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Adam Levine catches Holocaust AIDs from Honey Boo Boo

THERE is now so much entertainment out there theta the EU’s celebrity silos are at breaking point. You can know about people being famous whilst having no idea why they are famous. Take Adam Levine an Honey Boo.

I’ve only ever read about them in magazines on on the internet. A quick look reveals that Honey Boo Boo is the child star of a pisspoor reality telly show in which she is ridiculed by the knowing in exchange for being written about and having bars of fat tossed into her cage. Levine has tattoos, stiff hair and current fashions. He is either  a footballer (which he isn’t) or a pop singer (which he is).

Adam is also a judge on a TV pro-am singing contest called The Voice, in which he pretends to be blind.

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Posted: 4th, December 2012 | In: Celebrities Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

This Honey Boo Boo portrait is made from trash

HONEY Boo Boo, TV starlet, has been immortalised in her own rubbish, or trash. Make what you will of that.

Jason Mecier lives and works in San Francisco.

Posted: 16th, November 2012 | In: Celebrities Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Hiatus gotta hate: Honey Boo Boo gets mocked on KTLA Morning News

EVERYONE favourite Other Child Honey Boo, star of Georgia, has been on the KTLA Morning News with her mamma.

It’s all hideous. It’s TV. It’s meant to be. The host and hostess have all the sincerity of wet, sliced, white bread.

They set it up. Honey Boo hammers it in.

TV’s job is to showcase a stereotype.  Honey Boo and her mother are held up to be mocked. Get a load of the arsehat in beige asking how “funny” it is that mama knows the word “hiatus”.

 

 

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Posted: 16th, October 2012 | In: Celebrities Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Here Comes Honey Boo Boo – 16 mad moments

HERE Comes Honey Boo Boo – look out!

Posted: 14th, September 2012 | In: In Pictures Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Honey Boo Boo – the gifs and choicest clips of a TV star

MEET Honey Boo Boo, break our talent of Toddlers & Tiaras and star of TV’s Meet Honey Boo Boo. It’s the show in which the six-year-old pageant queen introduces the world to her life and family, especially her mum The Coupon Queen. In place of words, here are the clips and the gifs. Take it away Alana “Honey Boo Boo Child” Thompson, the child reared on taffeta and “go-go juice,” a mix of Mountain Dew and Red Bull:

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Posted: 23rd, August 2012 | In: Key Posts, TV & Radio Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

TLC Cancels Here Comes Honey Boo-Boo As Mother Dates Child Molester

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TLC has called time on the Roald Dahl docu-drama Here Comes Honey Boo-Boo because reports suggest child star Honey Boo-Boo’s mother, one “Mama June” , is currently dating convicted child molester Mark McDaniel.

This charming man served 10 years jail time for having forced oral sex on an 8-year-old girl.

TLC thought broadcasting the show featuring mum’s new lover would be a step too far. After all, the Boo Boo clan are paid, and some of TLC’s cash might end up in McDaniel’s pockets. 

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Posted: 24th, October 2014 | In: Celebrities, TV & Radio Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Everton: the phoney war to keep Barnsley boy Stones from Chelsea

stones evertonTransfer Balls: The Sun reports that Everton are unhappy with Chelsea captain John Terry for trying to lure John Stones, 21, to Stamford Bridge.

Asked about JT’s comments, Goodison chief Martinez said: “It is wrong — you know that it is illegal. The rules don’t allow you to comment on players at other clubs in that open manner — and that is disappointing… I am not stupid enough to say I know what will happen but I’ve always said he is not for sale.”

Everton have rejected bids of £20m and £26m for Stones. They have told Chelsea in writing that Stones is not for sale. But Terry hasn’t got the message, opining on Wednesday:

“One day I won’t be in the team but Chelsea are looking to the likes of John Stones for the future, so the club will continue to grow and do well.”

The Guardian notes:

Everton appear content at present to register their complaint with Chelsea rather than with the authorities. Martínez added: “We have a fantastic relationship between the two clubs. In the past we made our biggest investment in Chelsea [when signing Romelu Lukaku]. We all know there are rules and regulations and it is something we don’t want to see when other clubs speak about your players. It is wrong and it shouldn’t happen. As clubs we have a good understanding of where we are.”

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Posted: 7th, August 2015 | In: Chelsea, Sports Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Paleotechnology: A Curious Glimpse Into An 80s Computer Book

cover 1986

 

THERE”S always a good time to be had touring through old computer books, especially if there’s lots to point at and laugh condescendingly. Technology has advanced so exponentially that a 1980s computer textbook may as well be ancient Sanskrit written on palm leaves. Suffice it to say, things have come a long way in just a short amount of time, and it’s a lot of fun to look back. So, let’s jump into Living With Computers by Patrick G. McKeown (1986).

 

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“A complete computer system – user, software, CPU, internal memory, secondary storage, keyboard, monitor, and printer – is shown here.”

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Posted: 10th, April 2014 | In: Flashback, Key Posts, Technology Comments (5) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Your Guidebook to Creating a Proper Heavy Metal Album Cover

A PRIME reason for heavy metal’s success is that it is a culture unto itself.  Fads come and go, but a culture has staying power.  It comes with its own dress code, etiquette and idolatry.  A small but important part of that culture is the album cover – the visual representation of the music, the heart of the heavy metal universe. If you’re a metal band, it’s imperative you get this facet right.  So, let’s tour through some metal covers from the 1980s, a time when heavy metal was king, and learn from their successes and failures.

 

LESSON 1: THE 6 REQUIREMENTS

 

Iron Angel – Hellish Crossfire (1985)

 

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Posted: 24th, February 2014 | In: Flashback, Key Posts, Music Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Groom made bomb hoax call after failing to book wedding venue

 

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WHEN Neil McArdle, 36, realised he’d made a mess of booking Liverpool Register Office, he called St George’s Hall which houses the venue. He told them a bomb had been left in the building. It would detonate in 45 minutes.

He never did tell his bride-to-be, Amy Williams. She rocked up at the venue in full bridal wear. She found the place evacuated.

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Posted: 8th, October 2013 | In: Strange But True Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Paul Elliott booted by his own Kick It Out anti-racism thought police

SO. Farewell Paul Elliott, who has left his role as the Football Association’s ambassador. He resigned. The former Celtic and Chelsea player, aged 48, was part of the FA’s judicial panel and sat on a load of Uefa committees. He made a big noise as a mouthpiece for anti-discrimination body Kick It Out.

Says Elliott:

“Earlier this week, a former friend and business colleague, made public a text message I sent him, in which I used a term which is widely known as being derogatory to my own community. I regret using it; it is inappropriate and not part of my everyday vocabulary. As an advocate of high-standards of public behaviour, and integrity in public life, I know the use of this word sends out mixed messages and contradicts my position as a Kick It Out trustee. I will continue to be active in other projects in what I believe to be a true and just cause.”

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Posted: 23rd, February 2013 | In: Sports Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

5ive canvas for new member… on Facebook

IT must be depressing being in a 90s boyband these days. Who remembers you? Barely no-one. If they do, they’re invariably crazed old fans, ravaged by time and still lustily chasing after you while ignoring their furious partners and children.

And so, while Kavana and Gina G Skype each other about temping for office work, 5ive have decided to leave the 90s behind and get modern, by posting a classified on Facebook in a bid to find a new fifth member.

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Posted: 17th, January 2013 | In: Celebrities Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Wikileaks: Queen Elizabeth And An Oman Honeymoon

LAST time we saw Sultan Qaboos bin Said of Oman, he was giving Queen Elizabeth 2 a golden egg, we thought her haul was pretty good. But then the Wikileaks cables were leaked and we learnt that in 2008 Qaboos toured the Mediterranean on a yacht with a 700-strong entourage. Liz stuffed up. She got Prince William’s wedding gift but lost out on the free honeymoon. Kicks up the Qaboos all round…

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Queen Elizabeth II smiles as she and Sheikh Khalifa Bin Zayed al Nahyan the President of the United Arab Emirates, exchange gifts at the Mushrif Palace in Abu Dhabi, this afternoon.

Posted: 5th, December 2010 | In: Royal Family Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Chantelle And Preston’s Phone Sex Honeymoon

REMEMBER when Big Brother stars Chantelle Houghton and Sam Preston were off on a second honeymoon – they were so in love that Preston wasn’t even taking his American girlfriend on the trip?

The wedding is in the bag, so is the ITV2 fly-in-the-soap reality TV show and the kids’ books. Just sign here, kids. Only, there is trouble in paradise, as the Star reports:

“It’s no secret that Chantelle and Preston want to give it another go but their families are at war over the idea. Chantelle’s clan are right behind the plan but Preston’s folks can’t stomach the idea in the slightest. They’re dead against it.”

No secret? It’s so secret that even OK!, the Star’s sister publication isn’t sure about it, and neither is Preston. But – Think. Of. The. Money.

“It’s made getting together in person really difficult, so at the minute they are keeping in touch on the phone.”

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Posted: 19th, September 2010 | In: Celebrities Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Honeymoon Bride Changes Name To ‘I Hate Thomas Cook’

AUSTIN Kettle has changed her name to ‘I Hate Thomas Cook’. Miss Kettle wanted to change the details on her honeymoon booking. But there was a charge. Disgusted and outraged, Kettle changed her name to I Hate Thomas Cook. That would learn them.

Austin Kettle, 26, is now called ‘Mrs Lorraine Darla I Hate Thomas Cook And Its Associates Big Shot Company Treading on the Little Guy Leeks’.

Aka Mrs Leeks.

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Posted: 8th, June 2010 | In: Strange But True Comments (5) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

World’s First WAG Facebook divorce

AFTER the world’s first Facebook divorce, news now of the world’s first WAG divorce: Michael Chopra has split with his wife of seven months after she dumped him on Facebook, says the Mail.

The story goes that Heather Swan let her husband know their marriage was over by changing her Facebook status to single.

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Posted: 14th, February 2009 | In: News Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Crash Test Honey: Infatable Dolls For Cars

“I HEARD a loud bang and went outside to see what was happening. I couldn’t believe it,” says Mavis Batty of the scene on Liverpool Road, Irlam.

“I’m amazed no one was killed. It looked like the emergency services were trying to get someone out of the back – maybe it was the rubber doll.”

It was. In the back of the blue Fiesta the figure of a woman appears.

The driver and his passengers are not hurt. The rubber doll is full serviceable.

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Posted: 27th, September 2008 | In: Strange But True Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

A Life In The Honeymoon Suite: 22 Years In A Travelodge

travelodge.jpgTHE Express does not comment on David and Jean Davison’s sex life. It does not pry.

All we know if that David and Jean live in a Travelodge and though they seem to be aged 79 and 70, respectively, they could be many years older.

Given the motel chain’s reputation as a den of lunchtime inseminations, it might be that the story is less that David and Jean have been living in a Travelodge for 22 years than that their better halves have been waiting over two decades for the lovers to return from posting a letter.

But the story, as told by the Express, is that David and Jean reside at a motel in Grantham.

“We get great rates because we book well in advance and all our bed linen is laundered too,” says David, pictured holding a cup of tea and enjoying views of the A1. “It doesn’t get much better than that, does it?”

This is a rhetorical question because David swiftly delivers his coup de grace.

“We only have to walk across the car park for meals as there is a Little Chef here too.”
And so the argument is with David. It does not get much better than this, although David and his lover did relocate to their current home from a Travelodge in Newark.
A spokesman for Travelodge is not unresponsive to his patron’s loyalty.

Says Paul Anstey: “To recognise their loyalty, we are going to rename their room from Number One to the Davidson’s Suite and mount a plaque in reception celebrating their 10th anniversary.”

Great days, and no little sense of achievement. Can the same be said of Clive in sales or his new associate Ms Smith..?

Posted: 11th, September 2007 | In: Tabloids Comments (6) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Don’t EU Forget: Referendum Newzzzzz And Gordon Brown’s Honeymoon

major_and_chips.jpgTHE problem with the EU is that it is so incredibly dull. It’s not deliberatly dull, a ploy to lull us into a catatonic state while Hans and Peter and Lars talk of subsidies in a Belgian office block. Although it might be.

But at least the tabloid press try to get us excited. And EU Ref is on hand to interpret their fine words:

With that headline (Don’t EU Forget), no one could ever accuse the Sun of subtlety.

Thus, on the back of a general opinion poll which gives Brown a five point lead over Cameron, it picks up the response to a referendum question. This shows a massive 81 percent in favour of a referendum on the new EU constitution treaty, with 66 percent strongly in favour of a poll. Only 17 percent agreed that Parliament should decide.

Devoting its lead editorial to the issue, the paper notes that Brown is halfway through his honeymoon period, head and shoulders above Cameron in almost every department. More than half of voters think Brown is more trustworthy than the Tory leader.

But, says The Sun, “that trust will ebb away if he fails to honour Tony Blair’s promise of a referendum on the EU constitutional treaty. And then the honeymoon will be well and truly over.”

EU Ref makes its point. But it is wrong. Most of don’t understand what the EU constitution means, much less be bothered to actually get dressed, get down to the polling booth and vote on the thing.

Brown’s honeymoon period will be over soon enough, whatever he does.

Comment Central remembers one other honeymoon:

1. John Major eats chips! The decision of the new Prime Minister to dine in a Happy Eater restaurant was regarded as an indication that here was a man of the people. Within a couple of years the same meal was being satirised on Spitting Image and taken as an indication that the man had no style.

More peas, Gordon?

Posted: 11th, August 2007 | In: Uncategorized Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Hell is…The Ikea Honeymoon Suite

VISIONS OF HELL! I missed this. And now I can’t get the image from my head:

It brought us Swedish meatballs, Billy bookshelves and endless queues on the London North Circular on Saturday afternoons. Now Ikea is going one step further and opening the Ikea Hostel, where customers can stay overnight if they haven’t finished their shopping.

Later this month, Ikea Norway will let shoppers sleep overnight in one of its two Oslo warehouses, an operation that will last a week. “It will be like an alternative hostel,” said company spokesman Frode Ullebust.

“There will be the regular dormitory with lots of beds stacked up together. We will also have a bridal suite, with a round bed and a hanging chandelier, and the luxury suite, where customers can enjoy breakfast in bed,” he said. Family rooms will also be available for parents and children to join into the Ikea fun. None of the guests will be charged for their stay.

Mr Ullebust said that, as far as he knew, this was Ikea’s first foray into the hotel business. Every night, the 30 lucky few will be able to stack up on meatballs, Norwegian salmon and cranberry mousse, as Ikea is offering free dinner and breakfast at the usual canteen.

Whereas Brits may associate the Swedish furniture giant with screaming kids, traffic jams in the parking lot and an occassional riot when a new warehouse opens, it seems Norwegians see a trip to Ikea as the ultimate tourist attraction.

Posted: 29th, July 2007 | In: Twitterings Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

The best noseless gifs

NO Nose Gifs are excellent. in Hollywood, noses are works in progress. These actors have all been captured without their noses. One day everyone in the Hollywood Hills will look like this; the rest of us will be cast out, as noses are viewed as mutant deformities, like humps, webbed feet and back hair…

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Spotter: Noseless Gifs, featuring the no noses of: Elijah Wood, Toby Maguire, Jerry Seinfeld, Russell Brand, Anne Hathaway, Honey Boo Boo, Zayn One Direction, Harry Styles, Billy Boyd, Jason Segel, John Krasinski,Robert Downey Jr.,

Posted: 26th, July 2013 | In: Celebrities, Gifs, In Pictures Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

The best reactions to Kate Middleton’s pregnancy

KATE Middleton, Duchess of Cambridge, is pregnant. How did you react?

PopBitch

In hospital with acute morning sickness? Does she also sleep on a pile of feather mattresses with a pea underneath it?

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Posted: 3rd, December 2012 | In: Key Posts, Royal Family Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Mario Testino’s photos of Kate and William at Princess Charlotte’s christening come with a health warning

KING'S LYNN, ENGLAND - JULY 05: (EDITORIAL USE ONLY)   In this handout image supplied by Mario Testino/ Art Partner,  Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge, Prince William, Duke of Cambridge and their children Princess Charlotte of Cambridge and Prince George of Cambridge pose for a photo after the christening of Princess Charlotte of Cambridge at the Sandringham Estate on July 5, 2015 in King's Lynn, England. (Photo by Mario Testino/ Art Partner via Getty Images)  ***Terms of release, which must be included and passed-on to anyone to whom this image is supplied: USE AFTER 10/10/2015 must be cleared by Art Partner. This photograph is for editorial use only. NO commercial use. NO use in calendars, books or supplements. Use on a cover, or for any other purpose, will require approval from Art Partner and the Kensington Palace Press Office. There is no charge for the supply, release or publication of this official photograph. This photograph must not be digitally enhanced, manipulated or modified and must be used substantially uncropped. Picture must be credited: copyright Mario Testino /Art Partner.***

 

What do we think of Mario Testino’s photos of Kate and William in his Princess Charlotte’s christening portrait? Get a load of those big smiles. It’s typical celebrity stuff.

But Jonthan Jones can’t stand it:

 After all, they have plenty to smile about – the free houses, the free money, the free adulation, the fact there’s no chance of their kids ever having to worry about student loans, tax credits or the minimum wage.

But like his bosses at the Guardian, then.

All smiles all the way. But Testino, the world’s most horrible flatterer of wealth and status, makes every smile look phoney. He makes reality itself seem a glib and cynical charade.

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Posted: 10th, July 2015 | In: News, Royal Family Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

Witchcraft In The UK And African Churches: Children Are Murdered When Exorcism Fails

THE Sun has an interesting story on witchcraft in the UK:

HUNDREDS of British tots are victims of ritual abuse by parents convinced their child is possessed, police said yesterday. The Sun told on Tuesday how people in South London performed a 4am exorcism on a toddler.

In another case outlined at the Met’s Witchcraft and Spirit Possession event, a youngster was starved, beaten and caged as the parents feared evil spirits would jump from the child. One victim told how her aunt force-fed her for being a witch.

Grim.

And not at all far-fetched.

In 2010, Uganda’s Minister for Ethics and Integrity James Buturo appealed for help. The report:

He appealed to religious leaders regardless of the difference in faith to spearhead the campaigns to wipeout witchcraft and homosexuality in the country.

 

Exhibits Officer DC Mark Ham holds up a pair of children's shorts during a press conference at New Scotland Yard in central London. Police believe the shorts, which were found in the river Thames, may be connected to the murder of a young boy. * ... whose torso was found in the Thames near London Bridge. A world expert in African ritualistic murder was travelling to Britain to join the hunt for the killer of a boy whose torso was found in a river. Detectives hope forensic pathologist Dr Hendrik Scholtz will be able to shed new light on the death of the five-year-old, whose severed body was discovered floating in the Thames. Officers believe the boy could be the first person in the UK to die in a "muti killing of a kind known to have been practised in South Africa". The killings are done by witch doctors who use the victim's body parts for black magic potions. Dr Scholtz, from the Gauteng health department in South Africa, was heading to London ahead of a second post-mortem, which he will carry out. 02/07/03 : Police have arrested a 37-year old Nigerian man in Dublin in connection with the murder of the unidentified youngster who has been named Adam. Detectives fear the youngster, believed to have been between four and seven, was brought to London and killed as a human sacrifice.  Ref #: PA.1527996  Date: 25/01/2002

Exhibits Officer DC Mark Ham holds up a pair of children’s shorts during a press conference at New Scotland Yard in central London. Police believe the shorts, which were found in the river Thames, may be connected to the murder of a young boy. * … whose torso was found in the Thames near London Bridge. A world expert in African ritualistic murder was travelling to Britain to join the hunt for the killer of a boy whose torso was found in a river. Detectives hope forensic pathologist Dr Hendrik Scholtz will be able to shed new light on the death of the five-year-old, whose severed body was discovered floating in the Thames. Officers believe the boy could be the first person in the UK to die in a “muti killing of a kind known to have been practised in South Africa”. The killings are done by witch doctors who use the victim’s body parts for black magic potions. Detectives fear the youngster, believed to have been between four and seven, was brought to London and killed as a human sacrifice. Date: 25/01/2002

 

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Posted: 9th, October 2014 | In: Key Posts, News Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0

To Hell And BEK: Terrifying Meetings With Black-Eyed Child Ghosts

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WITH any luck the plague of “black-eyed children” will have a taste for ebola, rather than a liking for blue-eyed children, who are the tabloids’ preferred little monsters.

Following news of a black-eyed child-sized ghost playing peek-a-boo in Cannock Chase comes news that the planet if rife with a tribe of such beings.

The Star’s Jimmy McCloskey has news:

Paranormal experts have reported a puzzling rise in the number of frightening apparitions that have been recorded.

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Posted: 3rd, October 2014 | In: Key Posts, News Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0