Top news from The Times, Daily Telegraph, The Indepedent and The Guardian newspapers
More Jose Mourinho sacking news now. The Times leads with a story that the Chelsea boss is “in last chance” to save his job.
Matt Hughes says José Mourinho has been told that “he must guide Chelsea into the knockout stages of the Champions League this week to safeguard his position as manager”.
Win a single point against Porto on Wednesday and Chelsea qualify for the round of 16 – “Defeat, though, could bring the end of Mourinho’s second spell as manager at Stamford Bridge.”
From a headline stating Mourinho has one chance, to a story beneath it that the Portuguese could be given more last chances. The Times has no idea.
And neither does the Daily Mirror, which reports that Chelsea “could sack manager Jose Mourinho whether or not they beat Porto in the Champions League on Wednesday”.
The Sun hedges its bets, giving Mourinho two games to save his job. It sticks a wet finger in the air and discovers that Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich “may act if the Blues lose to Porto and then against leaders Leicester in the Premier League next weekend”.
Or else, he may not.
Such are the facts.
In articles published in September and November last year we suggested that the holiday companions of Kate and Gerry McCann might have covered up the true facts concerning Madeleine McCann’s disappearance and/or misled the authorities investigating her disappearance.
IT’S 2030 and the Scotsman exists as a free pamphlet given out at King’s Cross station and churches in the area.
What else of 2030? “It’s…
“…A chilling world where licences are required for having children and questioning global warming is a crime could be ushered in by climate change”.
Why wait. Bring it on.
The scenario is one of five potential responses to climate change described by a panel of 60 experts in the study by Forum for the Future, a sustainable development group.
Not sure if we get a vote on which world we want, but know that the “five possible futures for mankind are”:
CREDIT Crunch news of the day: Simon Jenkins lets the poor eat words…
Yes, some people are poor and some are out of work, but not everyone; not even a majority. Keynes was right. The most important thing in a recession is for those with money to keep spending it. Those without can cite Aquinas and remember that the best things in life are free.
Talk is cheap. The Times costs 80p. Anorak is free…
The Guardian would like to garner your thoughts on the BNP.
“Does the BNP speak for you?”
You put down your white (guilt) coffee and look at the canvasser’s laptop. You click through to politic-poll.com. and see a picture of BNP leader Nick Griffin.
Ken Livingstone, former London mayor and still former London mayor, turns to Sky New’s political editor Adam Boulton and asks:
“Have you ever had sex with an animal?”
Boulton declined to comment, forgoing the obvious answers:
Is that an offer? Read the rest of this entry »
Read the rest of this entry »
INTERNATIONAL HERLAD TRIUBIUNE (France): “Billionaire retailer Green shops for a bargain”
Mark Pootter says Philip Green is on the hunt for a knock-down-once-in-a-lifetime- I’m-cuttin’-me-own-throat-guv’nor-honest-to-goodness bargain.
And who is Philip Green? Why…:
THE wife of a convener of the Australian Conservation Foundation is being charged with the alleged removal of 150 trees on the couple’s Blue Mountains property.
The thieving plonkers!
We’re back to those default swaps again, and the reason why they have nothing to do with insurance and everything to do with speculating on other people’s property; Simon Evans in the Independent reports today, the 12th October:
‘It is like Joe Public buying an insurance policy on someone else’s house and pocketing the full value if it burns down.’
Ring any bells?
On the 25th September I wrote:
‘Anorak could take out a vast insurance policy on Anorak Towers, and if it burned down Anorak would get lots of dosh but no Anorak Towers.
Insurers won’t let me take out a vast insurance policy on Anorak Towers, because I would have a clear interest in setting fire to Anorak Towers and collecting lots of dosh.
Of course, I wouldn’t have Anorak Towers, but then I didn’t have Anorak Towers in the first place.’
My highly reputable lawyers, Messrs Sue, Sue and Suesomemore, will no doubt be in touch with the Indie’s briefs…
ICESAVE is dead. Britain is at war with Iceland. And the Guardain is scoring points on the Express, its pet target:
“If you are lucky enough to have some spare money, now could be the time to cash in,” said the ever-informative Daily Express, addressing the credit crunch yesterday. “Icelandic bank Icesave pays 7.06% on £1,000 or more on its one-year bond.” Yeah, right – October 8, 2008
Ten of the best … savings accounts
An unexpected bonus from the financial crisis is banks raising their savings rates to attract customer cash. Harvey Jones picks a selection of the best buys on offer
Hear ye, hear ye… Any idea what’s No.1?
In the beginning was the word. And the word was “Maddie”…
THE INDEPENDENT: “Religion vs science: can the divide between God and rationality be reconciled?”
And on the eighth day the media was created and Our Maddie did come to the fore…
‘A clergyman in charge of education for the country’s leading scientific organisation – it’s a Monty Python sketch,” pronounced Britain’s top atheist, Richard Dawkins, recently. The problem was that Reiss, as well as being an evolutionary biologist and population geneticist, is a non-stipendiary priest in the Church of England.
CREDIT Crunch news of the day: Gabby Logan on the joys of poverty
“But I believe that the credit squeeze is going to be good for grassroots sport and therefore good for all of us in the long run – as long as we do not end up homeless” – Gabby Logan, The Times
Aside from a property, what’s the most expensive thing you’ve ever bought?
Paintings – the most I’ve spent on one was £7,000.
More credit crunch insight as it comes in…
JAMIE Oliver takes time out from telling fat football fans oop north to eat well and tells us:
“In the old days I used to get the knickers and the bras. It was good. Filth whispered in me ears.
“He’s a w***er” (Times.
