What its like to have sex with Simon Cowell, by Alicia Douvall
A small word of thanks to Alicia Douvall, the pneumatic ‘cosmetic surgery addict’ giving full throat to the Daily Star’s front-page screamer, yeller and ‘oh-my-god-yes’ about ‘MY ELEVEN TIMES A NIGHT WITH SIMON COWELL’. Eleven times a night doing what? you ask. Botox injections? Colonic irrigation? No. Sex.
On page 5, Douvall says Simon Cowell is ‘sensitive and domineering’ in the sack. He ‘ would analyse my performance like a judge on a TV show’. He is also unforgettable because Douvall claims she shagged the old eyeball licker in 2001. Like a try-hard X-Factor contestant , Douvall can’t move on.
Says Douvall, Simon Cowell “knows how to get inside a woman’s head”. Penis first? Or is there some other method?
Whatever the technique, we should thank Douvall for restoring the once tabloid mainstay of celebrity shags to the front pages. We’ve missed it.