Jeremy Clarkson Launches The Mini People Wagon MPV
JEREMY Clarkson reviews the new Mini Tank people wagon MPV for the Sunday Times.
This is a car so compact yet huge that it can house a 6ft 5in man with hair of special scientific interest and still have loadsa room for his sidekicks, their families and two hot hatchbacks.
Posted: 9th, July 2009 | In: Media Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Supermarket Rebranding Gives Shoppers Colin And Chips
SAINSBURY’S has renamed Pollack, the unlovely fish, as colin.
Anorak’s readers – the institutionalised and hacks - will be aware that not long ago cable TV channel UKTV 2 changed its name to Dave.
Viewing figures have gone up as many people tune in wondering what Dave is as they watch Jeremy Clarkson and his yes men on reruns of Top Gear and circle life’s plughole as the hideously unfunny Little Britain commands us to agree and laugh.
Posted: 6th, April 2009 | In: Money Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Truckers Linked To Serial Killings
IN the US, the FBI is forming a database that links long-haul truckers and serial killings.
Anorak readers will recall this comment by BBC presenter Jeremy Clarkson on truckers:
“What matters to lorry drivers? Murdering prostitutes? Fuel economy? It really is a hard job and I’m not just saying that to gain favour with truck drivers. There’s so much to do. “You’ve got to change gear, change gear, change gear, check mirror… murder a prostitute. Change gear, change gear, murder.”
Posted: 6th, April 2009 | In: Media Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
JADE Goody: Anorak’s at-a-glance look at Jade Goody’s post-reality career, with Jade’s coffin, Henry VIII and Australia…
The People: “Jade Goody coffin picture plot - Warped ghouls have been trying to get pictures of Jade Goody’s BODY in her coffin so they can sell them.”
Dis-gus-ting. (If you do have them, send them to us and we will publish them, tastefully.)
The monstrous plot echoes the evil attempts to make cash from pictures of Princess Diana dying in a car crash in Paris 12 years ago.
Echo… Like in a tunnel?
Posted: 29th, March 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Jeremy Clarkson Is Locked In The Toilet
HERE’S a video of Jeremy Clarkson being locked in a toilet - a portaloo…
Spotter: “>Holy Moly
Posted: 25th, March 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
LIKE Marmite is the new buzz phrase. Introducing Marmite Watch:
Kerry Katona
Kerry Katona is like Marmite - people like or her or hate her. But one thing is for sure, her life is one crazy roller coaster ride… - MTV
Jade Goody
She joked: “Maybe someone could send me a wreath in the shape of a Marmite bottle with the words written underneath: ‘You either loved or hated her’” - Daily Star
Posted: 13th, March 2009 | In: Key Posts, Media Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Ashley Cole Tops List Of Britain’s 20 Most Hated People
THE results are in and Ashley Cole – Mr Cheryl Cole - is Britain’s most hated person.
The list is for the 20 Most Hated Celebrities, but we are all celebs now, negating the need for any distinction between celebs and people.
News of Cole’s victory gives us no pleasure and any idea that Old Mr Anorak is inviting staff to pump the air in celebration and dance until giddy is far from the point.
In an online poll, Ashley scored 15 per cent of the votes.
Hating is a great fun, but it does mean that you have to research the subject you hate. Old Mr Anoak’s shelves are heavy with books on Anthea Turner, Cherie Blair, Nazis of the Third Reich, Spurs: 1980-1989, people who sigh a lot and the Swiss police.
BRITAIN’S MOST HATED
1. Ashley Cole - 15 per cent
Posted: 10th, March 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Jade Goody’s Celebrity Cancer Christening
JADE Goody celebrity cancer: Anorak’s at-a-glance look at Jade Goody’s celebrity cancer with the Christening, featuring God and his agent on earth Max Clifford…
Daily Mirror: “Kiss & Farewell”
EXCLUSIVE One last day of happiness for Jade and her boys at emotional hospital Christening.
Exclusive to all papers.
Tragic Jade Goody amazed family and friends yesterday by laughing and joking her way through an emotional Christening for her boys… before saying a heartbreaking last goodbye.
Last goodbye to whom? Not to us. Max, say it ain’t so…
Posted: 8th, March 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comments (17) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Fishy Porn And Heath Ledger’s Raped Nuns Are Popular In Australia
Fishy Porn And Heath Ledger’s Raped Nuns Are Popular In Australia
SAYS Rupert Murdoch’s news.com.au, his Australian news service online:
AS another year draws to a close we could ruminate sagely from the journalistic tower on the defining moments of 2008 - the global financial crisis; terror in Mumbai; the China quake; the historic election of a black president in the US.
In true awards style, the list is a count down to the big number one story. What is it, then: Obama, Mumbai or China?
Posted: 22nd, December 2008 | In: Media Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Britain’s Got Casualties: Those Millies Awards In Full
IN the Sun’s edition of Britain’s Got Casualties, the paper presents its Millies to the military’s most deserving victims of the War on Terror.
(Image: Beau B D’Or Website)
Anorak had been lobbying for Sergeant John to win the True Grit Award, but that went to Captain Simon Cupples. We had voted and voted and voted. But no.
Posted: 18th, December 2008 | In: Media Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Lily Allen Watch: Girls Aloud Pale, Huq On Clinton And Madonna Splits
LILY Allen Watch: Anorak’s look at the day’s top/ most pointless celebrity news stories…
Girls Aloud
Girls Aloud star Nicola Roberts looks even paler than usual - after a terrifying rollercoaster ride” – Gordon Smart, The Sun
Jeremy Clarkson
Posted: 1st, December 2008 | In: Celebrities Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Bravo Two Heroes: Jeremy Clarkson And Andy McCab Plug The Taliban
ANDY McNab, the Sun’s ex-SAS (so he says) defence expert is promoting the paper’s Millies.
“A platoon of British heroes fought off one of the most savage sieges of the Afghanistan conflict - as I looked on.”
That’s right. McNab is a Taliban terror tourist, watching as our boys wage bloody battle with the enemy. Are hacks the new officer class, sat on a high horse, looking on as the slaughter is enacted all around?
The Siege of Rosnan Tower saw precisely “just over 30 soldiers” take on exactly 400 Taliban fighters. One of our boys was hit. One hundred of them were killed. So says McNab. Facts!
Posted: 2nd, September 2008 | In: Tabloids, War On Terror Comments (5) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Downing Street Celebrates PM Pet Jeremy Clarkson
DOWNING Street on Clarkson. This is the state of politics in the UK.
Posted: 19th, August 2008 | In: Labour Party, PM's Pets, Politicians, Terrible TV Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Jon Gaunt Wants Russell Brand Attacked For Free Speech
THE SUN’S campaign to have every celebrity locked up - and so reduce the expense of observing them – moves on.
Having failed to have Peaches Geldof, Amy Winehouse, Naomi Campbell and Paul Burrell jailed (The Mirror goes for Jeremy Clarkson), the paper’s Jon Gaunt wants Russell Brand to be arrested for making a hoax call to the police.
There has been a series of sexual assaults in Northampton, where Brand is appearing on stage:
He borrows an audience member’s phone and rings the police hotline to tell them he’s actually seen the offender….
Posted: 18th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids Comments (9) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
THE Sun has published an issue in Polish. The Polski Sun’s arrival coincides with Euro2008.
The Sun will win over the Polish community with tales of Page 3 stunskis, Skyski satellite dishes and Germans.
The front page features a blonde woman draped in red and white and a headline that surely translates to “COME ON YOU POLES”.
All is written in Polish, but what with it being the Sun English readers may not realise and think Sun columnists like Jeremy Clarkson and John Gaunt are being ironic…
Posted: 7th, June 2008 | In: Back pages, Immigration, Tabloids Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Jeremy Clarkson Is 186Mph And Out
JEREMY Clarkson replies to Rosie Boycott’s question as to what is the fastest he has ever driven: “On the public roads…186.”
What car did you do it in, Jezza? Was it an unmarked police car, a Rover 75 or a tuned up milk float?
The Mail has stopped listening, at least it has stopped listening to Clarkson. Says the Mail: BBC urged to sack Jeremy Clarkson after he admits driving at 186mph on public road.
It turns out that the people suing the BBC to remove Clarkson’s wheels are someone from Brake, a group that doesn’t sound as if it champions speed, and Brigitte Chaudhry of Roadpeace (vroom!)
No other names of the outraged are given, but rest assured they are many…
Posted: 28th, May 2008 | In: TV & Radio, Tabloids Comments (19) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Britain’s Celebrity Police Force: An Evening With Jeremy Clarkson
YESTERDAY the Mirror showed its readers its front-page picture of Jeremy Clarkson driving a car with what looked like a mobile phone held to an ear.
Today, the Mirror says: “COPS TO QUIZ THE BERK IN A MERC.”
Right now Britain’s celebrity police force are analysing the Mirror’s picture of the BBC TV presenter in his car.
Says Superintendent Mike Doyle: “Using a mobile while driving is extremely dangerous and has the same effect on a person’s ability to drive as being just over the drink-driving limit.”
Adding: “If we had enough evidence that we thought could be supported in court, we would take action.”
The Supt. should put the picture of Clarkson up on a wall at the police station. Here’s another celebrity that makes the police look on the ball and ready to strike.
Posted: 12th, March 2008 | In: Back pages Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Jeremy Clarkson Says Amin A Hurry On The M40
JEREMY Clarkson is making news.
“Top Gear Clarkson hurtles down the M40..on mobile.”
Can this be one of those zany stunts where Clarkson and his Top Gear team find a new way to get somewhere: James May (“I’m On The Lash”) is drunk on a turbo-charged shopping trolley; Richard Hammond (“I’m On The Train”) makes the journey on pubic transport; and Clarkson (“I’m On The Phone”) is taped to a powered-up Nockia 210e.
But Clarkson is in a car. In “BERK IN A MERC” the Mirror’s front-page news is that Jeremy Clarkson is driving on the road while using a car.
(Please refer to Anorak’s exclamation mark bin and sprinkle liberally.)
This is the “Top Gear star’s illegal moment of madness on the M40”.
Posted: 11th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Jeremy Clarkson Cannot Apologise For Society, Nor The Media
WHEN something happens to you, the media may learn of your incident via a court report, a police statement or a late night telephone call to a DJ called Robbie or Johnny on Radio Wiltshire Magic.
When something happens to an image-centric member of the established media it turns into a feature, an anecdote to be oft repeated on the after dinner speaking circuit. It becomes an emblem for our times.
So here’s Jeremy Clarkson, the BBC presenter and Sun columnist, telling Sun readers about his trip to the bad lands of Milton Keynes, in the Home Counties. It is the occasion of his youngest daughter’s birthday and she wants to visit the town’s snow dome.
A smoking ban means Clarkson has to stop outside to indulge his prohibited habit. And that’s when he is approached by a “swarm of children”. They pester him. And “figuring that attack was probably the best form of defence, I grabbed the ringleader by the hoodie, lifted him off the ground and explained it’d be best if he went back to his tenement.”
And that’s when it happened: “I was holding the boy by the scruff of the neck, and instead of worrying about being stabbed I was actually thinking: ‘Jesus, I’m going to get done for assault if I’m not careful.”
Clarkson is now, as the Mail reports, at the centre of police investigation. He was not stabbed. He was not punched, kicked, spat on, happy-slapped or strafed by a sub-automatic machine gun of the type he would equip teachers with.
The hoodies pulled out mobile phones and began taking pictures of the celebrity getting acquainted with their mate. Should such images turn up on YouTube or in Heat magazine, would Clarkson look good?
These hoodies are paparazzi-in-traning. The story is as much about Clarkson entering their world and them entering his.
But we have heard the tale, and are now able to place the celebrity’s actions in context. It’s not his fault he manhandled a child. It’s bad housing. It’s the “thick” parents. It’s the “frizzy-haired human rights lawyer” bullying the poor teacher. It’s the Government - “We can’t rely on police - not without picking every single thing done by new Labour in the past ten years.”
We learn that his was no isolated act, a playground spat between a TV star six-feet-five inches tall and a bunch of lippy children in a provincial town. This is society’s ills at large in microcosm.
Clarkson will not apologise. Not when the faulty so clearly lies elsewhere…
Posted: 6th, December 2007 | In: Tabloids Comments (10) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Big Brother: Ziggy 11th Sexiest Man On Planet Easth
TOP 50 SEXIEST MEN ON THE PLANET
1. Brad Pitt
2. David Beckham
3. George Clooney
4. Johnny Depp
5. Daniel Craig
6. Benicio Del Toro
7. Justin Lee Collins
8. Freddie Ljungburg
9. Alex Zane
10. Gordon Ramsey
11. Ziggy Lichman
12. Sean Connery
13. Julian McMahon
14. Robert Kazinsky
15. James McAvoy
16. Johnny Wilkinson
17. Keifer Sutherland
18. Nigel Harman
19. David Gandy
20. Christiano Ronaldo
21. Matt Damon
22. Collin Farrell
23. Thierry Henry
24. Ricky Gervais
25. Jeremy Clarkson
26. Lewis Hamilton
27. Steve Jones
28. David Walliams
29. Dermot O’Leary
30. Jay Z
31. Jamie Foxx
32. Rob Lowe
33. Wentworth Miller
34. Hugh Jackman
35. Hugh Grant
36. Vernon Kay
37. Prince Harry
38. Jessie Metcalf
39. Antonio Banderas
40. Piers Morgan
41. Phil Spencer
42. Kelly Jones
43. Orlando Bloom
44. Michael Parkinson
45. Simon Cowell
46. Robbie Williams
47. Jenson Button
48. P Diddy
49. Will Smith
50. Chris Moyles
Posted: 24th, August 2007 | In: Big Brother TV Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
