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Broadsheets | Anorak - Part 4

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Top news from The Times, Daily Telegraph, The Indepedent and The Guardian newspapers

Manchester United: Van Gaal seeks excuses in money but the figures prove him wrong

van gaal

 

Manchester United manager Louis Van Gaal has news for the club’s fans: your team isn’t as good as it was when it was winning things season on season.

Man United no longer dominate the Barclays Premier League and target top European honours as they did under Sir Alex Ferguson. Van Gaal says anyone looking at the past and expecting a repeat is in dream land.

He told the Press:

“I am working very hard and my players are working very hard to do everything we can. The problem is that we have to meet with expectations and the expectations at Manchester United are very high. That is our problem. You can see there were a lot of positive things [during the Champions League defeat by Wolfsburg], but if you don’t want to see that, that’s not my problem. I work hard, my players work hard and now we are in the Europa League and we have to work hard to win that. That is not easy, but nobody hears that.

“They don’t want to hear me. They say a club like Manchester United has to win. That’s the past. You have to analyse the club now. [You cannot] compare it with ten years ago, because there has been an evolution in football, European football. It is not as easy as everybody thinks. Now we have many more clubs [in England and in Europe] who have money, and the structure to win things. Next year, all the clubs in the Premier League have a bigger budget than most of the clubs in Europe. That makes a big difference. Every club can buy a player: the difference [in the transfer market] is not so big.

“You think Manchester United has a lot of money, that is true, but the difference [with others] is not so big any more. The confirmation is every week. The bottom clubs can beat the top teams. There is no other league that this happens as often as it does in the Premier League. That makes it very difficult for a Premier League club to match [teams] from other leagues in the Champions League.”

Adding:

“We shall do everything to win something, but it is very difficult. It is not only difficult for Manchester United. It is also difficult for Manchester City and Liverpool, Arsenal or Chelsea or Leicester.”

Leicester City did not spend more than £250 million on players, as United have done since Van Gaal took over at Old Trafford. Money matter – but it can’t be the only reason teams win.

Oliver Kay tells Times readers:

Does Van Gaal really want to play the money game? OK, Louis, you asked for this. For the year ending June 2015, Manchester United’s turnover was £395.2 million. The corresponding figure for this season has been forecast to break £500 million and, if it falls slightly short, it will only be because their slice of Champions League revenue has dropped as a result of their elimination at the group stage…

By contrast, PSV Eindhoven, who took four points from them in that Champions League group, generated £45 million in revenue in 2013-14 and if their accounts have been swollen since then, it has only been through the £40 million they raised by selling their two most marketable players, Georgino Wijnaldum and Memphis Depay, to Newcastle United and Manchester United.

Which makes you wonder at United’s transfer policy. It’s not just about having more money than your opponent – thank God –  it’s about what you do with it. And right now, United are investing badly.

PS: Man United play Bournemouth today in what will be the first league meeting between the two clubs. Annual turnover (2013-14) Bournemouth £10.1m v Man United £433m. Easy, then.United will win by 40 goals to 1.

 

 

Posted: 12th, December 2015 | In: Broadsheets, manchester united, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Manchester United: Van Gaal damned but stays beyond 2017

van gaal manchester united sacked

 

Who can be blamed for Manchester United crashing out of the Champions League in the group stages? It’s worth noting that this is an improvement on last season, when United failed to even qualify for European football’s biggest tournament.

The Mail says the buck starts and stops with United manager Louis Van Gaal, who is “hammered for his abysmal tactics”. Martin Samuel says United lost “because they could not not pick ip an old-fashioned big lad in the penalty area at set-pieces”.

As Van Gaal admits to his side going “backwards”, Chris Wheeler says United’s owners, the Glazer family, want to extend his contract beyond 2017.

No evidence that they do. But just saying it is enough to start that most wanted to tabloid aims: a heated debate.

Overall, though, the papers are split between leading with a dejected Van Gaal…

 

van gaal sacked

 

…or a his over-paid, under-talented side:

 

manchester united wolfsburg

 

Any United fans in need to a laugh – or at best a distraction – can look to the Mirror, where David McDonnell delivers a tortuous intro:

And so it proved Emission Impossible for Manchester United as their Champions League campaign spluttered to a halt.

Wolfsburg may have been rocked by the emissions scandal that has engulfed sponsors Volkswagen, but last night it was the Reds who were left on the hard shoulder of European football.

As you wince at that, better, perhaps, to turn to the Times, where Henry Winter is in his pomp:

Embarrassing. Manchester United deservedly departed the Champions League because they defended like amateurs, not like elite professionals. They were drawn in an easier group than Manchester City yet find themselves in the Europa League. Welcome to Thursdays. Excruciating.

And Van Gaal?

Van Gaal’s reputation was damaged here. For United’s biggest game of the season, he took two eye-catching decisions. Guillermo Varela, the 22-year-old Uruguayan who made his debut against West Ham United on Saturday, started at right back; he made a couple of good tackles, but betrayed his inexperience by getting dragged into the centre, gifting André Schürrle space outside.

More controversial was Van Gaal’s decision to field Marouane Fellaini alongside Bastian Schweinsteiger with Michael Carrick kicking his heels on the bench and having to wait until 20 minutes from time for his 70th Champions League appearance. Fellaini lost the ball twice in the opening five minutes and did little to stop Wolfsburg’s counterattacks.

Which can all be summed by two words from the Sun:  “Van Damned.”

Posted: 9th, December 2015 | In: Back pages, Broadsheets, manchester united, News, Sports, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Chelsea lose to Bournemouth in Russian billionaire battle

Yesterday Bournemouth beat Chelsea 0-1 at Stamford Bridge. It was cracking result for the south coast club playing for the first time in the Premier League.

But in the Times, Rory Smith has a word to the wise:

 

bournemouth owner

 

Bah, humbug!

Posted: 7th, December 2015 | In: Back pages, Broadsheets, Chelsea, News, Sports | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Chelsea balls: Jose Mourinho sacked by Leicester (maybe)

Mourinho outMore Jose Mourinho sacking news now. The Times leads with a story that the Chelsea boss is “in last chance” to save his job.

Matt Hughes says José Mourinho has been told that “he must guide Chelsea into the knockout stages of the Champions League this week to safeguard his position as manager”.

Win a single point against Porto on Wednesday and Chelsea qualify for the round of 16 – “Defeat, though, could bring the end of Mourinho’s second spell as manager at Stamford Bridge.”

From a headline stating Mourinho has one chance, to a story beneath it that the Portuguese could be given more last chances. The Times has no idea.

And neither does the Daily Mirror, which reports that Chelsea “could sack manager Jose Mourinho whether or not they beat Porto in the Champions League on Wednesday”.

The Sun  hedges its bets, giving Mourinho two games to save his job. It sticks a wet finger in the air and discovers that Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich “may act if the Blues lose to Porto and then against leaders Leicester in the Premier League next weekend”.

Or else, he may not.

Such are the facts.

 

Posted: 7th, December 2015 | In: Broadsheets, Chelsea, News, Sports, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Madeleine McCann: An Apology For Journalism, Desmond’s Reputation And Greenslade Scores

MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann

DAILY STAR: “’THE TAPAS SEVEN‘” – AN APOLOGY

The Sangria Seven, surely. Or the Tapas 9 (what happened to them?). But what of this latest apology? Ahem..:

In articles published in September and November last year we suggested that the holiday companions of Kate and Gerry McCann might have covered up the true facts concerning Madeleine McCann’s disappearance and/or misled the authorities investigating her disappearance.

Yes…

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Posted: 16th, October 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Madeleine McCann, News, Tabloids | Comments (359) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


It’s 2030 And The World Looks Like This

IT’S 2030 and the Scotsman exists as a free pamphlet given out at King’s Cross station and churches in the area.

What else of 2030? “It’s…

“…A chilling world where licences are required for having children and questioning global warming is a crime could be ushered in by climate change”.

Why wait. Bring it on.

The scenario is one of five potential responses to climate change described by a panel of 60 experts in the study by Forum for the Future, a sustainable development group.

Not sure if we get a vote on which world we want, but know that the “five possible futures for mankind are”:

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Posted: 15th, October 2008 | In: Broadsheets, News | Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Let The Poor Eat Our Words

CREDIT Crunch news of the day: Simon Jenkins lets the poor eat words…

Yes, some people are poor and some are out of work, but not everyone; not even a majority. Keynes was right. The most important thing in a recession is for those with money to keep spending it. Those without can cite Aquinas and remember that the best things in life are free.

Talk is cheap. The Times costs 80p. Anorak is free…

Posted: 14th, October 2008 | In: Broadsheets, News | Comments (10) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The BNP Guardian Wants British Coffee For British Coffee Drinkers

EXCUSE me. Yes, you with the “our” watery Starbucks coffee, the fair trade sugar and look of understanding.

The Guardian would like to garner your thoughts on the BNP.

“Does the BNP speak for you?”

You put down your white (guilt) coffee and look at the canvasser’s laptop. You click through to politic-poll.com. and see a picture of BNP leader Nick Griffin.

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Posted: 14th, October 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Madeleine McCann, News | Comments (148) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Ken Livingstone’s Animal Sex With Adam Boulton

TO yesterday’s Turn The Tables event, when politicos get the chance to turn the tables on hacks.

Ken Livingstone, former London mayor and still former London mayor, turns to Sky New’s political editor Adam Boulton and asks:

“Have you ever had sex with an animal?”

Boulton declined to comment, forgoing the obvious answers:

Is that an offer?

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Posted: 14th, October 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Politicians | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Madeleine McCann Gives Lives Meaning And Worth

MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann

INTERNATIONAL HERLAD TRIUBIUNE (France): “Billionaire retailer Green shops for a bargain”

Mark Pootter says Philip Green is on the hunt for a knock-down-once-in-a-lifetime- I’m-cuttin’-me-own-throat-guv’nor-honest-to-goodness bargain.

And who is Philip Green? Why…:

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Posted: 13th, October 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Madeleine McCann, News | Comments (253) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Not In My Back Yard: WWF Conservationist Cuts Down Trees And Flies

CONSERVATIONISTS. They prowl the planet by (see below), minibus and boat to tell you what to do. And when they get home, as the Sydney Morning Herald notes:

THE wife of a convener of the Australian Conservation Foundation is being charged with the alleged removal of 150 trees on the couple’s Blue Mountains property.

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Posted: 12th, October 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Strange But True | Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Anorak Beats Old Media, Again

The thieving plonkers!

We’re back to those default swaps again, and the reason why they have nothing to do with insurance and everything to do with speculating on other people’s property; Simon Evans in the Independent reports today, the 12th October:

‘It is like Joe Public buying an insurance policy on someone else’s house and pocketing the full value if it burns down.’

Ring any bells?

On the 25th September I wrote:

‘Anorak could take out a vast insurance policy on Anorak Towers, and if it burned down Anorak would get lots of dosh but no Anorak Towers.

Insurers won’t let me take out a vast insurance policy on Anorak Towers, because I would have a clear interest in setting fire to Anorak Towers and collecting lots of dosh.

Of course, I wouldn’t have Anorak Towers, but then I didn’t have Anorak Towers in the first place.’

My highly reputable lawyers, Messrs Sue, Sue and Suesomemore, will no doubt be in touch with the Indie’s briefs…

Chenier

Posted: 12th, October 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Money | Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Guardian Follows Daily Express And Tips IceSave

ICESAVE is dead. Britain is at war with Iceland. And the Guardain is scoring points on the Express, its pet target:

GUARDIAN – Hugh Muir:

“If you are lucky enough to have some spare money, now could be the time to cash in,” said the ever-informative Daily Express, addressing the credit crunch yesterday. “Icelandic bank Icesave pays 7.06% on £1,000 or more on its one-year bond.” Yeah, right – October 8, 2008

GUARDIAN:

Ten of the best … savings accounts
An unexpected bonus from the financial crisis is banks raising their savings rates to attract customer cash. Harvey Jones picks a selection of the best buys on offer

Hear ye, hear ye… Any idea what’s No.1?

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Posted: 11th, October 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Money, Tabloids | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Madeleine McCann And The Dawn Of Creationism

MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann

In the beginning was the word. And the word was “Maddie”…

THE INDEPENDENT: “Religion vs science: can the divide between God and rationality be reconciled?”

And on the eighth day the media was created and Our Maddie did come to the fore…

‘A clergyman in charge of education for the country’s leading scientific organisation – it’s a Monty Python sketch,” pronounced Britain’s top atheist, Richard Dawkins, recently. The problem was that Reiss, as well as being an evolutionary biologist and population geneticist, is a non-stipendiary priest in the Church of England.

Still dunno.

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Posted: 11th, October 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Madeleine McCann, News | Comments (55) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Gabby Logan Applauds The Credit Crunch

CREDIT Crunch news of the day: Gabby Logan on the joys of poverty

“But I believe that the credit squeeze is going to be good for grassroots sport and therefore good for all of us in the long run – as long as we do not end up homeless” – Gabby Logan, The Times

So Gabby…:

Aside from a property, what’s the most expensive thing you’ve ever bought?

Paintings – the most I’ve spent on one was £7,000.

More credit crunch insight as it comes in…

Posted: 10th, October 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Money | Comments (5) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Serving Filth To Jamie Oliver

JAMIE Oliver takes time out from telling fat football fans oop north to eat well and tells us:

“In the old days I used to get the knickers and the bras. It was good. Filth whispered in me ears.

“He’s a w***er” (Times.

They’re just bored of me now. I’m just that geezer who keeps, you know, doing these worthy things around the country.”

Like shoving it down people’s throats…

Posted: 9th, October 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Celebrities | Comments (15) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Armageddon On Hold As Blue Collars Take Over

ARMAGEDDON is on hold.

The four horsemen of the apocalypse (Short Sellers; Bradford, Bingley, Daryl Lehman) are staved off with the promise of cash. It’s a bribe, and – who knew? – but the forces of man’s destruction are open to cash offers.

Still, the Times asks its readers: “Is this the safest place to put your money?” There picture is of a man pushing a large box cardboard out of book shop. The box is on trolley. The man is in shirt and Comfi-Slax.

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Posted: 9th, October 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Money, Tabloids | Comments (5) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


UK Farms Human Livers, Germany Harvest Funny Bones

IF you could choose a liver door from any country on Earth, which nation would you harvest organs from?

Those living on the Japanese island of Okinawa, the small Sardinian mountain town of Ovodda and Loma Linda in the US are the world’s longest living. So any of them would be top of most people’s lists.

So listen up as David Mayer, chairman of UK Transplant’s Liver Advisory Group, says:

“If we were to provide livers for the world from the UK, then UK patients would be enormously disadvantaged.”

Well, yes. We would have no livers, ours being a nation of some 60million, and the rest of the world having far more bodies to fill with offal. And what with our binge drinking, you’d think the demand just wouldn’t be there. The UK as the world’s liver farming would be like the Germans farming funny bones.

But here’s Professor Nigel Heaton, head of the transplant unit at King’s College Hospital, London, transplanting part of an adult British liver into a boy from one of the Gulf states.

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Posted: 5th, October 2008 | In: Broadsheets | Comments (6) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Rod Liddle Subs Giles Coren

ROD Liddle and Giles Coren are two hacks who became the story: Liddle: affair. Coren: smug, over-exposed daddy’s boy. Liddle:

By and large our intellectuals live their lives entirely free of even the briefest consideration in the national press, which is far too busy with nonintellectuals such as Amy Winehouse, Jade Goody and Giles Coren.

