X Factor In Pictures: Alexandra Burke Storms The EU
X FACTOR: Alexandra Burke, last year’s show winner, continues her scramble to climb as high up the EU Celebrity Mountain before the quota laws* kick in.
* Under EU law all EU members states are allowed only 5 celebrities. Alexandra Burke will never top the UK’s Noel Edmonds, Leona Lewis, Simon Cowell, anyone from Hollyoaks and Kerry Katona, and will be forced to emigrate to Austria and sing-off against the country’s fifth most popular Nazi.
In the meanwhile, Alexandra Burke performs on stage during the Little Noise Sessions at the Union Chapel in London. In pictures:
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Posted: 18th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
I’m A Celebrity: Katie Price’s ‘Only Interview’ Causes ‘Mayhem’
I’M A Celebrity In OK: In this weeks’ OK! magazine Katie Price delivers her “only interview” (today), Samantha Fox calls Jordan a “freak” and Kerry Katona says she’ll see Katie in the jungle.
It’s the I’m A Celebrity jungle special in this week’s OK! magazine as the organ trails the show that has, er, already started.
To make this one fly, and the £2,.60 cover price worth it, OK! needs a scoop. Can it find one?
“With a face full of Botox, a mouth like a Kalashnikov, a head packed with explosive secrets, celebrity tornado Katie Price is sure to cause total mayhem as she rips through the I’m a Celebrity… jungle camp.”
Posted: 18th, November 2009 | In: Key Posts, OK! Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Shaddap You Face: John & Edward Fight To Bring Back The Novelty Christmas Song
X FACTOR Watch: Jedward walks, Max Clifford stalks, Pete Warterman puts on rose-tinted specs for Pop Idol, Cheryl Cole’s teeth are wanted, Dannii Minogue is a sight screen and Anorak’s campaign to bring back the novelty record…
Jedward, the two–headed beast, move onto another week’s awfulness. They need to make it truly terrible to keep their bandwagon going. It’s not easy to be hated. Look at Noel Edmonds.
They say that when Jedward sings the world heats up and a polar bar suffocates. They say the CIA are using recordings of Jedward to torture prisoners’ gonads. They say Jedward are husband and wife, hailing from a small factory in China.
They say they must win to restore the novelty record to its rightful place as the Christmas no.1. Where is the new Renee and Renato? Mr Blobby? Bob The Builder?
And after Christmas, where is the new Father Abraham’s crooning for his Smurfs, T.U.R.T.L.E. Power, The Purple People Eater and anything by STEPS? Jedward… We need you to bring back the novelty Christmas record.
To today’s X Factor news:
Herald (Ireland): “No stopping Jedward now as celeb agent Max Clifford is set to snap up the twins”
X Factor twins John and Edward Grimes are being lined up by celebrity agent Max Clifford as their popularity soars.
Look out for Jedward pulling on matching Chelsea kits, shagging a bit-part actress and becoming the new Kerry Katonas.
Read the rest of this entry »
Posted: 5th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Kerry Katona In Coronation Street Shocker
MORE time for some non-news on Kerry Katona, the face of ownbrand ketchups.
The Sun says the Kerry Katona will not be appearing in the ITV comedy-drama Benidorm.
The Sun then adds:
Whispers the ex-Atomic Kitten would be seen on Coronation Street were also denied.
In other non-news:
Kerry Katona’s mother Sue claims she faces being homeless because of her daughter’s huge debts. Katona owes £497,982.83 to the taxman and the £130,000 terraced house in which her estranged mother lives is being handed over to help clear the debt.
Kerry Katons’s mum has no house. We follow this non-news triples bill with news:
Bankrupt Kerry Katona plans to ease her cash problems - by launching sunbed studios called Ka-Tan-As.
She will then launch Kerry Ka-toner, a printer ink shop, Kat-oner, a home for slightly used felines and Katatonic – a new kind of pick me up for the terminally upset.
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Posted: 2nd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Five Things You Never Knew About McDonald’s In Iceland
FIRST Kerry Katona’s face was offed, now McDonald’s has decided to leave Iceland to the Icelanders.
Odd that a land of pure snow and ice should be famous for being linked with the face of own-brand ketchup and being dumped by McDonald’s. But what are the facts? Let’s take a look:
Ambrose Evans-Pritchard explains:
What the company actually said was that it can no longer compete with Icelandic fast-food joints that rely on local produce…
The BBC putts it another way.
McDonald’s is to close its business in Iceland because the country’s financial crisis has made it too expensive to operate its franchise.
Sky News says, “The withdrawal of the golden arches symbolises a sharp fall from economic grace for a nation.” The Consumerist says: “Iceland is so messed up McDonald’s is giving up and going home.”
Such are the facts.
Here are 5 things you never knew about McDonald’s in Iceland:
1. In 2007, nine-year-old Einar Huld became lost in a snowstorm. She was rescued when a man standing on a car seven miles away spotted the luminous yellow cheese slice she had removed from the cheeseburger and stuck to her head.
Posted: 27th, October 2009 | In: The Consumer Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Mark Croft Tows Kerry Katona Into A Pub For £50 A Time
HOW much shopping can you do in Iceland for £50? That question to you, Kerry Katona, as the NoTW reports:
“Kerry Katona’s low-life husband Mark Croft is flogging her for personal appearances at £50 a time.”
Anorak wonders what constitutes an appearance? Is, say, having Kerry stick out her tongue in your direction an appearance? If so, Croft might be chancing his arm and trying to test the limits of Kerry’s market value.
If a tongue poke is £50, how much for full two-fingered salute; having her slur your name; or her grabbing your tits and gurning?
Posted: 24th, October 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Katie Price And Peter Andre: Lawnmower Races, Shaved Heads And Girls Aloud
KATIE Price and Peter Andre Watch: Katie shaves her hair into a Britney Spears, Katie’s new implant, Kerry Katona is missing, Alex Reid’s lawnmower races and Katie out-writes James Patterson…
The Daily Star leads with: “Jordan’s head shave shock – Katie goes for full Britney”.
There is picture of Katie Price with what at first glance looks like a new breast implant on her head. She is a cherry or well-placed spot away from having a new Jordan.
FURIOUS Katie Price has hit back at reports she’s gone mental by threatening to “do a Britney” and shave her head
So this is only computer wizardry. Katie has not shaved her head.
And when she read media reports she was suffering her own breakdown, she told make-up artist Gary Cockerill: “Let’s just give them what they want and shave my head. Now I know how Britney felt – they’re all after me. No wonder she had a breakdown. I am being treated the same as her so I may as well look the same.”
Look out for Katie juggling her kids, literally, and spilling out of hot-pants as he puts on weight and dry humps a pole before masses of screaming children.
Daily Express: “BOOBS ‘CAN BE TOO BIG’”
Too big for what? Not too big for the Express’s sister organs like Channel X and the Daily Star, where the only barrier to bigger breasts is the size of your TV screen and the width of your tabloid paper.
Surgeons say “going too big” can create an unnatural look as well as breast tissue damage, drooping and over-stretched skin.
But – fingers crossed – you should earn enough money from them to pay another surgeon to tie any loose skin into a novelty bunny tail or a novelty Peter Andre attachment.
Baltimore Sun: “James Patterson’s a slacker next to Katie Price”
“And to think I was in awe over James Patterson’s recent deal with Hachette, which calls for him to produce 17 books in three years (reportedly worth $150 million). I know he’s a mini-comglomerate, publishing series such as Maximum Ride and Alex Cross, but he has lots of experience, plus the help of collaborators.
But Brit Katie Price, aka the model Jordan (not to be confused with the river Jordan), puts him to shame. Only 31, she’s writing her fourth memoir in the past five years!
When she’s older, Katie will be able to rest her fallen Jordans on her book stack. And everyone wants to read about Jordan:
“Reputable companies also do not want to get dragged into a sordid sales war where bitter partners are dishing the dirt on each other.”
Speaking about the mum-of-three’s latest endeavour, a spokesman for book chain Blackwell said: “She has done three already. This is not a book we would say to our readers, ‘You must buy.’”
Always good to have principals once you’ve cashed in on Katie Price and flogged thousands of her books. Because celebrities don’t sell books do they? Because books shops can make loads of money pumping out copies of proper literature by dead authors and don’t need to rely on books written by people off the telly? Because people like to be snooty about Katie Price while enjoying and profiting from her antics.
And Katie’s got lots to write about. Life moves pretty fast for Katie. Blink and you might well not have had enough Botox:
News Post Online: “Jordan, Alex Reid keeps neighbours up…with motorised lawnmower”
Former glamour model Katie Price, a.k.a. Jordan, and her cage fighter beau Alex Reid, are said to be keeping the neighbours up late at night by racing a motorised lawnmower.
Racing it against what? Our money’s on Katie’s lawn mower being her hair trimmers. And he mates. What mates? The Sun brings news:
JORDAN has been dumped by three of her four bridesmaids over her treatment of Peter Andre, The Sun can reveal. Best pal and pin-up Michelle Clack, 30, has not spoken to her for five months after she was told: “Choose Team Kate or Team Pete.”
Team Katie or Team Peter… Is there an option C?
Michelle chose Peter and Girls Aloud star Sarah Harding, 27, has ignored all calls from Jordan. Even drug shame star Kerry Katona has crossed her off her Christmas card list. Of the four at the 2005 wedding only former Liberty X singer Michelle Heaton, 30, has stood by Jordan, real name Katie Price.
This would be the Kerry Katona we are told is pushing for a OK! two-header with Jordan; Sarah Harding who is no longer in need of Katie’s patronage; Michelle Heaton who without Katie would feature in the press less often than a insert for blindness and Michelle Who?
Katie Price and Peter Andre – The Final Chapter: Addendum.
Posted: 10th, October 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Kerry Katona Is Pregnant With…
IS Kerry Katona looking to get pregnant and so cash in on little Dona-Babs in a bid to solve any money issues?
OK! Magazine tells us that Kerry has set-up a scoop in which she is pictured browsing the aisles of Mothercare – snapped by the paparazzo’s Dummy Cam.
The press goes into overdrive and The People leads with:
KERRY KATONA: NEW BABY SENSATION - EXCLUSIVE, By Katie Hind and Rachel Spencer
OK! tuts.
“One downmarket Sunday newspaper even ran a front-page splash about how Kerry was keen to have another child in a desperate attempt to raise much-needed cash by flogging the first pictures to the press.”
Downmarket?
Posted: 9th, October 2009 | In: OK! Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Simon Cowell Is Sick And Anton Du Beke Gives You Cancer
SIMON Cowell is “SICK”. And the X Factor is in “CRISIS”.
As other papers rant on about the Strictly Come Dancing Race Row (“Anton Du Beke is a garlic-munching surrender monkey” – Sun; “What did your grandpa do in the war?” – Express; “Anton du Berk gives you cancer” - Mail), the Star sticks with the X Factor news.
SIMON Cowell is in a race against time to appear on the X Factor’s first live final show after falling ill. He is laid up at home in pain and is battling to get well in time for tomorrow night.
If Simon can’t be there to offer his opinion, the fear is that the show will have to find another judge - and with only Kerry Katona and Mr Blobby available, this is indeed a crisis. The Star goes on:
The judge has also been banned from seeing the lads he is mentoring – Jamie Archer, 34, Olly Murs, 25, and Danyl Johnson, 27 – in case he spreads his germs.
Posted: 9th, October 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Kerry Katona Calls Psychic Hotline From The Attic
KERRY Katona “BEGS PSYCHICS FOR HELP”.
“Troubled Kerry Katona is running up huge phone bills to 24-hour psychic hotlines”.
So Kerry’s not mumbling to herself, then as she paces the loft like an alcopop-laced Miss Haversham? A source explains:
“She’s been spending loads of time locked in her room, drinking and phoning these expensive psychic lines.”
Posted: 15th, September 2009 | In: Celebrities, Closer Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Kerry Katona Locked In Attic With a Royal Marine And A Hot Tub, Charlotte Church in Iceland
CHARLOTTE Church is the news face and chest freezer of Iceland, replacing Kerry Katona as the personality behind own-brand ketchup.
The People tells readers:
Charlotte and her rugby star boyfriend Gavin Henson, 28, have been dubbed the Posh and Becks of Wales.
Does Wales need its own Posh and Becks? Did anyone ask the locals?
She has gone from a size 16 to a 12 after giving birth to son Dexter, now seven months.
A size 10, actually. Closer magazine has the facts. Or a 12. Because OK! magazine has the, er, facts.
Disgraced Kerry, known for her slogan “Mum’s gone to Iceland”, lost a £290,000-a-year contract with the firm.
Posted: 13th, September 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Kerry Katona’s Accountant Tells All
MORE news on Kerry Katona, who has, allegedly, assaulted her accountant in his rooms. The alleged victim is one David McHugh, a “convicted fraudster”, and now here to talk to the press. Says he:
“I’m extremely fed up with that woman who thinks she’s God Almighty and can get away with anything. She went for me and threw scalding hot tea over me. The door slammed open and she said, ‘David, what the f***ing hell is this?’ She was yelling and yelling.
“… I’m severing all contact with her. We never really got on very well.”
Accountants were ever unstated.
Posted: 28th, August 2009 | In: Celebrities Comments (5) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Kerry Katona Picks Her Nose On A Podium
KERRY Katona is in the news. And if it’s not Kerry’s batter, fat and nose making news, it’s her eyes.
Kerry Katona can keep being in the news so long as she doesn’t run out of body parts. Recently, Kerry auctioned off her breast implants, and the thinking is that the monies raised will pay for a new third leg or hair extensions for her back.
As for Kerry’s eyes, Leighton Ogden is telling heat readers all about them. Leighton is billed as a “former friend” of Kerry’s, and Anorak readers will recall his testimony:
“Ogden’s first sexual encounter with Kerry had happened four months earlier, shortly after her engagement to Croft—behind a Tesco in Warrington last Valentine’s Day.”
Posted: 27th, August 2009 | In: Celebrities Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Chip Shape Kerry Katona “Batters” Her Accountant
KERRY Katona is arrested for “battering her accountant”.
So says the Mirror. If true, was Kerry driven to it by constant speculation about her weight?
Did a lack of fried food in her diet force Our Kerry over the edge?
And if you were to batter anyone, would you batter something as dry as an accountant?
A source said: “She struck out at McHugh and battered him. It wasn’t pretty. She seemed out of control.”
Posted: 27th, August 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Kerry Katona Arrested And Kept To Police Cells
KERRY Katona has been arrested and questioned over an allegation that she assaulted a man in Warrington.
Katona is arrested in Warrington by Cheshire Police, the northern chapter of the Celebrity Police Force, who tells us:
“At approximately 3.50pm on Wednesday August 26, Cheshire Police attended a premises on Hawthorne Business Park in Warrington following a report of an assault.
“A 28-year-old woman from the Wilmslow area has been arrested on suspicion of assault, criminal damage and a public order offence.”
Posted: 26th, August 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Kerry Katona’s Extra Nostril Filled With Bacon Fat, Pictures
NEWS now on Kerry Katona, aka Cocaine Kerry, and that “a bit of Kerry’s nose fell out.”
What it fell out of, we can only guess, but the smart money is on a tin of biscuits or a packet of Iceland Boozie Brownies.
In the News of the World, Dan Wootton sniffs out the truth:
COCAINE addict Kerry Katona failed to realise the horrific damage her drug-snorting is inflicting even when part of her nose FELL OUT in the bathroom.
As she held out the stray bit of nostril in her outstretched hand, fallen Atomic Kitten pop idol Kerry confessed: “I’ve got a hole in the nose ‘cos of the coke. This has just come out.”
All the better to fit a straw into, you may suppose. But the TV star’s “stepsister and closest confidante Pat Ferrier was right there and shocked by what she saw and heard”.
And now the confidante tells the Sunday tabloids about what she saw, confidentially:
“We were in America for our dad’s funeral last year when the hole first started to develop. Kerry was in the bathroom for ages. I’d seen her take the tweezers in and I said, ‘What you doing?’
“She said, ‘I’ll be out in a minute.’ Then in her hand she’s got this thing that she dragged out of this hole in her nose. It looked like when you get the fat off bacon. I’ve got a strong stomach but that was almost too much.”
If you had to eat any celebrity, Kerry Katona would surely feature pretty high on the list, a kebab-reared mix of bacon fat and alcohol. If the breast implants could come stuffed with a sage and onion mix, all to the good for self-basting Kerry:
“Kerry’s life is out of control now. She IS a drug addict. Her nose IS caving in - I’ve seen it with my own eyes. She needs to get help or she’ll DIE…
Shockingly, Kerry agreed with me. She just turned around and said, ‘I’m going to tell you something Pat. My mum will outlive me. I’ll die young.’ “
And thus Kerry Katona becomes the victim of, well, something. As she tells the Sunday Mirror:
“No one forced me to do it, I’m a grown-up woman and I did it because I was very unhappy at the time and thought it might make me feel better about myself. I have been crying and been at my wit’s end since it happened…
“They [Drugs] don’t make you look cool, they make you look an idiot, and all your insecurities and self-hate - the main reasons I took them in the first place - are only made worse.”
But let’s put the Katona nose in perspective. How big is the hole, and can it be passed off as Kerry’s tribute to Michael Jackson?
The telltale hole in Kerry’s nose is not yet as bad as the cocaine damage infamously suffered by ex-EastEnders star Danniella Westbrook, whose septum - the dividing wall between the nostrils - was almost completely eroded. But stepsister Pat revealed: “The hole has got bigger and has penetrated through to the other side. Kerry can put the end of her glasses into it.”
Disgusting, but useful – and cheaper than a piece of string. It might even be the talent that keeps Kerry at the apogee of the British showbiz movement.
“She’s shown it to people. And it makes this funny whistling sound when she breathes through her nose.”
Life keeps getting better for Kerry. If she can hold a tune then the future is rosy. Onwards and upwards for Our Kerry, then?
“Kerry sees herself having a tragic early death like movie star Marilyn Monroe… Marilyn was one of the most famous women in the world and Kerry’s hardly in her league.”
Fair does. If Kerry dies young she will die young like…can we agree on Minnie The Talc, the woman who used to sit on the bench in the recreation ground shouting at the pigeons and eating frozen pizzas? Or James Dean?
In The People, Kerry Katona’s mum agrees that her daughter is going to die. And then wonders about that hidden camera:
“Only a few people would have had access to her bathroom to put it in there. She thinks she knows who did it and she is raging. She said to Mark, ‘You should have protected me, you shouldn’t have let this happen to me, I’m ruined’.
But this story is as much about Kerry Katona as it is about the video of her snorting cocaine/ anthrax/ bi-polar medication/ Tamiflu or whatever the teddy cam caught her doing. So lest any reader think the NOTW is complicit in a shoddy PR stunt or in cahoots with the Celebrity Police Force, Pat tells us:
“But it would be great if, when that day arrives, she HAS been off the drugs and can tell them this video was the turning point in her life. It could almost be a source of pride.”
And we are proud of the NOTW for giving us one of our Top Ten Kerry Katona Watching Moments.
But what next for Kerry, who has now been dropped by Iceland:
“It was great fun, good money and the people I worked with had become like a second family.”
