Josh Mariner’s Stag Do fight: seedy strip joints, a RyanAir fork and a Sun reader offer
The Sun leads with a fight aboard a RyanAir flight from Luton to Bratislava. In “Mile High Clubbed”, we meet Josh Mariner’s Stag Do party, two of whom are having a row. Six of the country’s finest were removed from the plane when the plane diverted to Berlin. The highlight of this episode is the exchange between two of the men which features an absurd mix of EastEnders English, therapy babble and LA street gang wit.
Stagger 1: “You’re a fucking prick bruv. I hate you. No disrespect to her but I hate her. You think you’re fucking real? You watch then mate. You’re a fucking… Fuck your mum, your dad.
“I’m not afraid of you, I swear on my mother’s life. I’d rather stab you in the face with a fork. My name to you is Tom. I am gong to make you respect it. Keep talking… keep talking..? You’ve done it now, anything goes. I swear on my dad’s grave I’ll take you. I’m not scared of you. You are a wrong ‘un. Why shouldn’t I batter your face? You are a pussy. I wish you would get wrapped up by people bigger than you.”
The other man does a small-fingered wanking gesture with his hand. He slaps Tom. Tom throws a punch. It misses.
Stagger 1: “We are not in Southampton now. More coming Jamie, I don’t care. I don’t want anything to do with you, you little wanker. I want you to know for the rest of your life every time we see each other…”
It’s brilliant stuff, worthy of a Bafta, or at least a writing job on Hollyoaks.
And, of course, as anyone whose travelled on RyanAir knows, everything ‘s extra. The fork, the one you’re gong to stab Jamie with, costs £4:50. It’s made of thin plastic, so you might also want to go for the spoon (£4:50).
Note: The Sun tells readers: “The Slovakian capital is popular with British stag parties where beer costs just £1 a pint and there are dozens of seedy strip joints and nightclubs.”
Which makes it the perfect place for Sun readers to go. You’ll love it!
Fights and forks extra.