Peter Andre Pulled Out Of I’m A Celebrity Not To Do The X Factor
I’M A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here! has claimed Peter Andre as its first victim. The pop acorn who rose to fame – literally – when he squired Katie Price in the jungle clearing will not be reporting on the show.
Sentimental Peter Andre was all booked to head Down Under and spend three weeks as a behind-the-scenes reporter for This Morning, saying nice things in a nice way and being, hopefully, thought of as nice by the nice viewers at home.
Posted: 12th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities Comments (7) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Scotland’s Clinics Ordered Not To Give Swine Flu Vaccine To Over 65s
SWINE Flu breaking news: SCENES of great anger, yelling, shouting and tearful patients and staff in Health Centres north of the Border in Scotland as as the awful Swine Flu home truths hit home.
The same bad news is probably now breaking in England and Wales.
Within the last few hours batches of Swine Flu vaccine are reaching Health Centres. Medical staff who wished to be inoculated were dealt with last week and most health centres have installed special fridges to hold the precious fluids.
One small snag which is causing the national uproar: doctors are being ordered NOT to inoculate high risk patients over the age of 65.
Posted: 12th, November 2009 | In: Media Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Katie Price’s Burning Sensation X Factor Presents The Week In Pictures
WHAT a week that was, folks. We saw Gary Glitter’s Halloween costume, a man was beaten to death on the telly for our entertainment, The Cheeky Girls encouraged thoughts of them mating with X Factor’s Jedward and creating a new breed of horror, Madonna sanitized Africa, police arrested West Ham, Stephen Fry fans pretending to be actors, had a strop on Twitter, X Factor agonist Danyl Johnson was beaten by Hitler, giving us another reason to hate Danyl with a Y, Marlon King was branded a typical footballer, you got to cover your cat’s anus with a glitter ball, Muslims laughed at Muslims, Ollie Murs reminded us of them, Iggy Pop, Muhammad reminded us of corduroy bodysuits, starred in a film as John Travolta, we blamed the Muslims for Madeleine McCann, Al Gore became a God, Daily Mail readers came out in favour of Sharia LawNazis and , we learnt that a virus can wear bovver boots, was burnt as a bitch, Katie PriceSusan Boyle was our transsexual Jesus, Lindsay Lohan died, almost, Ringo Starr became something funny in the water, we saw the Carrie Prejean sex tape, Katie and Peter got back together, we enjoyed blood porn, Sharon Osbourne presented her hairy arsehole, Jedward reviewed their novelty record collection, Elizabeth LambertBeyonce made us watch women’s football- and it was good, showed us her knickers and Nidal Malik Hasan became a victim as he murdered 13 people.
7981735
Posted: 7th, November 2009 | In: Key Posts, Media Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Katie Price And Peter Andre Back Together By Christmas
PETER Andre would like us all to know that Harvey Yorke-Price-Andre-Price is not suffering form swine flu.
But what’s this? Now sooner is Harvey better than Junior Peter Andre, aka Junior Andre-Price-Andre, is sick:
JORDAN made a dramatic dash back to hospital today just a day after Harvey was discharged - this time over fears about Junior. The glamour girl, real name Katie Price, rushed to the A&E department in Caterham Hospital, Surrey, with her four-year-old.
And were the press still there?
Posted: 6th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Peter Andre And Katie Price: Harvey’s Swine Flu, A Gay Secret And Back Together
KATIE Price & Peter Andre Watch:Peter’s “gay secret”, Harvey’s celebrity swine flu, Yate awaits, Peter and Katie back together and Peter’s sex life…
“PETER Andre’s Big Gay Secret,” announces the Daily Star’s front page,.
What’s that big gay secret, then? Peter isn’t all that tall:
PETE Andre is poised to become the new Paul O’Grady in a megabucks telly deal. The Aussie is at the centre of a TV tug-of-war as two major networks battle to sign him up. He has been approached by Channel 4 and ITV about hosting his own show. Channel 4 bosses are keen to unveil him as the new O’Grady, while ITV want him as their permanent guest host on Friday’s This Morning.
Paul O’Grady is gay. Is that the “Big Gay Secret?” As for Sentimental Pete presenting a TV show:
Last night an ITV spokesman said there were no new plans to work with Peter. But he added: “He is currently working on This Morning and ITV1 and doing very well.” There was no-one available for comment at Channel 4.
So what is Peter Andre up to if he’s not presenting a tea-time telly show?
Posted: 5th, November 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Jedward Do The X Factor: The Most Amazing Things About John & Edward Mania
X FACTOR Watch - Jedward special: Simon Cowell fixed it for Jedward, Halloween and bust, swine flu, Robbie Williams supports, Noel Gallagher cheers, JLS are on message, Danyl Johnson votes John & Edward, the look-alikes and Jedward sing YMCA…
ON the front pages of the Mirror, Sun and Star, each time dressed as vampires ready to administer a love bite to anyone close enough, and so create another Jedward clone, the brothers Grimes introduce Halloween.
The Mirror: “X Factor twins John and Edward Grimes may be too sick to perform”
The sick so-and-sos. What they gone and done now?
Simon Cowell’s prayers could be answered – terrible twins John and Edward have been SILENCED by raging sore throats.
If they can’t sing, John & Edward get a pass through to the next round. Happily, Queen’s We Will Rock You is along with YMCA the world’s big semaphore hit and John & Edward can still perform with camping and foot stamping while stood on a large rock.
But the Brothers Grimes are now bona fide celebrities and a sore throat is not enough. As stars they demands more:
THE X Factor twins have been struck down with “flu-like” symptoms - just 24 hours after The Sun revealed the pair were at risk from swine flu.
Belfast Telegraph: “X Factor: Would you vote for the Grimes brothers?”
At his BBC Electric Proms performance last week Robbie stunned the crowd when he told them: “Go for the twins. John and Edward all the way.”
Well, if you can’t stun the crowd with your singing your new song that sounds like a composite blend of your own song with lyrics penned by an angst-riddled teenager, knock them bandy with something else.
And it’s not only Robbie Williams who likes Jedward:
Last year’s X Factor runners-up JLS have also given them the thumbs up, and even Noel Gallagher is reported to be behind them.
You imagine X Factor runners-up JLS like them because it reflects well on them to support a special needs act, and Noel Gallagher likes them because it’s pretty much what Simon Cowell’s pop factory deserves.
X Factor favourite Danyl Johnson, who is being mentored by their nemesis Simon Cowell, has revealed that he’s been voting to keep the twins in.
Danyl Johnson is so desperate to be likes he votes for John & Edward and then let’s this fact be know to the world at large. Others need John & Edward to remind the rest of us that they exist:
And John and Edward have also won the support of Big Brother reject Becky Shiner, who waited outside the X Factor house for hours to see them.
And to be seen.
The Guardian: “X Factor twins John and Edward pin victory hope on talent for publicity”
Simon Cowell described them as “vile little creatures who would step on their mother’s head to have a hit” and vowed to leave the country and sulk for six months if they won. Cheryl Cole said they could neither sing nor dance (”fact”) and more than 181,000 people joined a Facebook hate group in their name.
Hundreds of journalists quite about them.
“It’s been Jedward mania this week,” said Sam Delaney, the editor of Heat. “We’ve hit the tipping point. It’s up there with Bros mania, or Take That at their peak.” Delaney said the rise of JedwoodJohn and Edward mirrored the ascent of another upwardly mobile public figure. “There are parallels here with David Cameron,” he said. “People started off loathing him, then they started mocking him and then one day we woke up and thought: ‘Jesus Christ, he could actually win this.’”
Surely he thought, “Simon Cowell, he could actually win this.” Cowell is bigger. Right, Max:
Publicist Max Clifford believed people were voting to wind up Cowell. “The more Simon speaks out about them the way he does, the better it gets for them.”
The more media space they get the more people are familiar with them and the more likely they are to vote for them. Simon Cowell! John & Edward are Nick Griffin set to music!
But wait a moment. What’s this?
The Sun: “Simon loves Jedward”
SIMON Cowell secretly loves X Factor twins John and Edward Grimes and hatched a plot to turn them into megastars FOUR MONTHS ago, The Sun can reveal.
What’s this? The voting public is being duped? Louis and Simon are in this together!
Westlife’s Shane Filan said Simon and Louis showed footage of the boys to him and his bandmates in June, declaring: “They’re going to be massive.” And he said Simon knows the duo will have a big TV career even if they flop as pop stars.
Shane, 30, whose band is managed by Louis, the twins’ mentor, said: “We went with Louis to Simon’s house in LA and they took us to a room with a cinema and said, ‘We want to play you something.’ They played us John and Edward and Simon said, ‘They’re going to be massive.’ We were like, ‘Oh my god, they’ve gone crazy!’ It was when they did their first audition and they were asked where they’d be in ten years’ time and they were like, ‘We’re gonna be a bit older.’ And Simon said, ‘These are going to make it in the final 12.’
So it’s a fix. Cowell and Walsh are in an elite club of two that sets the agenda as to who wins their TV show. And you trust the Sun to bring you the facts:
The Sun told this week how the twins scored the highest vote on last weekend’s show, while Simon’s act Danyl finished in the bottom two.
Only they didn’t. Rachel did. John & Edward came nearer the bottom than the top. Is the Sun in on this conspiracy to promote Jedward?
Irish Times: “The public’s guilty pleasure”
You can hear the editor screaming: “Get me a few hundred words on Jedward fast. A writer gets to work:
WE ARE ALWAYS more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess than to be praised for the 15 which we do possess.” Clearly, Mark Twain wasn’t an X Factor devotee, but his words are cannily spot-on when it comes to Dublin twins John and Edward Grimes. Talent – in musical terms anyway – doesn’t ooze from their collective pores, and some critics question whether they have any skills at all, let alone 15 of them.
Spot on, then. One thing we can agree on, and the writer can agree with himself on is this:
Cringey? Yes. Camp? Certainly. But it was so damn watchable, even if you had to peek through your fingers.
To win the show, Jedward need to be as awful as possible. Anorak has produced their playlist to ensure success. And do look at their look-alike gallery – your suggestions please…
Posted: 31st, October 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
England Refuse To Play ‘Swine Flu’ Mexico At World Cup
SCARE story of the day comes via the Sun, wherein readers are told that footballers are spreading swine flu:
PREMIER LEAGUE stars were last night ordered to stop spitting amid fears of spreading swine flu. The Health Protection Agency have stepped in, trying to stop the infection being passed on. Three Blackburn players have had the virus including Chris Samba and David Dunn, while four unnamed Bolton stars are sick.
No spitting on order of the HPA, whose spokesman clears his throat:
“Spitting is disgusting at all times. It’s unhygienic and unhealthy, particularly if you spit close to other people. Footballers wouldn’t spit indoors - so they shouldn’t do it on the pitch.”
Posted: 28th, October 2009 | In: Sports Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Scare Story Video: The Swine Flu Cheerleader Who Can Only Walk Backwards
DESREE JENNINGS is a woman “convinced that a flu shot given to her has lead to a rare disorder which means she can only walk backwards”.
There is no mention of swine flu by the victim. The entire piece is headlined: “WAS IT THE FLU SHOT?” No investigation by the news team. None needed.
If the poor woman can create sense of panic, then she’s more than useful.
She runs with a “normal stride”. She “even spoke normally”. Walking forward “can be dangerous”. Your presenter is not a parody, allegedly:
Posted: 24th, October 2009 | In: Scare Stories Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Peta Stopped From Linking Swine Flu To Eating Meat
PETA says you can catch swine flu from eating meat.
Peta’s poster campaign states that “Meat kills”. E.Coli, mad cow, swine flu and MRSA all get name checked.
The message is clear:
“Go Vegetarian. Peta”.
The Advertising Standards Authority says the poster is misleading. The poster implies that swine flu could be caught be eating meat and that it might cause “undue fear”.
Swine flu is all about causing undue fear. Get this story form tosday Sky News:
Pregnant women in Britain are to get a form of swine flu vaccine that is not recommended by the World Health Organisation (WHO), it has emerged.
Posted: 15th, October 2009 | In: Media Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
IF swine flu has not already killed you, you need to be aware what it looks like. Thanks to Neatorma, you can familiarise yourself and your loved ones with a H1N1 Influenza Virus, stuffed with down harvested from bird flu victims.
You can buy yours here. Or wait until it finds you…
Posted: 7th, October 2009 | In: The Consumer Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Swedish Bus Drivers Drink Drive On Swine Flu Soap
THE bus traffic in the Swedish city of Ostersund has been seriously interrupted due to the excessive use of alcohol-based hand sanitizer among the bus drivers.
Vapors from the sanitizer are triggering the ignition lock designed to prevent drunk driving. The sanitizers are wide sped in Sweden following the swine flu scare.
Posted: 1st, October 2009 | In: Strange But True Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Swine Flu Vaccine Gives You Swine Flu As Prison Inmates Drink Gel
IN Verne Prison on Portland, Dorset, inmates have been drinking anti-swine flu soap to get loaded, scarfing it from the bottle.
Following a fight, the governor of the Verne has removed all of the dispensers from the prison. Swine flu is now unfettered.
Posted: 25th, September 2009 | In: Scare Stories Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Celebrity Swine Flu, With Marilyn Manson
ASHEN-faced popstar Marilyn Manson has celebrity swine flu. As he says on his blog:
“So I have officially been diagnosed, by a real doctor, with THE SWINE FLU.”
“I know everyone will suggest that f**king a pig is how this disease was obtained. However, the doctor said, my past choices in women have, in ‘no way’ contributed to… me acquiring this mysterious sickness. Unfortunately, I am going to survive. M.”
Posted: 24th, September 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Muslim Baby Factories Uncovered
EVERY day the popular media scours scientific research journals, reports from vested-interest groups and the thoughts of NGO’s and publishes the scare stories as facts. Anorak picks the best:
You’re dead already
Zombie horde descends on city - Press Citize
One point three, six, seven, nine, actually
“One in every 100 adults has autism” – Evening Standard
Muslim baby factories
“Muslims Mass-Producing Children to Take Over Africa, Says Archbishop” - Times
Pig worriers
“Second wave of swine flu may trigger spate of heart attacks” – The Times
Pay up or else
“Swine Flu ‘Could Kill Millions Unless Rich Nations Give £900m’” - Observer
Does what?
“Report: Alzheimer’s Cases to Nearly Double Every 20 Years” - CNN
Murder by suicide
“One of the country’s most eminent crime writers warned yesterday that a law to allow assisted suicide may become a murderers’ charter” - Daily Mail
Zebra crossing
“Grandmother died after being knocked over by zebra on once-in-a-lifetime safari in Kenya” - Mail
Posted: 22nd, September 2009 | In: Scare Stories Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Peter Andre Kisses Woman To Death
WHILE Katie Price was knocking ‘em bandy at lover Alex Reid’s cage fight, Peter Andre was knocking them dead by less bloody means. This week Peter has been in Asda. Famously, he was in Ikea. And he’s been to a Virgin Megastore. No shop is too big for Peter to appear in. He remains undaunted by size.
The Daily Mail has loads of facts on Pete’s latest trip to shop:
While his former wife was supporting her lover at yesterday’s cage-fight, Peter Andre was dealing with his new found fame. The singer’s relaunched music career saw him greeted by more than 9,000 fans as he appeared at a store in Havant to sign albums.
Posted: 21st, September 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
The Moral Panic That Created The Independent Safeguarding Authority
PAEDO! It’s the tabloids’ favourite scare story. So good news then that the Government is introducing a database for every adult who comes into regular contact with children, the mentally ill and the aged, checking for criminal convictions, disciplinary action and responses to anonymous tip-offs but the “Paedo!” at No.23.
The vulnerable are being protected.
Former News of the World editor Rebekah Wade once spoke of her paper’s campaign against paedos: “There are 110,000 sex offenders in Britain – one for every square mile”. But not necessarily evenly spaced out.
“The fact is, that if you have paedophiles in society that aren’t monitored they will strike again,” she said.
A NoTW headline read “Police want you to help trap these paedophiles” and the newspaper published photographs of seven wanted child abusers with backing from the police to “name and shame” them.
Light the torches - we march at dusk:
Ms Eithne Wallis The first national director of the Probation Servicesaid the newspaper risked driving paedophiles out of the sight of probation staff. “I would certainly ask them to think again about the wisdom of what they are actually doing.”
This new drive is about saving the kids from paedos. Panic over! Childhood innocence (Jamie Bulger) can be protected from adult evil (Mother Teresa). Tabloids Rejoice! The new Independent Safeguarding Authority (ISA) will route the paedos!
So here’s the Chicken Little of scare stories the Daily Mail to tell us:
Now Big Brother targets helpful parents as one in four Britons are to be vetted for giant child protection database
Posted: 11th, September 2009 | In: Gallery, Key Posts, Media, Scare Stories Comments (6) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Richard Littlejohn’s Problem With Barack The Dog
RICHARD Littlejohn’s column has, as his wont, gone to hell in a handbasket, as the Mail’s great sage tells his readers of Shropshire’s Kate Pong, who gave birth to quintuplets Beyone, Barack, Bobbi, Tyra and Earl.
My first reaction was that this must be a wind-up, probably placed for a bet by someone at the swine flu hotline with nothing better to do.
We rang The Times advertising department and they assured us it was genuine. There’s no mention of a Mr Pong, or any father’s name for that matter.
If true, which I still doubt, somewhere out there in Shropshire is a single mother called Kate Pong with quins, variously named after an American pop singer, a model and the U.S. President. You couldn’t make it up.
No, but you could check your facts. MacGuffin looked up the story and discovered that it is true:
Posted: 8th, September 2009 | In: Media Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
China Executes Swine Flu Victims
SWINE Flu is not yet old news. In China they are using bullets to beat the disease, executing it at root. Celebrities are catching it, and so can you.
But how to get the message out there? Why, with Sesame Street, Google and comic books…
You can download the Google app and avoid the tagged microbes. Or you can scare the kidz by commandeering the Sesame Street dwellers to tell them that swine flu is the way to go.
Hey, kids, if you want a day off school, here’s how to get one. And with any luck you might even be quarantined and forced to wear gloves or matching Elmos on our hands.
Tehran Times: “First step to fight H1N1: Keep sick kids home” – especially if they’re of voting age, Right, Chariman Mo? “Right, Anorak,. Swine flu kileld Neda Soltan and…”
And do wash your hand before inserting them into your Muppets, especially Miss Piggy.
For those of you living in King County, Washington state, ther a comic book to read to the kids at night and tell them that micobes never sleep.
Public Health - Seattle & King County has developed a 12-page comic book on pandemic flu in multiple languages. Targeting readers of all ages, this story tells the tale of a family’s experience with the 1918 influenza pandemic.
Thankfully, there is vaccine. But its not for everyone:
Alterntive therapy champion Suzi Cohen explains:
Swine flu vaccine- There isn’t one yet, but when it is developed I won’t be standing in line for it. Should you? That’s a very personal decision.
It seems you can prevent swine flu with olive oil and lots of brisk walks.
In China:
Scientists in China claim they have produced swine flu’s first “magic bullet” - a vaccine that prevents the virus in a single dose.
Yaaaay. Take your buillets pople. One to the abck of the head, please Doctory Murray…
Posted: 3rd, September 2009 | In: Media, Scare Stories Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Phillip Garrido And Jaycee Dugard’s Secret Sons Found
JAYCEE Lee Dugard - Anorak’s look at Jaycee Dugard in the news: THE tabloid war to make the ordeal endured by Jaycee Dugard yet worse, moves on as the Sun wonders if Phillip Garrido killed Jaycee’s secret sons.
Did Garrido kill Jaycee’s sons?
With no phone numbers to call to vote “Yes” or “No”, there is nothing else for it but to review the evidence:
SEX monster Phillip Garrido may have had other children with kidnapped Jaycee Lee Dugard - and killed them if they were boys, cops said last night.
These would be the same sleuths who failed to spot Jaycee living in convicted paedophile rapist Phillip Garrido’s garden? Let’s hear from the experts:
Senior detective probing her kidnap, rape and imprisonment in California said: “It doesn’t make sense that a healthy young girl not on birth control only conceived twice in that time. She was raped continually and you would think there would be more babies.”
You would think that. But thankfully the law only has to deal with facts. So any boys, dead or alive?
Posted: 3rd, September 2009 | In: Key Posts, Media Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
SWINE Flu: Thanks to Children’s Hospital Boston, Mass. you can now download an iPhone application that tells you where the swine flu is, and isn’t.
Boston, Mass. - A new iPhone application, created by researchers at Children’s Hospital Boston in collaboration with the MIT Media Lab, enables users to track and report outbreaks of infectious diseases, such as H1N1 (swine flu), on the ground in real time.
Posted: 1st, September 2009 | In: Money, Scare Stories Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
- yampster on Strictly Come Dancing’s Alesha Dixon Sparks I’m A Celebrity Race Row
- Jess on Strictly Come Dancing’s Alesha Dixon Sparks I’m A Celebrity Race Row
- Wyvern on Bolivian Police And Maddie McCann Introduce The Worst Photo-Fits Ever
- yampster on X Factor: Jedward Go GAY, Win I’m A Celebrity And Hate Susan Boyle
- Nomadic View on Bolivian Police Release Video Of World’s Worst Photo-Fit Killers’ Capture
