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Broadsheets | Anorak - Part 2

Broadsheets Category

Top news from The Times, Daily Telegraph, The Indepedent and The Guardian newspapers

Tarnishing The Paul Newman Idol

newman sauce 150x150 Tarnishing The Paul Newman IdolPAUL Newman is dead, and the Mirror’s Sue Carroll salutes the “family man”.

Newman had six children, three from an early marriage that ended in divorce and three with actress Joanne Woodward, whom he married in 1958.

A two family man.

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Posted: 30th, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (19) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Turner Prize 2008 Socks It To Art Buffs

vomit in sock1 Turner Prize 2008 Socks It To Art BuffsWHAT’S the Turner Prize all about then? Are Cathy Wilkes, Goshka Macuga, Mark Leckey, and Runa Islam three women and a man trying to win a prize, or are they three women and man trying not to win a prize? Their surnames are listed in Reverse alphabetical order, which might mean something.

Anorak has once again entered Vomit In Sock, our installation that grows with the times and reflects the changing diet of the modern British palate: see Vomit In Leg Warmer (1983); Vomit In Leggings (1990); and Vomit In Crocs (work in progress).

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Posted: 29th, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets | Comments (6) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


It’s Grim Up North: We Own Bradford And Bingley

SAYS the Telegraph: “Financial crisis: Bradford & Bingley nationalisation will cost taxpayers £150bn.”

So says the Telegraph, which should note that it won’t it will only cost the British taxpayer £150bn if not a single one of B&B’s debtors repays their mortage..

But still, let’s try and make things sound worse than they are…

What Does B&B Stand For?

Posted: 29th, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Money | Comments (10) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Margaret Hodges Bites The Blairite Bullet

IN The Telegraph Tim Walker says Margaret Hodge is planning to leave the cabinet…

Your thoughts as to why she should do so now…

Posted: 27th, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Labour Party, Politicians, Twitterings | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Madeleine McCann’s Halo 3: Selling Video Games And Making Jokes

maddie where are you Madeleine McCanns Halo 3: Selling Video Games And Making JokesMADDIE WATCH - Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann

DAILY TELEGRAPH: “The News Quiz”

As The News Quiz returns, host Sandi Toksvig tells James Walton why it’s lasted so long – despite the ‘galling’ low pay she and her guests receive

Is Our Maddie fair game for comedy?

Needless to say, some news stories are funnier than others. (The show, for example, steered well clear of Madeleine McCann.) Fortunately, even in the darkest times, “politicians have the most staggering skill at producing material for us”. With that 66th series about to begin, Toksvig now finds herself “terribly grateful to Sarah Palin. For comedy writers, she’s just heaven.”

EUROGAMER: “Maddie reference spotted in Bungie trailer”

Speculation is mounting that the new trailer for Bungie’s next Halo project features a reference to missing five year-old Madeleine McCann.

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Posted: 26th, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Madeleine McCann | Comments (83) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Neo Nazi Austrians Champion English

freedom party Neo Nazi Austrians Champion English  THOSE Germans (Anorak subscribes to the Eurovision school of politiks and includes under the umbrella term ‘German’, Austrians, Swiss and some of Paraguay’s smartest districts).

In the Guardian’s article on a “surge in support for far right” in Austria threatens to make the country a haven of closested neo-Nazia (plus ca change), readers hear from one Karl Friedrich.

Karl is “proud to live in Karl Marx Hof, Vienna’s vast monument to municipal socialism. But not as proud as he used to be.”

Oh?

“We had great times here. There were artists and writers all around. Great parties. They’re all gone now,” says the former communist. “Now half the families in my block are immigrants. They can’t speak German. They can’t even speak English.”

Yeah, they can;t even speak English in Vienna. The swine.

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Posted: 25th, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Immigration, Politicians | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


McCartney Plays Israel And The Super Furry Animals Die

mccartney israel McCartney Plays Israel And The Super Furry Animals DiePAUL McCartney is to play Israel, and the suicide bomber will try to hit a moving target as Macca’s head wobbles this way and that.

“We have worked it out,” says the Indy’s front page

All you need is 5,000 bodyguards – £1.5million security blitz to protect Macca from security threats,” says the Mirror, in words that Yasser Arafat look-alike Ringo Starr would put to music.

But what if… what if Macca is killed?

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Posted: 25th, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Celebrities, Tabloids | Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Solar Panel Rustlers And Recyling Is Rubbish

THE SOLAR PANEL RUSTLERS are a-comin’:

Solar power, with its promise of emissions-free renewable energy, boasts a growing number of fans. Some of them, it turns out, are thieves. Just ask Glenda Hoffman, whose fury has not abated since 16 solar panels vanished from her roof in this sun-baked town in three separate burglaries in May, sometimes as she slept. She is ready if the criminals turn up again.

“I have a shotgun right next to the bed and a .22 under my pillow,” Ms. Hoffman said.

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Posted: 25th, September 2008 | In: Anorak In New York, Bad Science, Broadsheets, Global Warming, Police Log | Comments (6) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Knut The Polar Bear On Suicide Watch

polar bear suicide Knut The Polar Bear On Suicide WatchPOLAR Bear Watch: Anorak’s look at polar bears in the news…

KNUT, the German polar bear the Guardian calls an “activist” for global warming, is alive. But his former keeper is not. Thomas Doerflein has died.

THE INDEPENDENT reports: “Love story: Knut mourns his keeper”. Or as the experts put it:

Berlin Zoo yesterday categorically ruled out suggestions that Knut would experience feelings of loss as a result of his keeper’s passing. “It won’t be a problem for him,” said Klaus Lüdcke, a Berlin zoologist, “Knut has been looked after by a whole team – and for him the most important person is the one who brings the food.”

And Doerflein: “He said that he could wish the bear no better first-birthday present than permanent separation.”

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Posted: 24th, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Global Warming, Polar Bear Watch | Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


How Madeleine McCann And Pricness Diana Made Us Fear

diana madeleine mccann 300x257 How Madeleine McCann And Pricness Diana Made Us FearMADDIE WATCH - Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann

DAILY TELEGRAPH: “Baroness Neuberger: Children will grow up not trusting anyone in Britain’s risk-averse society”

Paedo!

Recent figures show there are no men under 25 working in England’s state-run nurseries, such is the fear of being branded a paedophile…

But no figures are given. How many men used to work in state-run nurseries? The Telegraph does not say; but it does find time to tell readers that:

“Her comments come amid increasing concerns that Government policies are poisoning relationships between people.”

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Posted: 24th, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Madeleine McCann | Comments (190) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Climate Sceptics Have Their Heads Stuck In The Cool Sand

AS he says: “There’s a news article just published at the Guardian reporting the announcement from the Met Office that ‘climate sceptics have their heads stuck in the sand’.”

Climate sceptics such as Nigel Lawson who argue that global warming has stopped have their “heads in the sand”, according to the UK’s Met Office. A recent dip in global temperatures is down to natural changes in weather systems, a new analysis shows, and does not alter the long-term warming trend. The office says average temperatures have continued their rising trend over the last decade, and that humans are to blame.In a statement published on its website, it says: “Anyone who thinks global warming has stopped has their head in the sand. “The evidence is clear, the long-term trend in global temperatures is rising, and humans are largely responsible for this rise. Global warming does not mean that each year will be warmer than the last.”

So what does it mean, then? That it’s not getting warmer?

Posted: 23rd, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Global Warming, Twitterings | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Illegal For Men To Process and Distribute Sperm

sperm Illegal For Men To Process and Distribute SpermYOU know what you’re doing. Cut it out. It’s illegal:

Since July 2007 it has been a criminal offence to “procure, test, process or distribute” any gametes (sperm and eggs) intended for human application without a licence from the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority.

Can the Guardian be right? Is it illegal to process and distribute sperm? Do men need a licence..?

Posted: 23rd, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Strange But True | Comments (16) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The Madeleine McCann Christian Prayer Circle Says God Took Her

maddie circle The Madeleine McCann Christian Prayer Circle Says God Took HerMADDIE WATCH - Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann

CHRISTIANITY TODAY: “Christians pray for missing Madeleine”

Christians around the world joined in prayer on Friday for the safe return of missing Madeleine McCann and the release of all children held by criminal networks.

Do the Christians know what happened to Madeleine, then?

The worldwide day of prayer was organised by the Madeleine Prayer Circle.

Join hands…

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Posted: 23rd, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (225) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Looking To Big Daddy Fidel Castro For Love

fidel castro1 Looking To Big Daddy Fidel Castro For LoveALICE WALKER is looking at Barack Obama and John McCain, and seeking Fidel Castro. No, not dear Che Guevara; he’s easy to find:

This is what I want for our country, more than anything. I want a leader who can love us.. But when the lights are out and I’m left with just the stars in a super-dark sky, and I feel the new intense chill that seems to be the underbreath of even the hottest day, when I know that global warming may send our planet into a deep freeze even before my remaining years run out, then I think about what it is that truly matters to me. Not just as a human, but as an American.

