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Back pages | Anorak - Part 40

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Sports news, sport betting, featuring football and Premier League teams, players from Arsenal, Chelsea, Liverpool and Manchester United. And David Beckham. Rugby World Cup. Backpage stories from the newspapers and BBC sport

If Alan Shearer Were David Beckham

shearer-beckham.jpgREASON why Alan Shearer should never manage your club, No 121.

Says Alan Shearer in the Sun: “If I was Becks, I’ve have phoned Capello and said ‘Give me five or 10 minutes near the end so I can get …

Posted: 7th, February 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities | Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The End Of The Wag: Wave Goodbye To Coleen And Gemma

wags.jpg“WAVE GOODBYE TO WAGS,” commands the Star.

You’d best stand on a stool or bed and lean out of a window because the Wags are overseas.

Goodbye, Coleen McLoughlin, says the Mail, waving so hard that Wayne Rooney’s whale-voiced …

Posted: 6th, February 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Victoria Beckham Helps Cheryl Cole

posh_beckham_cheryl.jpg“CHERYL TAKES THE RAT BACK.”

The votes are in. The columnists have made their views known. GMTV and Trevor McDonald have been in states of high alert.

And now Cheryl Cole makes her move. She will give Ashley Cole one …

Posted: 4th, February 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (6) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Lewis Hamilton’s Name Is Blackened In Spain

lewis_hamilton-dwb.pngLEWIS Hamilton is RACE STORM.

The Sun sees “VILE TAUNTS” – taunts so file it overlooks the obvious pun and instead leads with “LEWIS IN RACISM STORM”.

The fear is that Hamilton has been pulled over by the police, suspected …

Posted: 4th, February 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (6) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


China Executes The Rain

killing-rain.jpgRAIN, rain go away, go away, do not comeback another day or you will be shot by the Chinese Olympic movement.

The bureau of weather modification reports:

The bureau of weather modification was established in the 1980s and is now

Posted: 3rd, February 2008 | In: Back pages | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Nicolas Anelka Is Tongue Tied

anelka-tongue.jpgREPORTS the New of the World, in conversation with “shop girl” Natalie Merriman: Nicolas Anelka, footballer: “THRILLED her in bed with his astonishing gymnastic tongue.”

This may explain why po-faced Anelka, nicknamed Le Sulk, rarely if ever opens his …

Posted: 3rd, February 2008 | In: Back pages | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


English Rugby’s First Hermaphrodite, David Strettle

BANNER at England v Wales rugby union match:

God made man
God made woman
God made Strettle

Last one to the shower’s a hermaphrodite……

Posted: 2nd, February 2008 | In: Back pages, TV & Radio | Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The Top 25 Cricket Catches

Posted: 2nd, February 2008 | In: Back pages | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Shantha Sreesanth On Sreesanth

SPORTSMEN talking in the third person is always a treat. Alan Shearer will always do what is right for Alan Shearer.  
Indian cricketer Shantha Sreesanth will remain Sreesanth:

“I love the spotlight. The Aussies should be worried I am

Posted: 1st, February 2008 | In: Back pages | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Cheryl Cole And Ashley’s 18-Month Itch

itching.jpgHAS Cheryl Cole developed the 18-month itch?

Right now Cheryl is deciding what to do about her footballer, Ashley Cole.

It’s hard to know what to do for the best, what with Polly Hudson in the Mirror advising one thing …

Posted: 31st, January 2008 | In: Back pages, Caption Competition, Tabloids | Comments (6) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Maradona Does Not Say Sorry

DIEGO Maradona is on the front page of the Sun.

“22 YEARS AFTER THAT INFAMOUS HAND OF GOD GOAL, FINALLY.. Maradona says sorry”.

Well, not sorry, not exactly. In fact, you could say he doesn’t say sorry for scoring a …

Posted: 31st, January 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The Worst Year In British History

luddites.jpg“THUGS terrorising the streets; the economy in freefall, a deeply unpopular war and a government in permanent crisis.”

We know. We know.We know…

“No, not 2008…”

Oh?

“…but 1812 – the year that’s been named the worst in British history.”…

Posted: 30th, January 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Chery Cole And Ashley Walk The Talk

ashley-cole.jpg“CHERYL WALKS,” announces the Mirror’s front page.

Nothing epitomses Cheryl Cole’s career to date so much as her departure, and the Sun leads with news that she walks and talks.

But these are early days in a celebrity career. And …

Posted: 30th, January 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (5) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Celebrity Headline Of The Day, On Danielle Lloyd

naked.jpgJERMAIN Defoe is the “grovelling football star” telling mo-del Danielle Lloyd he has never cheated on her.

Things have been said about Jermain’s romantic life. And again.

And the headline: “My J would never do naked handstands.”

Says …

Posted: 29th, January 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities | Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Cheryl Cole Gives Ashley Her Rules Of The Game

ashley-cole-cheryl-tweedy.jpgLET’S have a heated debate about Cheryl Cole, wife to Ashley Cole.

The Star says Cheryl wants to speak with Aimee Walton, the hairdresser who claims to have slept with the vomitous footballer.

Chances are any meeting will be …

Posted: 29th, January 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Two Clubs: Gerry Sutcliffe Is Twice The Sports Minister

gerry-sutcliffe.gifHAVE you met Gerry Sutcliffe, the sports minister?

He replaces Richard Caborn in the job, that sports nut who in a 2001 radio spot failed to answer a single one of five quiz sports questions put to him.

Mr Sutcliffe …

Posted: 28th, January 2008 | In: Back pages, Politicians | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Totty Hot Spur: Jermain Defoe Can Stand It

jermain_defoe.jpg“SPURS ace Jermain Defoe rolls off the busty mistress he has kept secret for an astonishing SEVEN YEARS… and plants the cups of her giant 36GG bra on his head.”

The News of the World goes on:

“For all these …

Posted: 27th, January 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Cole To Newcastle’s Cheryl: Ashley Is Kicked Into Touch

cole-cheryl-tattoo.jpg“SOBBING Cheryl Cole was ‘inconsolable’ yesterday after discovering love rat hubby Ashley had humiliated her by sleeping with a hairdresser”

Yesterday the Sun led with “ASHLEY CHEATS ON CHERYL”, words that any football fan can chant whenever Cole turns out …

Posted: 26th, January 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (5) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Aimee Helps Poor Cheryl Cole Understand Sick, Cheating Ashley

coles.jpgNEWS that footballer Ashley Cole has cheated on his singer wife Cheryl with one Aimee Walton occupies all our minds.

This is “Cole’s sex with blonde hairdresser,” says the Sun. It is Cole’s “booze-fuelled night of lust”.

Over two pages …

Posted: 25th, January 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (49) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


A Posh Wag’s Extra Half Inches

nicola-mclean.jpg“CONFESSIONS OF A WAG – Nicola McLean reveals all.”

So begins the Star’s front-page. And there is Ms McLean, a woman whom the Anorak met some year’s back and found to be less pneumatic than she is now.

Ms McLean’s …

Posted: 24th, January 2008 | In: Back pages | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Wayne Rooney Shows Ugly Face Of The Once Beautiful Game

rooney1.jpgHOW Wayne Rooney must wish he’d been playing in the 1970s, when footballers had chest hair, sat in oversized muddy baths and performed squat thrusts on Superstars.

Now you have to be less hirsute than a dolphin, bring to market …

Posted: 22nd, January 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids | Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Cristiano Ronaldo And the Brass From Brass-il

ronaldo1.jpgCRISTIANO Ronaldo “hails Tevez as his perfect partner,” says the Sun.

But Manchester United winger Ronaldo has another partner, available at far less than the £30million Carlos Tevez demands for services rendered.

For a knock down bargain bucket £400 an …

Posted: 19th, January 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


This Time It’s The Kevin Keegan Brand

keegan.jpgKEVIN Keegan is returned to Newcastle United football club.

Keegan’s name harks back to another era in which footballers would appear in Shoot! magazine to tell us what their favourite colour was and how their wife Ann works as a …

Posted: 17th, January 2008 | In: Back pages | Comments (32) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The Headline Is The News: Cristiano Ronaldo On Tarts

The Headline Is the News – Anorak looks at headlines written before the story.

Headline: “Ron: I love tarts.”

Story: Cristiano Ronaldo says in the Sun, “I like the English cake shop”…

Posted: 16th, January 2008 | In: Back pages | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


London Olympics Good For Bad Sports

olympics-2012.pngTHE London Olympics 2012. You’ve seen the logo (Lisa Simpson’s oral relief) and now brace yourself for the bill. The Times reports:

Britain faces a £1 billion black hole after the 2012 Olympics because of “ludicrous” property price

Posted: 15th, January 2008 | In: Back pages | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0