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Broadsheets | Anorak - Part 5

Broadsheets Category

Top news from The Times, Daily Telegraph, The Indepedent and The Guardian newspapers

Looking To Big Daddy Fidel Castro For Love

ALICE WALKER is looking at Barack Obama and John McCain, and seeking Fidel Castro. No, not dear Che Guevara; he’s easy to find:

This is what I want for our country, more than anything. I want a leader who can love us.. But when the lights are out and I’m left with just the stars in a super-dark sky, and I feel the new intense chill that seems to be the underbreath of even the hottest day, when I know that global warming may send our planet into a deep freeze even before my remaining years run out, then I think about what it is that truly matters to me. Not just as a human, but as an American.

She wants Fidel to keep her cool at night. As Norm says:

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Posted: 22nd, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Politicians | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Katherine Bucknell On The Lehman Brothers’ African Pump

WRITES the Times: “After Lehman Brothers: desperate City wives“:

The real-life stresses and strains of being married to an investment banker forms the backdrop to Katherine Bucknell’s bestselling US novel Canarino; Here she explains what the repercussions are for the families caught up in the latest financial meltdown…

At last, someone to make sense of it all…

For every vanished pile there will be crying children, an angry spouse, unemployed builders and domestic help, goods left on shop shelves, flats and houses available to rent or buy, empty restaurants, and villages in Africa that don’t get their new water pump after all.

Now do you understand..?

Unravelling Allison Pearson’s Message For Lehman Brothers Sorority

Posted: 20th, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Money | Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The Greatest Non-Sequitur Of The Decade

HEADLINES like “WE‘RE ALL F***ED” (all papers) might have led readers to believe that the world’s economy was in freefall and we were all doomed to rearing turnips as a source of fuel, housing and good, clean, honest fun.

Now the Times says we’ve been to “Hell and back”. The Express leads with “SHARE BOOM SENSATION”. “The panic is over…possibly,” says the Independent. And the Sun commands readers to “FILL YOUR BOOTS”.

We’ve never had it so good.

(Image: Beau Bo D’Or Website)

And that goes for Gordon Brown, too, who is the recipient of the Guardian’s non-sequitur of the decade: “After the crash, a record bounce – and Brown fightback begins.”

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Posted: 20th, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Money, Tabloids | Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Celebrity Quote Of The Day: Meeting Juliette Binoche

CELEBRITY Quote Of The Day: Juliette Binoche would lke to meet Juliette Binoche:

How can I say what my new performance will be about? It’s impossible, and there can be no diagnosis until the audience takes what they get, the medicine on the spoon…

It just happens that I’m acting because I’m in the process of meeting someone, myself, on the way back…

It is the same thing whether I’m painting or acting. The common denominator is in the movement. I don’t dance but I paint in the air. Or I don’t paint, but I dance on the paper…

Look out for Juliette dancing with Juliette on Strictly Come Painting…

Posted: 18th, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Celebrities | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Polly Tonybee Wants Gordon Brown To Be As Consistent As She Is

POLLY Toynbee is a Guardian columnist and president of the Social Policy Association. She is a solid and clear voice, an opinion former:

“A cabinet of minnows and spineless backbenchers include many – perhaps most – who want Brown gone, but lack the nerve to act. They wait for someone else, for Brown to walk away or for a proverbial bus to save them from the task” – Polly Tonybee, Sep 6, 2008

Not to be confused with this Polly Tonybee:

“…as they stepped into No 10 yesterday, here was as decent and clever a team of ministers as ever graced the cabinet table. Two Milibands, Ed Balls, Jackie Smith, Harriet Harman, Alan Johnson, Douglas Alexander, Peter Hain and Hilary Benn – with the likes of John Denham and Yvette Cooper in attendance – present a good front. It’s certainly the most genuinely united government in living memory” – Polly Tonybee, June 29 2007

Consistency is what we’re after…

Posted: 18th, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Politicians | Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Witch Hunting Sarah Palin And Inside With Barack Obama

BARACK Obama is partying with his celebrity backers at the Greystone Mansion, California, followed by entertainment by Barbra Streisand at the Regent Beverly Wilshire Hotel. It’s what the elite do. Says Obama:

“It’s about those who will never see the inside of a building like this.”

How do they get in, then? Do they knock, pay – it’s the $28,500-per-head Hollywood spare Change! do – or do they wait for a divine light to guide them? Thomas Muthee is knockin’ on Heaven’s door:

The pastor whose prayer Sarah Palin says helped her to become governor of Alaska founded his ministry with a witchhunt against a Kenyan woman who he accused of causing car accidents through demonic spells.

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Posted: 17th, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Politicians | Comments (9) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Sky Has Changed Football More Than Any Billionaire Team Owner

SIMON Barnes, the Times’s Sports Columnist of the Year, is talking about Al Sugar, Manchester City and how football clubs have become rich man’s play things, as opposed to in those halcyon days of the minimum wage, when football clubs were, er, rich men’s play things.

Football is like a bird attached to a brick by a strong piece of elastic. The bird is flying skywards with all its might and there are only two things that can happen. Either the elastic will break or the brick will hit the bird up the arse. The bird is the billionaire owner, the brick is the supporters.

And the Sky in which it flies is the big money broadcaster which has done more to change football than any multi-millionaire, billionaire or trillionaire…

Not that Barnes notices. The Times is, incidentally, owned by the same company that owns Sky TV…

Posted: 15th, September 2008 | In: Back pages, Broadsheets, Money | Comments (8) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Italian Mafia Seek To Head Off Bread Threat From Lancashire

PSST! Wanna buy some bread?

After yesterday’s news of the Lancashire mafia, today we learn that the Italian mafia have noted the threat, moving to nip in the bud the threat posed by Morris’s Quality Bakers, (Baker Street, Coppull, Chorley).

The Guardian reports that “city officials and investigators suspect Camorra clans are behind many of the 1,400 unlicensed backstreet bakeries in and around the city which supply hundreds of street vendors who sell loaves out of car boots – and they may be spreading into selling other basic food products.”

Yeah, car boots. Shoppers would do well to check the rolls for signs of blood and bits of missing person’s teeth and hair.

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Posted: 15th, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Strange But True | Comments (5) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Resigned Barry Gardiner Makes Way For Twigg At Forestry

BARRY Gardiner is the Member of Parliament for Brent North and Gordon Brown’s Special Envoy for Forestry.

Now Barry Gardiner is the former Special Envoy for Forestry, having resigned his position to go onto pastures new. Incidentally this is the same Barry Gardiner who told us:

“The public has stopped listening to Gordon Brown. He is not a popular prime minister, but he would continue to have my support if he showed sound judgment, international leadership and political vision. Instead we have vacillation, loss of international credibility and timorous political manoeuvres that the public cannot understand.”

The Telegraph says Gardiner was sacked. So does he:

Gardiner says he resigned:

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Posted: 15th, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Politicians | Comments (5) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Madeleine McCann: Let’s Investigate Kate McCann’s Pain

MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann

Kate McCann’s Diary extracts are published. Now read on…

DAILY EXPRESS: “HEARTBREAK DIARY REVEALS KATE’S ANGER AND DESPAIR”

In one heartbreaking entry Kate writes: “Can’t stop thinking about Madeleine, about her fear and pain. How can I go on knowing that her life could have ended like this? This week I have been quite overtaken by black thoughts. Please God, bring her back.”

Can’t stop writing about Madeleine… What says the “WORLD’S GREATEST NEWSPAPER”?

Last night experts said Kate’s emotions read like those of a bereaved mother.

Can’t pull the wool over the Express’ experts…

Chartered psychologist Dr Rick Norris said: “The diary shows she is an intelligent woman who is able to articulate her feelings on paper.”

Get a load of that spelling…

“This is a horrible situation – every parent’s worst nightmare.”

So says the expert reading from the big tabloid book of expert quotes.

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Posted: 15th, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (174) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Madeline McCann: Seeking Andrew Gosden, Not Denise Pipitone And Demonising Gypsies

MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann

THE TIMES: “One year on, missing Andrew Gosden is still a blank space in family’s heart”

Andrew Godsen is missing. He ran away form home one year ago. He was 14. Watch the parents…

As with the parents of Madeleine McCann, the Gosdens are leading a life suspended. Unlike the McCanns, they have not done so in a blaze of global publicity and suspicion. Mr Gosden said that he and his wife felt “deeply, deeply sorry” for Gerry and Kate McCann and suspected that the two families “have an awful lot in common”, in all but one respect.

Andrew Godsen ran away. Did Madeleine McCann?

“You get a lot of press if your child is little, blonde and female, but it hurts just as much when you’re missing a teenage son.”

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Posted: 13th, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (306) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


British Invested Baseball And Decided Not To Play It

THE Times reports that the British invested baseball and then decided not to play it:

Historians in Surrey have documentary proof that the game was being played in the UK before America. A diary entry which talks about a game played in Guildford, Surrey in 1755 has been verified as authentic by the Surrey History Centre.

The Surrey History Centre, where highlights include The Philip Bradley Fairground Collection and Dennis Specialist Vehicles.

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Posted: 12th, September 2008 | In: Back pages, Broadsheets, Strange But True | Comments (10) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Health And Safety Inspector Falls From Ladder

HEADLINE of the Day, in the Tabloid Telegraph: “Health and safety inspector falls off ladder.”

A health and safety inspector had to be rescued by firefighters after he fell from a ladder while he was carrying out a risk assessment.

Before we fail this under “Beyond Parody”, let’s investigate further.

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Posted: 12th, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Strange But True | Comments (5) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


International Madeleine McCann: And Eye For Denise Pipitone And Finding Rose Pizem

MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann

DAILY TELEGRAPH: “Italy’s Madeleine McCann ‘found safe and well after four years’”

Italy has it’s own Maddie. Like Isreal? Are we working throught alphabet? If so, look out Jamaica…

Urgent DNA tests are being carried out on the eight year old girl found in Greece to see if she is Denise Pipitone, who vanished in 2004. She missing from outside her grandmother’s house while playing.

And?

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Posted: 12th, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (474) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The Large Hadron Collider Has Killed Everyone

THE LARGE Hadron Collider has killed everyone. If you are reading this you are dead. If you are not reading this you are dead.

DAILY TELEGRAPH:

Gill Hornby: “Before the world ends, I just wanted to say: I told you so”

In my own branch of Astrophysics, CKtC – or, to give it its full name, Curiosity Killed the Cat – we jolly well wish they wouldn’t.

Stalking celebrities for science: Alexander Fsachem needs celebs to make sense of the universe on the BBC…

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Posted: 10th, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Strange But True, Tabloids | Comments (42) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Madeleine McCann: Seeking Britain’s Armchair Detectives

MADDIE WATCH – Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann

DAILY MIRROR: “McCANNS HEADHUNT COPS FOR NEW MADDY SEARCH”

As Anorak told you yesterday, the Our Maddie hunt could, maybe, might, you never know, see ex-British police involved. Everyone’s an armchair detective… Or Cluedo.

The Find Madeleine Fund has asked for lists of retired or about-to-retire officers from forces across the country.

Beats playing golf… What do we know so far?

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Posted: 10th, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Madeleine McCann, Tabloids | Comments (472) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Shannon Matthews: Craig Meehan, Adding Up Images And Gateway Porn

REMEMBER Shannon Matthews? Poor Shannon. Our Shannon.

Craig Meehan, her former live-in adult male role model, foerm lover of mother Karen Matthews, has been in court to answer charges of having indecent images of children on his PC. Meehan denies any wrongdoing.

The papers have the details…

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Posted: 8th, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets, News, Tabloids | Comments (7) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Plagiarism: Linda La Plante’s Work Entwined With The Five Chimneys

LINDA La Plante denies copying passges of her book Entwined from a 1947 book called Five Chimneys, by a Holocaust survivor, Olga Lengyel.

La Plante:

What conception could Dr Mengele have had of the medical work he did in the camp? His experiments, lacking scientific value, were no more than foolish playing, and all his activities were full of contradictions.

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Posted: 8th, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Celebrities | Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


A Catholic Funeral For Trees: Pray For Them

A FUNERAL for trees. Let us pray. Dear, Great Sycamore…

Of course, global warmists are just Catholics:

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Posted: 8th, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets | Comments (9) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Credit Crunch: Too Fairy Cuts Costs And Death By Crunch

CREDIT Crunch news of the day:

“Tooth fairy gives less during credit crunch”

The credit crisis has claimed its latest victim – the tooth fairyDaily Telegraph

The average amount left under a pillow for a tooth has dropped from £1.22 to 87p in the past six months, according to research. Says one fairy: “It’s the transport costs.”

“CREDIT CRUNCH IS KILLING US”

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Posted: 8th, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Money, Tabloids | Comments (11) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


The Tabloid Telegraph: Robert De Niro, Food Issues And Eco Nobu

IS there one story that sums up the new tabloid-focused Daily Telegraph? This comes close:

A Michelin-starred restaurant chain part-owned by the actor Robert De Niro is serving endangered bluefin tuna at its London outlets without telling customers, DNA tests have shown.

DNA test on food. Make that DNA tests on celebrity food. And why no kangaroo?

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Posted: 7th, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Celebrities | Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Large Hadron Collider: New Labour’s Theme Song To Armageddon

THE Large Hadron Collider is going to kill us all without mercy nor discrimination (although, fair’s fair, the Swiss get it first). Or not.

The Independent cocks an ear to the big looping hole and hears that the theme tune to Satan’s return and so much death is D:Ream’s paean to miserabilism, Things Can Only Get Better.

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Posted: 7th, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets | Comments (15) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


A Sting In The EU

WHEN newspapers investigate, journalism is saved:

SAYS EU Ref: “No messing – no irony: this is truly good journalism, a job that only the media can do. The Sunday Times has run a “sting” operation on a corrupt EU official in Brussels. The story opens as follows:”

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Posted: 7th, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Politicians | Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Sarah Palin: Faking Sex Appeal, Hockey Glasses And Crude In Alaska

SARAH Palin Watch: Anorak’s look at Sarah Palin in the news…

DAILY MAIL: “Anger at fake Sarah Palin photos as smear campaign makes her ‘look like a stripper’”

Sarah Palin’s credibility as a possible American Vice-President is being undermined by a series of spoof photographs circulated on the internet.

So says the Mail, whioch in the interests of good reporting, reports the news of the fake photos and – get this – the fake photos…on the, er, internet.

Say what you like about Alaska – but you don’t have to dig far to hit the crude stuff…

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Posted: 7th, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Photojournalism, Politicians, Tabloids | Comments (6) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0


Polar Bear Watch: Sarah Palin’s Oil Blood Rush

POLAR Bear Watch: Anorak’s look at polar bears in the news, ands Sarah Palin

PALIN: the real scandal. Leonard Doyle in Anchorage Alaska investigates the damning environmental record of the woman who may soon be in the White House”

Isn’t the Indy’s woman in thermal underwear in Alaska to check out a woman who may not have been vetted properly?

Here’s Doyle on polar bear huntin’ Palin and doomed polar bears, doomed by oil:

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Posted: 6th, September 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Politicians | Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0