Using Katie Price And Sick Children To Advertise The Bounty Mum Of The Year
BOUNTY, purveyors of the baby hamper given to news mums as an inducement to them buying branded products, have shortlisted Katie Price for their Celebrity Mum Of The Year award.
There is also a Real Mum of the Year 2009, which serves to imply there is something unreal, or fake, about Katie Price and her celebrity mummies.
2007 title holder Katie is going mum-a-mum against these others, who are in no partial order:
Posted: 21st, October 2009 | In: The Consumer Comments (10) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Katie Price Makes Illegal Sex Joke On Graham Norton Show
KATIE Price has “sparked fury” by claiming The Graham Norton Show that her ex-husband Peter Andre has been sleeping with his manager, Claire Powell.
For those of you not in the know. Powell is the Fern Britton look-alike who pops up on Peter Andre’s TV show to fill the gaps between Pete looking sentimental and asking for his children to kiss him to talk about Katie Price.
The Star calls his comment “outrageous”. It screams:
JORDAN: ‘PETER IS BEDDING HIS AGENT’
It reports:
She joked with the TV chat show host, 46, that men were “lazy” and would “sleep with the first women they see”, then added: “Yes, or his manager Claire.”
Posted: 19th, October 2009 | In: Celebrities Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Holly Willoughby Presents Harry On This Morning
THE more we see of ITV presenter Holly Willoughby the less likable she becomes.
Happily for Holly, she’s been spending most of her time on ITV2, which means she is supremely popular. But now she’s landed a job as Fern Britton’s replacement on This Morning we will be seeing a lot more of Holly.
In readiness for this, Holly talks with Hello! magazine, and right away introduces her child, a son called harry and her own range of clothes, and did she mention Harry?
“Little Harry” has been on the X Factor tour with Holly. Holly says she “always wanted to be a mum” – now she’s a professional mum:
“I always wanted to be a mum, I couldn’t wait - when I had my maternity leave all I did was watch daytime TV, so now I feel a huge part of the This Morning audience will be people like me, mums with young children - now I’ve got Harry I can empathise with the viewers in that way, which is nice.”
As a mum, Holly will be expected to talk about her child and give knowing looks to the mums back home waiting for the Valium to kick in and Neighbours to start.
Posted: 25th, August 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Amy Winehouse Upstages Fern Britton On Strictly Come Dancing
IT’S reality TV season and news that the BBC is trying to lure dieter Fern Britton to dance on Strictly Come Dancing.
As the Mirror says:
“BEEB LAUNCH BID TO LURE BRITTON ON TO STRICTLY”
Time for a game, then, Anorak readers. What would you us to lure Fern Britton to a TV studio?
a) Biscuits
b) Chicken madras and stuffed nan
c) Chocolate-coated Ryvita
d) Kiwi lothario Brendan Cole
e) Terry Waite’s urine
The answer is… d. Yes, the waxy Cole “has been offered as her Strictly dance partner”.
And lest you be unimpressed that a TV presenter who is no longer presenting should want to appear on the BBC, the Mirror trills:
A studio source said: “Fern is a major coup.
“Producers have been wooing her for some time but it is only in the last few days talks have really progressed. Brendan was lined-up to dance with Jo Wood but now bosses have offered him to Fern as bait. Fern is bound to get lots of attention and they believe he’s the guy most equipped to handle it.”
Posted: 19th, August 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Peter Andre And Katie Price Rebranded As Tits 4 Tats
BY now you’ll be wondering what pop acorn Peter Andre has been up to. How are the kids? What of his fragrant wife Katie Price? How’s the singing coming along?
The Mail brings news of the couple we call Tits 4 Tats:
An emotional Peter Andre said living his relationship with Katie Price in the public eye was a ‘mistake’ today as he made his first British TV appearance since their split.
Look up ‘irony’ in the Anorak Picture Dictionary and there’s a picture neon-tinged Peter Andre. It gets better:
Talking to Phillip Schofield and Fern Britton, the singer kept to his pledge that he would not discuss the reasons behind the split for the sake of their three children.
Posted: 16th, July 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Broken Fern Britton Leaves This Morning
IN “Broken Britton”, the Sun says This Morning “star Fern Britton is turning her back on the ITV show after she discovered co-host Phillip Schofield earns up to three times as much as her.”
See Anorak way back in February.
Posted: 26th, March 2009 | In: Celebrities Comments (5) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Jade Goody’s New Reality TV Show
JADE Goody: Anorak’s at-a-glance look at Jade Goody’s post-reality career…
Daily Star: “Jade’s Final Journey”
Follwing: Jade’s last interview, Jade’s last wedding, Jade’s last dress, Jade’s last fight, Jade’s last slice of toast, Jade’s last Christening, Jade’s last party, Jade’s Last Rites; Jade’s last view, Jade’s last breath, Jade’s last Mother’s Day; Jade’s last wish and Jade’s last cat, we have Jade’s last journey…
And:
Two new Jade reality TV shows
Remembrance statue in London
Local people are calling for money to be raised for a statue of Jade, who died aged 27, to be erected in Bermondsey – possibly in Albins’ memorial garden. A source close to the family said: “It’s something that Jade’s family would definitely support.”
