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Anorak | Chelsea balls: Jose Mourinho in bondage club Hell and other love letters

Chelsea balls: Jose Mourinho in bondage club Hell and other love letters

by | 28th, October 2015

How boring is Jose Mourinho? Don’t bother answering. It’s a rhetorical question. The Mail says the Chelsea boss is a huge bore.

Michael Henderson states:

Not many people are listening any more. Mourinho, who was never as interesting as some lickspittles imagined, has become a bore

So boring is Mourinho that he occupies most of the Mail’s back page. Chelsea were knocked out the League Cup by Stoke City – but both clubs are overshadowed by the boring one.

 

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Matt Lawton’s match report is headlined:

“THAT PUTS JOSE ON THE SPOT”

Chelsea lost on penalty kicks. But the pun plays second fiddle to Mourinho’s first name – like all legends he only needs one – the mad bore.

Also in today’s entertaining Daily Mail – these stories all from just TODAY:

Jose Mourinho walks out of Chelsea post-match interview after refusing to answer ‘negative’ question about team’s defending in Capital One Cup defeat by Stoke – Simeon Gholam

Guus Hiddink hints at interest in Chelsea job if Jose Mourinho leaves, saying ‘top class football is always attractive’ – Adam Shergold

Loic Remy wants Jose Mourinho to stay at Chelsea and has backed the boss to lead Stamford Bridge club to top four finish – Press Association Reporter

Chelsea have lost HALF of their 14 games since Eva Carneiro row… where has it gone wrong for Jose Mourinho’s champions? – Jonny Singer

Mourinho still the right man for Chelsea, says Remy – Reuters

Loic Remy tells Chelsea not to sack Jose Mourinho – Press Association

Defiant Mourinho doesn’t need ‘assurances’ as Chelsea exit Cup – Reuters

Jose Mourinho’s job as Chelsea manager hangs by a thread… but Blues boss insists he does not need further reassurance from owner Roman Abramovich over his future – Chris Wheeler

Stoke 1-1 Chelsea (AET: 5-4 on pens) PLAYER RATINGS: So, who played his heart out for Jose Mourinho? – Chris Wheeler

Under-fire Chelsea boss Jose Mourinho has no luck once again as holders crash out – Press Association Reporter

In any other business, Chelsea’s suffering boss Jose Mourinho would get a sabbatical to save him – Martin Samuel

Get a load of all those lickspittles on the Mail’s payroll.

And get a load of some other Henderson bon mots:

Like some footsore wanderer, beset by vagabonds, Jose Mourinho stands at the crossroads, looking for the path that will be his salvation. In vain, alas. One sign reads ‘disgrace’, the other ‘despair’. And both lead, as night follows day, to ‘dismissal’.

Jose inspires journalist to 19th Century epiphany!

Charged on Monday by the FA with misconduct, following his latest acts of petulance on Saturday, when Chelsea lost their fifth league match of this wretched season at West Ham, Mourinho is once again wearing a face longer than a day without breakfast.

All over by brunch!

It appears, from his extraordinary behaviour in the past three months, that he wants to be released from his bondage at Stamford Bridge, and it shouldn’t be long before his wish is granted.

Jose in S&M Hell!

Will angels pluck a thousand harps to send him on his way? Will the tears of loyal supporters run like rivers along Fulham Road? Hardly. It has been clear for some time that many Chelsea fans find his narcissism as tiresome as the rest of us. When he goes, next week, next month, next year, it will be with everybody’s blessing.

Jose in Homer-erotic reverie!

Harsh, you say? Not harsh enough. In terms of pots won, Mourinho has been a remarkably successful manager. Nobody can take those titles away from him, and nobody ever will. Yet, apart from the supporters of Porto, Chelsea, Inter Milan and Real Madrid, who can say, hand on heart, that the teams he has sent into the field have raised spirits?

Well, aside from every single Chelsea fan, how about this chap, who writes for the, er, Daily Mail:

 

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And still Henderson goes on:

Mourinho’s teams are not designed to delight, or even entertain.

Or as the Mail’s Pete Jenson outs it:

 

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He ends:

Besieged by foes, he sits in his bunker, cursing all who would doubt him. But not many people are listening any more. Mourinho, who was never as interesting as some lickspittles imagined, has become a bore. We are approaching the final act, not with tears but mocking laughter. To borrow from My Fair Lady: ‘Poor Jose, how simply frightful. How humiliating. How delightful.’

Editorial meetings at the Mail must be a riot. Hendeson v the Mourinho Lickspittles – hundreds of them all writing about the most boring man in the world.

 



Posted: 28th, October 2015 | In: Chelsea, News, Sports, Tabloids Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink