X Factor: Cheryl Cole’s Sauna, Dannii Minogue’s Playboy Photos And Stacey Solomon’s Police Escort
X FACTOR Watch: Anorak’s at-a-glance look at the X Factor in the news: Cheryl Cole’s mirrored sauna, Dannii Minogue’s Playboy gift, Stacey Solomon’s police escort, Dizzee Rascal and bring back Top of the Pops…
More magazine: “Cheryl Cole : My ‘nemesis’ will get me”
“Looking into her crystal ball of pop she says: ‘My job is make-believe and at the end of the make-believe I’ll always have family. So if I’m blessed, touch wood, I’d love a big family.’”
Cheryl Cole is just over 5ft tall; her husband Ashley Cole is “small”.
Daily Express: “CHERYL’S SECRET POOL PLAN IS SUNK”
CHERYL COLE has lost a battle to build a hidden swimming pool to protect her from Peeping Toms. The X Factor judge wanted an underground gym and pool at her £3.5million home to save her being ogled by photographers and fans.
It’s curtains for Cheryl’s dreams of privacy.
Cheryl and her husband, Chelsea footballer Ashley Cole, are now expected to build the gym and pool – complete with sauna, spa, steam room and bar – above ground in the 12 acres around their home.
Posted: 29th, October 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
BNP Leader Nick Griffin On Question Time: Oddballs, Exposure And A Riot
NICK Griffin, monocular leader of the BNP, is to appear on BBC’s Question Time politics show. You can read what we think of it here and here. But what says the media? What says the media about the BBC’s decision to make its moribund TV show interesting?
The front pages:
“Why even the BNP leader’s wife thinks he is a weirdo” – Mail
“BBC chief: We were right to allow BNP on Question Time” – Guardian
“BNP: Thank you auntie for giving us such a boost” – The Times
“Riot fear over BNP talk show” – Daily Star
Nick Griffin The Man
Daily Mail, Dominic Carman: “DOMINIC CARMAN: A deeply disturbing encounter with the BNP’s Nick Griffin - and the wife who thinks he’s an oddball”
Jackie [Griffin's wife] pulls no punches when it comes to her husband. The former district nurse later revealed some extraordinary home truths about the couple’s marriage.
“My mother thinks he could do with a damned good slap,’ she confided in me, adding: ‘Nick’s parents taught him that the sun rose and set in his a***. He never had to do anything at home and was told he was always right, he can do everything and he’s wonderful.”
They first met in Suffolk in 1978: she was 15, he was 19 and friends with her sister’s boyfriend.
“Nick was an oddball, never part of the gang,” she says.
Sing along: Nick Griffin is only one oddball, the other is in the…
After graduating in 1980, Griffin worked full time for the National Front.
“I thought he would grow out of it,” says Jackie. “I was earning money, he wasn’t - what a fool I was.”
The couple married in 1985. Joe Pearce, best man at their wedding, was imprisoned twice for inciting race hatred. The Griffins lived on state benefits for more than a year.
“I worked my a*** off trying to keep us going,’ Jackie moaned. “I’ve been… working to keep us going financially and bring up four children while he’s spent his time playing at stupid politics. To Nick, it’s all a game.’
Meanwhile, In Scotland…
The Herald: “BBC ‘bent over backwards’ to accommodate BNP leader”
Mike Russell, the Scottish Culture Minister, said of the decision to invite MEP Nick Griffin, the BNP leader, on to the flagship show tonight: “BBC managers in London must explain why they are bending over backwards to accommodate this overtly racist party, which has absolutely no standing north of the Border.”
Posted: 22nd, October 2009 | In: Key Posts, Politicians Comments (14) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Manchester Police Can’t Identify CCTV Thief
IN Greater Manchester – the imperial powerhouse of the North – a thief is stealing a CCTV camera.
That’s him with the missing front teeth, climbing a ladder to steal a £1,000 CCTV camera from the Trafford Retail Park.
He’s Britain’s “daftest thief”. What a wally. The police must take about a minute catching him. Well, no. The idiot has confounded minds at the thickish blue line. The raid took place about a year ago, and whether from embarrassment or desperation, the cops have only now released his likeness.
Posted: 9th, September 2009 | In: Strange But True Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
New Kari Ann Peniche Sex Tape Emerges: Video
MORE news on that TV doctor Eric Dane non-sex sex tape as Kari Ann Peniche goes on the record.
Kari Ann Penish has issued a statement saying that she wants to be left lone, that her child abandonment issues mean she can no longer take a bath with less then two other people (mum? dad?) and that she thought Dr Dane could cure her.
No, not really.
Before Kari Ann poses for lads mags dressed as a kinky nurse, she wants the world to know that she only found out about the tape when Dane called her. Dane wanted to know if her former roommate on the show “Celebrity Rehab“, a country singer called Mindy McCready, had leaked the video?
Posted: 22nd, August 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Susan Boyle Watch: Britain’s Got Tourette’s
SUSAN Boyle Watch - In which Susan Boyle behaves like a holidaymaker in London and tells coppers, Piers Morgan and Shaheen Jafargholi to fuck off.
“SuBo goes loco”, screams the Sun. “Britain’s Got bad language,” announces the Mirror.
RANTING Susan Boyle completely lost her cool with TWO four-letter outbursts in a day, The Sun can reveal.
Posted: 28th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, Susan Boyle Comments (26) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Katie Price’s Ex Lover Goes With A Bang
DAY Whatever of the Katie Price and Peter Andre divorce and news that Katie’s old flame Dane Bowers and a sex tape…
The Sun: “MY Night with Jordan: Ex-lover Dane nicked near her mansion”
Her mansion. Is that euphemism?
“Huge bang at 4am as Dane stays with Jordan“
JORDAN’S ex-lover Dane Bowers told cops he had been with HER — after being nicked for suspected drink-driving at 4am yesterday. Cops rushed to Jordan’s mansion after neighbours heard a “huge bang” at 4am — and found Bowers.
Posted: 27th, May 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Chris Lewis Presents Britain’s Jailed Sportsmen
FORMER England cricketer Chris Lewis has been found guilty of smuggling cocaine into Britain, having carried the drug inside his cricket bag on a flight to the UK from St Lucia.
Croydon Crown Court heard that Lewis had on him cans of fruit and vegetable juice containing dissolved cocaine with a street value of more than £140,000.
In hindsight, such capers always seem foolish: the recognisable face walking through customs will not be stopped by an official looking to experience the thrill of meeting a celebrity; and on his person he carries the exotica of canned vegetable juice.
Posted: 20th, May 2009 | In: Key Posts, Sports Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Ian Tomlinson Is Related To Jade Goody
IAN Tomlinson is now the subject of heated debate. He did not die in vain - his death is, very possibly, earning jobbing hacks more money than he earned in a lifetime as they fill space with opinions on how an innocent man was beaten up byu the polcie and then dropped dead not long after.
A smiling Amanda Platell sees it her job to tell Mail readers:
There is no way that I can defend the masked police officer caught on video striking a man on the back of his legs with a steel baton and then shoving him so hard that he fell to the ground. The man subsequently died of a heart attack.
Posted: 11th, April 2009 | In: Key Posts, Media Comments (16) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Harry Potter Actor Arrested For Drugs
HARRY Potter actor Jamie Waylett, aka Hogwarts pupil Vincent Crabbe, has been arrested after police allegedly found cannabis worth £2,000 in his bedroom.
Waylett caught the eye of London’s Celebrity Police Service suspicion when he was driving about the city in a “car”.
To his home in Camden North London, and failing to spot Amy Winehouse or even Peter Doherty, the CPS make do with nicking Waylett and confiscating, as is alleged, ten mature cannabis plants valued at around £2,000.
Posted: 8th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Amy Winehouse Serenades Jade Goody
AMY Winehouse has been away. No, not collared by the Celebrity Police Service. Winehouse has been away in the Caribbean.
While you were watching Jade Goody, Winehouse returned to Blighty, to shows Brits what we’ve been missing by pleading not guilty to assaulting a dancer called Sherene Flash in central London last year.
It is rumoured that after the alleged offence, Wino did then fall to the floor performing her trademark impression of a hairdressing junior’s sweepings and screamed Blaaaaake.
Winehouse appeared at Westminster magistrates court to deny the charge. The press looks at the case of Amy Jade Civil. She pleads: not guilty.