“Plus amazing Di-Style Floral Shrine”
It’s “JADE’S ROYAL FUNERAL”
REALITY TV undertakers handling Jade Goody’s funeral are promising to give her a send-off fit for royalty.
Posted: 24th, March 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comments (9) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Celebrity Mr And Mrs Pays By Weight
DID you know that Fern Britton gets £15,000 to host All Star Mr And Mrs?
Not bad money for televised marriage guidance.
But not as good as her co-host, Philip Schofield, who is getting £45,000 for shining a light on the truth that Yvette finds husband Terry Venables’ legs funnier than any other part of his body
Posted: 6th, February 2009 | In: Media Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Celebrity Spotting With The Kray Twins
LEAFING through the Kray twins auction, we note a signed photo of Fern Britton - “To Reg, with very best wishes, Fern X.”
The lot for sale at the Chiswick Auction rooms also includes a signed print of Muhammed Ali, and autographed snap shots of Barbra Streisand, actress Patsy Kensit and singer Mark Knopfler.
There is also a signed copy of Norman Wisdom’s autobiography.
Posted: 27th, January 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
“ONLY me,” screeches Kerry Katona from the cover of OK!. It’s top news for those tens of Katatonics already missing her weekly column.
Kerry is cuddling her children, to: a) hide her tum-tum; b) keep warm; c) keep steady; d) show us what a proud a terrific mum she truly is?
Inside and Kerry is sat on Santa’s knee. She reaches into his sack and pulls out…
Well, can you guess? Is it?
a) A baked potato
b) A litter of wet kittens
c) Brian McFadden
d) Fern Britton’s autobiography: “Phil Her Up”
It’s e. And Kerry opens her mouth in shock. This is the “lean, man glamour mum” at work and even with her mouth agape no-one dares pops in an Iceland squirrel vol-au-vent or even a wine gum.
Says Kerry: “I’ve got brand new agent, a new me, a new figure and a brand new fresh start.”
And where else do you start but from the bottom. Which bring us to Santa, aka Mark Croft, who tells us that Kerry’s slurred speech on This Morning was down to her medication.
Posted: 10th, December 2008 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comments (32) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Daily Mirror Backs Conservative’s Slug Eating Campaign
BRIAN Reade, writing in the Mirror, says he “loves it when a Nice-But-Dim Tory reveals himself to be the kind of animal we always knew he was. One with the heart of a wolf and the brain of a slug.
“Take health spokesman Andrew Lansley who believes recession can be good for people because they will eat less.”
Reads muses: “If only the Tories had been around in 1845 when the Irish potato famine started…”
Posted: 27th, November 2008 | In: Key Posts, Media Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Nicola McClean On Her Budding Jordans
DAY one in the jungle and Nicola McLean is in a bikini.
Take care Nicola, say celebrity watchers, lest she get bitten and the puncture wounds cause her to leave the camp faster than a pricked balloon.
(Note: For similar reasons, gastric band enthusiast Fern Britton should avoid playing “human catapult” and hanging around with Boy Scouts).
While Mail readers get to see “desperate” Nicola crying for attention, Star readers get to see Nicole sans bra.
Nicola is planning to undergo a third boob job, readers learn, one that should make her “massive”.
Massive is a big word in Nicola life, it is something of an ambition.
Posted: 17th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Robert Kilroy Silk Spotted In I’m A Celebrity Jungle
REPORTS are that Robert Kilroy-Silk is to join Ant (right) and Dec (left) in the Blue Peter garden for this year’s I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here.
It’s very possible that Kilroy has been living in a garden or The Outback for some years. The once ubiquitous perma-tanned presence of mid-morning telly has been missing for some time.
When he formed Veritas political party in Hinckley Golf Club in Leicestershire,an alternative to UKIP, itself an alternative to the BNP/ Conservatives, he would bring about a revolution.
Posted: 3rd, November 2008 | In: Celebrities Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Fern Britton’s Weight Speaks Out
IN FERN “ME and My weight”, the Mirror hears Fern Britton’s weight speak out for the first time since it was placed on a restraining order…
“I was just a pair of footballer’s shoulders and hips when Fern Britton adopted me and form then on my life was a smorgasbord of TV dinners.
“Together me and Fern grew as stars, the best double act in mid-morning telly since Anne Diamond pulled on a pair of cankles and…”
Posted: 28th, October 2008 | In: Celebrities Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
On Iceland: Kerry Katona Asks The Questions
KERRY Katona was not drunk on This Morning yesterday morning.
