, I don’t know the days of the week. I just go to exactly when my appointment is.”
Hail to the Chief:
“I understand that I’m a servant. And with my voice, with my ability to build relationships with amazing people, speak to amazing people. Call Elon Musk out of the blue, or call Obama out of the blue…he calls the home phone, by the way.”
It’s Not Me; It’s You:
“In America people really do wear $3000 shirts. For real. Here and in Stockholm people will be like ‘oh dude, it’s a $3000 shirt’.
“I’m assuming I’m probably wearing a $2000 shirt but I got it for free from the designer so.”
“Time is the only luxury. It’s the only thing you can’t get back. If you lose your luggage – I’m not gonna say the obvious brand of luggage that I’d normally say because I’ve got a meeting with them soon – if you lose your expensive luggage at the airport, you can get that back. You can’t get the time back.
“It feels like people do everything in life to get this BMW, this Benz, to get this townhome, to get 2.5 kids exactly. One of them has to be small, y’know!”
The Dalai West:
“People say it takes a village to raise a child. People ask me how my daughter is doing. She’s only doing good if your daughter’s doing good. We’re all one family.”
Have I Not Heels?:
“One of my biggest Achilles heels has been my ego. And if I, Kanye West, the very person, can remove my ego, I think there’s hope for everyone.”
It’s Child Abuse:
“My momma taught me that if I was in a grocery store and I’m by myself and a stranger grabbed my hand, scream at the top of your fucking lungs. If I’m at an awards show and a stranger grabs my hand and they say so we’re going to use these moving lights, or we’re gonna play the music right now before we define the look, or we’re gonna cut the TV cameras in a traditional way. I’ll scream at the top of my fucking lungs.”
It’s Not a Sweater – It’s A Shirt:
“It’s illegal to not wear clothes, and also possibly too cold. That means someone is imposing an idea on you that should legally have to do! Clothing should be like food. There should never be a $5000 sweater.”