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Wives and girlfriends of footballers - WAGS - the epitome of the there’s ‘no team without me’ footballing culture in the news
THREE days ago Anorak told you: “Kevin Keegan Sacked As Newcastle United Manager”
No chance, said the papers. King Kev was on his throne. He was lovin it, just lovin’ it at Newcastle.
Now three days on the media rushes to show the world that King Kev has abdicated and that the lachrymose Geordie fans are a-weepin’ and a-wailin’ more than usual.
MANCHESTER City’s new player Robinho is pictured in the Mirror, topless and in the arms of a woman.
Anorak is unfamiliar with Mr Robinho’s life.
And on viewing the image, Old Mr Anorak supposed Robinho was being portrayed with his wet nurse or an older lover, an impression not unaided by her circling resting on his right nipple.
KING Kevin Keegan of Newcastle United. Goodbye.
Dennis Wise poised…
BIG Brother 9 Watch: Anorak’s looks at Big Brother news in the media…
IT’S “Big Brother Nicole”. She wants to tell us about: “COCAINE, GAZZA AND ME.”
Given the PR dive to make whiny Nicole appear interesting, Cocaine, Gazza and Me may well turn out to be the names of three Yorkshire terriers she once encountered on Hamstead Heath.
“GREAT for Arsenal, that Nasri’s back. As I said last week, you don’t win the prize as ‘Player of the Year’ in France and then score in your debut in the Premier League if you’re not something special. Just ask Malouda. Oh, wait….”
ROBINHO, one of the myriad Brazilian attacking footballers whose names being in a “R”, has been the object of transfer speculation between Real Madrid (ten times winners of the European Cup) and Chelsea (identity under offer).
And the Sun headline: “Madrid have killed the dream.”
That’s right. Robinho’s dream was to play for Chelsea. Really.
SAYS England footballer Rio Ferdinand:
“I didn’t carry a knife, I was around people who probably did. We are fortunate that we had goals in life, we wanted to play football.”
Rio Ferdinand is a defender whose job it is to prevent young men from reaching goals…
IS former England manager Steve McClaren trying to pretend that he is not who he once was? Or can it be that McClaren was Agenct McClaren, a Dutch national sent to destroy the English game from within?
McClaren is now weaving his magic in Holland - his native Holland. Listen up:
CRISTIANO Ronaldo has transferred to Letizia Filippi. But for reasons inexplicable she has yet to go topless on a beach.
With no sign of Ms Filippi’s chest, the Sun is stuck on how best to feature her and so file its daily Ronaldo exclusive.
Normally the paper would stick in a photo of Nereida Gallardo, the footballer’s former topless stunna. But instead it opts to feature Filippi saying how she would like to get on a private jet with her man and “do it”.
Just what she told Star readers on July 24th… It’s another Ronaldo sensation!
“IT’S ME OR HIM,” vows the Sunday Mirror’s front-page pledge.
“She’s distraught as he walks out to be with old pal Jimmy Five Bellies.”
Poor Sheryl Gascoigne, for it is she, and Paul Gascoigne, for it is he. What woman cannot sympathise with Shezza?
But are we not the least bit titillated, intrigued that Gazza has left his lover to spend quality time with the gut-busting Jimmy Gardner?
What future for Gazza and, dare it go unsaid, Jizza..?
ABINUWA Endurance : Nigeria- Athletics (Not in the marathon, more’s the pity, but the 4×400m)
KAMAKAZI: Australia Cycling - BMX
ALBUQUERQUE Carolina: Brazil - Volleyball (Beats Brooklyn)
ANDRIAMANJATOARIMANANA Tojohanitra Tokin’ Aina: Madagascar- Swimming (Give me an “A”…)
WANG Qiang: China - Wrestling
WU You: China -Rowing (Knock, knock…)
MIAO Miao: Australia - Table Tennis
MEET Kevin Pietersen, captain of England’s First XI.
