The best 11 churches for scoring cocaine
They’ve tried rock music, free wine and loose change (you take it off the plate, right?), so mitres off to the Church for seducing the unwashed with free Grade-A drugs.
Matt Quinton says cocaine has been found at 11 of the country’s “top 25 cathedrals”. How they’re ranked, Quinton doesn’t say, but he’s doubtless taken in such criteria as toilets, warmth, eye candy, parking, and the vicar’s likelihood of ‘squiring’ a worshipper and undergoing a sex change.
On page five – “The Powder and the glory” – Matt tells us how he found the drugs. He toured the country, swabbing toilet seats and cisterns for traces of cocaine. He says the tests employed are 95% accurate, which means they are not accurate at all.
We await the Church Times’ scoop on what it found in the Sun’s toilets, but the smart money is on porn, flushed pay-as-you-go mobile phones and wafers.