School Nativity Features Slaughter Of The Innocents
THE GUARDIAN’S Alex Renton supports an end to babies and the causes of babies - the end of sperm banks and an end to IVF.
He tells us: “Fewer British babies would mean a fairer planet.”
No, Nick Griffin and your BNP goons – he means fairer, as in green not white. Renton is no fascist:
The worst thing that you or I can do for the planet is to have children.
Posted: 26th, October 2009 | In: Global Warming Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
The World’s Fattest Man Doesn’t Eat Pudding
THE world’s fattest bloke Paul Mason continues to fascinate. The Sun leads with him once more and tells readers that he “Scoffs 4 large cod, 2 pies, 4 battered sausage, 6 large chips, mushy peas, curry sauce (and that’s just his lunch.)” That’s right, Mr Mason eats no pudding.
How many peas, the Sun does not say, but it is encouraging to note that Paul Mason is enjoying his greens, and sticks to fixed meal times.
And he gulped down ANOTHER lot for supper. It also emerged that Paul, 48, often rolled his 3ft-wide wheelchair through a McDonald’s DRIVE-THRU to pick up huge quantities of burgers and fries… Fish bar manager Bob Singh Phagura, who revealed Paul’s gigantic orders, said: “They would normally feed an army.”
And army marches on its stomach, and it could march on Paul’s, before setting up camp in his TV-shirt.
Posted: 21st, October 2009 | In: Media Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Panic Face King Turns Mass Murder Into Entertainment
IN Japan, the local have fond a way to hasten the celebrity cull. While the UK and US boast Dancing On Ice, Comic Relief, live theatre, Big Brother, Dancing With The Stars, airport scanners, America’s Got Talent, Ashley Cole and the Tony Awards, the Japanese have “Panic Face King”.
The would-be TV star told he is to star in a documentary about telephone scammers. Just after the interview begins, a sniper attacks, shooting dead everyone else in the room and giving the nascent telly star a heart attack and morbid fear of going out in public.
Posted: 14th, October 2009 | In: Terrible TV Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Kofi Annan’s ‘Beds Are Burning’ Burns CDs
KOFI Annan’s ‘Beds Are Burning’ Global Musical Petition will “demand climate justice” every time you download the Bed’s Are Burning track on the clockwork internet from itunes and all other wind-powered eco-websites.
It’s the “Tck Tck Tck: Time for Climate Justice’ campaign”.
“This campaign will help secure a better future for our planet and upcoming generations. The time has come.”
Make the justice being or the music goes on and on and on. Burn your CDs….now!
The song has been supported by over 60 international music stars and celebrities including Duran Duran, Mark Ronson, Jamie Cullum, Melanie Laurent, Marion Cotillard, Milla Jovovich, Fergie, Lily Allen, Manu Katche, Bob Geldof, Youssou N’Dour, Yannick Noah and many more.
Catch any one of them when they fly into your eco-zone…
Posted: 1st, October 2009 | In: Global Warming Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Madeleine McCann Case Solved: What Happened To Her
MADELEINE McCann Watch: Anorak’s at-a-glance look at Madeleine McCann in the news: Donal MacIntyre knows what happened to Our Maddie. It’s front-page news in the Sunday Express:
MADELEINE: WORLD EXCLUSIVE - I KNOW HOW SHE WAS TAKEN. By… Donal MacIntyre.
Yeah, the guy from the telly who investigated football hooligans and ended up being beaten up by friends of the acting hooligan his work helped send down. He knows. Want to know what he knows? The Sunday Express has front-page news:
MADELEINE McCann was abducted by at least two kidnappers who must have carried out several dry runs in the days leading up to her disappearance.
Facts.
After spending a week on the ground investigating the case and the methods used by the kidnappers, I can only conclude that they must have entered the apartment to carry out a rehearsal, because they were working to an incredibly tight schedule.
Posted: 20th, September 2009 | In: Gallery, Key Posts, Madeleine McCann Comments (40) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Dunkin’ Donuts Sued Over Toddler’s Too Hot Hash Browns
IN the USA, where everyone is a victim waiting to file a claim, a Franklin, Mass. couple would like Dunkin’ Donuts to pay them $200,000 in damages because their progeny, one Cullen MacLeod, 23 months, burned his neck on a “dangerously hot” hash brown.
