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Anorak | From Real Madrid to Liverpool: Marco Asensio’s pimple and the steady emasculation of footballers

From Real Madrid to Liverpool: Marco Asensio’s pimple and the steady emasculation of footballers

by | 14th, September 2017

Real Madrid began their Champions League title defence with a routine win over APOEL. And they did it without Marco Asensio, 21, who has a pimple on his leg. Asensio’s manager Zinedine Zidane told media: “[Marco has] a pimple… which stopped him pulling up his socks.”

Asensio’s pimple, says local Madrid press, is a result of his shaving his legs.

Marco Asensio missing a match because a pimple got infected whilst shaving his legs might well be the most modern football story ever. We only hope it doesn’t get worse for Asensio when his teammates find out:

 

asensio pimple nivea

 

Footballers live on a diet of creams, depilated, patent skin and self-tanning unguents. Liverpool FC’s players don’t take two bottles into the shower, most likely preferring to take about ten into the almond milk bath before air drying in a wind of imported Fiji Breeze and enrobing their skin and hair in liquidised baby foreskins.

 

 

But it’s not just footballers. Man is falling in that most hairy-knuckled of spots: rugby. Gone are the days when the best you could hope for in a rugby union changing room was a bar of coal tar soap and a turd in your kit bag. Now you are more likely to find a range of hair and skin care products.

 

nivea real madrid leinster

 

O tempora, o mores!



Posted: 14th, September 2017 | In: Key Posts, News, Sports, Strange But True Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink