X Factor Live: Jedward Do Jive Bunny, Olly Murs Is The Man And Danyl Johnson Is Careless
X Factor Live Blog: It’s Wham! Week. John and Edward, Danyl Johnson, Stacey Solomon, Jedward, Joe McElderry, Lloyd Daniels and contagious Olly Murs?
1. Lloyd Daniels - You’ve Got To Have Faith.
Lloyd needs faith because he doesn’t have a prayer of winning. Should have sung Wake Me Up Before You GoGo. A does of self-depracating humour might have saved him.
Damned by hard to like Louis Walsh: “I love everything except he voice Lloyd, I think you’re a real little pop star though.”
2. Stacey Solomon - I Can’t Make You Love Me
Is she getting blonder?
X Factor: Stacey Solomon Look Alike Gallery. She’s through to next week’s show.
Posted: 21st, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
PHONE sex in the 1980s was more obvious than now. And proud to be so. The Oral Sex Phone is all over the internets. And it is a wonderful device.
“Here’s a phone that’s both functional and fabulous. Superbly sculptured by a European artist, it’s masterpiece of lightweight, micro-processor technology. The erotica phone plugs into any wall jack and is fully guaranteed. The quantity is limited so order now. It costs only $69.95 (plus $5 for shipping and handling) to won the ultimate conversation piece.”
Posted: 21st, November 2009 | In: Flashback Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
I’m A Celebrity: Katie Price Finds Jordan In An Alcopop
I’M A Celebrity: In Make Your Own Katie Price, we tell you how to grow your own Jordan in a bottle of alcopops or wine box.
Jordan adorns the cover of the Sun’s front page and tells readers: “Keep me sober or I’ll get nasty.”
This is, of course, a call for the I’m A Celebrity producers to airdrop caseloads of fermented cockroach penis to the jungle studio. It’s is also receipe for Jordan.
The Sun says that Katie plus booze equals Jordan.
Posted: 21st, November 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
I’m A Celebrity: Naked Katie Price Becomes Kate And Jordan ‘Dies’
I’M A Celebrity: Katie Price is dying. Kate Price is upon us. Jordan makes a naked dash for fame. And the worms get ready to complete the food cycle…
Daily Star (front page): “JORDAN: I’LL DIE IN BUSH”
Is that Bush the famous Shepherd’s Bush, location of the overgrown Blue Peter Garden and the BBC’s Television Centre? To viewers it looks like the Australian Bush, made to look bigger by clever angles and having little Ant ‘n’ Dec present the show.
Jordan will die in this Bush. Having eaten so much insect, she will become insect food.
KATE Price believes she is so hated, the public actually want to see her die in the jungle.
Posted: 21st, November 2009 | In: Celebrities Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
I’m A Celebrity: Peter Andre ‘Buys’ House To ‘Win Back’ Katie Price
I’M A Celebrity Watch: Katie Price has headed back to the I’m A Celebrity jungle as Step 1 in her bid to remarry Peter Andre – or, er, not.
And the Daily Star reports that Peter Andre “buys huge family pad to win back Katie.”
It’s a fact! Now read on:
“Peter Andre could be splashing out £3milliomn on a new home as ex-wife Kate Price relives the first dramatic moments of their jungle romance.”
Posted: 20th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Man Uses Katie Price’s Old Jordans As Muscle Implants, Video
IT turns out that Katie Price’s old breast implants are not used as filler for car bumpers not are they formed into a defence shield along the US-Canada border. Breast implants are repackaged as muscle implants.
The 10 Men Most Likely To Marry Katie Price
One man invested in some. One problem might be if they inherit character traits of the previous owner. If so, look out for him squiring Peter Andre, singing in Eurovision and jumping so hard that they rearrange his features…
For Cheryl, June and all the Anorak ladies:
The Katie Price Burning: A Life In Pictures
Posted: 20th, November 2009 | In: Strange But True Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
I’m A Celebrity: Katie Price Gets Stoned
I’M A Celebrity Watch: Katie Price says she going to take her Jedwards and walk out of the overgrown Blue Peter jungle – it’s not been the same since Percy Thrower died. Well she might.
Here’s what the front pages are saying about I’m Katie Price…Get Me A Crocodile Penis And Make It Snappy:
Daily Star (front page): “JORDAN: I’LL QUIT JUNGLE OF HATE”
Defo! Katie Price will quit. Nothing can stop her!
Posted: 20th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
I’m A Celebrity: Sick Camilla Dallerup Exposes Katie Price’s Dark Secret
IN Five Reasons Why Camilla Dallerup walked out of the I’m A Celebrity jungle, the we mentioned The Conspiracy. It was only bad camera angles and lighting that made Camilla look wetter than a Young LibDem’s guppy fish in a monsoon.
And now the Star brings front-page news: “JUNGLE FIXED FOR JORDAN TO WIN’”.
“Sickened dancer reveals TV show’s darks secret.”
Posted: 19th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
I’m A Celebrity: Katie Price Is Rubbed Off In Kim Woodburn Bust Up
I’M A Celebrity: For the first time in weeks, there is not a single X Factor story on the cover of any paper, which can only mean one thing: Katie Price is wearing a bikini in the overgrown Blue Peter garden. The daily round-up of I’m A Celebrity news:
The Sun (front page): “Three on the bounce”
Jordan has now completed Three Bush Tucker trials. And it’s all because of Peter Andre:
Fans of her ex-hubby Peter Andre are said to have hatched an internet plot to force her to do EVERY trial in revenge for her treatment of the singer.
Good of the Sun to undercover this datardley plot on the shadowy web. What do we know?
One poster on Facebook wrote: “Keep voting for Kate to do all the tasks.”
Another added: “Vote her to do all the nasty trials.” Bookies made Jordan favourite to do the next trial.
Can it be that only two people vote for the celebs to be put up for challenges?Or is teh sun workign on away to keep Peter Andre in the jungle dynamic? In other news, there’s been a fight, what tabloids should call a BUST UP:
The Mirror: “Kim v Katie”
It’s televised pro-celebrity cleaning woman Kim Woodburn and Katie Price. Fumble? No. Rumble. Yes! Fight!
She looks as if she could handle herself in a physical confrontation and after her verbal rucking with Katie Price in the episode on telly a couple of hours ago, Kim’s obv up for a rumble in the jungle too…
The Mirror is writing in the manner of a text message to git din wiv da kidz. Back to the fight. Will Kim wipe the floor with Katie? Will Katie starts calling Kim ‘Quim’? The exchange goes like this:
Katie wants to know what the other campmates thing of her. This is good because ITV can now film Katie and the other celebs at the same time, instead of just Katie:
Gino In Da Campo: “I thought you would be a right bitch.”
Quim: “You are what I thought you’d be.”
Jordan: “What, a bitch?”
Quim: “You’re a publicity seeker. You live and die for publicity and you do it well. As Shakespeare once said, ‘We fear you protesteth too much.’”
Shakespeare might have said it but he never did write it down. Kim Woodburn is an authority on Shakespeare, that’s Brett Shakespeare, supplier of scouring pads to the rich and famous.
Jordan: “What do you mean?”
Kim: “You said you escaped to come in here but you’ve got 12 million people watching you every night. I don’t get that. What I’m saying is you do publicity very well and you protest all the time but love it. You live it and dream it.”
Jordan: “No, I used to love it”
Kim continues to rub away at the stain. But Jordan is constructed beneath indelible layers of felt tip and wood stain. Oh, if only breasts were elbows Kim would have the power to wipe Jordan from the face of the planet.
And it end with fisticuffs? Well, no:
Katie: “We’re all talented in our own way, Kim. I’ve got to laugh out loud to myself. I’m agreeing with you, Kim.”
Katie Price not in fight and gets on with campmates – read all about it! It’s MAYHEM!
See pictures of busty stars here.
I’m A Celebrity’s Sam Fox’s Career In Pictures
Me And My Chest: Peter Andre’s Career in Pictures
The Katie Price Burning: A Life In Pictures
Posted: 19th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comments (15) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
I’m A Celebrity: Jan Moir Is The Daily Mail’s Katie Price
I’M A Celebrity, With Jan Moir and Katie Price. Jan Moir, last seen trashing Stephen Gately in print, now has a turn on Katie Price. Reading the piece, Anorak cannot but help think that Moir has confused her private diary with her work.
Is she talking about Katie Price or herself? Let’s take a look:
Sweet kangaroo cutlets, what have we here? Katie Price back in the jungle again? I’m afraid so. I’m very, very afraid so. On Monday evening, the former topless model, sex pest, author and freshly divorced mother-of-three returned to I’m A Celebrity … Get Me Out Of Here!
That’s the pursed-lipped preamble, the diatribe equipped with one large colour picture of Katie in a bikini and in the shower for the newspaper and three pictures for web fans. Moir goes on:
Five years on from her first appearance in the reality show, shot on location in the Australian rainforest, Price is the first contestant to be invited to return.
It’s six years, Jan. Katie Price was on the show in 2003. Back to the professional writer:
Already she has reflected the, ahem, prestige and dignity of her jungle homecoming by wearing animal-print clothes that are tighter than anything the animals ever managed. She also thrashed around in a filthy swamp, washed her breasts in public and offered to give everyone a massage.
See pictures of tight clothes and much thrashing in the Daily Mail.
Posted: 18th, November 2009 | In: Key Posts, Media Comments (6) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
I’m A Celebrity: Katie Price’s ‘Only Interview’ Causes ‘Mayhem’
I’M A Celebrity In OK: In this weeks’ OK! magazine Katie Price delivers her “only interview” (today), Samantha Fox calls Jordan a “freak” and Kerry Katona says she’ll see Katie in the jungle.
It’s the I’m A Celebrity jungle special in this week’s OK! magazine as the organ trails the show that has, er, already started.
To make this one fly, and the £2,.60 cover price worth it, OK! needs a scoop. Can it find one?
“With a face full of Botox, a mouth like a Kalashnikov, a head packed with explosive secrets, celebrity tornado Katie Price is sure to cause total mayhem as she rips through the I’m a Celebrity… jungle camp.”
Posted: 18th, November 2009 | In: Key Posts, OK! Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
I’m A Celebrity: ‘Lesbian’ Katie Price Wants To ‘Remarry’ Peter Andre
I’M A Celebrity Watch: Katie Price wants to remarry Peter Andre, Myleene Klass revisited, nominative determinism and Samantha Fox goes native…
When you pay a fortune - £350,000 – to put “lesbian” Jordan in the jungle for a “romp” – you need to milk her for all she’s worth before the great unwashed vote her off the show.
Same goes for the tabloids, who have invested so much ink in Katie Price that unless a naked Sam Fox is going to put her head in Gino D’Acampo’s mouth all eyes remais locked on the former Mrs Peter Andre.
Posted: 18th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
I’m A Celebrity: Katie Price’s Eyebrows Fear Bush Tucker Trial
WANT to know why I’m A Celebrity sexual organ eater Katie Price spent £10K on “EXTREME MAKEOVER”?
Closer magazine says she did it to “GET PETE’S ATTENTION”.
Peter is Peter Andre, the former Mr Katie Price who seems to spend the larger part of his working life talking and singing about the former Mrs Peter Andre.
Inside Closer and we learn that Katie Price has her teeth turned “avalanche” white and face filled so that she looks like an almost lifelike porcelain doll to “rile Pete”.
