Katie Price Seduces Peter Andre With Sex Photos And Introduces New Lover
PSSST! Wanna buy some Katie Price sex pictures? Wanna see I’m A Celebrity bugbear Jordan getting them out and getting it one without having to trawl the web? Come closer. The Daily Star is advertising the sale of such images on its front page:
JORDAN SEX PICS FOR SALE
Yeah, sorry. Only pictures. If you want some moving porn you need to respond to a coupon on in the Star’s classifieds’ section or tune into its sister organ, Channel X. As for these sex pics:
KATIE Price is desperate to stop Alex Reid going public with sexplosive photos that could ruin her career.
Posted: 26th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Peter Andre ‘Begs’ Katie Price To Come Home
KATIE Price and Peter Andre: Katie is out of the jungle and the talk is of she and Peter Andre getting back together. Or is it?
The Daily Mirror’s front page leads with “The Fall Of the Jordan Empire”
This news follows yesterday’s comment by Sue Carroll - “Everybody’s favourite columnist” - in which the voice of the paper told Mirror readers:
“So before Miss Price, Jordan, Katie or whatever she wants to call herself suffers any more sad delusions it should be made clear that the majority of the British people do not give a kangaroo’s testes about her.”
Happily, the Daily Mirror is not in the majority – it just thinks it is - and its readers just love Katie, which is why Katie/Jordan/Kate/Pricey is slapped on the front page…again.
While the Mirror holds up a huge full colour photo of Katie Price and says how she is old news, the Daily Star at least tries to crete new news with its front-page scremer:
Pete begs Kate come home now
Posted: 25th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comments (6) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
X Factor: Hairy Jordans Jedward To Star On I’m A Celebrity And Coronation Street
WHEN Jedward left the X Factor on the same night Katie Price quit the I’m A Celebrity jungle, we knew there would be no shortage of tabloid exclusives.
Today the Sun accompanies its front–page news that Katie Price has dumped Alex Reid, with the story:
NOW BOSSES WANT JEDWARD FOR JUNGLE
Exile? Well, Australian deserves it, we suppose. Give them a pair of Stubbies, a vest, a can of amber ambition and their li-lo a hearty shove. Bon voyage. Next!
Posted: 24th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Peter Andre And Katie Price Shocker: Couple Agree On Marriage
PETER Andre is bored of talking about Katie Price and their failed marriage. As he told us:
“Isn’t everyone bored of talking about this? I know I am. You’ll notice in a lot of interviews, all that happens is I may just say how I’m feeling now. It comes to a point where you just don’t want to talk about it anymore. The whole thing is just too draining to think about, I just want to move on, talk about music, talk about kids, talk about life.”
Here’s Pete not talking about Katie Price in his New! Magazine column:
“I know everyone is desperate to know what I think of I’m A Celebrity this year, but I swear on my life I have not watched one episode.”
Posted: 24th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
I’m A Celebrity Watch: Katie Price Is More Hated Than Baby P’s Mum
I’M A Celebrity Watch: I’m A Celebrity’s Katie Price is hated by all, loved by Alex Reid, hated by the entire country and replaced by a bikini…
On last night post-Katie Price show, Anorak began Bikini Watch – keeping a tally of how it was before the big holes left by Katie Price and her Jordans were plugged with other contestants.
After 2.8 seconds, we saw Sabrina Washington in a bikini, followed five seconds later by soon-to-be-ejected Lucy Benjamin (get ‘em while you can), and 11 seconds later then we saw Stuart Manning with his chest out.
At the end of the show, having heard Katie’s flat drawl expwain mi weaons fur leeevin’ ther jungal, there was not enough to for Benjamin to say what a wicked time she’d had.
It’s a good fist at replacing Katie Price, but for the papers it is too little and to, well, little. Though no longer on I’m A Celebrity, Katie Price dominates the tabloid chatter. The news round up:
Posted: 24th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
I’m A Celebrity: Katie Price Dumps Alex Reid On The Telly
I’M A Celebrity: One day one from news that walking Toffee Crisp Alex Reid was going to ask Katie Price t0 marry him, Katie Price says she is no longer dating Alex Reid.
What Price that had Jordan/Katie/Kate stayed in the jungle longer she would have continued to date Alex Reid for the duration?
The path is cleared for Katie Price and Peter Andre back together.
One last time for the cameras - with feeling…
Posted: 23rd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
I’m A Celebrity: Samantha Fox Is Shrinking As ‘Lesbian’ Lover Katie Price Quits
I’M A Celebrity Fact Of The Day – with Samantha Fox and the Daily Star, and without Katie Price:
“Sam’s jungle boob”
“Jungle life is making Sam Fox’s boobs shrink. She is a natural 36C but eating rice and beans and sweating in the bush heat has led to a nightmare.”
With Katie Price and her Jordans now departed, all eyes are on Sam - that lesbian romp is on hold, tabloid readers.
In other news:
“Hunky Stuart [Manning] zips himself up in his sleeping bag every night so randy Kim [Woodburn] cannot pounce on him while they sleep in the caravan.”
With Katie Price gone, the tabloids need to look harder for their thrills…
I’m A Celebrity’s Sam Fox’s Career In Pictures
Posted: 23rd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
I’m A Celebrity: Katie Price Vows Her Kids Will Die If She Eats Another Gonad
I’M A Celebrity: How the old dead tree press responded to the news that Katie Price has quit the jungle:
The Sun (front page): “Jordan: no more trials”
Not a shabby effort at prediction. But, in reality, this is just a quote from Katie on last night’s show.
Says Katie Price:
“I swore on my kids’ lives I’m not doing any more. I am not doing any more. I am not doing any more. I have said to them I am not doing it.”
Why not swear on her own life? Why brings the kids into it? Their lives are tied to their mum’s bug eating? If she eat more bugs – they die! This is terible. Although, it is good telly…
Posted: 23rd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
I’m A Celebrity: Quitter Katie Price Wanted To Die With Jedward
I’M A Celebrity: Katie Price has left the jungle to be with her make-up.
Jordan walked out jungle. She put in a good shift. She’s not John Fashanu.
But Katie Price leaves the jungle with her head high and her Jordan’s held higher, like Saint Agatha in a bikini.
She leaves the show with a legacy of a slightly sunken hammock and the waters with traces of eyebrow felt tip and tangerine varnish.
Says Katie Price:
“Everyone else, give them something to do. You’ve seen me struggle, you’ve seen me cry, shake, want to die.
“I really don’t want to be doing this. I miss my children. I’m hungry.
“I want a nice bed and I don’t want to have to put myself through these horrible challenges.”
Did she walk in sympathy with Jedward?
Posted: 23rd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comments (7) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Amy Winehouse To Star In New Patridge Family Show
AMY Winehouse’s metamorphosis into I’m A Celebrity’s Katie Price moves on as news reaches us that the singer wants more plastic surgery.
Yes, we know. This is the second Amy Winehouse story of the day but there is now more of her to cover. (Katie Price’s columns inches are correlated to the sixe of her Jordans.)
Having been cut up and sewn back together around the chest, Amy now wants to have her nose altered. Can it be that Amy has been looking at those London Zoo elephants with envy? “I’ll ‘ave me one ov dose noses,” says she. Bigger nostrils will make her envy of every Camden Town sniffer.
Posted: 22nd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
I’m A Celebrity: Katie Price To Marry ‘Dumped’ Alex Reid In Jungle
I’M A Celebrity:Katie Price to marry, Alex Reid to be dumped in the jungle and Michelle Heaton whispers. The news round-up:
News of The World (front page): “MARRY ME KATIE”
It’s walking Toffee Crisp Alex Reid.He’s heading Down Under to see his one true love:
“EXCLUSIVE: ALEX TO PROPOSE IN JUNGLE”
Eveyone loves a wedding. It will so great. Katie can wear a veils fashioned from spiders webs and Alex can makes ring from a kanagaroo’s anus. But hold on a moment:
Sunday Mirror (front page): “Tarzan Alex is dumped in jungle”
Posted: 22nd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities Comments (16) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
I’m A Celebrity: Katie Price Finds Jordan In An Alcopop
I’M A Celebrity: In Make Your Own Katie Price, we tell you how to grow your own Jordan in a bottle of alcopops or wine box.
Jordan adorns the cover of the Sun’s front page and tells readers: “Keep me sober or I’ll get nasty.”
This is, of course, a call for the I’m A Celebrity producers to airdrop caseloads of fermented cockroach penis to the jungle studio. It’s is also receipe for Jordan.
The Sun says that Katie plus booze equals Jordan.
Posted: 21st, November 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
I’m A Celebrity: Naked Katie Price Becomes Kate And Jordan ‘Dies’
I’M A Celebrity: Katie Price is dying. Kate Price is upon us. Jordan makes a naked dash for fame. And the worms get ready to complete the food cycle…
Daily Star (front page): “JORDAN: I’LL DIE IN BUSH”
Is that Bush the famous Shepherd’s Bush, location of the overgrown Blue Peter Garden and the BBC’s Television Centre? To viewers it looks like the Australian Bush, made to look bigger by clever angles and having little Ant ‘n’ Dec present the show.
Jordan will die in this Bush. Having eaten so much insect, she will become insect food.
KATE Price believes she is so hated, the public actually want to see her die in the jungle.
Posted: 21st, November 2009 | In: Celebrities Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
I’m A Celebrity: Peter Andre ‘Buys’ House To ‘Win Back’ Katie Price
I’M A Celebrity Watch: Katie Price has headed back to the I’m A Celebrity jungle as Step 1 in her bid to remarry Peter Andre – or, er, not.
And the Daily Star reports that Peter Andre “buys huge family pad to win back Katie.”
It’s a fact! Now read on:
“Peter Andre could be splashing out £3milliomn on a new home as ex-wife Kate Price relives the first dramatic moments of their jungle romance.”
Posted: 20th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Man Uses Katie Price’s Old Jordans As Muscle Implants, Video
IT turns out that Katie Price’s old breast implants are not used as filler for car bumpers not are they formed into a defence shield along the US-Canada border. Breast implants are repackaged as muscle implants.
The 10 Men Most Likely To Marry Katie Price
One man invested in some. One problem might be if they inherit character traits of the previous owner. If so, look out for him squiring Peter Andre, singing in Eurovision and jumping so hard that they rearrange his features…
For Cheryl, June and all the Anorak ladies:
The Katie Price Burning: A Life In Pictures
Posted: 20th, November 2009 | In: Strange But True Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
I’m A Celebrity: Katie Price Gets Stoned
I’M A Celebrity Watch: Katie Price says she going to take her Jedwards and walk out of the overgrown Blue Peter jungle – it’s not been the same since Percy Thrower died. Well she might.
Here’s what the front pages are saying about I’m Katie Price…Get Me A Crocodile Penis And Make It Snappy:
Daily Star (front page): “JORDAN: I’LL QUIT JUNGLE OF HATE”
Defo! Katie Price will quit. Nothing can stop her!
Posted: 20th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
I’m A Celebrity: Mitch Winehouse Leaks News Of Amy’s Winehouse’s ‘Leaky’ Breasts
MITCH Winehouse says his daughter Amy Winehouse is in hospital because her “fantastic” breasts are “leaky something or other.”
Amy’s breasts aren’t real breasts, allegedly, they’re two novelty bottles of gin and chocolate Vitamalt attached to optics disguised as nipples. Their attachment means that Amy can never walk on her hand again or enter the British Olympics’ trampoline team for 2012.
Posted: 19th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
I’m A Celebrity: Sick Camilla Dallerup Exposes Katie Price’s Dark Secret
IN Five Reasons Why Camilla Dallerup walked out of the I’m A Celebrity jungle, the we mentioned The Conspiracy. It was only bad camera angles and lighting that made Camilla look wetter than a Young LibDem’s guppy fish in a monsoon.
And now the Star brings front-page news: “JUNGLE FIXED FOR JORDAN TO WIN’”.
“Sickened dancer reveals TV show’s darks secret.”
Posted: 19th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
I’m A Celebrity: Katie Price Is Rubbed Off In Kim Woodburn Bust Up
I’M A Celebrity: For the first time in weeks, there is not a single X Factor story on the cover of any paper, which can only mean one thing: Katie Price is wearing a bikini in the overgrown Blue Peter garden. The daily round-up of I’m A Celebrity news:
The Sun (front page): “Three on the bounce”
Jordan has now completed Three Bush Tucker trials. And it’s all because of Peter Andre:
Fans of her ex-hubby Peter Andre are said to have hatched an internet plot to force her to do EVERY trial in revenge for her treatment of the singer.
Good of the Sun to undercover this datardley plot on the shadowy web. What do we know?
One poster on Facebook wrote: “Keep voting for Kate to do all the tasks.”
Another added: “Vote her to do all the nasty trials.” Bookies made Jordan favourite to do the next trial.
Can it be that only two people vote for the celebs to be put up for challenges?Or is teh sun workign on away to keep Peter Andre in the jungle dynamic? In other news, there’s been a fight, what tabloids should call a BUST UP:
The Mirror: “Kim v Katie”
It’s televised pro-celebrity cleaning woman Kim Woodburn and Katie Price. Fumble? No. Rumble. Yes! Fight!
She looks as if she could handle herself in a physical confrontation and after her verbal rucking with Katie Price in the episode on telly a couple of hours ago, Kim’s obv up for a rumble in the jungle too…
The Mirror is writing in the manner of a text message to git din wiv da kidz. Back to the fight. Will Kim wipe the floor with Katie? Will Katie starts calling Kim ‘Quim’? The exchange goes like this:
Katie wants to know what the other campmates thing of her. This is good because ITV can now film Katie and the other celebs at the same time, instead of just Katie:
Gino In Da Campo: “I thought you would be a right bitch.”
Quim: “You are what I thought you’d be.”
Jordan: “What, a bitch?”
Quim: “You’re a publicity seeker. You live and die for publicity and you do it well. As Shakespeare once said, ‘We fear you protesteth too much.’”
Shakespeare might have said it but he never did write it down. Kim Woodburn is an authority on Shakespeare, that’s Brett Shakespeare, supplier of scouring pads to the rich and famous.
Jordan: “What do you mean?”
Kim: “You said you escaped to come in here but you’ve got 12 million people watching you every night. I don’t get that. What I’m saying is you do publicity very well and you protest all the time but love it. You live it and dream it.”
Jordan: “No, I used to love it”
Kim continues to rub away at the stain. But Jordan is constructed beneath indelible layers of felt tip and wood stain. Oh, if only breasts were elbows Kim would have the power to wipe Jordan from the face of the planet.
And it end with fisticuffs? Well, no:
Katie: “We’re all talented in our own way, Kim. I’ve got to laugh out loud to myself. I’m agreeing with you, Kim.”
Katie Price not in fight and gets on with campmates – read all about it! It’s MAYHEM!
See pictures of busty stars here.
I’m A Celebrity’s Sam Fox’s Career In Pictures
Me And My Chest: Peter Andre’s Career in Pictures
The Katie Price Burning: A Life In Pictures
Posted: 19th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comments (15) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
I’m A Celebrity: Camilla Dallerup Is Pregnant, And Other Reasons Why She Left The Show
I’M A Celebrity: Camilla Dallerup walks out of the jungle and the narrative begins. Here are five rasons why she left the jungle:
1) It’s a conspiracy:
Dallerup’s actor lover Actor Kevin Sacre (Hollyoaks, before you ask) says she was “pulled”.
He Twitters:
“Can’t say a lot people, but I can say she was pulled. She didn’t walk… and remember they’ve actually been in there since Friday night, our time.”
2) She’s pregnant:
Posted: 18th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
