Scouting For Girls: Arkela’s Sex Class With Blue Peter And Kaa The Snake

WHO is that lone wolf in the park? Why it’s Arkela. He’s been on Paedo Prowl, and can report that the area is safe and secure.

He’s our Leader, leader, leader of the ging-gang-goolies.

Arkela wants you to Be Prepared. And he’d like to would like to introduce you to Baloo, also know as The Bear. Can anyone tell Arkela what a Bear is?

Yes, you, boy.

“Is it a hairy homosexual male, sir?”

That’s right.

The man from the Scouting Association arrives. “Behind You!” scream the boys. Arkela reaches into his pocket and blows hard on a cuckoo whistle. He tugs on his woggle, which doubles as a condom.

Says Chief Scout Peter Duncan, aka Blue Peter:

“We must be realistic and accept that around a third of young people are sexually active before 16 and many more start relationships at 16 and 17.”

Arkela pull out a Kaa from his shorts and with the aid of puppetry retells the story of the ‘Garden of Eden’, the infamous Adam and Eve’s scout/guide camping adventure to Rhyl, 1973.

Says Blue Peter:

“Scouting touches members of every community…”

Sniggering.

“…religious and social group in the country so adults in Scouting have a duty to promote safe and responsible relationships and, as an organisation, we have the responsibility to provide sound advice about how to do that.”

Arkela is tying a knot in Kaa. He holds it up. “Anyone,” he asks.

“An alpine coil,” says one boy.

Arkela shakes his head.

“Hangman’s noose,” says one of the older scouts. The boys begin the chant “Sex case, sex case, hang ‘im, hag ‘im, hang ‘im.”

Arkela shake his fist…

“It’s a monkey’s fist,” sir.”

Arkela nods, and reminds the boys that making a monkey fist without a rope is against God and will make you a deaf, dumb, blind mute, or worse – a member of the Boys Brigade.

Blue Peter then begins handing out condoms.

“I firmly believe that the confidence, skills and self esteem young people gain through the incredible range of activities Scouting offers is the best way to equip them not to feel pressured into a sexual relationship before they are ready.”

This is illustrated by a short film of boys in a scout hammering in tent pegs with a wartime gusto.

They then go bird watching…

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Insert your own Scouts/be prepared joke here

Anorak

Posted: 20th, October 2008 | In: Back pages Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink