Louis Johnson wins Strictly Come Dancing
No sooner has the X Factor ended than the Daily Star is talking abut next season’s show. The front-page new is that George Michael is to be one of the show’s judges. If there’s one man who knows about the justice system it’s George.
And everyone wants him. Over two pages, readers learn that George is at the centre of a “bitter tug of war between the X Factor and the Voice”. If those are George’s only career options, if might be time to put in a call to Andrew Ridley.
It all reads like a PR missive, all the more so when the Star labels this season’s ratings “disastrous”. Everyone, we’re told, was watching the BBC’s Strictly Come Dancing. But ITV, which broadcasts The X Factor, need not panic – give it a few months and we’ll all forget who won either show until they start presenting the things.
Over in the Mirror the front-page features this year’s amateur with the X Factor: Louisa Johnson. She is “£6m Louisa”, expected to earn that sum this year alone.
How good is she? Well, Simon Cowell licked his eyeballs and told Johnson, “You’re not human.” He did not make her an offer for her skin and hair, but give it time. Judge Rita Ora called her “gorgeous, gorgeous”. Rita’s fellow judge Nick Grimshaw says her singing is like a “smack in the face”. So. She’s the new Cheryl Cole, then. Toilet attendants have been notified.
The Express notices that Louisa is blonde. This makes her “angelic” in a way that Reggie and Bollie, whom Louis defeated to win the show, can never be. Angels are all blonde. Fact!
The Sun (“Lou Dunnit”) says Johnson can be as big as Leona Lewis, a former winner who has enjoyed 14 Top 40 singles since winning the show in 2006 – putting her up there with Jedward.