Posted: 17th, March 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comments (8) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
JADE Goody celebrity cancer: Anorak’s at-a-glance look at Jade Goody’s celebrity cancer with the Last Rites, Freddy’s first deal and Shilpa…
Daily Mirror: “JADE’S FINAL HOURS – She smiles at two boys on last day together”
A 24-hours smile.
Star spends final hours listening to sons’ playing and laughing in garden with family.
Smile turns to laughter.
But the strain was too much for Jackiey, who cradled her head in her hands as she was momentarily overwhelmed by sorrow. She said: “It’s not day by day now. It’s more like hour by hour. I’m stronger than Jack at the moment and Kevin is stronger than me. Together we’ve built a strong community to cope with it.”
Posted: 16th, March 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comments (56) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
ATCHOOOO! Did Amy Winehouse sneeze or is that snow? While the Celebrity Police Service takes the flake down to forensics for a good kicking, the papers compete to see just how rich the snow is.
“WORST snow for 18 years” – The Sun
“The heaviest snowfall for almost 20 years” – Daily Express
“Heaviest snowfalls in 45 years” – Daily Star
It’s “SNOW JOKE,” says the Star, which goes with Lucy Pinder to embody the full seriousness of the matter.
Posted: 3rd, February 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Thieves Get Clean Away From Amy Winehouse’s House
AMY Winehouse’s house has been “ransacked”. Or did she leave it like that before she went to bed? It is unlikely that the villains will have gotten clean away. (Winehouse house house.)
Posted: 30th, January 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Madeleine McCann: The X Factor, Mourning Sickness And Celebrity Tears
MADDIE WATCH - Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann
THE Dianification of Britain has passed what historians will come to call the X(Factor) Point, the day when the pro-John Sergeant focus group met the lachrymose X Factor warblers in an all-singing, all- dancing tribute to Baby P.
Hey. It’s what Madeleine McCann would have wanted, so too out Princess of Hearts, say the jobbing mourners as the DVD, CD and ribbon hit the shops and broadcasters feel impelled to play it lest they lag behind in the celebrity caring stakes.
There is no escape. There is escapism, because while you watch to see the rubbish singers and the rubbish dancers fail, you are not allowed to point and laugh. That could be you. There for the grace of God…
And having exhausted themselves cheerleading and ululating with mourning sickness, the hacks have noticed.
Posted: 9th, December 2008 | In: Key Posts, Madeleine McCann, Media Comments (124) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Shannon Matthews: Crazy Pigs, 1988 And Bum’s The Word
SHANNON Matthews: Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Shannon Matthews and Karen Matthews
To Leeds Crown Court…
DAILY MIRROR (front page): “POLICE TO SHANNON’S MUM – SHE’S SAFE AND WELL. SHANNON MUM TO POLICE: I LIKE YOUR RINGTONE”
Indeed, the police have ringtones. One has a whistle that makes the sound of a duck, another has a truncheon shaped like drumstick by which he can pound the beat, literally!
Says one officer:
“I thought, ‘We’ve just found your daughter and you’re more concerned about the ringtone’”
Says another officer:
Ring ding ding ding ding
A Ring Ding Ding Dingdemgdemg
A ring ding ding ding ding
a Bram ba am baba weeeeeee
Page 4 and 5: “SHE SAID SHE’D LIKE SEX WITH COP CUTE BUM”
Natalie Brown is in the witness box. Says she:
“One woman said about him having a cute bum. Karen said she wouldn’t mind taking him upstairs. She was having a giggle thinking it was funny. Acting like a little child.”
Maybe the wrong child went missing?
“One minute she would be laughing and be happy and joking but when the news came on TV she would be very quiet.”
We’re on the telly!
Natalie claimed she told Matthews off on one occasion when she said to her youngest daughter “Look Shannon’s on TV she’s famous.”
Is Karen Matthews a celebrity? Is Shannon? How much is her story worth?
THE SUN (front page): “Shannon mother’s ‘silence’ at rescue”
Says neighbour Natalie Brown:
“I never saw any real tears. Her eyes would well up and that was it.”
