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Adam Lambert On The Early Show, In Pictures

lambert nosh Adam Lambert On The Early Show, In PicturesADAM Lambert is last season’s runner up on American Idol. At the American Music Awards, Lambert’s music took in a rubbing a dancer’s face into his crotch. If it helps him hit the low notes, so be it.

He then got off with a male band member and stuck his finger up in the air. Lots of people tuned in, 1,500 complained and Lambert is no longer a lump of reality TV dross - Lambert is edgy and challenging and turning telly viewers gay.

Lambert then went on GMA stands for ‘Gays Made America’. But he didn’t - his performance was cancelled. Do instead he stuck his gayness of The Early Show, and families tuning in got to see a pretty ordinary signer with dyed hair – think Jess Conrad meets The Producer’s Hitler - sing a song.

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Anorak

Posted: 25th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

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X Factor: Jedward Go GAY, Win I’m A Celebrity And Hate Susan Boyle

jedward4 X Factor: Jedward Go GAY, Win Im A Celebrity And Hate Susan Boyle X FACTOR rejects Jedward are now 8-1 to win I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here. Having swallowed Simon Cowell and Louis Walsh’s balls, they are on course to swallow something still more fragrant in the Blue Peter garden.

Before that, Jedward are to sing at GAY Heaven this Saturday night, following in the footsteps of Lucie Jones, Rachel Adedeji, Kandy Rain and JLS.

Now the duo have been fast tracked into tabloid journalism, and are seated in the editor’s car for the Sun’s Bizarre section.

Highlights include:

* Jedward calling Lady Gag “Lady Baba” - “They think she’s brilliant.”

* Jedward have the autographs of Avril Lavigne, the Backstreet Boys and Britney Spears

* Jedward’s hair is a combination of “VO5 and hairspray” - as is their voice.

Says Gordon Smart:

“X Factor rascals John and Edward Grimes are national heroes in Ireland – up there in the popularity steaks with U2, big Jack Charlton and Guinness.”

Bad news for U2, Our Jackie and Guinness, because Louis Walsh has already told us:

“They got a really hard time from people in Ireland, from people who have never met them and didn’t know them. I had it before with Boyzone and different bands before. People slag you off - it’s a weird thing, it’s an Irish thing.”

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Anorak

Posted: 25th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

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In Pictures: Music In The Decade Of The X Factor, American Idol, Jay Z, Michael Jackson And Amy Winehouse

Music In The Decade Of X Factor, American Idol, Jay Z, Michael Jackson And Amy Winehouse.

The decade was shaped by the arrival of popstar parvenus, those not genuine popstars who had crooned someone else’s song on The X Factor, Fame Academy, American Idol, Pop Idol or Fame Academy. There were authentic pop stars, like Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty, the former who could sing and both who could live the live of excess. Eminem rocked, Britney Spears melted, Jay Z grew the brand and we wept for George Harrison, Diana and another Live Aid. And Michael Jackson died. In pictures:

britney-nuts

Picture 1 of 58

Pity

Anorak

Posted: 22nd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

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Jedward: What John And Edward Will Sing To Win The X Factor

fielding yvette2 Jedward: What John And Edward Will Sing To Win The X Factor JOHN & Edward will be singing We Will Rock You on the X Factor next week. Not only will Thing 1 and Thing 2 be getting the audience to stamp their feet and clap their hands, but they will also be rapping. This is the Five version of the hit queen song.

It could not be more terrible. And its very awfulness will ensure that John & Edward move on step on to becoming this year’s X Factor champions.

Having so far performed Oops! I Did It Again by Britney Spears is a kak-footed, tuneless version of the singer that could see the lads make a fortune as musical impressionists, and a version of Ricky Martin’s La Vida Loca that was a brilliant parody of the Latino heartthrob who always threatens that he about to sing and dance but never quite erupts.

Indeed, Martin’s shtick of sticking a pose that suggests much more rhythm to come has been adopted by the X Factor’s Cheryl Cole who doesn’t dance so much as ape the Windmill Theatre’s tableaux vivants, stain stock still between swift jerks.

But we digress. The focus is on John & Edward., and what they will need to sign to win the show. What ever it is is has to be memorable. And because Jedward are awful it has to memorably awful.

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Anorak

Posted: 30th, October 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

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X Factor: John & Edward Perform Live Duet With Miming Britney Spears

john edward X Factor: John & Edward Perform Live Duet With Miming Britney SpearsX FACTOR Watch: Anorak’s at-a-glance looks at X Factor in the news: Louis Walsh mocks Cheryl Cole’s singing, Simon Cowell vows to spend more time in the sun, and John & Edward do Britney Spears too well.

Daily Mirror (front page): “YOU’RE TWIN FREAKS – Cowell savage John & Ed”

Savages? He’d never risk his teeth.

“This X Factor is the hardest one to call,” he says, still reeling from Danyl deffo-not-a-bully-deffo-still-would Johnson being in the bottom two last weekend. “The twins are completely deluded and live in fantasy land but they are lovely. They thought Britney would watch their performance and wanted to invite Robbie to their party.”

John & Edward performed a live version of a Britney Spears song. The performance was every bit as good as the original, save for the boys failing to dry hump the stage, not miming and omitting the Max Wall tribute.

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Anorak

Posted: 30th, October 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

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Katie Price And Peter Andre: Lawnmower Races, Shaved Heads And Girls Aloud

katie price career1 Katie Price And Peter Andre: Lawnmower Races, Shaved Heads And Girls AloudKATIE Price and Peter Andre Watch: Katie shaves her hair into a Britney Spears, Katie’s new implant, Kerry Katona is missing, Alex Reid’s lawnmower races and Katie out-writes James Patterson…

The Daily Star leads with: “Jordan’s head shave shock – Katie goes for full Britney”.

There is picture of Katie Price with what at first glance looks like a new breast implant on her head. She is a cherry or well-placed spot away from having a new Jordan.

FURIOUS Katie Price has hit back at reports she’s gone mental by threatening to “do a Britney” and shave her head

So this is only computer wizardry. Katie has not shaved her head.

And when she read media reports she was suffering her own breakdown, she told make-up artist Gary Cockerill: “Let’s just give them what they want and shave my head. Now I know how Britney felt – they’re all after me. No wonder she had a breakdown. I am being treated the same as her so I may as well look the same.”

Look out for Katie juggling her kids, literally, and spilling out of hot-pants as he puts on weight and dry humps a pole before masses of screaming children.

Daily Express: “BOOBS ‘CAN BE TOO BIG’”

Too big for what? Not too big for the Express’s sister organs like Channel X and the Daily Star, where the only barrier to bigger breasts is the size of your TV screen and the width of your tabloid paper.

Surgeons say “going too big” can create an unnatural look as well as breast tissue damage, drooping and over-stretched skin.

But – fingers crossed – you should earn enough money from them to pay another surgeon to tie any loose skin into a novelty bunny tail or a novelty Peter Andre attachment.

Baltimore Sun: “James Patterson’s a slacker next to Katie Price”

“And to think I was in awe over James Patterson’s recent deal with Hachette, which calls for him to produce 17 books in three years (reportedly worth $150 million). I know he’s a mini-comglomerate, publishing series such as Maximum Ride and Alex Cross, but he has lots of experience, plus the help of collaborators.

But Brit Katie Price, aka the model Jordan (not to be confused with the river Jordan), puts him to shame. Only 31, she’s writing her fourth memoir in the past five years!

When she’s older, Katie will be able to rest her fallen Jordans on her book stack. And everyone wants to read about Jordan:

Reputable companies also do not want to get dragged into a sordid sales war where bitter partners are dishing the dirt on each other.”

Speaking about the mum-of-three’s latest endeavour, a spokesman for book chain Blackwell said: “She has done three already. This is not a book we would say to our readers, ‘You must buy.’”

Always good to have principals once you’ve cashed in on Katie Price and flogged thousands of her books. Because celebrities don’t sell books do they? Because books shops can make loads of money pumping out copies of proper literature by dead authors and don’t need to rely on books written by people off the telly? Because people like to be snooty about Katie Price while enjoying and profiting from her antics.

And Katie’s got lots to write about. Life moves pretty fast for Katie. Blink and you might well not have had enough Botox:

News Post Online: “Jordan, Alex Reid keeps neighbours up…with motorised lawnmower”

Former glamour model Katie Price, a.k.a. Jordan, and her cage fighter beau Alex Reid, are said to be keeping the neighbours up late at night by racing a motorised lawnmower.

Racing it against what? Our money’s on Katie’s lawn mower being her hair trimmers. And he mates. What mates? The Sun brings news:

JORDAN has been dumped by three of her four bridesmaids over her treatment of Peter Andre, The Sun can reveal. Best pal and pin-up Michelle Clack, 30, has not spoken to her for five months after she was told: “Choose Team Kate or Team Pete.”

Team Katie or Team Peter… Is there an option C?

Michelle chose Peter and Girls Aloud star Sarah Harding, 27, has ignored all calls from Jordan. Even drug shame star Kerry Katona has crossed her off her Christmas card list. Of the four at the 2005 wedding only former Liberty X singer Michelle Heaton, 30, has stood by Jordan, real name Katie Price.

This would be the Kerry Katona we are told is pushing for a OK! two-header with Jordan; Sarah Harding who is no longer in need of Katie’s patronage; Michelle Heaton who without Katie would feature in the press less often than a insert for blindness and Michelle Who?

Katie Price and Peter Andre – The Final Chapter: Addendum.

Anorak

Posted: 10th, October 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

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Katie Price And Peter Andre Fans In Street Riot

SPL129436_004KATIE Price and Peter Andre: Today Katie goes beserk with an umbrella - there is “blood” - fans square up in Fleet. Britney Spears returns and Pete talks Pete…

Daily Star
(front page): “JORDAN GOES MENTAL – Fight night for Kate and Pete as it gets bloody”

Has Katie been using Alex Reid for his cage fighting know-how? Is Peter Andre injured? Is the blood orange?

STRESSED-OUT Kate Price did a Britney yesterday as she went “completely mental” with a brolly. The glamour girl finally cracked as she lashed out at photographers with a bright red umbrella.

Kate, 31, flipped as she accused the paparazzi of all being “perverts” as they took photos of her while she was out shopping. She then screamed: “Why don’t you all just get a real job and f*** off?”

Proper photographers with proper studios in which they can take proper pictures of Katie Price’s boobs and crotch must despair at their amateur cousins. You show ‘em Katie. Says one paparazzo:

“She was crazed. She is normally so in control that it was really weird to see her doing something like that… She lives her life by selling out to the media, so how can she suddenly turn like this?”

We can’t say for sure. But – look! – Katie’s in the papers and the paps have their pictures. Lucky those chaps were there to witness the mayhem.

But what about that front-page blood? Well, there is isn’t any – unless you count the claret-hued umbrella. Goof, then, that the Metro newssheet keeps things sober:

Katie Price goes on Britney Spears-style umbrella rampage

Get Hampshire: “Andre and Jordan both scheduled for Fleet visit?”

Is Fleet big enough for Katie and Pete?

TWO celebrities currently going through a high-profile divorce could be in the same town Friday night. Organisers of different events say Peter Andre and estranged wife Katie Price have been invited to attend events just a few hundreds yards from each other in Fleet.

Will Team Peter and Team Katie in their colours (Peter: tangerine; Katie: mandarin) fans run amuck, smashing up the make-up concessions and hurling bottles of signature scents in the precinct? We turn to Hampshire’s Celebrity Police Force, expert in the causes and results of celebrity:

“Rumours have been circulating that the former couple are due to appear at different venues in the town, causing concern from residents of large numbers of fans and potential public order issues. Peter Andre is booked to make a personal appearance at Jaxx nightclub.

However, information suggesting that Katie Price is appearing at nearby Bamboo Bar is false. Officers have spoken to Ms Price’s management team which has confirmed that she will be attending a book signing and promotional event in Birmingham.”