Sun readers get to see Kevin holding a large wooden object with menace. Whoah! Kevin’s no braker of broken Britain. Kevin plays cricket. Yeah, the game with the sticks, stones and name calling.
Kevin is not a fooballer – for shame! – but he did once get a lover to chant his name during coitus, and he has been out with footballer Frank Lampard (pictured).
CRISTIANO Ronaldo has finally transferred from Nereida Gallardo.
But it’s as hard for Gallardo to move on as it is for the Star and the Sun which both focus on the topless stunna as she parades her box-fresh floatation aides on a beach.
While the tabloids zoom in, Sun readers note the initial “CR” etched on Gallardo’s wrist.
In moments of quiet reflection, Gallardo can consider her wrist and wonder what might have been. She may even care to flaunt her wrist at a football match in which Ronaldo is playing in a time-honoured manner favoured by many a football fan.
And her future lovers can also consider her wrist and wonder what will be…
FOOTBALL insight of the day:
My old Arsenal team-mate David Rocastle would be turning into his grave right now if he looked at what is happing to the Gunners – Ian Wright in the Sun
Can you get cable telly down there?
WHOLE Foods Market – “motto: “Whole Foods, Whole People, Whole Planet” – has produced a Cristiano Ronaldo tribute food.
Can you guess what it is?
Is it:
a) An edible food varnish
b) A gingerbread man you can dunk into your tea (surely dive in? – Ed)
c) An organic tan-as-you-shave gel (the special strip deposits a layer of fair trade tanning substance in your opened pores)
d) Linseed oil
e) An eclair
MORE auditions for Carol Vorderman’s former job as the nation’s favourite brain box, featuring Joey Barton…
STEVE WILSON (Telegraph)
Barton was bought from Manchester City just a year ago for £5 million and is on wages that amount to around £70,000 a week.
ROB STEWART (Telegraph)
Newcastle midfielder Joey Barton will refuse to accept a cut in his £55,000-per-week basic wages when he meets the club’s hierarchy for crucial talks on Tyneside following his release from prison.
PATRICK MULCHRONE (Mirror):
Three in five want the £60,000- a-week former England player sacked, a poll has shown. The row has seen some refuse to renew season tickets.
“GAZZA GOES ON TRIAL,” screams the Star from its front page.
A test of endurance - gonad munching and bikini showering - for the nation’s top footballer daughter, Bianca Gascoigne, on I’m A Celebrity?
Or news that Sheryl Gascoigne says she will only marry her footballer, Paul Gasconge, if he passes a test?
DAVID Beckham has his work cut out…
Spotter: George K.
WANT to know what The Spurs footballer gets up to on a night in and out? Its nuts!
Tottenham striker Dimitar Berbatov never goes to nightclubs and says he prefers to stay at home and feed squirrels from his balcony.
Another BBC scoop
THE summer football season has been a flurry of inactivity for Crisitano Ronaldo.
But now with his transfer from Nereida Gallardo complete (pictured in the Star canoodling on a beach with one Jose Cuneca), he can focus his energy on the matter in hand: roasting.
INTRODUCING, Cristiano Ronaldo’s new keepy-uppy partner.
The Star says Filippi is “desperate to join the Mile High Club…revealing her dream to hire a private jet for a sizzling romp.”
Great news for the Star, which had been insisting that Ronaldo was dating Nereida Gallardo. All other tabloids had written off that romance, but Nereida was consistently topless and the Star saw her value.
Now the Star can move on, because Filippi is a “stunning Italian model” and a quick surf of the internet revels that – yes! – she has posed topless.
Happy days at the Daily Star. Relief all round…
MORE news on Cristiano Ronaldo, the want-away Manchester United winger.
The Mirror leads with “RON THE ROMEO”, telling readers that since “splitting” with Nereida Galardo the player has been on dates with four girls in four days.
It’s front-page news.
The girls are not named, but the Star must be hoping one of them has posed topless and that it can finally end its daily exclusive that Ronaldo’s is dating one, er, topless Nereida Gallardo…