Anorak

Broadsheets | Anorak - Part 40

Broadsheets Category

Top news from The Times, Daily Telegraph, The Indepedent and The Guardian newspapers

Signs of Intelligence

‘HAVING studied the Government’s spending review in depth, the only code many Whitehall mandarins will be trying to solve today is how they came to be handed a P45.

‘Ever hear of a Tony Bliar, guv?’

But let’s look at

Posted: 13th, July 2004 | In: Broadsheets | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Stamp Them Out

‘ANYONE who, like us, has just received a Christmas card from last year will have noticed the stamp.

Merry Christmas one and all

The stamp’s picture of a pissed-up teenager vomiting in the gutter on Christmas Eve is seasonal and

Posted: 13th, July 2004 | In: Broadsheets | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Age Of Empire

‘EVERY government succumbs in the end to a desire to return this country to a mythical Golden Age.

‘Keep out of the white and into the red…’

With Maggie Thatcher, it was a nostalgia for Victorian values the same

Posted: 12th, July 2004 | In: Broadsheets | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Speed Gun

‘EDUCATION is only one of the tools in the Government’s armoury as it battles to turn the clock back and return the country to a better age.

A getaway car

[Actually, given Tony Blair’s oft-repeated mantra, education probably counts as

Posted: 12th, July 2004 | In: Broadsheets | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Air Brained

‘FORTY scientists from seven British universities are to travel to the Azores today to follow a plume of air as it heads across the Atlantic Ocean.

The Intercontinental Transport of Ozone and Precursors programme’s HQ

Yes, that’s right 40

Posted: 12th, July 2004 | In: Broadsheets | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Hello, Mr Chips

‘WHY, hello again, Mr Chips. Labour yesterday revealed its big new plan to improve state education in this country – and it smacks of a return to traditional values.

‘I feel a real sense of pride in my school again,

Posted: 9th, July 2004 | In: Broadsheets | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Heir Brained

‘IF anyone is likely to welcome Labour’s back-to-the-future education policy, it is Prince Charles.

An accident of birth

The old crank is a sucker for anything with the word ‘traditional’ in front of it, whether it’s agriculture, architecture or apple

Posted: 9th, July 2004 | In: Broadsheets | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Blindingly Stupid

‘BRITAIN may have an idiot for an heir to the throne and more idiots per capita than any other country in the world, but we don’t have a monopoly on idiocy by any means.

‘Even I can see they’re a

Posted: 9th, July 2004 | In: Broadsheets | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The Trial

‘WHEN American officials were casting round for a precedent for the judicial aberration that is Guantanamo, they happened across a book in the Pentagon library.

Guilty until proven guilty

It was by a gentleman called Franz Kafka, it was called

Posted: 8th, July 2004 | In: Broadsheets | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


A Write Mess

‘TONY Blair has of course been working tirelessly behind the scenes to secure the release of the four Britons still held at Guantanamo.

‘Raise one hand if you can’t count’

‘George, I’m sorry to have to ask, but I’m getting

Posted: 8th, July 2004 | In: Broadsheets | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Darwinners And Losers

‘ONE, two, three, four, five, six, seven…

‘For every action, there must be an equal and opposite reaction’

It may have only taken God seven days to create the universe, but it has taken his son Tony Blair seven years

Posted: 8th, July 2004 | In: Broadsheets | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


A Great Britton

‘YESTERDAY, Tory leader Michael Howard was pictured deep in conversation with a cow; this morning, he is seen chatting with Fern Britton.

‘There’s only one David Mellor!’

There is of course so little connection between the two that we’re not

Posted: 7th, July 2004 | In: Broadsheets | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


A Clean Sweep

‘TOUGH on grime, tough on the causes of grime.

‘I’d much rather be smacking the kids’

Not Tony Blair’s credo on which he hopes to win a third term in office, but the Telegraph’s take on a poll that suggests

Posted: 7th, July 2004 | In: Broadsheets | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The London Grand Prix

‘THEY have tried many things over the years to make Formula 1 more exciting.

David Coulthard is pulled over for jumping a red light

They cut the sound whenever Nigel Mansell opened his mouth; they slipped vodka into the drivers’

Posted: 7th, July 2004 | In: Broadsheets | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Laughing Stock

‘IF and when cows get the vote and, let’s face it, it’s well overdue then we can expect Michael Howard to be swept into Downing Street on a wave of bovine support.

‘Four stomachs good, one stomach bad’

Posted: 6th, July 2004 | In: Broadsheets | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Smacking Law

‘TO help parents confused by last night’s proposed change to the smacking law, we at Anorak have produced our own guide to modern smacking etiquette.

A pointing ban is expected to become law next year

The Telegraph rightly reports that

Posted: 6th, July 2004 | In: Broadsheets | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Cornish Patsy

‘IF Michael Howard is looking for political advice, he could do worse than listen to Bart Simpson’s famous maxim, ‘Don’t have a cow, man’.

‘I can’t read a word. It’s all bloody gobbledygook!’

But Bart’s sister Lisa will not be

Posted: 6th, July 2004 | In: Broadsheets | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


A Qualified Success

‘WHEN Tony Blair promises freedom, he normally delivers it at the end of an albeit non-firing gun.

‘And here’s some more freedom’

So teachers and pupils should be somewhat alarmed this morning to discover that the Prime Minister is promising

Posted: 5th, July 2004 | In: Broadsheets | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Sick Notes

‘HERE’S a question for you what should NHS staff do when they’re feeling ill? Stay at home or come into work?

‘I AM SICK’

We ask because a report in this morning’s Times suggests that people who work in

Posted: 5th, July 2004 | In: Broadsheets | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Stress For Success

‘THOSE of us who have battled into work this morning, braved traffic jams and crowded trains to arrive at our desk and find our computer not working how good does it feel?

‘Five minutes or ten? Decisions, decisions…’

Yeah,

Posted: 5th, July 2004 | In: Broadsheets | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Question Time

‘WHETHER or not the Allies are still looking for weapons of mass destruction is beside the point since the invasion of Iraq is now billed as the capture of Saddam.

‘Look out! He’s got a gun!’

The casus belli that

Posted: 2nd, July 2004 | In: Broadsheets | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Judge And Jury

‘SADDAM Hussein can curse his luck that he was never tried in a British court.

Blair with the next Lord Chancellor and the future UK President

A simple and secretive handshake, a quick shimmy and a flick of the tie

Posted: 2nd, July 2004 | In: Broadsheets | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Cops and Robbers

‘FROM Saddam Hussein and British judges, we now take a look at some real old-fashioned criminals.

‘Mortgage rates go down, or the bitch gets it!’

And who is more real or old-fashioned than the “Bonnie and Clyde” pair, as featured

Posted: 2nd, July 2004 | In: Broadsheets | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


To Tell The Truth

‘HEARING Saddam Hussein’s first public address in six months reminds us of the opening sequence to TV’s To Tell The Truth.

It’s going to (death) penalties

Saddam comes into the room, mimes shooting dead a member of the Iraqi political

Posted: 1st, July 2004 | In: Broadsheets | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Dear Camilla

‘WE are aware how very much in love Prince Charles is with Camilla Parker Bowles, but does he really write her 2,000 love letters each year?

‘Is that your battered white Fiat Uno?’

Such a production rate would tax the

Posted: 1st, July 2004 | In: Broadsheets | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0