In Pictures: Chelsea Beat Manchester United To Win Community Shield
THE football season is underway. And Chelsea FC have beaten Machester United FC to win the Community Shield, at Wembley Stadium.
Of course, real footy fans know that winning the Community Shield is not really winning anything at all. It’s not the Premier League is it, where the richest two clubs battle it out to win the big tin pot with the golden crown? For one thing, there’s not crown, just a giant saucer to sit cups on.
Posted: 9th, August 2009 | In: Sports Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Peter Andre Calls Katie Price ‘Cheap’
IN the prelude to ITV2’s Peter Andre: Going It Alone, a reality show in which Mr Katie Price goes it alone in the company of a TV crew, Pete The Good talks with the News of the World’s magazine.
In “Peter Andre: Torment, tears and why he left Katie Price”, readers get to hear from Pete The Good. Pete seems willing to talk about his marriage but at the same time apparently keen to show that he is not keen to talk about his marriage.
Within minutes of arriving at our shoot in Hove, near Brighton, Peter Andre has greeted the girls with a kiss and shaken the guys’ hands… Peter’s in good spirits. That is, until he spies a newspaper article that we’d tried ever-so-quickly to hide as he entered the kitchen. His smile disappears. He physically steels himself and says: “Show me. I want to see.”
…There, next to a picture of Katie wearing a tiny handkerchief of a dress, is a story about how she plans to “finish what she started” with footballer Frank Lampard… and then make a play for Cristiano Ronaldo too.
It’s an awkward moment. Peter can’t stop himself staring at this latest humiliation. He shakes his head, looks away and mutters: “That’s just so cheap,” under his breath. His eyes suddenly look sad and he can’t face a mouthful of the enormous breakfast spread in front of him.
Posted: 2nd, August 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comments (12) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Cristiano Ronaldo’s First Dive For Real Madrid
VIDEO: Cristiano Ronaldo scores first goal for Real Madrid, commits first dive…
Posted: 29th, July 2009 | In: Sports Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Imogen Thomas And Danielle Lloyd’s Premiership League Table
HOPES are that Big Brother strumpet emeritus Imogen Thomas has fully recovered from celebrity swine flu as she steps out with Tottenham Hotspur and England footballer Jermaine Defoe.
Anorak’s Contagion Watch team spotted Thomas (left) and Defoe (right) at London’s Nobu Berkeley eatery, before they moved on to a casino.
We trust that both venues have been disinfected and spritzed with mixture of chip fat, collagen and Vimto.
As Anorak readers know, the celebrity circuit works on a points system, with Danielle Lloyd and Imogen Thomas grading all Spurs footballers out of nine.
Imogen has trained with: Lee Trundle, Dwight Yorke, Cristiano Ronaldo, Danny Simpson, Nery Castillo, Ibrahim Sonko and Jemaine Defoe.
Posted: 10th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Raffaella Fico Dating Christiano Ronaldo: Gallery
THIS is Raffaella Fico, the 21-year-old model rumoured to be dating Cristiano Ronaldo.
This is the same Raffaella Fico who starred in Italy’s Big Brother and told Chi magazine that he wanted to sell her virginity for 1million euros. Real Madrid saved up and went with Ronaldo, but Man City do have money to burn.
Said Fico:
“I don’t know what it’s like to have sex… If I don’t like him I’ll just have a glass of wine and forget about it.”
So she was a virgin, maybe she sill is. How can you tell? Why, ask her brother, of course:
“She’s never had a boyfriend. I swear on my mother’s grave. She’s a devout Catholic and prays to Padre Pio every night.”
Posted: 7th, July 2009 | In: Sports Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Michael Jackson Bought Drugs As Jack London, Omar Arnold, Barack Obama And Pete Doherty
MICHAEL Jackson Watch: TMZ reports that Michael Jackson “frequently used the names Omar Arnold and Jack London to get powerful drugs, including Demerol”.
Anorak hears rumours that Jackson also used the names Neda Soltan, Neda Soltani, Madeleine McCann, Manchester United, Cristiano Ronaldo (that enough?), Secret Sex Video, Angelina Jolie Naked (the SEO says keep going), Brad Pitt, Barack Obama and Prince Harry Windsor. (Enough, this isn’t the Liverpool Post, The Guardian or Habitat.)
Posted: 2nd, July 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Cristiano Ronaldo ‘Too Gay’ For Paris Hilton
MORE news on Winky & Wonky, as we learn that Hilton did not date Cristiano Ronaldo because he is “TOO GAY”.
So says the Star, which offers a handy guide to any other stars and men who want to dodge the home movie porn star. Readers learn:
Paris enjoyed a sizzling romp with the £80million Portuguese ace in Los Angeles nightspot MyHouse as he celebrated his transfer from Manchester United.
Romp is tabloidese for sitting on a banquette talking. Full on sex is sharing a taxi. An orgy is dining in the same restaurant.
A Hollywood source said: “She likes her guys to be macho and as far as she’s concerned Ronaldo turned out to be a real cissy. Paris likes her men rugged, it’s as simple as that.
“She thought her friends would laugh at her if she dated a guy who walks around with flowers in his hair.”
Posted: 24th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Cristiano Ronaldo Tells All About Night With Paris Hilton
IN “Ron: I had a ball with Paris”, Sun readers learn of Cristiano Ronaldo, for it is he, and Paris Hilton, for it ever she, and, “Winker spills the beans on hotel tryst.”
Pictures in summer attire of hot pants and boob tube, Ronaldo beckons us inwards and whispers into Gordon Smart’s ear:
“She was a really cool girl and we had a great time talking.”
So, Gordon, what did he say?
Posted: 22nd, June 2009 | In: Sports Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Soccersexual Cristiano Ronaldo’s Hotel Date Tells All
THE British media’s fascination with Cristiano Ronaldo shows no sign of abating as the Sun features “TWO girls” who “dirty danced” for the Real Madrid w*nker.
ALLISON AIMEE, 26, and SUZANNE COPPIN, 32, flirted with the footie ace in his hotel bar.
They then went back to his room — and left at 4am as he was snogging a THIRD girl on the sofa.
So rather than talking with the thirtysomething who now carries a trophy-sized smudge of Touche Eclat on her top lip, the Sun cops an eyeful of Allison on LA’s Venice Beach, who opines:
Posted: 20th, June 2009 | In: Key Posts, Sports Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
World’s Greatest Goalkeeper Saves Penalty Then Scores Goal
A VIDEO of The World’s Greatest Goalkeeper saving a penalty then scoring a goal. Give him all the touche eclat and bronzer he wants. The new Ronaldo is upon us. Sign him up:
Cristiano Ronaldo Introduces The Top Ten Goals Of All Time
Posted: 18th, June 2009 | In: Sports Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Cristiano Ronaldo Sips His Cocktail
SO reduced in potency is the Premier League that Cristiano Ronaldo continues to be the lead off-season player.
The Portuguese footballer who plays for Real Madrid is all over the Sun like pair of Speedos on a middle-aged Italian lifeguard.
Today, the Sun spots Ronaldo enjoying “a weekend on the lash in Las Vegas with a bevy of beauties”.
Posted: 15th, June 2009 | In: Key Posts, Sports Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s Acceptance Speech In Full
UNRESTRAINED by a need to be credible, the novelist or tabloid hack can only envy Mahmoud Ahmadinejad and wonder where the story will next turn.
Ahmadinejad has now addressed the crowd and the mob and explained that things are as they because that is how they are meant to be.
Says he:
Posted: 15th, June 2009 | In: Key Posts, Politicians Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Cristiano Ronaldo Dumps Paris Hilton
GIVEN what we have read of Paris Hilton having a drink with Cristiano Ronaldo - a “fling“; “kissing” and “stroking” his beer bottle” - the marriage of the century, Hello! photoshoot and miracle childrenwere sure things.
The press were as excited as an adolsecent boy working out the combination to his big brother’s secret breifcase.
Their love would endure eons.
But then:
MONEYBAGS Cristiano Ronaldo was spreading his bets last night, holed up in a Las Vegas hotel penthouse with two pretty girls . . . and neither was Paris Hilton.
Posted: 14th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Cristiano Ronaldo Introduces The Top Ten Goals Of All Time
CRISTIANO Ronaldo is off to Real Madrid. Time, then, for Anorak to look at why Ronaldo is worth the money in our Top Ten Greatest Goals of All Time.
With a few exceptions - as you will see hereunder - great goals are scored by great players. And Ronaldo promises to bring great goals to Real Madrid.
No Ronaldo on our list… Well, not yet.
Here follows Anorak’s Top Ten:
Posted: 12th, June 2009 | In: Key Posts, Sports Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Pictures Of Paris Hilton’s Date With Cristiano Ronaldo
HOW does Cristiano Ronaldo celebrate being worth £80m. Why, by jetting to Los Angeles and snuggling up with Paris Hilton.
Indeed, dear reader, you head to LA after when you’re done at Real Madrid not when you’re about to start.
The Sun’s Pete Samson says:
RONALDO celebrates his £80million transfer by sharing a raunchy night with PARIS HILTON.
For Manchester United footballers “raunchy” means a few slappers and a gang bang, allegedly. But for an ex-player raunchy means sitting on a banquet at a club being whispered to by a socialite strumpet. Sober times ahead for Ronaldo.
Posted: 12th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
The Five Greatest Things About Cristiano Ronaldo
The Five Greatest Things About Cristiano Ronaldo -
SO farewell, Cristiano Ronaldo, you came, you were seen, you stepped over, you stepped over again, you stepped over three more times as if auditioning for the cha-cha-cha in Strictly Come Dancing.
You were ever the celebrity made footballer. And now BBC light entertainment recedes as you head to Spain.
Posted: 11th, June 2009 | In: Key Posts, Sports Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Big Brother’s Sophie Reade Turns Down Ronaldo
SOPHIE Reade & Write continues to win hearts and minds at the Sun, appearing in a News of the World front-page featured entitled, “SEX SECRETS OF BIG BROTHER BEAUTIES.”
In “I FFixed droopy boobs for BB”, Sophie Reade is billed as the woman, “She lifts house … but snubbed Cristiano Ronaldo!”
Mental images of Sophie lying on a mechanic’s skate before being wheeled beneath the Big Brother house. A canister of compressed air is secured to her left nipple, a cap to her right and he is inflated. Admire the wonder of pressurised air.
As the house rises and falls and rises and falls, “BOUNCY blonde babe Sophie Reade” tells us:
“I call mine Mary-Kate and Ashley (after the American actress twins).”
Those are the twins who look like the Benjamin Button effigies hanging from your car rear view mirror.
Posted: 7th, June 2009 | In: Big Brother, Celebrities Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Big Brother Sophie Reade Eyes Ronaldo’s Flake
BUSTY Big Brother agonist Sophie Reade says “her dream fella is Man U’s Cristiano Ronaldo”.
But their coupling will never work. The endless fights over who gets the Touche Eclat first; the moody silences as Ron wins the Gillette for Legs contract; the fact that she can keep not one but two balls in the air for hours at a time…
Posted: 6th, June 2009 | In: Big Brother, Celebrities, Key Posts Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Cristiano Ronaldo In RondaloSexual Video
OF course, Cristiano Ronaldo is not heterosexual or homosexual or even bisexual - he’s Ronaldosexual (Pies ®) - he has eyes only for himself…
Or, maybe him…
Spotter: Lone, in the Forums
Posted: 14th, May 2009 | In: Sports Comments (5) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Top 10 biggest dicks in the Premier League
10. Sam Allardyce
Blackburn’s manager, aka “Big Sam”, qualifies for this list for several reasons:
1) Rampant ego. Thought he was good enough to manage England. Funny, that.
2) Encourages teams to play crap, long-ball football.
3) Sucks up to buddy Alex Ferguson, all the time. Example: his recent attack on Rafa Benitez.
4) He likes El-Hadji Diouf.
5) He’s a dick.
Posted: 1st, May 2009 | In: Sports Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
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