So the story should be: “Andre and Jordan not both scheduled to visit Fleet.” Disaster averted. Hart Safer Neighbourhoods Inspector Geoff Scrutton says:

“Antisocial behaviour as a result of the night time economy was identified by residents as a priority for the area and we have worked extremely hard to tackle these concerns. Anyone who comes to the town centre to cause trouble will be dealt with robustly.”

To your umbrellas!

The Sun: “Cage-fighter: Jordan’s going to ditch me”

In a ditch? Because she, reportedly, made up a story about his being a transvestite called Roxanne (video footage of fighting trannies here)?

Now Alex, 34, claims the transvestite rumours are part of an elaborate plan by Jordan - real name Katie Price - to ditch him while retaining public sympathy. He revealed his fears in a late-night phone call to an ex-lover, whispering to her from a toilet at Jordan’s mansion in Surrey.

Alex told Danielle Sims: “Katie’s stitching me up. She told the papers I’m a cross-dresser to make me look like a freak. I’m sure she did it so that when she dumps me people won’t blame her.”

Can this be the same Danielle Simms who made Reid sound normal when she told us:

“Alex got off on rough sex. He liked to put his hands around my throat in a stranglehold and say, ‘Who’s the master? Who’s the daddy?’ All the time, he had his hands round my throat in a grip. Sometimes I’d have to cough or shake my head furiously before he’d release me but it never got to the point where I’d actually pass out.”

The Sun: “Katie pays Price of reality”

ITV2’s What Katie Did Next, which followed the glamour model after her split, pulled in 1.5million viewers. But Peter Andre’s one-off show Going It Alone got 1.7million.

Less trounced that the victim of 100,000 swing voters and interference in the Basildon area.

Heat: “Peter Andre sends a warning to Katie Price…”

Not another song? Katieeeeeee… Doncha beeeeeee haysteeeeee… Doncha way-a-steeeeeee… Ur fayyyyyysteeeee…. Nesssssssss…. Says heat:

“You have to be careful what you do. Actions can make or break you.” He agreed that he partly has Katie to thank for the fact he’s so well-known today, but denies that his reality show is in direct competition to hers. “It shouldn’t be a competition,” he told us. “No one knew my show would do so well.”

Hey, 1.7million viewers can’t be wrong – they can’t all be locked up in a secure institution with a telly on stand they can’t turn off. They can’t all be tabloid journalist looking for a story. Can they?

Anorak

Posted: 8th, October 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

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Goat-Kid Monster Born In Maboleni Zimbabwe

goat man Goat Kid Monster Born In Maboleni ZimbabweA MONSTER has been born in Zimbabwe. No, not Mugabe - a real monster that’s part goat, part man, so they say.

Goat-Kid was born in Maboleni. Goat-Kid has a living pink head and the face of a disfigured baby, one that they say looked like a goat. Got-Kid had a tail, kinked legs and a shoulders like a small child’s.

So the locals burnt it.

Local Governor Jason Machaya kicks over the embers:

“A grown man was responsible for this.”

A vet suggests hydrocephalus, aka water on the brain.

But it’s a monster. It has to be. Or viral marketing for a new Britney Spears sex tape.

Anorak

Posted: 29th, September 2009 | In: Key Posts, Strange But True Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

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Jack Tweed’s Suicide Watch With Jade Goody

mary tweed Jack Tweeds Suicide Watch With Jade GoodyJACK Tweed says he wants to kill himself. In “JACK: I WANT TO KILL MYSELF”, the News of The World places Mr Jade Goody on suicide watch – “nor death shall us part”.

Beneath a picture of Tweed, readers are told:

QUIET NIGHT IN: Prison beans and orange squash is far from Jack Tweed’s usual Champagne style

One would venture that Tweed is sipping on “prison orange squash”. But we should not interrupt the facts as Jack’s mum, Mary Tweed, tells her story to the tabloids, and so – finally! – welcomes a bona fide outlet of Jade Goody Industries.

THE distraught mum of rape charge widower Jack Tweed told yesterday of her torment at seeing her “baby” in prison and hearing him threaten to take his own life.

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Anorak

Posted: 27th, September 2009 | In: Celebrities, Gallery, Key Posts Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

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Five Ways Michael Jackson Was Like Hitler, By Rabbi Shmuley Boteach

nazi jackson Five Ways Michael Jackson Was Like Hitler, By Rabbi Shmuley BoteachMICHAEL Jackson Watch: Having mutated from the King of Pop to the King of Propofol, Jackson is bing painted Bad once more (geddit?).

The Sun leads with news that Jackson thought Hitler was genius. To emphasise Jackson’s respect for the mono-tested great dictator, the Sun finds a picture of Jackson with his right hand raised in a salute to the enlightened.

Readers are forgiven for thinking they have read this before – and they have in August the News of The World told us:

He was obsessed with Adolf Hitler, collected Nazi medals and scoured books about evil experiments on prisoners at Auschwitz.

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Anorak

Posted: 25th, September 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comments (15) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

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Kelly Osbourne’s Fierce Addiction to Vicodin With Britney Spears

kelly osbourne3 Kelly Osbournes Fierce Addiction to Vicodin With Britney SpearsWALKING button mushroom Kelly Osbourne has “lived under constant media scrutiny since hitting our TV screens in The Osbournes”.

It’s been hard for Kelly living under the media glare. Just how hard you can read about in Kelly’s new book Fierce, by Kelly Osbourne. And therein you can reada bout how Kelly used Vicodin, Hillbilly heroin, to beat the demons, cure the pain and get off her face.

Says the Sun:

Knocked by family tragedies including Sharon’s cancer battle, her dad’s quad bike accident and brother Jack’s drug problem, Kelly turned to prescription painkiller Vicodin.

Jacks drugs problems triggered Kelly’s drugs problems?

Here, in our first exclusive extract from her new book, Fierce, she tells how her first experiences with alcohol and prescription drugs at 13 led to a downward spiral that saw her in rehab four times in six years.

Rehab centres come with a revoling door fitted as standard. Rehab patients always seem to return for more treatment. Rehab works. A thousand rehab centres and a million therapists cannot be wrong. The entire extract is about Kelly’s drug taking. Drugs really do make you more interesting, kids. So pay attention.

My dad went into rehab the day after I was born. He was in the Betty Ford Clinic for the first three months of my life.

Are those two events connected?

There would be plenty more rehabs but little did I realise my life would be affected by addiction too.

Round and round the rehab door goes, where it stops, no-one knows.

In December 2003, Dad fell off a quad bike in the grounds of our Buckinghamshire home. At hospital he seemed OK, and kept pressing the morphine button so it would go into his system quicker - bloody typical. He pointed at the nurses and said, “Don’t let them f*** up my tattoos, Kel.”

But then he started making these gargling noises and brown bubbles came out of his mouth. There was a deafening flat-line noise coming from the machine he was attached to…

Eight days after, they took him off the ventilator. I said, “Dad, our single Changes is No1“. He held up one of his fingers. The tears poured down my cheeks.

It’s just beautiful. A life in rehab centres can be:

* As Jack and Dad were celebrating their one-year anniversary of being clean, I was checking into Promises clinic in Malibu on April 2, 2004…

* A year later, in 2005, I was having a Sunday roast with Mum and Dad and I nodded off at the table. I woke up to my parents looking over me in floods of tears. Dad was saying: “Kel, you’ve got to get help. You’ve just f***ing nodded off on us.”..

Sorry, mum and dad. It’s just the endless repetirion about dad’s drugs past, Pixie-voiced mum’s pooing dogs, Jack’s drugzzzzzz….

* I went to Las Encinas Hospital in LA and went through horrendous cold turkey again.

* They checked me into the psychiatric ward at the UCLA Medical Institution in LA, where years later Britney Spears would be sectioned.

I was there first. It was me, I tell you. Me.

* The next day the Hazelden rehab centre in Oregon collected me. It felt like I’d been in Groundhog Day since I was 16.

We know the feeling, Kelly. The repetition. The feeling of things going nowhere. The repetition. The feeling of things going nowhere. The…

Now Kelly has written a book, which may be part of her rehab, one her 12 chapters to redemption. And she proves that you don’t need Viocodin to feel relaxed and ready to nod off, you just need to talk about yourself more…

Image: 14

Anorak

Posted: 28th, August 2009 | In: Celebrities Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

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Jennifer Ansiton’s Vagina Pictures?

jennfier anistons vagina Jennifer Ansitons Vagina Pictures?DID the New York Post publish a picture of Jennifer Aniston’s vagina?

Gawker says the revealing shot is of Gerard Butler throwing Aniston in the boot of the car for a scene in their new movie The Bounty.

Aniston is setting new trends in genital flashing – showing her vagina getting into and not out of a car.

But is it even her?

Anorak has already shown you pictures of Aniston’s weathermen, whose job it is to control the weather around the greater Aniston. Aniston thought Rain Man was a great idea.

Are we to believe a woman who aims to control the weather would leave her knickers to chance?

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Anorak

Posted: 22nd, August 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

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The X Factor: How Susan Boyle Saved Emma Chawner From Ridicule

emma chawncer The X Factor: How Susan Boyle Saved Emma Chawner From RidiculeThe X Factor returns and with so does Emma Chawner, the tabloids’ “beast” who will show us that in a post-Susan Boyle world much has changed. Also, look out for a live performance from Michael Jackson

MICHAEL Jackson may not be performing on the X FACTOR this season. As we know Jackson will never be buried, securing from his nearest and dearest the birthday gift of an eternal performance at the Great Mausoleum at Forest Lawn Memorial Park in Glendale, Calif. It was never going to be easy to top the 50 dates at London 02 oxygen tent, but the Jacksons never got anywhere without thinking big.

After Britney Spears did her impression of Max Wall on last season’s X Factor, a source oozed to the tabloids:

Britney was a massive coup for Cowell. But he’s determined to raise the bar even higher and secure Jacko’s services. He is perhaps one of the few artists who could outshine Britney.”

A lifeless Jackson would doubtless out-dance Spears. But the X Factor is not about the stars, really, it is about the judges and the losers and the rejects, like Emma Chawner, the Telegraph’sTeletubby”, and the Star’s “the beast”. Emma is back for some more humiliation, says the Express.

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Anorak

Posted: 22nd, August 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, Susan Boyle Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

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Vanessa Hudgens And Zac Efron Do Katie Price And Peter

7067230 Vanessa Hudgens And Zac Efron Do Katie Price And PeterANORAK spots: Vanessa Hudgens and Zac Efron getting married, Levi Johnston naked, Peter Andre misses Katie Price, Britney Spears does the doggy and N-Dubz in panto…

* VANESSA Hudgens and Zac Efron are getting married, to each other.

Says Hudgens:

“Zac likes me in bright red lipstick. I am his one true vamp!”

Just bright red lipstick and nothing else. But there is hope for you teens that the wedding might not happen and Zac/Vanessa can be yours:

“We haven’t set a date and if we did we’d keep it secret for as long as possible. Why? What if one of us was offered a major film part? Then we’d have to postpone our marriage and people would say we’d split up. And we don’t want that.”

Teenagers with links to the film biz are right now pestering mum and dad to given Zac and Vanessa parts in film that keep them miles apart. “Dad, I think Zac would be great with Sienna Miller”; “Mum, Vanessa is puurrfect for Kabul Road Rage 3000” - Showbiz Spy

* Former Sarah Palin son-in-law Levi Johnston says he may pose nude if the price is right.

“It depends on the money, man.”

And if they make a sequel… - USA Mag

* According to TMZ, Britney Spears’ new head weave makes her a ringer for “Dog the Bounty Hunter” star Duane ‘Dog’ Chapman.

If the hair gets together, it may breed and create a Kajagoogoo tribute act - TMZ

* Peter Andre proves how much he has moved on from Katie Price by telling viewers of his sentimental show Going It Alone that he is missing Katie Price.

“I do miss her. I hate missing her, I hate it. Funny thing is, I don’t even know what I miss, because there was so much bad.”

Has he stopped talking about her long enough to notice she’s not there? - Digital Spy

* N-dubz do panto

There’s also a little poison – on one song, Dappy disses a “bisexual prick” and blames him for spreading Aids – but a little marketable homophobia never did Eminem any harm. Despite this, it’s all strangely family friendly. There’s a bit of larking about in boxing robes to the “Eye of the Tiger” riff, and Dappy gets the crowd to chant “Fazer is a plonker”. They stop just short of soliciting a “He’s behind you!!!”.

Whatever your preconceptions, N-Dubz’s urban panto is fun for all ages …. - Indy

Behind you - no, not that close, batty boy…

Anorak

Posted: 16th, August 2009 | In: Celebrities Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

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Megan Fox, Sarah Palin And Miley Cyrus Break Out At The Teen Choice Awards

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7692220THE Teen Choice Awards is not a Government-run anti-drugs, anti-sex, anti-smoking campaign, but an awards show presented annually by FOX. Teens aged 13–19 vote for their idols.

And there is a special award to Kathy Griffin for snuggling up to Levi Johnston (pictured), who squired Sarah Palin’s daughter. If Kathy can just dye her hair and wear some pig lipstick, this could be the real thing.

Treading the green grass carpet are the Twilight cast (Robert Pattison, Kristen Stewart, Taylor Lautner, Ashley Greene, Nikki Reed and Kellan Lutz) and such notables as David Beckham, Hayden Panettiere, Zac Efron, Britney Spears, Rupert The Bear, Rumur Willis, Megan Fox, Cameron Diaz, The Kardashians, Vanessa Hudgens, Jennifer Morrison, Keke Palmer, Gary Glitter, Alexis Bledel, Chace Crawford, Leighton Meester, Pitt The Younger, Ellen DeGeneres, Miley Cyrus, and Ashley Tisdale. (Anyone missed was also there.)

And with more than 85 awards to dish out, there’s one for everyone. It’s less of an award than a going home present.

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Anorak

Posted: 10th, August 2009 | In: Celebrities Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

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Angelina Jolie Topless Pictures

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statues edwards Angelina Jolie Topless PicturesDANIEL Edwards’ sculpture of Angelina Jolie - ‘Landmark For Breastfeeding’ - portrays the mother-of-six naked and breastfeeding two babies while seated.

The babes are Knox and Vivienne, immortalised in W magazine’s cover shot, and by Anorak’s pal 14. Jolie has, famously, another four nipples, but with swine flu fears rife, they are hidden form view.

On day the nipples will seep milk and Jolie’s worshippers will come from miles around to fill their own jugs, spreading the heeling potion the world over.

The craven image is aimed to coincide with World Breastfeeding Week, in which breast milk fetishists can safely emerge into polite society, and anyone mum feeding their child with a bottle will be stared at and made to feel uncomfortable.

Sandy Wilson of Phantom-Financial, the outfit behind the artwork says:

We believe the statue sends a beautiful message by promoting the acceptance of public breastfeeding. Mothers should be encouraged to nurture their babies anywhere.”

Nothing screams acceptance better than a huge statue of celebrity’s milky bosom.

Pictures of this work and Edwards’ other statures of Britney Spears, Nadya Suleman, Suri Cruise’s poo,  Oprah Winfrey, Prince Harry, Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama hereunder:

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Anorak

Posted: 5th, August 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

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Tattoo With Real Silicon Breast Implants

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tattoo 1 Tattoo With Real Silicon Breast ImplantsPICTURES here of a man having actual silicon implants added to his tattoo of a pneumatic woman up the ante for tattoo enthusiasts, Jordan fans, tribute acts and any other man keen to won huge pair of breasts.

Tattoos as tributes, tattoos on the face and tattoos as adverts have all been tried. But as yet no-one has implanted a voice box into their tattoo and enabled it to speak, or added some animatronics to enable that naked woman to actually dry hump that anchor.

Also look out for those zig-zaggy green tattoos favoured by backpackers and men who wear sandal in cities to shimmer like waving grass.

Or how about tattoos that rotate and advertise a product to suit the mood?

There are a myriad ways to announce to the world that you are desperately in search of an identity.

Much yet to try…

Note: The same effect can be experinced at numerous Russian clinics where all manner of matter can be left stiched into the human body, for a fee.

