BUTTOCK implants gone wrong. The video: (More here.)
THE Spanish model with the generous boobage and bumage walking through Rome airport has 2.5kilograms of neat cocaine hidden in her false breasts and buttock implants. She is wearing tight clothes to accentuate her figure.
The uniformed Italians not only spot her but call her over for a frisk.
The woman, who arrived on a flight from Sao Paulo, Brazil, might have gotten away with in Holland or Tokyo. But in Italy, she never stood a chance. Her goose was cooked.
THE French false breast scandal is growing. The grim news is that false breast manufacturer Poly Implant Prosthesis had been cutting corners to save costs, using industrial silicone instead of medical-grade padding. An estimated 30,000 women in France are affected by the stuff commonly used in computers as an electrical insulator. That’s one tenth of the world total of people wearing cheap PIP implants. The British Association of Aesthetic Plastic Surgeons (Baaps!) estimates 50,000 British women could have the faulty implants.
Worse still, the implants are known to leak.
Women are protesting outside the French health ministry.
COCO Austin is heading to your closet. Throw out the romper suits, the shoulder pads and the back panels and hinges – Coco, the walking Chateau Beauvais armoire has fashions. Coco’s range is called Licious – because anything can be licious: Bootylicious, Rooneylicious, Talibanlicious and so on…
HAVE you heard the one… well, two about Kim Kardashian having implants in her buttocks to make it more, y’know, buttocky? That’s the rumour that has dogged Kim K for years now, and so, to prove she’s in possession of a completely real arse, she’s x-rayed it and shared it with the world.
As a dare from her sisters Khloe and Kourtney (who, collectively, are less famous that the very arse-cheeks they were displaying to the world) the soon-to-married star of no fixed talent got someone to photograph the inside of her backside in an attempt prove people who don’t believe in Kim’s bum wrong.
Plastic surgeons have seen a surge in women asking for a “Pippa” since the royal wedding.
THE terrorists are making exploding breasts to kill us all. Do not hug a burka. Richard Bartholomew investigates a tabloid scare story:
FEMALE suicide bombers are being fitted with exploding breast implants which are almost impossible to detect, British spies have reportedly discovered.
…Terrorist expert Joseph Farah claims: “Women suicide bombers recruited by al-Qaeda are known to have had the explosives inserted in their breasts under techniques similar to breast enhancing surgery.”
…Hours after [the underpants bomber] had failed, Britain’s intelligence services began to pick up “chatter” emanating from Pakistan and Yemen that alerted MI5 to the creation of the lethal implants.
I dealt with this back at the start of February. In early January, a Forbes columnist speculated on the possibility of bomb breast implants, noting that Ayman al-Zawahiri “was a prominent gynecologist before dedicating his life to death and destruction”.
A reader’s letter to the Ottumwa Courier made the same suggestion the next day. A few weeks later, the idea was picked up by the Daily Mail, which added the detail about the “chatter” and that “male bombers would have the explosive secreted near their appendix or in their buttocks” (The hapless Patrick Mercer also provided an obligatory quote).
‘WHILE women dash out to have Ulrika implants sewn inside their stomachs (just as they had Jennifer Lopez buttock replacement therapy to make them look like a Renault Megane in trousers), they should consider Demi Moore.
|Demi plans to turn her old knees into novelty ashtrays|
After the Mails chatter about Ulrika, the paper turns its attention to the Hollywood actress and most particularly her knees.
Nora Batty once told Compo that her tights were not sagging, just her legs – and the Mail zooms in on Demis pins and sees a certain amount of skin ride.
The verdict is that having spent a fortune on cosmetic surgery to make her body as taught as a snare drum, Demi foolishly forgot to see to her knees.
The paper uses words like sagging, floppy and drooping to describe the offending articles, which, like Cliff Richards neck, give away the owners true age.
The remedy is not all that simple indeed, it will require immediate and perhaps even painful surgery, especially for the knee donor, a small Albanian boy called Wayne.
Well, he says he always dreamed of going to America…’