And here they are illuminating a story about intellectuals. File under: celebrity journalism…

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Posted: 5th, October 2008 | In: Broadsheets | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Madeleine McCann: Paedos From Lamp-Posts, Hating Fiona Philips And JonBenet Ramsey

MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann

QUEENSFERRY GAZETTE (Scotland): “We’ve been ad”

A CONCERNED mum has spoken out about the potential hazards posed by new outdoor advertising boards. Janette Sheppard is also worried that other parents may think the boards are simply lamp-posts.

Lamp-posts, for paedos to hide behind… Like those (G)litter bins

She said: “These have just sprung up – one is outside my son’s primary school. At first glance it would be easy to mistake them for lamp-posts, but they are actually advertising boards.”

The wonders of modern technology. Who would have thunk it. Go on…

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Posted: 4th, October 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (293) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Madeleine McCann, Rosemary West And The Fear Of Esther Rantzen

MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann

THE TELEGRAPH: “Esther Rantzen: Fear of paedophiles is harming children”

Esther Rantzen has admitted she blames herself for raising fears of paedophiles to such a degree that adults are now scared to help crying children.

Rantzen! Last week the Telegraph brought us: “Baroness Neuberger: Children will grow up not trusting anyone in Britain’s risk-averse society”

Very soon everyone will be agreeing with this new premise, it being the way opinion is formed: one celebrity says something; another agrees; the media reports it as fact; all hacks agree; a woman in the Daily Mail says she disagrees; a reader says it’s “common sense gone mad”; a celebrity agrees; and so on and on…

The veteran broadcaster, who founded the counselling service ChildLine, warned that young people are now being harmed by the widespread suspicion that anyone who has contact with children could be a child abuser.

Well, they could be…

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Posted: 3rd, October 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Madeleine McCann | Comments (162) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


UN Plans For Legalisation Of Cannabis

IF cannabis was legal, lots of farmers would have a business and it could be controlled better:

A report on cannabis prepared for next year’s UN drug policy review will suggest that a “regulated market” would cause less harm than the current international prohibition. The report, which is likely to reopen the debate about cannabis laws, suggests that controls such as taxation, minimum age requirements and labelling could be explored.

(Image: Beau Bo D’Or Website)

Says the Guardian:

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Posted: 2nd, October 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Politicians | Comments (11) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


John Le Carré Defects: The Headline That Came In From The Cold

A FEATURE on thriller writer John le Carré in the Sunday Times:

“JOHN le Carré: I nearly left the West” – how the writer wanted to “defect to the Soviet Union during the Cold War” – Sunday Times headline.

“I had from time to time placed myself intellectually in the shoes of those on one side of the Curtain who took the short walk to the other… Only when traduced by your editors does it acquire such disproportionate and damaging significance” – John le Carré letters to the Sunday Times

How newspapers work…

Posted: 2nd, October 2008 | In: Broadsheets | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


David Cameron Is Not Short On City Friends

DAVID Cameron says “You can bank on me”, at least this is the message the Independent relates to its readers from the Tory Party conference.

And it’s a good job that the Bank of Cameron is open, but not all that good, maybe, if Lady Louise Patten, wife of Tory education minister John, is running things.

Until recently she was a non-executive director of Bradford & Bingley, aka Bring & Buy, aka Boom & Bust etc.

And there is Christopher Gent, director of Lehman Brothers, who has given tens of thousands of pounds to the Tories.

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Posted: 2nd, October 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Politicians | Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Sarah Palin Pulls John McCain’s Six Down Under

THE Sydney Morning Herald illustrates its coverage of John McCain’s claim that his Vice Presidential running mate Sarah Palin’s family had taken a $US20,000 dollar hit in falling stock prices made her an “ordinary Joe” in fact a “six pack” Babe…

As AGW puts it:

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Posted: 1st, October 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Photojournalism, Politicians | Comments (19) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0