Pages 8 and 9: “THE RING OF TRUTH – Phone quip as Shannon found”
DC Alex Gummit has a phone that when called plays Crazy by Gnarls Barkley. Says Karen Matthews, allegedly: “You must Bluetooth it to me or text me.” Or call and we’ll do cans…
The Sun goes on to talk about the £50,000 reward for finding Shannon. The piece is erroneously called “SUN’S £50,000.” The reward was indeed for that sum but the Sun did not put it all up. The money was raised by well wishers. For such reasons, readers who find Madeleine McCann should beware of claiming Anorak’s £3.2million, as advertised here.
Matthews, 33 — who is jointly accused of staging the nine-year-old’s disappearance to claim a £50,000 reward from The Sun — left officers deeply suspicious because of her reaction.
Or not…
Posted: 14th, November 2008 | In: Key Posts, Media, Shannon Matthews Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Madeleine McCann: Finger Printing Kids And Gary Glitter
MADDIE WATCH - Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann
FORT MORGAN TIMES: “FM State Bank offers info service for parents in case child missing”
Fort Morgan State Bank wants local parents to be ready with the information they need in the event of their worst nightmare: a missing child.
Every parents worst nightmare…
The bank has purchased equipment to photograph and fingerprint children and provide a printout that also includes physical descriptions and other vital information on the kids.
Posted: 23rd, August 2008 | In: Anorak In New York, Madeleine McCann, Tabloids Comments (187) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Chief Willy Bratton Of The CPF Wants Lindsay Lohan To Go Straight
HANDS across the ocean as the British Celebrity Police Force exports its message to America.
There, Los Angeles police Chief William Bratton is wondering about his working day and that the paparazzi have gone quiet. Says he:
“If you notice, since Britney started wearing clothes and behaving, Paris is out of town not bothering anybody, thank God, and evidently, Lindsay Lohan has gone gay, we don’t seem to have much of an issue.”
Oh, for those halcyon days when a copper could get his picture or on the nightly news in the paper stood alongside a jobbing celebrity. But, worry not, Bratton, Paris will return, Britney will get naked and Lohan shall bottle her lesbianism and sell it as her new scent.
Posted: 2nd, August 2008 | In: Anorak In New York, Celebrities, Lindsay Lohan, Police Log Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Ah, Abu Qatada, You’re Spoiling Us
NO pile of gold-paper wrapped chocolate on a silver salver but the Mail assures readers that Abu Qatada is Al Qaeda’s ambassador in Europe.
Trills the front-page headline: “Shopping in the sun, preacher of hate we set free but can’t kick out of Britain.”
“£800,000 home, a life on benefits, no wonder Al Qaeda ambassador Abu Qatada’s smiling,” says the paper.
Life was ever easy for a diplomat in London with his political immunity, the right to park anywhere, “fondling his prayer beads”. Although readers may note that Qatada’s rented home is falling in value and at the time of writing is worth £750,000, or nearest offer.
Posted: 10th, July 2008 | In: Tabloids, War On Terror Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Amy Winehouse Accused Of Being Slapper
“AMY BEAT ME.”
It’s Amy Winehouse, and the Mirror’s lead story that she launched a “crazed” attack – “three stinging smacks” - on one Wayne Lindsay.
Posted: 9th, July 2008 | In: Amy Winehouse, Celebrities, Tabloids Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Naomi Campbell Dodges The Tabloid Detective Agency
WAS it happy coincidence that Naomi Campbell’s appearance in court should coincide with Amy Winehouse’s removal from polite society (she’s in hospital) and an intermission in Pete Doherty’s Courtroom Tour?
Or can it be that celebrity misdermeanors work to a preordained timetable? Sensitive to the needs of the CPF (Celebrity Police Force), who with limited resources cannot expect to be photographed with celebrity liggers at the same time, celebrities work to a schedule.
Yesterday it was Campbell’s turn to be photographed with the CPF, and the Mail leads with pictures of the happy event.
So too the Sun, which says “raging supermodel Naomi Campbell hurled vile ABUSE and PUNCHED, KICKED and SPAT at cops” in a full and frank exchange of views at Heathrow Airport.
Campbell’s bag had been mislaid and her reaction sees her sentenced to 200 hours community service and a £2,945 fine.
The incident, transcribed in full, features Campbell yelling the line: “F*** off, I’ve paid five grand for this seat and I have a right to be on this plane. You can’t touch me, my cousin’s Scotland Yard.”
Posted: 21st, June 2008 | In: Celebrities, Police Log, Tabloids Comments (9) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
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