A GCSE In Swearing
SAT in the GCSE exam room the pupil is presented with the question: “Describe the room you’re sitting in.”
Answer given. Time up.
Pete Buckroyd, a chief executive in English for the Assessment and Qualifications Alliance is presented with the answer: “F*** off”. The pupil is given two marks out of a possible 27 for the expletive.
Says Buckroyd: “If it had had an exclamation mark it would have got a little bit more because it would have been showing a little bit of skill. We are trying to give higher marks to the students who show more skills.”
Times readers are really upset:
Try doing that on a job application to me thogh [sic] and the little scrote will get the bums rush off our premises - Geoff Miller, Birmingham, England
I’m with you, John Taylor. This is just further evidence that the powers that be seem to be aiming for a nation of sub Mc-job morons - Simon Webb, Swansea, UK
Morons. Scrote. The exam guidance stipulates: To gain minimum marks in English, students must demonstrate “some simple sequencing of ideas” and “some words in appropriate order”.
The Times’ message boards are not a GSCE, but they are peopled by those who have taken such a test and should be expected to perform better.
“Fuck off and die,” would, therefore, gain more than two marks. “Fuck off and die!” should get four marks.
Of course language changes and those marking this year’s GCSE in Ingl-ish should note the following additions to the swearing lexicon:
Fawcett (n) Instrument used mainly by aristocrats and male members of the Royal Family to hold their penis steady while urinating.
(“Lord Bath had one of the finest collection of antique fawcetts in the world.”)
Feltz (n) An imperial unit of weight, equivalent to 40 cwt or two imperial tons.
(“It took a crane to lift her out of the bath – she must have weighed a good five Feltz.”)Moyle (n) A facial deformity, a cross between a mole and a boil.
(“Talk about the perfect face for radio – he’s got moyles everywhere”)
Language changes – move it with dadio or fuck!! Right!!! OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!
June 30th, 2008 at 5:49 pm
How many marks do you think the following sentence should get, bearing in mind I have used an exclamation mark?
“Fuck the fucking fuckers”.
Also note the use of speech marks, fuck me, and I use that in sense the examining board of Great Britain has prescribed, I must be close the full 27 avaliable marks. Now isn’t that a fucker?
June 30th, 2008 at 5:51 pm
And i forgot to leave an exclamation mark (!), I guess only a B then.
June 30th, 2008 at 6:24 pm
How’s this for a creative use of an expletive. Many years ago when I was an undergraduate trainee in industry I was put on the desk of the tool store in a large aircraft factory. One irate fitter came up to me an slammed an air drill down on the counter uttering the phrase “The fucking fucker is fucking well fucked!” to which I delicately replied “you mean its broken?” to which he replied “are you trying to be fucking funny?”. Wonder what marks he would have gotten in todays GCSE, I am pretty certian zero in the old GCE O level (for which I got a grade 6). Such is progress.
p.s. apologies for using such an offensive words but I think it is justified in the current context of this post.
M and A
Terry, we don’t care!!!!
June 30th, 2008 at 7:12 pm
M and A
Sorry to be a bit anal about swearing. Your right the apology was uneccessary. Perhaps its my dads strict rule about not swearing and the fact that in my day teachers had the right to beat the crap out of you if you put a foot wrong. I Still feel uncomfortable using expletives. Its seems to me somehow rude and unecessary. Probably by todays pc educational standards I would be considered supressed and mentally damaged for being forced to learn a volcabulary in order to express myself clearly.
M and A
There are days when…have to admit I baulked when I heard my mother describe someone as ‘randy’.
But even Chaucer had a better vocabulary than a lot do in these ‘enlightened’ times
July 1st, 2008 at 12:53 am
Hi Admin,
I tried to post a letter on the forum last night but my normal personal password was for some reason continually rejected. It got to the stage where I asked for a NEW password and was surprised to see that it was DOUBLE the length of my original password. I just wanted to post on Anorak, not hack into the Pentagon or the KGB secret computers !
I have tried the new passpord but that too is not being accepted. Can you kindly arrange another password( shorter and easier to remember) please?No bad language from John in Brazil. I may turn to violence though…………………..hahahahahahaha
July 1st, 2008 at 5:17 am
‘Fuck off’ isn’t answering the question at all and shouldn’t get any marks.
‘Fucking ugly’ would’ve answered the question and and should’ve got all 27.