X Factor: Using Susan Boyle To Cast Jedward As Victims
SUSAN Boyle is to sing a live pre-recorded song on the X Factor, and in readiness he has brushed up alongside Jedward, the Duracell Gonk act that we’re calling Jeadful.
Can some of Susan Boyle trademark victim status helps Jedward win the vote? The Mail gives us:
Susan Boyle has been giving advice to X Factor twins John and Edward Grimes to help them to deal with the abuse they are getting.
They should tell people to “f*** off”? A source explains:
“People have said John and Edward are like a freak show, which is what they were saying about Susan.”
Posted: 22nd, November 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Susan Boyle: Heaven Endorses Album
SUSAN Boyle Watch: The hairy Angel’s debut album become the biggest CD pre-order in the history of global online retailer Amazon.
Amazon as founded 14-year ago – and Susan Boyle has given it the online retailer it 14th press release about which album has been its most pre-ordered of the year.
Posted: 20th, November 2009 | In: Susan Boyle Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Mariah Carey Wants To Be Susan Boyle, In Pictures
MARIAH Carey wanted 20 white kittens to accompany her as she turned on the lights in the Westfield shopping centre, London. If Susan Boyle can do all that with one cat, Mariah needs 20. The world will be hers.
She also wanted 100 white doves, presumably to give the kittens something to kill while they waited the big moment. She was denied on both counts. There can be only one Susan Boyle. What Carey did get was a big Blue Peter wand made from KitKat wrappers and a bent coat hanger and lots of “butterfly-shaped” confetti scraped up from a wedding party at nearby Willesden Magistrates Court. The pictures:
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Posted: 20th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
I’m A Celebrity: Jan Moir Is The Daily Mail’s Katie Price
I’M A Celebrity, With Jan Moir and Katie Price. Jan Moir, last seen trashing Stephen Gately in print, now has a turn on Katie Price. Reading the piece, Anorak cannot but help think that Moir has confused her private diary with her work.
Is she talking about Katie Price or herself? Let’s take a look:
Sweet kangaroo cutlets, what have we here? Katie Price back in the jungle again? I’m afraid so. I’m very, very afraid so. On Monday evening, the former topless model, sex pest, author and freshly divorced mother-of-three returned to I’m A Celebrity … Get Me Out Of Here!
That’s the pursed-lipped preamble, the diatribe equipped with one large colour picture of Katie in a bikini and in the shower for the newspaper and three pictures for web fans. Moir goes on:
Five years on from her first appearance in the reality show, shot on location in the Australian rainforest, Price is the first contestant to be invited to return.
It’s six years, Jan. Katie Price was on the show in 2003. Back to the professional writer:
Already she has reflected the, ahem, prestige and dignity of her jungle homecoming by wearing animal-print clothes that are tighter than anything the animals ever managed. She also thrashed around in a filthy swamp, washed her breasts in public and offered to give everyone a massage.
See pictures of tight clothes and much thrashing in the Daily Mail.
Posted: 18th, November 2009 | In: Key Posts, Media Comments (6) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
SUSAN Boyle Watch: In readiness for another chance to sing before Simon Cowell, this time on the X Factor, Susan Boyle tells of her mum, being beaten up and her bullying hell.
The Mirror’s front page screams: “I was beaten every day.”
By whom? Simon Cowell? Amanda Holden? JLS?
“TV sensation tells of her childhood nightmare.”
The Britain’s Got Talent star says she was lashed with a belt every day by brutal teachers and cruelly taunted by other kids. She said: “You’re looking at someone who would get the belt every day. ‘Will you Shut up, Susan!’ – whack!”
Bullying is bad, says Susan. Has she any advice?
“For anybody who has that type of problem I’d tell them to see a teacher now - but I didn’t do it.
Posted: 17th, November 2009 | In: Susan Boyle Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Sharon Osbourne NOT As Sexy As Susan Boyle: Official
SUSAN Boyle and Sharon Osboune in sex death match horror: THERE are debates that can rage for eons:
* Who is Posher, Victoria Beckham or Rebecca Loos?
* Is John Grimes a better singer than Edward Grimes?
* Is EastEnders more authentic than Coronation Street?
And to this list we add another question:
Is Susan Boyle sexier than Sharon Osbourne?
Posted: 11th, November 2009 | In: Key Posts, Susan Boyle Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Susan Boyle Engaged To Be Married, In Pictures
SUSAN Boyle Watch: Susan’s first true love. Dancing With The Stars and a nervous breakdown.
Daily Mirror: “Britain’s Got Talent winner Susan Boyle on pain of her lost love”
She: “HAD A BOYFRIEND WHO PROPOSED..HE BROKE MY HEART”
What did he propose?
Never-been-kissed singing sensation Susan Boyle has revealed she DID once have a boyfriend.
Posted: 8th, November 2009 | In: Susan Boyle Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
X Factor Live Blog: Olly Murs Marries And Danyl Johnson Does Prince Over
IT’S Movie Week. Or as Dermot O’Leary shouts it: “IT’S…MOVIE WEEK.” O’Leary looks like someone warming up for the actual presenter. He’s all contrived shouting and big pauses.
First up is Stacey Solomon singing Son Of a Preacher Man.
Cheryl says: “It’s greeet ta see yous lookin’ soooo sesssy ‘nd yung. Ai thawght thaht waz yours moust con-fee-dint perfaw-mince.”
Simon Cowell has tken to leaning well back in the chair. Does it make him look taller? Discuss.
Olly Murs - “the incredible” Olly Murs - the man with the name like a contagion is up. He’s singing Twist & Shout. And he’s… pretty good. He’s like both of Jedward in a sober suit. When Olly gets married, he’ll sing that song. Like that. He might sing it at other people’s weddings as well. Price on application.
Lloyd Daniels now. Lloyd Danielzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Stand By Me. Simon is talkign through it. Llloyd is still singing. He might still be singing. It’s like being stuck in a lift with an amnesiac yodeller. Sta-a-a-a-and By me-e-e-e. Staaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand. Byme.
Dannii says Daniel is “nice”. He is damned.
Jamie Archer - Not Unchaiii-ned Mel-odeeee. Who is Mel Ody? And why is he chained up? Jamie does not explain. Cryyyyyy-in’ Over You.
He’s the best yet. Still, his hair and face don’t match. On a brighter note, he’s worth loads…
Lucie Jones is showing us “exactly” who she is. She’s Lucie Jones. Or as Dermot would put it: “She’s… LUCIE JONES!” It’s pop. It sounds like the music played over the closing credits of a film, or the boring bit in the middle when you really, really need the toilet. Go to the toilet. It’s forgettable.
Danyl Johnson is doing Prince. He’s had his hair cut. He looks like he’s not doing an impression of Prince. Cheryl Cole likes his “demean-er”. She doesn’t like cockiness. Which is why she’s still married to Ashley Cole.
Jedward - Ghostbusters. The most overrated underrated act. Peter Andre appears to make Jedward look talented. Horrific. Jedward are hanging from a rearview mirror. There is every trick used to distract you from Jedward. What’s in the backpacks? LSD? Gunk? Simon Cowell’’s next tan?
Louis Walsh says they’ve cured the recession. You know, like Susan Boyle did.
Joe - Dull.
Posted: 7th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comments (7) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Katie Price’s Burning Sensation X Factor Presents The Week In Pictures
WHAT a week that was, folks. We saw Gary Glitter’s Halloween costume, a man was beaten to death on the telly for our entertainment, The Cheeky Girls encouraged thoughts of them mating with X Factor’s Jedward and creating a new breed of horror, Madonna sanitized Africa, police arrested West Ham, Stephen Fry fans pretending to be actors, had a strop on Twitter, X Factor agonist Danyl Johnson was beaten by Hitler, giving us another reason to hate Danyl with a Y, Marlon King was branded a typical footballer, you got to cover your cat’s anus with a glitter ball, Muslims laughed at Muslims, Ollie Murs reminded us of them, Iggy Pop, Muhammad reminded us of corduroy bodysuits, starred in a film as John Travolta, we blamed the Muslims for Madeleine McCann, Al Gore became a God, Daily Mail readers came out in favour of Sharia LawNazis and , we learnt that a virus can wear bovver boots, was burnt as a bitch, Katie PriceSusan Boyle was our transsexual Jesus, Lindsay Lohan died, almost, Ringo Starr became something funny in the water, we saw the Carrie Prejean sex tape, Katie and Peter got back together, we enjoyed blood porn, Sharon Osbourne presented her hairy arsehole, Jedward reviewed their novelty record collection, Elizabeth LambertBeyonce made us watch women’s football- and it was good, showed us her knickers and Nidal Malik Hasan became a victim as he murdered 13 people.
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Posted: 7th, November 2009 | In: Key Posts, Media Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Britain’s Got Talent Hollie Steel Guns For X Factor’s John And Edward
HOLLIE Steel. Remember her? The little girl in the ballerina’s tutu who sang like an old woman running her teeth down a blackboard on Britain’s Got Talent? No, not the X Factor.
The other telly show with Simon Cowell sat behind a teachers’ desk. Hollie’s one who, allegedly, ate Susan Boyle’s hamster and was bullied? Hollie’s the one who nearly died?
Well news is that Hollie is aiming to be Top of The Pops this Christmas:
“The 10-year-old from Huncoat has an exciting two months ahead of her as she prepares to release a festive single which will go head to head with the winner of the X Factor for the Christmas number one spot.”
If Jedward don’t sing Ebeneezer Good, then Hollie must.
Posted: 6th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Surrey Artist Poos And Wipes Arse On Bible
IN the Vancouver suburb of Surrey, a 33-year-old man is in need of urgent relief.
He is at a party. He is drunk. It is Halloween. So he poos on the seat of a car and wipes himself clean on a handy Bible.
Cleanliness is next to godliness.
Posted: 6th, November 2009 | In: Strange But True Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Susan Boyle Watch: Sharon Osbourne Knows A Hairy Arsehole When She Sees One
SUSAN Boyle Watch: Pixie-voiced Sharon Osbourne, mother to singing button mushroom Kelly Osbourne and spoilt brat Jack Osbourne, wife to vibrating popstar Ozzy, is on the radio talking about Susan Boyle:
“I like everybody to do well. Even somebody that looks like a slapped arse with a moustache. God bless her. It’s like, ‘You go girl’. She does look like a hairy arsehole.”
Is this something Sharon is expert in spotting?
“She’s a lovely lady, but she needs a Gillette razor. [God] gave her the talent. Yes he did. [And] he hit her with a f**king ugly stick.”
Posted: 5th, November 2009 | In: Susan Boyle Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Susan Boyle Is My Transsexual Jesus
SUSAN Boyle Watch: A few hundred protestors are massed outside Glasgow’s Tron Theatre, where the big show is Jesus, Queen of Heaven, featuring Christ as a transsexual woman.
Who knew that the Glasgay! festival could be controversial?
Placards are waved:
“Jesus, King of Kings, Not Queen of Heaven.”
“God: My Son Is Not A Pervert.”
Posted: 4th, November 2009 | In: Susan Boyle Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Sentimental Boyzone Record Stephen Gately Tribute Album
WHERE once there was only dignity, there is to be an album to remember Stephen Gately by. The four remaining members of Boyzone are to release an album as a tribute to the singer.
Boyzone are telling Sky News that Stephen Gately had already featured on two songs for the group’s latest album. Ronan Keating explains how the death of Stephen Gately is in danger of becoming a media advertorial:
“He was so excited about this, he actually texted me just before he went out on the night he died and he said he couldn’t wait to get started. I had never seen Stephen so full of life, so happy, so healthy and just so alive.”
If there is a time for sentimentalism it is surely after a friend has died. But by telling the press, things can appear mawkish. Placing the death in the context of a marketable new album can look opportunistic. Can Boyzone stick to talking about the music and not tug the heartstrings? Or will the death of Stephen Gately just become part of the show, a form of entertainment? Keith Duffy adds:
“We got our sleeping bags out and we lay there telling stories and laughing at the memories, it was peaceful and it was perfect.
“The next day when the hearse was leaving for the crematorium and people threw roses down for Stephen, well I don’t think I have ever seen anything more beautiful in all my life.”
Posted: 1st, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Susan Boyle’s Celtic Miserables Introduce The Week In Pictures
THE week in pictures, introduced by Susan Boyle and Celtic FC:
Britain’s Got Talent contestant Susan Boyle in the crowd for the UEFA Europa League Group Match match at Celtic Park, Glasgow.
Posted: 23rd, October 2009 | In: Media Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Anorak Wraps Up The Week When Lindsay Lohan Died And Nick Griffin Forgot His Lines
THAT was the week when: Lindsay Lohan died, Nick Griffin twitched, Cheryl Cole had the Y Factor, India’s call centre workers exploded, Stephen Gately died - again; Madeleine McCann became a mascot - but not a Halloween outfit - and James Arthur Ray didn’t break sweat…
Sunday October 19:
Only Video Of Anne Frank Emerges
Cheryl Cole’s X Factor Lap Dance Undoes Whitney Houston’s Dress
Someone should have told Whitney Houston that you don’t need a wardrobe malfunction to be British pop star, you just need to come on stage dressed as a lap dancer and get mum, dad and the kids to clap along.
Indian BT Worker ‘Bombs’ British Customer’s House
“I’m disgusted that something like this can happen with such a respected company. The whole thing has been upsetting. It doesn’t get much worse than someone - a stranger - saying he is going to blow you up.”
