Anorak

Broadsheets | Anorak - Part 40

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Top news from The Times, Daily Telegraph, The Indepedent and The Guardian newspapers

A Clean Sweep

‘TOUGH on grime, tough on the causes of grime.

‘I’d much rather be smacking the kids’

Not Tony Blair’s credo on which he hopes to win a third term in office, but the Telegraph’s take on a poll that suggests …

Posted: 7th, July 2004 | In: Broadsheets | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The London Grand Prix

‘THEY have tried many things over the years to make Formula 1 more exciting.

David Coulthard is pulled over for jumping a red light

They cut the sound whenever Nigel Mansell opened his mouth; they slipped vodka into the drivers’ …

Posted: 7th, July 2004 | In: Broadsheets | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Laughing Stock

‘IF and when cows get the vote – and, let’s face it, it’s well overdue – then we can expect Michael Howard to be swept into Downing Street on a wave of bovine support.

‘Four stomachs good, one stomach bad’

Posted: 6th, July 2004 | In: Broadsheets | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Smacking Law

‘TO help parents confused by last night’s proposed change to the smacking law, we at Anorak have produced our own guide to modern smacking etiquette.

A pointing ban is expected to become law next year

The Telegraph rightly reports that …

Posted: 6th, July 2004 | In: Broadsheets | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Cornish Patsy

‘IF Michael Howard is looking for political advice, he could do worse than listen to Bart Simpson’s famous maxim, ‘Don’t have a cow, man’.

‘I can’t read a word. It’s all bloody gobbledygook!’

But Bart’s sister Lisa will not be …

Posted: 6th, July 2004 | In: Broadsheets | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


A Qualified Success

‘WHEN Tony Blair promises freedom, he normally delivers it at the end of an albeit non-firing gun.

‘And here’s some more freedom’

So teachers and pupils should be somewhat alarmed this morning to discover that the Prime Minister is promising …

Posted: 5th, July 2004 | In: Broadsheets | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Sick Notes

‘HERE’S a question for you – what should NHS staff do when they’re feeling ill? Stay at home or come into work?

‘I AM SICK’

We ask because a report in this morning’s Times suggests that people who work in …

Posted: 5th, July 2004 | In: Broadsheets | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Stress For Success

‘THOSE of us who have battled into work this morning, braved traffic jams and crowded trains to arrive at our desk and find our computer not working – how good does it feel?

‘Five minutes or ten? Decisions, decisions…’

Yeah, …

Posted: 5th, July 2004 | In: Broadsheets | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Question Time

‘WHETHER or not the Allies are still looking for weapons of mass destruction is beside the point since the invasion of Iraq is now billed as the capture of Saddam.

‘Look out! He’s got a gun!’

The casus belli that …

Posted: 2nd, July 2004 | In: Broadsheets | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Judge And Jury

‘SADDAM Hussein can curse his luck that he was never tried in a British court.

Blair with the next Lord Chancellor and the future UK President

A simple and secretive handshake, a quick shimmy and a flick of the tie …

Posted: 2nd, July 2004 | In: Broadsheets | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Cops and Robbers

‘FROM Saddam Hussein and British judges, we now take a look at some real old-fashioned criminals.

‘Mortgage rates go down, or the bitch gets it!’

And who is more real or old-fashioned than the “Bonnie and Clyde” pair, as featured …

Posted: 2nd, July 2004 | In: Broadsheets | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Dolled Up

‘PRINCESS Diana lives on in all our hearts. She was, after all, the Queen of such organs.

Now with realistic retching sounds!

But sometimes we forget. It’s not our fault, it’s just what with the pressures of modern life, we …

Posted: 1st, July 2004 | In: Broadsheets | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


To Tell The Truth

‘HEARING Saddam Hussein’s first public address in six months reminds us of the opening sequence to TV’s To Tell The Truth.

It’s going to (death) penalties

Saddam comes into the room, mimes shooting dead a member of the Iraqi political …

Posted: 1st, July 2004 | In: Broadsheets | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Dear Camilla

‘WE are aware how very much in love Prince Charles is with Camilla Parker Bowles, but does he really write her 2,000 love letters each year?

‘Is that your battered white Fiat Uno?’

Such a production rate would tax the …

Posted: 1st, July 2004 | In: Broadsheets | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


No Service

‘FOR millions of Londoners and commuters into the capital, life just got better.

The RMT offers its full support to Tim Henman

Mornings routinely ruined by surly station staff, overpriced tickets and the chance to catch any number of diseases …

Posted: 30th, June 2004 | In: Broadsheets | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The Tiger’s Claws

‘WE’VE wrestled alligators, bungee jumped from a Boeing 747 and seen Vanessa Feltz in a swimsuit, but even we at Anorak Towers have never queued for Wimbledon tickets with the Henmaniacs.

Hands up for cake?

HRT Tim Henman’s legions of …

Posted: 30th, June 2004 | In: Broadsheets | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


We’re All Loosers

‘WHAT once would have been construed as an act of sacrilege, now barely raises a trimmed eyebrow.

So long as he doesn’t kick it, we should be okay

The Times brings to the world the news that a portrait of …

Posted: 30th, June 2004 | In: Broadsheets | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Shock And More

‘IN the end, everybody can claim to have been proved right.

‘Let’s bomb France’

George Bush and Tony Blair can say they kept their promise and did restore something like independence to the Iraqis.

The cynics can argue that the …

Posted: 29th, June 2004 | In: Broadsheets | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


McQueen’s Own Infantry

‘PITY the American soldier who doesn’t look good in green.

Enough to disarm any terrorist

But help for him is on the way, and it’s arriving in the portly form of London-born fashion designer Alexander McQueen.

The Telegraph’s military fashion …

Posted: 29th, June 2004 | In: Broadsheets | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Drink To Success

‘GIVEN the redness of the can and the desire for post-totalitarian Russia to move on from its past, Coca Cola never stood a chance.

The 99% proof is in the mixing

It was always going to be Pepsi blue. And …

Posted: 29th, June 2004 | In: Broadsheets | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


All The Way, Jose

‘PORTUGAL wins! Well, nearly wins – the appointment of Jose Manuel Durao Barroso as the new president of the European Commission has yet to be formalised, ratified, sanctioned, vetoed and all those other things European politicians and their policies are …

Posted: 28th, June 2004 | In: Broadsheets | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Summing Up

‘LAST week, we reported on a survey in the Daily Express conducted to discover what the “19” EU member states think of Britain and its peoples.

‘If England score three goals and Portugal score two, what is the result? Show

Posted: 28th, June 2004 | In: Broadsheets | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Think Tank

‘WE like Professor David Begg. We have always maintained that he talks a lot of sense.

The mums’ race at the school sports day was very competitive

So when the man the Independent calls the Government’s most senior advisor on …

Posted: 28th, June 2004 | In: Broadsheets | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Iraq – The Cost

‘IF President Bush and Tony Blair are worried about their approval ratings at home, they should be glad they are not standing for election in Baghdad.

‘So, Paul. How about that as a recipe for disaster?’

According to a report …

Posted: 25th, June 2004 | In: Broadsheets | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Paper Chase

‘IT’S an expensive business being a student these days – on top of all the money spent on beer, drugs and deodorant, they now have to find money for tuition fees…and exam papers.

‘And I got 100% as well!’

The …

Posted: 25th, June 2004 | In: Broadsheets | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0