Reviews Of The Decade In Pictures: 2000 In Showbiz
IN 2000, this is what was hot on showbiz. Anorak’s reviews of the decade - Year 2000 in pictures - with Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, Jennifer Aniston, Michael Cain, Jude Law, Sir Richard Branson, Billy Bob Thornton, Leonardo Di Caprio, Giselle Bundchen, Dame Shirley Bassey, Victoria Beckham, Model Kelly Brook, Madonna, Sir Bob Geldof, Paula Yates, Big Brother, Robert Downey Jnr, Guy Ritchie and Halle Berry…
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Posted: 19th, November 2009 | In: Flashback Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Angelina Jolie’s Diamond Snakes Mined At Source, In Pictures
IN “CRUEL MIND GAMES! Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston tell Enquirer readers of “2am calls!”, “CATTY insults!” and “DIRTY tricks!”
The aim of this is for Aniston and Jolie to “destroy each other”. Jen is looking to meet with Brad Pitt, catalyst for much angst, soon. Then Jen will star in the Lost City of Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
Oh, it’s no good. Jennifer ‘nice hair” Aniston v Angelina “bedtime reading” Jolie is going nowhere. Every week the Enquirer trots out another front-page story about how Jen and Ange don’t get on.
“These mind games between Angie and Jen are no good for anyone,” says the source.
Yes, they are.
Posted: 17th, November 2009 | In: National Enquirer Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Angelina Jolie Is Named UN Ambassador For Next Of Kin
ANGELINA Jolie will adopt a child from Syria. So says OK! magazine.
Right now Syrian children are smoothing down their hair and widening their eyes. Mums dreaming of Amerika are kicking their children out into the cold night air. Coachloads of Iranians booking package tours to Damascus. This is it. This is the Willy Wonka moment.
Ethiopia. Cambodia. Vietnam. She’s working her way up the Fifa rankings. Had Graham Taylor remained in charge for another few seasons, England might have figured between Mauritania and Andorra.
Posted: 11th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Linsday Lohan And Mischa Barton’s Death Battle
FOR the first time in weeks, the National Enquirer leads with no picture of Angelina Jolie. And she should not be downhearted because the cover is dominated by the headline: “WHO’LL DIE FIRST?”
Readers are invited to pick from Mischa Barton, Kirstie Alley, Lindsay Lohan, Robin Williams, Whitney Houston, Tori Spelling, The Hoff, Pamela Anderson and Simon Cowell.
With no dead star for a while, the NE is inviting readers to help it decide which obits to have ready by pressing F1 to F9 on the keyboard.
Posted: 4th, November 2009 | In: National Enquirer Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Angelina Jolie Is Torturing Jennifer Aniston With Peter Andre
ANGELINA Jolie is “torturing” Jennifer Aniston. Angelina Jolie is torturing Jennifer Aniston for charity and to highlight the plight of the panda bear. Angelina Jolie is torturing Jennifer Aniston because she has heard the prayers of the people.
The National Enquirer has more and says the Angelina Jolie is torturing “childless Jen” with her twins on a recent sopping trip to Amman, Jordan.
Jolie and Brad Pitt and Knox and Vivienne are shopping for a birch, the wake of Judah’s cradle or the collected thoughts of Peter Andre: Chapters 1 Through III. If you’re going to torture Jen, you need to come equipped. Bring something messy to put in her hair.
A source tells us that “in Jen’s mind, her [Jolie’s] decision to show off the kids in such a public way was probably done to make her jealous.” It was a “stab in the heart” – which is more akin to murder than torture.
But, then, Jen is handy with knives and any pang to the heart will lead to a slow death that could last for another six years of headlines and news…
Image: 14
Posted: 13th, October 2009 | In: National Enquirer Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Brad Pitt’s Life Of Hell, Beer, Wine, Beards And Chips
IN this week’s National Enquirer, news that Angelina Jolie is “DESTROYING” Brad Pitt, Justin Timberlake’s Rihanna-Biel “LOVE TRIANGLE” and “HOW NICOLE RICHIE LOST 14LBS IN 7 DAYS.”
Brad And Angelina En France:
News is that “BRAD’S FALLING APART”. He’s “bloated” and haggard” as he endures a “life of hell” with Angelina Jolie. He’s losing his looks and it’s “crushing his spirit.”
You can see just how crushed Brad is as he tours a Syrian camp for dispossessed Iraqis on his and Angelina’s Little Donkey Tour of the Middle East.
That’s Brad Pitt with the “unkempt Colonel Sanders-style beard”, the tatty chin with bits of chicken fat, coleslaw and gristle in the creases.
That beard keeps getting longer to hide Brad’s tall stack of chins. Can the chin hair grow in step with his chins? It’s the big talking point.
Meanwhile, back at the chateau, a game of hide and seek is being enacted:
“Brad’s answer to these problems has been to hide away with a bottle of wine and some beer, which is easy for him because the chateau is enormous and he can slip to the other side of the property and stay there for days on end. He’ll find himself some French cheese and meats and grab some olives, chips and other greasy goods. Then he washes it down with bottle after bottle of expensive wine and super-strong European beer, which is his favourite.”
It is a living hell.
Justin Timberlake, Rihanna and Jessica Biel
Rihanna’s people say that Justin Timberlake must end it with Jessica Biel if he is to have any chance to dating Rihanna, who Justin is not dating but might if he drops Jessica Biel.
Only if Timberlake stops dating Biel can he even think of dating Rihanna.
And what foes for Rihanna, goes too for Kirstie Alley, Madonna, Helen Shapiro, Sarah ‘Fergie’ Ferguson and Cheryl Cole…
Perspective With Mary Jo Eustace, Dean McDermott and Tori Spelling
Mary Jo has a new book out. It’s called Divorce Sucks. In it she speaks of her ex-husband Dean McDermott and how he and Tori hooked up:
“I guess I always knew that after the years of mini bombs, one day there would be a big, fat Hiroshima.”
After that, Mary Jo gathers herself to talk of a picture she saw of Tori with her legs raised about a prone Dean. And she delivers the bombshell:
“I will never feel the same way about cowboy boots again.”
And you thought there was only one way to think about cowboy boots.
Nicole Richie Slims Down
Did you know that Nicole Richie lost 14 pounds - in weight! -after giving birth to a baby that weighed 7lbs 14oz. Add on the attachments and the water and the breast feeding and the miracle is not that Richie lost weight but that she had any weight left to lose…
Posted: 6th, October 2009 | In: Key Posts, National Enquirer Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Angelina Jolie And Brad Pitt Play Mary And Joseph With Iraqi Refugees, In Pictures
US actor Brad Pitt and UNHCR Goodwill Ambassador Angelina Jolie are pictured playing with Iraqi refugees children in Jaramana, a suburb of Damascus, Syria, - first one to score wins the spare ticket back to Shangrila.
It’s the virtues of conspicuous caring. Look at Angelina in her white robes. Look at Brad with his hands on his hips ready to do the do. Look at his beard. He cares. She cares. They care.
He’s the carpenter of New Orleans. She’s the angelic other being looking to give birth immaculately. Look at the UN uniting the world.
Posted: 3rd, October 2009 | In: Celebrities, Gallery, Key Posts Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Angelina Jolie Introduces Jennifer Aniston And Her New Lover Scott Stuber
JENNIFER Aniston’s new lover is a man “she secretly fell for while married to Brad”; he’s “Mr Right”; she’ll “have his baby”; he’s called…Scott Stuber.
The Enquirer says this is the tenth man Aniston has romanced since Brad Pitt left her in 2005. All the other runners and riders are named: Vince Vaughn (tall actor), Geoff Stults (lantern-jawed actor), Paul Sculfor (mo-del), Jason Lewis (actor), Brian Bouma (film crew), Aaron Eckhart (actor), John Mayer (crooner), Bradley Cooper (Sean Penn look-alike marrying Rennee Zellweger) and Gerard Butler (“I am not dating Jennifer Aniston”).
Posted: 29th, September 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Phelim McAleer Lampoons The Age Of Stupid
CHOCKS away to Philem McAleer who spent a while asking the great and the good attending the permiere of the Age of Stupid, a film whose premise is that flying is the single greatest contributor to global warming.
McAleer aks: “Did you take a plane to get to the premiere?”
No, Cate Blanchett, Trudi Styler, Prince Charles nor Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie werne’t there. But other Al Goreans were…
Posted: 26th, September 2009 | In: Global Warming Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Angelina Jolie Tells OK! ‘I Don’t Ask For Tabloid Attention’
ANGELINA Jolie would like OK! readers, and therefore us, to know:
“I don’t ask for all this tabloid attention so I never read what they write about us.”
It’s the media. It’s all the media. Angelina is talking about the invasive tabloids in an OK! interview. She doesn’t ask to be in the tabloids. It’s not her fault that hacks and snappers not part of her accredited team follow her about.
AJ: First I see myself as a mother – that’s my priority… I don’t even go out that much, I travel and do a film and that’s about it so I don’t understand why people want to know more about our lives.
Cue:
Posted: 24th, September 2009 | In: Key Posts, OK! Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
STOP Press: Earlier today Anorak introduced readers to the Angelina Jolie Diet, by which wannabe gaunt-faces can get the look by taking a constant state of agitation brought about by Jennifer Aniston’s face and partaking in loadsa shagging and rowing with Brad Pitt.
Now we read in Closer that Angelina’s small frame is the result of something else:
“Ange is shrinking to get attention from Brad.”
The smaller Angelina Jolie gets the more Brad Pitt will notice her. So says a source:
“Ange is shrinking before our eyes and looking skinnier than ever.”
Posted: 22nd, September 2009 | In: Closer Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Scary 98lb Angelina Jolie Haunted By Jennifer Aniston
DO you know that Angelina Jolie weighs 98lbs? Well, she does. The National Enquirer can tell a person’s weight just by looking at them. One day the magazine will finally launch Weight Bitch, in which a reader can angle the magazine towards a work colleague or family members and learn that person’s true weight.
The NE gives hope to its readers, following the boastful headline figure with news on how to be as thin as Jolie. All you need is one Jennifer Aniston and to shag Brad Pitt.
IN “SCARY SKINNY ANGIE HAUNTED BY JEN – 98lb. star blames shocking weight loss on hated rival”, readers learn all about the Jolie Diet.
Posted: 22nd, September 2009 | In: Key Posts, National Enquirer Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Patrick Swayze’s Last Days With Brad Pitt And Angelina Jolie
WANT to know about Patrick Swayze’s “sad last days”, with Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston?
The National Enquirer has the scoop that Patrick Swayze is dying. While Enquirer readers wait for that story to develop, and the rest of us wish Swayze RIP, the Enquirer brings shock news of Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. It’s:
“Brad & Angie’s WILD FIGHT OVER JEN!”
Can it be that after six years of front-page speculation linking brad to his ex-wife, Angelina has finally seen what Brad stopped seeing and a made play for Angelina herself?
Inside, and we read of “BRAD AND ANGIE’S BIGGEST BUST-UP EVER!”
To Chateau Miraval, France, where Brad and Ange are talking about Jen:
“They had just finished having breakfast with the kids when Ange turned around and accused Brad of trying to get in touch with Jen again via text message.”
The Enquirer says that Jen rebuffed Brad’s textual advances.
Posted: 15th, September 2009 | In: Celebrities, National Enquirer Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Brad Pitt And Jennifer Aniston Set Up Home
PAVLOV’S Rule of Tabloid Journalism states that every time Jennifer Aniston is mentioned so too must be Angelina Jolie and by definition Brad Pitt. So when Grazia magazine uses its front page to announce the question (can you announce a question?): “Jen has boob job?” a little squeaky voice pops up to add “BRAD And ANGELINA’S MAKE-OR-BREAK TRIP.”
First up we are invited to look at Jennifer’ Aniston’s chest and check it for signs of hair, boyfriends and growth. We see none, although in one picture Jen is wearing a tighter top than in the other, so Grazia senses a scandal.
Which leads readers to Ange and Brad who are on a “make-or-break-trip” to a… garden centre.
Posted: 13th, September 2009 | In: Celebrities, Gallery Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Angelina Jolie’s Lost Sex Diaries, Brad Pitt’s Contents Revealed
ANGELINA Jolie’s “LOST DIARIES” have been found. And the National Enquirer has the news on what Ange wrote about “BRAD, JEN & HER KINKY SEX LIFE”.
Once inside the magazine, we realise that the diaries have not been found by the Enquirer. But not to worry because the word “diary” enables the Enquirer to make a good guess at what these diaries contain.
They contain “intimate details about her sex life and revels her innermost feelings about partner Brad Pitt”.
They contain “dates” in chronological orders, notes on “public holidays” and very possibly a table that converts decimal measurements into metric and then lists all the capitals of ALL the nations, including Shiloh’s native NAMIBIA!
Posted: 8th, September 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, National Enquirer Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Angelina Jolie Goes Back To Namibia
IN this week’s Hello! we learn that Coleen Rooney hosts a party in which her unborn baby was the “star party guest”, Angelina Jolie makes a return to Namibia, Andrea Corr is married - exclusively! - and Jason Durr gets his twins…
To Coleen’s Rooney’s Cheshire party.
It turns out that Coleen didn’t order the tattooist but went for the sonographer, who brought along a 4D scanning machine to the party.