She wants Fidel to keep her cool at night. As Norm says:

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Posted: 22nd, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Politicians | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Katherine Bucknell On The Lehman Brothers’ African Pump

WRITES the Times: “After Lehman Brothers: desperate City wives“:

The real-life stresses and strains of being married to an investment banker forms the backdrop to Katherine Bucknell’s bestselling US novel Canarino; Here she explains what the repercussions are for the families caught up in the latest financial meltdown…

At last, someone to make sense of it all…

For every vanished pile there will be crying children, an angry spouse, unemployed builders and domestic help, goods left on shop shelves, flats and houses available to rent or buy, empty restaurants, and villages in Africa that don’t get their new water pump after all.

Now do you understand..?

Unravelling Allison Pearson’s Message For Lehman Brothers Sorority

Posted: 20th, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Media Bitch, Money | Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The Greatest Non-Sequitur Of The Decade

lehman bros magritte 206x300 The Greatest Non Sequitur Of The DecadeHEADLINES like “WE‘RE ALL F***ED” (all papers) might have led readers to believe that the world’s economy was in freefall and we were all doomed to rearing turnips as a source of fuel, housing and good, clean, honest fun.

Now the Times says we’ve been to “Hell and back”. The Express leads with “SHARE BOOM SENSATION”. “The panic is over…possibly,” says the Independent. And the Sun commands readers to “FILL YOUR BOOTS”.

We’ve never had it so good.

(Image: Beau Bo D’Or Website)

And that goes for Gordon Brown, too, who is the recipient of the Guardian’s non-sequitur of the decade: “After the crash, a record bounce – and Brown fightback begins.”

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Posted: 20th, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Media Bitch, Money, Tabloids | Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Celebrity Quote Of The Day: Meeting Juliette Binoche

juliette binoche 150x150 Celebrity Quote Of The Day: Meeting Juliette BinocheCELEBRITY Quote Of The Day: Juliette Binoche would lke to meet Juliette Binoche:

How can I say what my new performance will be about? It’s impossible, and there can be no diagnosis until the audience takes what they get, the medicine on the spoon…

It just happens that I’m acting because I’m in the process of meeting someone, myself, on the way back…

It is the same thing whether I’m painting or acting. The common denominator is in the movement. I don’t dance but I paint in the air. Or I don’t paint, but I dance on the paper…

Look out for Juliette dancing with Juliette on Strictly Come Painting…

Posted: 18th, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Celebrities | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Polly Tonybee Wants Gordon Brown To Be As Consistent As She Is

polly tonybee 150x150 Polly Tonybee Wants Gordon Brown To Be As Consistent As She IsPOLLY Toynbee is a Guardian columnist and president of the Social Policy Association. She is a solid and clear voice, an opinion former:

“A cabinet of minnows and spineless backbenchers include many – perhaps most – who want Brown gone, but lack the nerve to act. They wait for someone else, for Brown to walk away or for a proverbial bus to save them from the task” – Polly Tonybee, Sep 6, 2008

Not to be confused with this Polly Tonybee:

“…as they stepped into No 10 yesterday, here was as decent and clever a team of ministers as ever graced the cabinet table. Two Milibands, Ed Balls, Jackie Smith, Harriet Harman, Alan Johnson, Douglas Alexander, Peter Hain and Hilary Benn – with the likes of John Denham and Yvette Cooper in attendance – present a good front. It’s certainly the most genuinely united government in living memory” – Polly Tonybee, June 29 2007

Consistency is what we’re after…

Posted: 18th, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Gordon Brown, Labour Party, Media Bitch, Politicians | Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Witch Hunting Sarah Palin And Inside With Barack Obama

BARACK Obama is partying with his celebrity backers at the Greystone Mansion, California, followed by entertainment by Barbra Streisand at the Regent Beverly Wilshire Hotel. It’s what the elite do. Says Obama:

“It’s about those who will never see the inside of a building like this.”

How do they get in, then? Do they knock, pay – it’s the $28,500-per-head Hollywood spare Change! do – or do they wait for a divine light to guide them? Thomas Muthee is knockin’ on Heaven’s door:

The pastor whose prayer Sarah Palin says helped her to become governor of Alaska founded his ministry with a witchhunt against a Kenyan woman who he accused of causing car accidents through demonic spells.

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Posted: 17th, September 2008 | In: Anorak TV, Barack Obama, Broadsheets, Politicians, Race For The White House, Sarah Palin | Comments (9) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Sky Has Changed Football More Than Any Billionaire Team Owner

sky tv money Sky Has Changed Football More Than Any Billionaire Team OwnerSIMON Barnes, the Times’s Sports Columnist of the Year, is talking about Al Sugar, Manchester City and how football clubs have become rich man’s play things, as opposed to in those halcyon days of the minimum wage, when football clubs were, er, rich men’s play things.

Football is like a bird attached to a brick by a strong piece of elastic. The bird is flying skywards with all its might and there are only two things that can happen. Either the elastic will break or the brick will hit the bird up the arse. The bird is the billionaire owner, the brick is the supporters.

And the Sky in which it flies is the big money broadcaster which has done more to change football than any multi-millionaire, billionaire or trillionaire…

Not that Barnes notices. The Times is, incidentally, owned by the same company that owns Sky TV…

Posted: 15th, September 2008 | In: Back pages, Broadsheets, Money | Comments (8) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Italian Mafia Seek To Head Off Bread Threat From Lancashire

mafia Italian Mafia Seek To Head Off Bread Threat From LancashirePSST! Wanna buy some bread?

After yesterday’s news of the Lancashire mafia, today we learn that the Italian mafia have noted the threat, moving to nip in the bud the threat posed by Morris’s Quality Bakers, (Baker Street, Coppull, Chorley).

The Guardian reports that “city officials and investigators suspect Camorra clans are behind many of the 1,400 unlicensed backstreet bakeries in and around the city which supply hundreds of street vendors who sell loaves out of car boots – and they may be spreading into selling other basic food products.”

Yeah, car boots. Shoppers would do well to check the rolls for signs of blood and bits of missing person’s teeth and hair.

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Posted: 15th, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Food & Fat, Police Log, Strange But True | Comments (5) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Resigned Barry Gardiner Makes Way For Twigg At Forestry

BARRY Gardiner is the Member of Parliament for Brent North and Gordon Brown’s Special Envoy for Forestry.

Now Barry Gardiner is the former Special Envoy for Forestry, having resigned his position to go onto pastures new. Incidentally this is the same Barry Gardiner who told us:

“The public has stopped listening to Gordon Brown. He is not a popular prime minister, but he would continue to have my support if he showed sound judgment, international leadership and political vision. Instead we have vacillation, loss of international credibility and timorous political manoeuvres that the public cannot understand.”

The Telegraph says Gardiner was sacked. So does he:

Gardiner says he resigned:

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Posted: 15th, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Gordon Brown, Politicians | Comments (5) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Madeleine McCann: Let’s Investigate Kate McCann’s Pain

maddieufo 300x211 Madeleine McCann: Lets Investigate Kate McCanns PainMADDIE WATCH - Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann

Kate McCann’s Diary extracts are published. Now read on…

DAILY EXPRESS: “HEARTBREAK DIARY REVEALS KATE’S ANGER AND DESPAIR”

In one heartbreaking entry Kate writes: “Can’t stop thinking about Madeleine, about her fear and pain. How can I go on knowing that her life could have ended like this? This week I have been quite overtaken by black thoughts. Please God, bring her back.”

Can’t stop writing about Madeleine… What says the “WORLD’S GREATEST NEWSPAPER”?

Last night experts said Kate’s emotions read like those of a bereaved mother.

Can’t pull the wool over the Express’ experts…

Chartered psychologist Dr Rick Norris said: “The diary shows she is an intelligent woman who is able to articulate her feelings on paper.”

Get a load of that spelling…

“This is a horrible situation – every parent’s worst nightmare.”

So says the expert reading from the big tabloid book of expert quotes.

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Posted: 15th, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (174) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Madeline McCann: Seeking Andrew Gosden, Not Denise Pipitone And Demonising Gypsies

andrew godsen1 Madeline McCann: Seeking Andrew Gosden, Not Denise Pipitone And Demonising GypsiesMADDIE WATCH - Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann

THE TIMES: “One year on, missing Andrew Gosden is still a blank space in family’s heart”

Andrew Godsen is missing. He ran away form home one year ago. He was 14. Watch the parents…

As with the parents of Madeleine McCann, the Gosdens are leading a life suspended. Unlike the McCanns, they have not done so in a blaze of global publicity and suspicion. Mr Gosden said that he and his wife felt “deeply, deeply sorry” for Gerry and Kate McCann and suspected that the two families “have an awful lot in common”, in all but one respect.

Andrew Godsen ran away. Did Madeleine McCann?

“You get a lot of press if your child is little, blonde and female, but it hurts just as much when you’re missing a teenage son.”

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Posted: 13th, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (306) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


British Invested Baseball And Decided Not To Play It

cricket2 British Invested Baseball And Decided Not To Play ItTHE Times reports that the British invested baseball and then decided not to play it:

Historians in Surrey have documentary proof that the game was being played in the UK before America. A diary entry which talks about a game played in Guildford, Surrey in 1755 has been verified as authentic by the Surrey History Centre.

The Surrey History Centre, where highlights include The Philip Bradley Fairground Collection and Dennis Specialist Vehicles.

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Posted: 12th, September 2008 | In: Back pages, Broadsheets, Strange But True | Comments (10) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0