It is said that the lad did suffer “serious and permanent burn injuries” after the hot hash brown fell from his mouth and onto his neck, where it “stuck”.
Indeed, dear reader, these parents are playing with fire: a) feeding junk food for a minor is child abuse, is it not?; b) where is the boy’s fork and napkin tucked into his collar?; c) isn’t a hash brown a gateway drug?
Posted: 15th, September 2009 | In: Money Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Summer Of Death: Cate Blanchett Bleeds For Her Art
CATE Blanchett has been hit on the head by a prop as she performs in A Streetcar Named Desire, in Sydney. It’s the Summer of Death, the big celebrity cull as celebs keeps step with the recession and reduce in numbers in accordance with the EU directive to recude the Eberoty Mountain.
Joel Edgerton (actor) tosses an old-fashioned radio set that instead of landing on the ground it landed on Blanchett’s head.
Says one audience member:
“She had blood streaming down the back of her head and blood on the back of her neck. She acted for about another 30 seconds, then ran into what we thought was the next scene.
“Before we knew it the lights were turned on and we were told there were technical difficulties and everyone had to evacuate the Sydney Theatre Company.”
Evacuate. Evacuate Evacuate. A radio is on the loose. No stand-in can be found. Evacuate!
Posted: 2nd, September 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Exploding Fridges Cause Earth Cancer
TODAY’S Media Scare Story comes, as ever, from the Daily Mail which tells readers that an “‘environmentally friendly’ fridge coolant” is causing fridges to explode. Earth Cancer!
Chris Brooke has more on the new fridge that does so much more than just keep things chilled:
Luckily no-one was hurt when Kathy Cullingworth’s fridge exploded but the damage bill was £10,000. A series of violent fridge explosions is believed to have been caused by leaks of ‘environmentally-friendly’ coolant.
Believed. While we investigate the science, Brooke says that Kathy’s entertaining fridge is one of many:
Safety standards for manufacturers might have to be reviewed following the blasts, which have destroyed several kitchens.
They might. Or else they might not. But how common is the exploding fridge, Chris?
At least four similar explosions have been reported in the last three years in the UK, two of them since May.
Posted: 1st, September 2009 | In: Media, Scare Stories Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Naked Ashley Greene In Twilight Porn Parody
TWILIGHT starlet Ashley Greene – she plays Alice Cullen - has posed both topless and naked and – get this – her pictures have wound up on the internet.
What are the odds? All that unwelcome publicity for Ashley Greene (A.S.H… )
Ashley Green has just picked up the Choice Movie Fresh Face Female at the Teen Choice Awards. And if you look at her face it is indeed fresher than a moist cow pat in a springtime meadow.
What’s more, Greene’s new film is called Twilight: New Moon. Or Full Moon, With Frontal.
Following the tasteful work on Vanessa Hudgens and Miley Cyrus, we now bring you pictures of Miss Greene topless. And bottomless. Indeed, dear reader, Ashley Greene has gone further than her peers.
Posted: 11th, August 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Battle Of Culloden Commemorated In A Scotch Egg
TO Culloden Battlefield, where visitors are asked not to picnic on the remains of fallen soldiers. So requests Alasdair MacNeill, a member of A Circle of Gentlemen, a society which marks the Jacobite cause.
The Circle of Gentleman sounds like a club our patron Old Mr Anorak would be a leading light of, were it not for his morbid dread of being in circles and the requisite holding of hands. Rename it the Rhombus of Gentlemen and you’ve got a new Queen Mary.
Says Mr MacNeill:
“A family of four and their two dogs were sprawled across a grave mound having a picnic. The father was leaning against the headstone eating a Scotch egg and smoking a cigarette.”
Posted: 15th, July 2009 | In: Media Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Rock Star Bret Michaels Decapitated 0n Stage
THE Celebrity Cull moves on to the rock group Poison, whose performance with the show Rock of Ages on the Tony Awards features lead singer Bret Michaels being near decapitated.
