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Anorak | Giant rats found in Tooting – send for the toffs!

Giant rats found in Tooting – send for the toffs!

by | 15th, April 2016

rats daily star

 

Big rat news in the unofficial big rat news newspaper, the Daily Star, which leads with “New Plague of Giant Rats – Nest of 2ft beasts found on housing estate.” We meet “shocked rat-catcher” – get this – Lord Dean Burr, who “snared” a  family of “monster rats” on a housing estate in Tooting, south London.

Lord Burr, “who inherited  his title after the death of his uncle”, says the big rats are too big for the traps. To paraphrase Jaws, we’re gonna need a bigger trap.

Of course, all this works on the assumption that people don’t much like rats. We can sympathise with gassed badgers and foxes being chased by deranged red-trousered toffs on sweating horses before being barbarically ripped apart, but we all want rats dead. And these hideous rats are getting larger, which means only one thing: they’ve escaped from a Tory breeding farm. The pro-hunt lobby plans to inflict upon the bien pensant metropolitan elite a swarm of fox-sized rats so terrifying that very soon wholly liberals will understand the need to control vermin.

Bans on hunting with dogs will be repealed, allowing the aristocrats to continue their bloody sport in farm, field and the underground carpark on an inner city estate.

Tally ho, Lord Burr!



Posted: 15th, April 2016 | In: Reviews, Strange But True, Tabloids Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink