CAN you copyright Wayne Rooney and Coleen McLoughlin’s wedding, as OK! claims on its front page?

Fearful of falling foul of the OK! legal eagles who have so handsomely tipped the waiter at the Raj Poot Curry House and TAN-dori Spa, Anorak’s relives the do on the Italian Riviera, a location as far removed from the actual event as possible.

Rather than have Wayne say his usual “F** yoos you c***”, we have instead: “Coleen, I love you more than words can say – you’re my life.”

The Irish cocktails of Guinness and whiskey are replaced with a vimto of Laurent-Rose Champagne (pink). The eZy-Wipe plastic table centrepieces make way for a “stunning Venetian crystal candelabra covered in white flowers, Swarovski crystals and organza butterflies”.

Anorak has replaced the Onion Bhaji Tree with a tower of profiteroles; Ragu the Rapping Rajastani is replaced by Westlife; the chicken bhana twice is turned over to form a Tuscan pate of king prawns on a bed of crisp lettuce and flambed chicken in Madeira jus”.

Flashing lights come in the form not of the local constabulary, rather fireworks.

The evening end on a high and with much laughter and tinkling banter (surely glass? – Ed)…

Posted: 24th, June 2008 | In: Back pages, Magazines, OK!, Wags & Players. Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0