Of course, if Michaels is like most other old rockers, his hair will be so tightly glued on that whatever the impact his noggin will remain attached to his body by a “spinal cord” of hair-like nylon silk:
Posted: 8th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
LibDems Demand Respect For Greasy Haired Twats
THE Liberal Democrats’ Anna Pascoe, Lib Dem candidate for Cornwall Council elections on 4 June, has sent out a pamphlet calling Mebyon Kernow candidate Stuart Cullimore a “greasy-haired twat“.
We make no comment on Mr Cullimore, who is said to be considering his response. But we must note that greasy haired twats are a group that has long been abused.
A spokesman for the Respect Greasy Haired Twats Focus Group, a Mr. C. Ronaldo, says that for too he and his kin have been suffering abuse. It has to stop. If, as expected, Baron Baker of Dorking champions the cause, then their will questions in the House.
Posted: 2nd, June 2009 | In: Politicians Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
News Spotter: Chelsea Sign Footballing Dog, Video
The Sporran is culled - A Tangled Web
Posted: 7th, May 2009 | In: Media Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Pensioner In Dirty Window Show
THE CULL on the pensioners will begin.
But how to entice them onto the windowledge?
Posted: 5th, May 2009 | In: Photojournalism, Strange But True Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Watership Down Rabbits Sentenced To Death, Wombles Readied
MIKE Batt, composer of The Wombles theme tune and the music for Watership Down – a tale of everyday rabbit folk – has hired a marksman to kill rabbits on his Surrey estate.
Not pet rabbits. Wild ones. With big staring eyes and massive ears.
Posted: 17th, April 2009 | In: Media Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
United Airlines Makes Fat Bastards Pay More
UNITED Airlines is to charge obese passengers extra to fly on their craft.
The Huffington Post asks: “WHAT DO YOU THINK: POLL.”
Asking Americans if they think fat people should be taxed for being so gargantuan is like asking a turkey if he thinks the Pilgrim Fathers were good for his kind.
Posted: 16th, April 2009 | In: Money Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
America’s Got Talent: David Hasseloff Threatens To Headbutt Piers Morgan
THE Celebrity Cull (the world effort to reduce the EU celebrity moutain) stops for no show - and on America’s Got Talent, the resident celebs are responding to the call, Look on as judge David Hasselhoff, reportedly, threatens to put his fellow judge Piers Morgan out of action by way of a headbutt.
“He started yelling abuse at Piers, and Piers was giving back as good as he was getting, when suddenly David stood up, walked around the judges’ table and got right in Piers’s face.”
Posted: 12th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Pictures Of Gisele Bundchen And Tom Brady’s Wedding
GISELE Bundchen (pronounced Jizz-Sell) has as Derek Hail puts it has some “some parts that you, surpisingly, can’t see”.
What you can’t see is her wedding to Tom Brady in Costa Rica. But you can hear it:
“Take a picture of me now, you f—er! F–k you!” a camera-shy friend of Brady’s supposedly shouted at the photogs after inviting them into the house for a chat.
Posted: 10th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Pictured: Newspaper Readers Dying
DEATH as entertainment. With Jade Goody’s media death a hit, the Daily Mail wonders if it is death or the celebrity that makes the big story? And gives readers:
The moment speeding policeman struck and killed girl, 16, as he drove at 94mph without siren or lights
Posted: 9th, April 2009 | In: Media, Scare Stories Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Harry Potter Actor Arrested For Drugs
HARRY Potter actor Jamie Waylett, aka Hogwarts pupil Vincent Crabbe, has been arrested after police allegedly found cannabis worth £2,000 in his bedroom.
Waylett caught the eye of London’s Celebrity Police Service suspicion when he was driving about the city in a “car”.
To his home in Camden North London, and failing to spot Amy Winehouse or even Peter Doherty, the CPS make do with nicking Waylett and confiscating, as is alleged, ten mature cannabis plants valued at around £2,000.
Posted: 8th, April 2009 | In: Celebrities Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
- percy stilton on Susan Boyle: World Divided Over SuBo And Lady Susan
- percy stilton on Newspaper Correction Of The Year: The New Jersey Rabbis
- Anorak on In Photos: Susan Boyle Sings Rockefeller Center Plaza In New York City
- Patricia on In Photos: Susan Boyle Sings Rockefeller Center Plaza In New York City
- percy stilton on Susan Boyle: World Divided Over SuBo And Lady Susan