Posted: 17th, November 2009 | In: Closer Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
I’m A Celebrity: Peter Andre Talks About The Show He Has Moved On From
I’M A Celebrity Watch: With so many naked chests around, we can only imagine how clean-chested Peter Andre would have fitted into the tableau. And he was asked to be in the overgrown Blue Peter Garden. Oh yes he was.
As the Daily Mirror says:
“Peter Andre claims he turned down I’m A Celebrity return”
And in turning it down, the hit show gives Peter Andre something to talk about in his reality life. He tells new! magazine:
“I was approached by ITV to do the show three months ago, but I said no straight away. For me it would be like going backwards and - as much as I love the people at ITV - I am keen to move forwards.”
Posted: 17th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities Comments (5) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
I’m A Celebrity: Naked Katie Price And Sam Fox Join Topless Kim Woodburn Romp
I’M A CELEBRITY WATCH: Katie Price introduces her JEdwards (Edward And John Grimes), Samantha Fox topless and Kim Woodburn poses for Older & Colder magazine.
Daily Star (front page): “Fumble in the jungle”
“Bush babes have topless romp in pool”
Katie Price and Samantha Fox have wasted no time getting down their lesbian affair, eh readers. As we know, lesbian mums are what’s best for Katie’s kids.
KATE Price flashed her boobs twice within in 60 minutes of landing in the jungle.
Don’t worry. She’ll warm up. Start slow. Treat ‘em man, keep ‘em keen, and all that. And then:
Sam Fox also plunged into the pool. One source said: “If they’re showing that much flesh in the first 24 hours, what on Earth is going to happen in the days to come?”
Flesh eating bugs will ravish them and we’ll finally get to see their under-flesh. It’s TV’s last great taboo.
Posted: 17th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
I’m A Celebrity Kangaroos Get Fruit Flavoured Condoms
SO tasty are Condomi’s fruit-flavored condoms - “taste like real fruit” - that your significant other will sink their teeth into your penis in the manner of Katie Price eating a kangaroo’s member on I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here.
Either that or the reassuringly snug Condomi will peel your member like Abu Hamza tugging at an under-ripe satsuma.
Posted: 16th, November 2009 | In: Money Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Katie Price Should Marry Samantha Fox To Give Her Kids A Better Start In Life, Research Says
RESEARCH suggests that any future romance between “lesbian” Katie Price and Samantha Fox in the I’m A Celebrity jungle may leads to better life for his children, Junior Peter Andre, Princess Tianaminime and Harvey.
Stephen Scott, director of research at the National Academy for Parenting Practitioners, has said his research shows children from lesbian couples do better in life than the offspring of heterosexual couples…
“Lesbians make better parents than a man and a women,” Mr Scott told a meeting for the launch of think tank Demos.
Posted: 16th, November 2009 | In: Key Posts, Media Comments (5) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
I’m A Celebrity: Katie Price’s Lesbian Milf Affair And Therapy
I’M A Celebrity Watch: Anorak’s daily look at the jungle show in the news: Katie Price’s jungle therapy, lesbian affair, Milf credentials and proud kids.
Katie Price is not yet in the overgrown Blue Peter garden – but she still manages to be the only contestant to feature on any tabloid front pages.
In readiness for Jordan’s arrival, a swinging bench love seat has been erected on the spot where Peter Andre and Jordan fell for each other in 2004.
Producer Marty Benson admitted: “We want canoodling. The swing offers them some privacy. Hopefully they’ll talk about the other people in the camp. It’s surrounded by cameras, so we’ll capture everything they do on the swing. It’s located where Peter Andre wrote Insania in series three. It seemed appropriate somehow.”
Daily Star: “MY GIRL ON GIL JUNGLE LUST”
Katie Price has heard that Samantha Fox is a lesbian. Not a lesbian who pushes her big naked chest into another girl’s chest on Page 3 or has had her breasts groped by Trinny ‘The Tranny’ Woodall or Gok Wan, but an actual lesbian.
You know like, er, celebrity jungle alumni Janice Dickinson:
Janice, 54, who has flown to Australia for the ITV2 spin-off show Get Me Out Of Here Now, told the Daily Star: “Jordan is great. We had a lesbian affair on the flight over. It was great. We joined the mile high club. I didn’t know her until now.”
Not a grope on the flight but a full-blown affair, with dates, furtive texts, tears, melancholic taxi rides through rainy streets and loadsa shagging.
So expect lots of lesbian sex. As the Sun says:
Fumble in the jungle? Not at any Price
Phwoaar!!! In other news, we look at Katie’s mental health:
Daily Mirror: “I’m NOT nuts”
Beneath a picture of Katie Price looking like she emerged from Dr Frankenstein’s Cosmetic Studios - a child beauty pageant heads stuck onto a pair of Ford fiesta airbags and Barbies body – readers hear:
“For others, it’s a game show. For me, it’s closure. I’m going back to a place where a big fairytale began for me.
“I met my husband, I had two more beautiful children and six years on I’ve been married, divorced, ready to go back in. I’ve had a crap year and the fairytale has ended. I’m going in for closure.”
It’s not a telly show - it’s a place for Jordan to exorcise her demons. It’s therapy.
“People think I’m breaking down, I’ve lost the plot, I’m not a good mum, I’m a man-eater. They’ve got all these perceptions but I think that when people see me again, like last time, they’ll see I’m grounded, if not more grounded.”
See the Daily Star’s story all-too-unbelievable story about her being grounded aboard a Jumbo Jet Down Under before she sucks down a kangaroos genitals. This one’s for you, Pete. And the kids:
She said of her three children: “They’ll be able to watch me on telly and be proud of their mum.” But she also announced: “I am the jungle MILF” - referring to the cheeky term for “mum I’d like to f***”.
Mum I’d Like To **** is “cheeky” to the Sun. It makes you wonder what the tabloids consider crude.
Here’s Jordan to save a telly show that doesn’t need saving.
Posted: 16th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comments (5) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
I’m A Celebrity Ge Me Out Of Here: Sabrina Washington And Stuart Manning So In Love
WHAT odds on the two least know celebrities in the I’m A Celebrity jungle - Sabrina Washington and Stuart Manning – sharing a romance?
From the patio heater warmed Blue Peter Garden, the Mirror hears a source tell:
“Stuart has been following Sabrina around like a love-sick puppy. And she has been lapping up the attention and flirting outrageously.”
Stu-pot is gagging for it. As he says:
“I don’t want my private life played out on screen, to be honest…”
While Stuart’s agent takes him to one side and reminds him how it works – to be liked you must: flirt, smoke and replace the word “my” with “me” – Katie Price continues to speak like a talking tabloid. Here’s Katie making redtop sub-editors redundant:
“I’m coming here to win. All those who have come out against me won’t know what’s hit them.”
Posted: 15th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Chelsea Handler’s Katie Price-Style ‘Asshole’ Playboy Pictures
CHELSEA Handler has been introduced to the UK by Katie Price, whom she met on her cable telly show. The aim of the outing was for Katie to show the US that’s she exists and for Handler to joke at her expense.
It failed.
What we saw was how vacuous and needy Katie Price’s life is and how much even the most remote TV show and a host with as sharp a wit as Handler’s need the aide to masturbation that is Jordan.
Posted: 14th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
- June on Oxford Man Parks By Downing Street And Has Car Blown Up
- michelle on X Factor Live: Jedward Do Jive Bunny, Olly Murs Is The Man And Danyl Johnson Is Careless
- Joanna and the Wolf on Katie Price Should Marry Samantha Fox To Give Her Kids A Better Start In Life, Research Says
- annette on X Factor Live: Jedward Do Jive Bunny, Olly Murs Is The Man And Danyl Johnson Is Careless
- stephanie on X Factor Live: Jedward Do Jive Bunny, Olly Murs Is The Man And Danyl Johnson Is Careless