Posted: 23rd, October 2009 | In: Key Posts, Media Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Celtic’s Susan Boyle Moment: In Pictures
SUSAN Boyle Watch: Better than Celtic…
Posted: 23rd, October 2009 | In: Susan Boyle Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Stephen Gately Death Film: Voodoo, Hearts And Livestock
STEPHEN Gately has died. Mark McGowan has a theory as to how a Stephen Gately died. His theory takes in livestock, bleeding hearts and voodoo.
When he’s not sniffing peanut butter, McGowan is turning his dream into a film.
The media teaches us Gately died from being Irish, gay, married, depressed, suicidal, not all the well, drunk and – what was that Jan Moir? – oh, yes, unnatural.
Let’s see which theory stacks up:
STEPHEN GATELY.
THEY DON’T NOW HOW HE DIED.
BUT I THINK.
DEEP DOWN INSIDE
WE DO
IT WAS
VOODOO
His heart was ripped out by voodoo. Jan Moir was only right in part. And unlike her homo-erotic fantasy, McGowan has video proof…
STEPHEN GATELY VOODOO from LIVE ART TV on Vimeo.
Stephen Gately’s Funeral - in pictures
Jan Moir Tribute Video: Do The Yes
Stephen Gately Gives Jan Moir Her Susan Boyle Moment
How ‘Loathsome’ Jan Moir Buried Herself And Stephen Gately
Jan Moir’s Statement On Stephen Gately ‘Gay Bashing’ Article in Full
Stephen Gately’s Death Becomes A Tale Of Gay Sex, Homophobia And ‘Murder’
Posted: 22nd, October 2009 | In: Media Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Stephen Gately In Gay ‘Blackmail’ Plot And ‘Third Man’ Flees
STEPHEN Gately Watch: the former Boyzone singer is fondly remembered by The Sun.
In 1999 Stephen showed huge courage in coming out as gay. He endured a homophobic backlash for the rest of his short life - The Sun
No kidding. The Sun has more to say on Stephen Gately, who was, in case you missed it, gay. As The Sun wrote in 2008:
IT seems like only yesteryear when boybands were ordered not to have girlfriends and coerced into hiding homosexuality so they could sell more records.
But things have changed. And they have changed thanks in part to The Sun:
Stephen, who just a week ago attended a London awards bash before singing at a cabaret night in Soho, shocked the showbiz world in 1999 when he was the first boyband star to bravely come out as gay. He took the decision to “out” himself in The Sun in June of that year.
The Sun headline was “Stephen: ‘I’m gay and I’m in love’”.
Thanks to Anorak reader Karen we are offered a reason as to why Gately chose to come out in The Sun:
In a May 31, 1999 article entitled: “MY SON WAS BULLIED INTO ADMITTING HE IS GAY; Mum blast The Sun over ‘blackmail’”, Stephen Gateley’s mum Margaret offered her version of events:
Cleaning lady Margaret Gately hit out at what she called “blackmail” by The Sun - who persuaded Stephen to admit his secret sexuality by saying a member of the band’s roadcrew had approached them to sell the story…
Stephen wasn’t ashamed about his sexuality - but he never wanted people to know about it.
“Because it was always his own business, and that is the way it should be. I think what has happened is blackmail. I always thought my children should never be pressurised. “But Stephen has been bullied into doing this.”
Posted: 21st, October 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Is Susan Boyle Pregnant In Time For Christmas 2009?
SUSAN Boyle to have a Christmas TV special. A panto?
Oh, no she won’t!
Oh yes she will.
Get Pebbles. Like Dick Whittington, she must turn again for London!
Reports are that Susan will perform in front of celebrities for a festive “An Audience with Susan Boyle”.
Susan Boyle will appear before what is still called “a live studio audience” of celebs to answer questions from the likes of Amanda Holden, Cheryl Cole, Chris Biggins, Piers Morgan and (did we mention Amanda Holden?) and DJ Talent between songs?
A source tells the News of the World:
“Everyone is really excited about the show. With the huge worldwide appeal of Susan, the show could be screened right across the globe and potentially be one of the biggest ratings successes for ITV ever.”
Posted: 19th, October 2009 | In: Key Posts, Susan Boyle Comments (5) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
- Magalie on X Factor: Jedward, John & Edward Grimes, Are Voted Out At Last
- Natalie on X Factor: Jedward, John & Edward Grimes, Are Voted Out At Last
- Anisa on X Factor: Jedward, John & Edward Grimes, Are Voted Out At Last
- JEAN PAGE on I’m A Celebrity: Katie Price To Marry ‘Dumped’ Alex Reid In Jungle
- Stephanie on X Factor: Using Susan Boyle To Cast Jedward As Victims