Or as the Star’s front page puts it: “KERRY: I WASN’T PISHT HONEST”, and inside “SHERRY KATONA ‘DRUNK’ ON TELLY”.
This is, of course, the Daily Star, sister organ to OK!, a magazine not so much soft focus as magic eye, rendering everyone within into one stunning, gorgeous and talented blur.
Posted: 23rd, October 2008 | In: Celebrities, Kerry Katona Comments (11) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
The Britton Bounce: Fern’s Gastric Band Aid
CRITICS are calling it the Fern Britton Bounce.
On the day that Gordon Brown “SAVES THE WORLD” (The Daily Brown Nose, formerly Daily Mirror), the Express leads with news that Fern Britton has dropped five dresses sizes.
Back in the days of yore (yesterday) times were hard. Fern was living in austerity Britain, and for the best part of 24 hours the TV hostess with the mostess feared she would feel the pinch – on her hips, bust, tummy and thighs.
Anorak’s typing pool was ready to step in with “Gastric band Aid”, when we would stand outside British Homes Stores in the precinct and sing our hearts out for Fern.
Posted: 14th, October 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Judy Finnigan Replaces Fern Britton On This Morning
FERN Britton is the Express’s blonde-cover-du-jour.
And get a load of that gastric band, which seems to have pushed Lyvita Fern’s famous tum-tum all the way up into her bra.
“Fern’s curves cause rather a stir on TV,” says the Express. And for those of you circling life’s plug hole – journalists, the institutionalised and those waiting in a Dorset garage for their car to be fixed (don’t ask) – it is nothing short of sensation.
Posted: 11th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, TV & Radio, Tabloids Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
This Warning: Fern Britton’s Son Could Join Gang
FERN Britton, she of the high-waited gastric band and This Morning TV show, says:
“I don’t have experience of a child in a gang yet, I might do, but I hope to God I don’t.”
Fern’s sons are 14-year-old Jack (naturally) and Harry (ditto). They live with mum in Homer Green Buckinghamshire, a no-go zone for police because there is no reason to go there.
Posted: 3rd, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Police Log, TV & Radio, Tabloids Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Amy Winehouse In White House Plot
THE full shocker goes: “Amy Winehouse’s jealous husband offered a hardmarn £20,000 to have Pete Doherty ‘smashed to pieces’.”
Getting smashed is what Doherty does best, it being the root of his tabloid fame. Chances are he would have extended a veiny limb and accepted Blake Fielder Civil’s offer with relish.
But the Sun says this smashing was to occur not with pipe and syringe, rather by way of fist and claw.
Richard Lyttle, an ex-bouncer (do you ever really leave the job?) tells one and all: “We were sitting in my cell and he said: ‘If you get Doherty for me I’ll give you £20,000.’ He kept saying ‘Can you arrange it?’ and telling me to get some guys to his house.”
No other word nor proof is offered, and whether Doherty is smashed or not, we leave for you to work out.
But back to the £20,000? If it’s the going rate for smashing someone’s face in, it might also be the rate for perverting the course of justice.
Posted: 11th, June 2008 | In: Amy Winehouse, Celebrities, Kate Moss and Pete Doherty, Tabloids Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Critics Review Fern Britton Weight Loss DVD
FERN Britton weight loss DVD in hand, we flip the over and cover see what the reviewers are saying about it.
Mirror reader T. Blair: “”This is the most sickening act of deception I think I have come across.”
Fern Britton: “So anything you’ve read that has anything I’ve said about image, diet, bla bla bla, I haven’t said.
Britton, Fern: Who wants to be a slave to all the fads and put your body through stresses and strains it doesn’t need?
Message boards: “Gastric band!….Wot no 100% commitment to dieting?….She sort of cheated big time didn’t she!…. Whats the title of her her next book/fitness DVD ‘How To Do The London Marathon On A Moped’?”
Soaraway Sun: Fern: I’m not a big fat fibber
Amanda Platell: “Yes, technically speaking, she never lied. But, sometimes, hiding the truth can be as bad as lying. Isn’t her omission a bit like the husband who says he never lied to his wife about his mistress because she never asked?”
Shocked n Dismayed: “Fern has diminished not just in size but also in stature.”
Wendy Sloane: “I’m paying for the operation myself, about £7,000. I look at it this way: if I lose the weight, I can get back into all my clothes, so I won’t need to buy any new ones.”
Slim Whiteman: Gastric band?…. That should really drastically reduce the stomachs capacity for food intake!….They’ll only be enough daily room to eat one whole Victoria Beckham!
Alternative Therapy: “Why not do it the cheaper way? Ditch the surgery and just wrap a gastric band a few times around around the biscuit tin until it’s too tight to open?”
And many, many more…
Posted: 3rd, June 2008 | In: Celebrities, TV & Radio, Tabloids Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
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