The squirrel, right? Kerry spent so long with that Iceland squirrel there were fears her children would see it as their father. But dad is Brian McFadden, and he wants the two oldest Kerry kids. Only, as the Star reports:
KERRY KATONA has been thrown a lifeline in her bid to keep her children after hearing her ex-husband’s relationship is in trouble. Former Westlife star Brian McFadden is to launch a custody battle for his daughters following allegations Kerry took cocaine in the family home. But, we can reveal, Brian does not want the girls with him in Australia, partly because his romance with ¬Delta Goodrem, 24, is already strained but also because he doesn’t want their lives to be completely overturned.
Hurrah! Kerry aKtoan’s carrer is dead. But her kids are alive and well. Long live them. Long live the new Kerry Katonas….
Posted: 23rd, August 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Kerry Katona In Fight For Kids And Installs CCCTV
KERRY Katona, formerly Kerry McPadding, is in “Kerry cop quiz”, embroiled in allegations that she has taken cocaine.
While Anorak investigates if bi-polar medication can be snorted, the Sun says Kerry’s Kapers could be the last, er, straw:
TROUBLED Kerry Katona will be quizzed by police on Monday about her cocaine-snorting shame.
The Sun knows it was cocaine – just knows it:
Katona, 28, was keeping mum yesterday when she returned from holiday in Tenerife with husband Mark Croft. But she must explain to cops how she ended up being filmed secretly in her home taking the Class A drug.
Anorak suspects the teddy bear cam, or the Celebrity Police Force’s new CCCTV, which are to be installed in every celebrity’s house in the UK. CCCTV will alert the CPF to any wrongdoing and with it the opportunity for a meet and greet.
Meanwhile, Kerry marked the outing of her anthrax-snorting video by jetting off on her holidays:
A pal of the I’m A Celebrity winner said: “She has been totally stressed out on this holiday. She has told her inner circle of friends that she doesn’t want police at her house because she doesn’t want her kids to see them. But she has resigned herself to the fact that she has a lot of explaining to do. It has been just about the worst week of her life.”
But while Kerry takes the waters and the ice crystals, the Star says:
“BRIAN: I’LL TAKE KIDS”
Posted: 22nd, August 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
SEEN snorting her pi-polar medication. Anthrax/“cocaine”/Tamiflu/ dust, Kate Moss lookalike Kerry Katona has lost her job as the face of Iceland supermarkets.
The Sun says Kerry Katona was “secretly filmed sniffing coke” – filmed by a hidden camera in her en suite bathroom.
The mother of four had her £250,000-a-year contract torn up by horrified bosses who feared a backlash from customers.
But was it cocaine? There is no proof that it was. All we have is images of a media hungry jobbing celeb starring in a cheap video. The media laps it up. Loadsa PR for the price of rolled up £20 note and a line of crushed ice.
Posted: 18th, August 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
‘Cocaine’ Kerry Katona Flees To The Sun
FOLLOWING the less-than-sensational news that Kerry Katona snorts her bi-polar medication in her en-suite bathroom, or inhales cocaine, as the NOTW says, sniffs anthrax powder or does her own publicty or.. whatever, the Sun announces:
KERRY Katona has ignored pleas to check into rehab - and will go to a boozy holiday resort instead.
Pals begged Kerry, 28, to book into the Priory after she was filmed snorting coke at her home.
Or not.
Posted: 17th, August 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Kerry Katona Takes ‘Cocaine’ In Her En Suite Bathroom
FOR Kerry Katona life follows art, as the News of The World watches the star of the MTV show Kerry Katona: Crazy In Love taking “cocaine” and going “mad”:
KERRY KATONA GOES MAD ON COKE AFTER 4-DAY BOOZE BENDER
Look on as:
SHAMELESS Kerry Katona pushes a rolled £20 note up her nose before swiftly snorting a line of cocaine - and every second is caught in shock detail on video.
Yeah, a £20 note. It’s alright for some. Not too long ago we feared Kerry was on her uppers. Now she is – but able to use a £20 note to administer them.
Posted: 16th, August 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
