OBAMA is the victim of a smear campaign:

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DID you notice that Australia finished below the UK in the Olympics medal table?

Now we learn that Belgian Gardens State School has decreed that performing a cartwheel on the playground is an offence that should result in suspension.

The school has banned all forms of gymnastics during breaks, including handstands and somersaults – even the humble forward roll has been given the flick.

Is this ban rooted in the fear of being seen by crowing British children, who may mock when the Australian tumble fails to meet the required level of expertise?

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THE Mirror spots Rebecca Adlington, the country’s Olympic heroine and woman most likely to be the new Sharron Davis.

She’s holding a pair of Jimmy Choos shoes, as fashioned by London’s leading Malaysian cobbler.

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KENYAN Marathon Runner Sammy Wanjiru Limbers Up at the Olympics - on the BBC:

Spotter: Karen Strike. (Send in your spots.)

“BABY SHOT BY GIRL 5.”

So says the Sun on its over page. We are ashamed and appalled.

Do you people learn nothing? Are we so pig ignorant? You need to be aged 18 to enter the Olympic pistol shooting contests, and with the London Games in four years time, all five-year-olds should lay down their arms.

Better they take up gymnastics, or a knife like all the other kidz.

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“HINDELY CRASHES OLYMPIC PARY,” says the Mirror. Myra Hindley is at the London Olympics.

Is Team GB so desperate for gold medals we are including not only drugs contests but utilising the very worst to be the very best?

To go with child killing, is crying in public to be an Olympic Sport (Diana would have wanted it that way). What about medals awarded for paedo spotting, weather talking and media demonising, the contest in which the world’s hacks, assembled for the great sporting occasion, are incited to think up a scare story?

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BIG Brother 9 Watch: Anorak’s looks at Big Brother news in the media…

IT’S “Big Brother Nicole”. She wants to tell us about: “COCAINE, GAZZA AND ME.”

Given the PR dive to make whiny Nicole appear interesting, Cocaine, Gazza and Me may well turn out to be the names of three Yorkshire terriers she once encountered on Hamstead Heath.

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BIG Brother 9 Watch: Anorak’s looks at Big Brother news in the media…

IT’S “Big Brother Nicole”. She wants to tell us about: “COCAINE, GAZZA AND ME.”

Given the PR dive to make whiny Nicole appear interesting, Cocaine, Gazza and Me may well turn out to be the names of three Yorkshire terriers she once encountered on Hamstead Heath.

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Share and Enjoy:

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DAVID Beckham and Leona Lewis welcome you to the London Olympics, says the Star.

Becks lives in Los Angeles, so does Leona. But what the hell, they were born in London and that will do.

The Times leads with pictures of Londoners who live in London, and a load of tourists, celebrating the arrival of the fearsomely expensive sporting event in four years time They are waving flags beating the Olympics logo - that picture of Lisa Simpson felating on an unknown IOC member.

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A PORTRAIT of child murderer Myra Hindley has been broadcast on a video shown at a London 2012 event in Beijing.

The Liberal Democrat’s Olympics spokesperson said it was a “regrettable choice”.

(Picture: Beau Bo D’Or Website)

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“EUROPE bids to hijack our medal.”

The Sunday Express brings news to shock and to cheer.

Finally, after so long we can win the rhythmic gymnastics, the shot putt and the Molesworthian  walking races. Says the Express:

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REBECCA Adlington is in conversation with the Mail. Who she? She’s young (a teenager), blonde and dressed in a swimsuit.

No, this is the Mail, not some down market redtop that encourages its readers to perv at the strumpets. Ms Adlington, of the Beijing Adlingtons, is a swimmer and she’s here to “RESTORE YOUR FAITH IN BRITAIN”.

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“GREAT for Arsenal, that Nasri’s back. As I said last week, you don’t win the prize as ‘Player of the Year’ in France and then score in your debut in the Premier League if you’re not something special. Just ask Malouda. Oh, wait….”

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“GREAT for Arsenal, that Nasri’s back. As I said last week, you don’t win the prize as ‘Player of the Year’ in France and then score in your debut in the Premier League if you’re not something special. Just ask Malouda. Oh, wait….”

Via

THE Olympics uncut… Not Safe For The Gym (although, not all gyms. Old Mr Anorak once attended the Oasis gym in Soho that…

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SARAH Stevenson is a Briton abroad in the summertime. There she is kicking a foreigner in the face. More power to her foot.

What’s this? Anorak reveling in uber violence? Nothing of it. This is the Olympics, and Sarah has put in the hard yards to be able to kick allowed to kick a foreinger in the face, throat and head in peacetime and away from a football ground.

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“OLYMPIC DAMES,” announces the Mirror’s front page. Britain’s New Olympians are top be given titles.

“GIVE OUR HEOES A GONG,” says the Mail on its cover. Anorak senses a campaign, and one the Mail has every chance of winning (see Mirror).

Titles for one and all. And to go with the medals and ribbons, a valuable spot in the TV titles.

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CHERIE Blair. Laura Bush is quite cute. Nancy Ray Guns. Brrrrrr. Hillary CLiton. Grrr. Michelle Obama… Says Sand Monkey:

I want you to think about this: There is a theory that states that the wife of any successfull political candidate has to be uglier than him or at the very least in the same realm of attractiveness, because if she is prettier than him, then for some reason women won;t vote for him. This is why John McCain will lose, because his wife is too pretty for him (and a heiress, of a beer empire, that motherfucker lucked out), while Obama will win, because he is a good looking dude and Michelle, well, she looks pretty busted. She looks-as one of my friends so eloquently put it- as if her face was hit by a bus. Women who look like that are the reason why we have dentists.

A face bump…

OLLE Hemmendorff’s edible Nike burger…

The athlete’s foot is the pickle…

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SAYS the Daily MAil:

Reheated spaghetti bolognese ‘prevents cancer’

More cancer news and views every day…

“OLYMPIC inquiry,” announces the Times’ front page.

Good. How Christine Ohuruogu was allowed to compete for Blighty we will never understand.

But it turns out that the UK press is more concerned with “China’s golden girl”, He Kexin.

As Anorak has reported before, He is a She, such is often the communist world’s way at Olympics time, and despite He’s hairy top lip and deep baritone voice, He might only be 14.

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GLOBAL warming headline of the day: thermal knickers up:

Sales of thermal underwear soar in dismal summer - Daily Telegraph

Global warming - let’s consider the evidence…