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Anorak News | Woman will eat her mother for Christmas lunch

Woman will eat her mother for Christmas lunch

by | 17th, December 2017

It’s not quite long pig on the menu at Debra Parsons’ Christmas table because she won’t be eating her mother off the bone. Debra will be scattering her late mum Doreen Brown’s ashes over the turkey served at her Folkestone, Kent, home. She’ll then dust a few more barbecued mum bites over the Christmas pud.

Debra, 41, says she often has a spoon of her mother to feel “as close as possible” to the woman who died last May. “It is the only thing that will get me through my first Christmas without mum,” Debra tells the Mirror. “People might think I’m mad or that it’s not a very respectful thing to do but I just can’t stop myself.”

Remember to chew 20 times to aid digestion. And take a few moments to reflect before flushing the post-prandial remains away.

 

turkey christmas

“Well, at least he invited me this year”

 

“I feel like she can live on by being inside of me because if she is part of me she can breathe through my body,” Debra continues. “My breath is her breath.” Put your hand in front of your face and blow. Now inhale. What you smell is PLT6975, the fast-food fried chicken you lives on in your body, seeing what you see, eating what you eat and praying when you pray. If anyone says “Here, boy!” and you feel your ears tingle and tongue loll, that’ll be the supermarket own-brand lasagne working its magic.

But is being eaten what mum and Jesus would have wanted?

“At first I kept them in a ­plastic sandwich bag,” says Debra of her mum’s ashes. Later, she moved them to a (lunch?) box.  “…I don’t know what made me do it the first time – it was just an urge. I can’t describe it. I opened the box and licked my fingers and just dipped them into the powder… I have been having a ­little taste most days – sometimes on my ­finger or on a little spoon.”

And now for the main course. Doreen is served. “We will have a place laid for her and a picture of her on the table so she can be with us on the very special day.”

That way when anyone praises your old bird and asks what the secret of your cooking is, you can point to mum.

And if Doreen turkey’s not your thing, why not try the Christmas Sam, Russell’s sprouts, Ted sauce, Nevilles on horseback, roast potatoes sprinkled with Rosemary and the to-die-for Vince pies?



Posted: 17th, December 2017 | In: News, Strange But True Comment | TrackBack | Permalink