Man has sex with 450 tractors, says Hugh Dunnit
When police found Ralph Bishop, 53, he had his trousers around his ankles and was “interfering” with a tractor parked in a field outside Saxmundham, Suffolk. Well so says the Suffolk Gazette’s “Hugh Dunnit”.
The story says that when questioned, the man admitted to having had sex with around 450 tractors all over the Suffolk countryside. Officers searched his home. They found a stash of more than 5,000 tractor images on his laptop. He appeared to favour John Deere and Massey Ferguson tractors, particularly green ones.
A police officer tells Hugh Dunnit:
“We couldn’t believe it when we found him in the field. He was wearing a white t-shirt and Wellington boots and very little else. He was clearly in state of high excitement at the rear of the machine. Thankfully nobody else was around, but the field is close to a village primary school so we had to arrest him and educate him about the error of his ways. He told us he was particularly ‘in to’ axle grease and the presence of this around the back of tractors was all too much for him.”
This is, of course, a spoof story. But readers of the Daily Star don’t know that. The paper reports:
Like a tractor, the Star’s been had.