Amanda Holden: Simon Cowell Can Have Her Nipples For £2m
Amanda Holden heralds the start of vaudevillian Britain’s Got Talent season whatever by telling the Sun she wants her nipples are insured for £2m. The Sun works out that each nipple is worth £1m apiece. But we think they’d struggle to branch out on solo careers as holders for wet donkey jackets or Deal or No Deal presenters, being better off together and attached to the adamite Holden superstructure.
“I decided if it was good enough for Kylie Minogue’s bum or Mariah Carey’s legs, it is definely required for my nipples.”
You wonder what calamity could befall Amanda’s nipples that would require her to change career and if they can ever be insured against a droop in the show’s ratings?
Of course, the risk is that by valuing them, Cowell will put an offer in and buy the nipples, using them both as the only buttons on his breast-feeding shirts…