“KEANE turns fire on the WAGs,” says the Times.

Roy Keane, gum-chewing manager of Sunderland FC, former volcanic captain of Manchester United and World Cup dog walker, has issued a “withering attack” (“scathing attack” in the Mail) on the WAG culture.

Says Roy of the Rant and Ravers: “Priorities have changed for footballers and they are being dictated to by their wives and girlfriends.”

Being a footballer’s wife/lover/teenage temptress is, as one commentator put it, no “merry go-round of hermaphrodite babies and having your breasts set on fire that the (now defunct) TV series might have led you to believe”.

It’s all about positioning yourself for the best spray tan and shopping. What Matt Busby did for Manchester United, ITV’S WAGS Boutique did for London clubs, ensuring that WAGS would prefer to go shopping in the capital than in Wigan, Middlesbrough or Keane’s Sunderland.

Says Keane: “I find it surprising that geography seems to play such a big part, or that players let their wives decide. I think it’s weak.”

Keane names no names. And as Nikki reads of Beckham in Los Angeles and wonders what her man would be worth in that glitzy inflated market if he actually kicked a ball, Roy raves.

“Retire at 35 or 36, if you can live where you bloody well like – London, Monaco, wherever - any half-decent footballer will be a multi-millionaire anyway.” Or any Leeds United player, for that matter.

“Why is there such a big attraction with London? It would be different if it was Chelsea, Arsenal or maybe Tottenham, but they go a smaller club just because it’s in London, then it’s clearly because of the shops,” says Roy.

London United 

It might be because of the museums, the culture and the bigger clubs like The Embassy and Chinawhite, where Mrs Kickaball can rub orangey shoulders with any number of glamour model’s, soap starlets and paparazzo.

But London is not all. The Times says the North East has a “plethora of designer shops, and some of Britain’s most spectacular coastline”. Are you listening Armani?

The writer looks at wild-eyed Roy and goes on: “While Durham - Keane, Theresa, his wife, and their family live close by – boasts a centre of learning and architectural beauty”.

That alright, Roy? Is it o-okay?

Still listening, Armani. Your footballer can play for Sunderland. You can wear your designer frocks as your clamber over the rocks and visit Monkwearmouth Station Museum, Penshaw Monument and catch the Glenn Miller Orchestra at the Sunderland Empire.

Glory days…

Posted: 15th, August 2007 | In: Back pages. Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0