Gallery:

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Anorak

Posted: 2nd, August 2009 | In: Strange But True Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

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Michael Jackson Died Three Times And Jennifer Aniston Is Pregnant

7639303THIS Week In The National Enquirer: Michael Jackson died three times, Jennifer Aniston is pregnant, Britney Spears kidnap fears and Jessica Simpson deflates…

Jennifer Ansiton tells Brad Pitt she’s pregnant

“JEN’S BABY NEWS STUNS BRAD! - Jen tells Brad I think I’m pregnant”

Has Gerard Butler, Jen’s new co-star, left her with child? Well, possibly. A source says Jennifer told Brad that she was late on her monthly cycle and that might mean that she was pregnant, or not. Either way it’s huge news.

And it’s getting huger. Having told the world that Jen is embroiled in a “steamy affair” with the aforesaid Butler, readers are asked to wonder who might be the father of the baby that Jennifer Aniston might be having, or not…

Jessica Simpson Jilted Again!

jessica simpson2 Michael Jackson Died Three Times And Jennifer Aniston Is PregnantIt’s ambulatory inflatable doll Jessica Simpson, who has been dumped by Dallas Cowboy’s quarterback Tony Romo.

“Tony Romo was looking for just the right moment to finally get Jessica Simpson out of his life – and he found it at an international House of Pancakes in the middle of Texas!”

He waited for her to go to the syrup trough and hid behind a tall stack..?

The story goes that Romo pulled over and told Simpson to get out his car. She did. He drove off. She bounced around waiting for help…

Question of the week: Is Kevin Federline’s girlfriend pregnant?

The Enquirer says Vitoria Prince “felt sick while having lunch with Kevin”.

Anyone else feel sick when the see K-Ferret? Best get a pregnancy kit, or a paper bag?

Britney Spears Kidnap Horror!

“Singer terrified her kids will be KIDNAPPED OR KILLED”.

Kids views on matter not known.

“Michael Jackson died 3 times in 18 months – Before final overdose!”

The Enquirer says Jackson’s heart stopped beating a hears from a source:

“You have to wonder if it was all a game for Michael. Did he get some bizarre enjoyment when he flatlined or ‘died’? Maybe in his mind he thought things were beautiful on the other side…

“Once after doctors finally managed to wake him up, Michael said he’ had died and gone to heaven and it felt good.”

Suicide?

Now read on…

Image: 14

Anorak

Posted: 28th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

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Candy Spelling Writes Tori Spelling Into Her Paris Hilton Sitcom

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candy spelling Candy Spelling Writes Tori Spelling Into Her Paris Hilton SitcomCANDY Spelling, widowed wife of Hollywood legend Aaron Spelling, is using the corporate gossip site TMZ to reach out to her daughter Tori Spelling - who remains famous for the most audacious acting performance of all time when she played the blonde everyone fancied in Beverly Hills 90210, a show produced by her dad.

Now Candy Spelling is writing another chapter in her own sitcom. Candy is a woman of letters. As 14 points out:

She accused Britney Spears of being “famous for hideous, irresponsible actions“, informed Paris Hilton that she’s not as entitled as her money implies, and called Joe Francis a “poster boy for what happens when boys go wild“. Joe Francis lonely old woman living in a mansion full of 300 cats jumping around in their own feces.  didn’t take Candy’s advice lightly - he wrote back, speculating the she was a

The email begins:

TO: MIDDLE-AGED REALITY SHOW STARS (LIKE MY DAUGHTER)
FROM: CANDY SPELLING

I Know many middle-aged people have issues about their parents and their upbringing. I did. My memories didn’t match all those of my mother, and, funny thing, it’s the same way with my daughter.

Read the rest of this entry »

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Anorak

Posted: 26th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

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Russian Teen Gets Britney Spears Tattoo On Chest

britney tattoo Russian Teen Gets Britney Spears Tattoo On ChestIRIAN Savina so loves Britney Spears that she travelled from Yekaterinburg to Moscow to see singer dry hump a pole and lip synch. She also got a tattoo of the performer on her chest.

Well, that’s what the press says. The tattoo could be of a young Brigitte Bardot or Limahl from Kajagoogoo.

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Anorak

Posted: 20th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

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