“You can see the baby’s features and movement,” says a source.
Pictured.
JASON Durr is an actor on Heartbeat.
He’s also father to twins: Felix Montgomery and Velvet Josephine. Should they ever make it big in the world of showbizniz, Felix is a shoo-in for the cat food gig and Velvet can get the pantyliner contract.
They will also share a terrific anecdote, nay, an “extraordinary, emotional journey that proceeded their arrival”. You see: “The twins were conceived with the help of a Los Angeles-based egg donor…”
In the current climate of Julia Roberts’ twins, Jennifer Lopez’s twins, Sarah Jessica Parker’s twins, Ricky Martin’s twins and Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s twins. Showbiz IVF twins are about as extraordinary as the news that Jordan sleeps on her back.
ON the front page of Hello! is news of “exclusive photos” of the wedding of Andrea Corr to A. Billionaire.
The photos are indeed stunning because there is not shot of the actual wedding, just shots of the wedding party entering a church in Ireland.
Hello! no longer has scoops – it just has a few pictures. And to prove it, the magazine once more dredges up its pictures of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt in Namibia for the birth of Shiloh Jolie-Pitt (may her name be forever held in the highest organ).
Is it too early to talk of the death of Hello?
Posted: 25th, August 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Jennifer Aniston Hires Her Own Weatherman
JENNIFER Aniston has people who hold fans for her to keep her hair from sticking to her forehead.
There is a long waiting list for the chance to be Jeniffer’s No.1 Fan Stand, almost as long it there is to be her Umbrella Man.
These jobs are not without danger. See those spokes and those blades.
See Jennifer’s hair.
Posted: 22nd, August 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Tunisian Angelina Jolie Stars Makes Octomum ‘Resent Herself’
OCTOMUM Nadya Suleman, she of the clown car vagina, says the birth of eight babies has “screwed up” her life.
Had only the bumpaholic tried harder and gone for nine, ten or twelve, like the Tunisian woman, of whom the Guardian reports:
A Tunisian woman in her 30s is expecting 12 babies in what her family described as an amazing miracle, but doctors have warned there is only a tiny chance that any of them will survive.
The Sun brought news of six boys and six girls, and husband who said he’d only been expecting twins.
This is the same woman known only as AF, whose duodecaplets are a lie and of whom her country’s health ministry says, she has “psychological problems and is unlikely even to be pregnant“.
But Octomum’s regrets do end there. Had only Nadya Suleman stuck with the six children she already had, she could have just got on with being an Angelina Jolie impersonator. But with Jolie unlikely to breed a litter, Octomum is shafted.
Now she “resented herself“. So bad is it that she is forced to tell Fox News just how bad it is - and on the eve of her fly-in-the-nappy TV show to boot. For shame:
“I screwed myself, I screwed up my life, I screwed up my kids’ lives…What was I thinking?”
The question is rhetorical, and Anorak’s readers who hazard the answer, “You were thinking of fame and money” will not be heard.
She adds:
“What the heck am I going to do? I have to put on this strong face, and I have to pretend like I don’t regret it. I cannot regret it now because I have them and they are here but what was I thinking?”
Hard to climb inside Octomum’s head, but you can clamber inside her clown car as she appears in Octomom: The Incredible Unseen Footage.
Unless you’ve ever visited a pig farm, in which case it’s no big deal…
Image: D-listed
Posted: 19th, August 2009 | In: Celebrities Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Brad Pitt And Angelina Jolie Hate Each Other
DID you know that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie “really HATE each other”?
You do now because the National Enquirer tells us so on its front page.
“Feuding Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were unable to conceal their hatred for each other” at the Hollywood premiere of his latest movie.”
We know this not because Brad Pitt says he loves his lover but because Dr Lillian Glass - “top body language expert” – has studied photos of the couple and can now tell all:
“This says it all about how far this couple has grown apart.”
Posted: 18th, August 2009 | In: Celebrities Comments (12) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Brad Pitt And Angelina Jolie Join The Green Jet Set
BRAD Pitt and Angelina Jolie travel by private jet again. As Anorak’s Man in the Hollywood Swamp notes:
A private seat that consumed something in the neighbourhood of 400 gallons of fuel for each person onboard. As opposed to the 125 gallons per passenger that a loaded Boeing 777 would have consumed.
This is, of course the same Brad Pitt who supports Global Green, whose mission is:
“…to reduce greenhouse gas emmissions.”
Posted: 17th, August 2009 | In: Celebrities Comments (16) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
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