They’re just bored of me now. I’m just that geezer who keeps, you know, doing these worthy things around the country.”
Like shoving it down people’s throats…
ARMAGEDDON is on hold.
The four horsemen of the apocalypse (Short Sellers; Bradford, Bingley, Daryl Lehman) are staved off with the promise of cash. It’s a bribe, and – who knew? – but the forces of man’s destruction are open to cash offers.
Still, the Times asks its readers: “Is this the safest place to put your money?” There picture is of a man pushing a large box cardboard out of book shop. The box is on trolley. The man is in shirt and Comfi-Slax.
Those living on the Japanese island of Okinawa, the small Sardinian mountain town of Ovodda and Loma Linda in the US are the world’s longest living. So any of them would be top of most people’s lists.
So listen up as David Mayer, chairman of UK Transplant’s Liver Advisory Group, says:
“If we were to provide livers for the world from the UK, then UK patients would be enormously disadvantaged.”
Well, yes. We would have no livers, ours being a nation of some 60million, and the rest of the world having far more bodies to fill with offal. And what with our binge drinking, you’d think the demand just wouldn’t be there. The UK as the world’s liver farming would be like the Germans farming funny bones.
But here’s Professor Nigel Heaton, head of the transplant unit at King’s College Hospital, London, transplanting part of an adult British liver into a boy from one of the Gulf states.
ROD Liddle and Giles Coren are two hacks who became the story: Liddle: affair. Coren: smug, over-exposed daddy’s boy. Liddle:
By and large our intellectuals live their lives entirely free of even the briefest consideration in the national press, which is far too busy with nonintellectuals such as Amy Winehouse, Jade Goody and Giles Coren.
And here they are illuminating a story about intellectuals. File under: celebrity journalism…
QUEENSFERRY GAZETTE (Scotland): “We’ve been ad”
A CONCERNED mum has spoken out about the potential hazards posed by new outdoor advertising boards. Janette Sheppard is also worried that other parents may think the boards are simply lamp-posts.
She said: “These have just sprung up – one is outside my son’s primary school. At first glance it would be easy to mistake them for lamp-posts, but they are actually advertising boards.”
The wonders of modern technology. Who would have thunk it. Go on…
THE TELEGRAPH: “Esther Rantzen: Fear of paedophiles is harming children”
Esther Rantzen has admitted she blames herself for raising fears of paedophiles to such a degree that adults are now scared to help crying children.
Rantzen! Last week the Telegraph brought us: “Baroness Neuberger: Children will grow up not trusting anyone in Britain’s risk-averse society”
Very soon everyone will be agreeing with this new premise, it being the way opinion is formed: one celebrity says something; another agrees; the media reports it as fact; all hacks agree; a woman in the Daily Mail says she disagrees; a reader says it’s “common sense gone mad”; a celebrity agrees; and so on and on…
The veteran broadcaster, who founded the counselling service ChildLine, warned that young people are now being harmed by the widespread suspicion that anyone who has contact with children could be a child abuser.
Well, they could be…
A report on cannabis prepared for next year’s UN drug policy review will suggest that a “regulated market” would cause less harm than the current international prohibition. The report, which is likely to reopen the debate about cannabis laws, suggests that controls such as taxation, minimum age requirements and labelling could be explored.
(Image: Beau Bo D’Or Website)
Says the Guardian:
A FEATURE on thriller writer John le Carré in the Sunday Times:
“JOHN le Carré: I nearly left the West” – how the writer wanted to “defect to the Soviet Union during the Cold War” – Sunday Times headline.
“I had from time to time placed myself intellectually in the shoes of those on one side of the Curtain who took the short walk to the other… Only when traduced by your editors does it acquire such disproportionate and damaging significance” – John le Carré letters to the Sunday Times
How newspapers work…
And it’s a good job that the Bank of Cameron is open, but not all that good, maybe, if Lady Louise Patten, wife of Tory education minister John, is running things.
Until recently she was a non-executive director of Bradford & Bingley, aka Bring & Buy, aka Boom & Bust etc.
And there is Christopher Gent, director of Lehman Brothers, who has given tens of thousands of pounds to the Tories.
THE Sydney Morning Herald illustrates its coverage of John McCain’s claim that his Vice Presidential running mate Sarah Palin’s family had taken a $US20,000 dollar hit in falling stock prices made her an “ordinary Joe” in fact a “six pack” Babe…
As AGW puts it:
PRINCESS Diana’s “engagement blouse” is to go under the hammer.
Not literally, although sending shards of the fabric to all corners of the world would surely be a gesture of great spiritual meaning. For such reasons, a miniature of the Diana wedding dress made from the greater wedding dress material is to also up for sale. More miniatures may be in the offing.
The Telegraph says the engagement blouse is being put up for sale by Elizabeth Emanuel, who tells us:
“It is sad, especially for me, but I don’t know what to do with them … There comes a point where it is so expensive to store.”
Yes, what with property prices so high in London, the space occupied by a blouse can go for as much £3million to £4million.
PAUL Newman is dead, and the Mirror’s Sue Carroll salutes the “family man”.
Newman had six children, three from an early marriage that ended in divorce and three with actress Joanne Woodward, whom he married in 1958.
A two family man.
WHAT’S the Turner Prize all about then? Are Cathy Wilkes, Goshka Macuga, Mark Leckey, and Runa Islam three women and a man trying to win a prize, or are they three women and man trying not to win a prize? Their surnames are listed in Reverse alphabetical order, which might mean something.
Anorak has once again entered Vomit In Sock, our installation that grows with the times and reflects the changing diet of the modern British palate: see Vomit In Leg Warmer (1983); Vomit In Leggings (1990); and Vomit In Crocs (work in progress).