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Breaking Media, Politicians & Celebrities Since 1995Tabloid news for broadsheet readers |
Amy Winehouse in the news and in rehab
TO the celebrity fairground, where Amy Winehouse is working the candy floss mixer.
The blend of refined sugar and food dyes might be enough to get a toddler off his face, but adults need more oopmf to get on a decent buzz.
While juice is the alcopop starter beverage, candy floss was only ever a kindergarten E. Until now.
WITH Blaaaake Fielder-Dreams in jail, Amy Wineshouse’s professional dad Mitch is the singer’s man at large.
Today the Sun brings news of a letter Mitch has received from Blake. It’s “Blake’s sicko threats to Mitch.” Says a source:
“I could hear Mitch physically shaking when he phoned to tell me about the letter. He couldn’t even bring himself to read it out loud as it was just too sickening.”
Maybe if he took his cab keys out of his pocket he’d make less noise?
HARVEY Nichols loaned Amy Winehouse ÂŁ25,000-worth of clothes. And the store got it all back. As the Mirror notes:
“She ended up in the loos, where she was violently sick. She eventually couriered them back on Monday, but didn’t wrap them separately. So sick had gone on all the clothes.”
“Even worse, green, furry mould had developed on some gowns, making them unwearable. The store has now asked for its ÂŁ25k back.”
Of course, this might be the start of a new fashion. Ashley Cole has been notified….
WHAT’S BLAKE Fielder-Civil been up to? Like Amy Winehouse, he too missed the singer’s birthday party, prevented from attending by high wall, electric gate and angry guards.
But the Sun says Blake could be at large tomorrow should he agree to move in with his mother in Nottinghamshire. He should also wear an electronic tag and adhere to a 7pm curfew.
But what’s this? Blake says no.
IT’S Amy Winehouse’s 25th birthday party and all the usual faces are at London’s Jazz After Dark club, save one: Amy Winehouse is at home.
What she up to, then? Says a “pal” in the Sun:
“Amy was standing in front of the mirror telling everyone how rough she looked …She kept saying she was ugly…”
Reports of Winehouse’s drug taking are the stuff of record, and Anorak invites its resident expert, Matt The Talc, to advise us against looking down at mirror’s as they can distort the concept of yourself.
AMY Winehouse is going to “battle her demons” in a “secret country retreat”.
Of course, the countryside is where demons live and the real fear is that Londoner Farmhouse, story, Winehouse, will merely be exchanging her old demons for new ones called Seth.
To prevent Winehouse from making a terrible move, the Sun gives clues to the secret hideaway in the hope that someone will gazump our Amy.
AMY Winehouse is beating the credit Crunch by buying 48 bottles of Jack Daniels whiskey.
The Sun says organisers of the Bestival were “Stunned” that Amy ordered two cases of the beverage.
Bestival is, we learn, staged on the Isle of White, and the fear is surely that with oil prices surging, the ferry company or airline transporting Winehouse will go bust and Amy will be trapped forever on the rock.
The Sun solicits “a source” to say: “Whiskey is better than heroin – but not 48 bottles of the stuff.”
Indeed, Old Mr Anorak assures us that heroin beats whiskey hands down. Given the option of 48 bottles of imported booze or a bag of good quality British smack, Sun readers can now make more informed choice.
HATS off to Amy Winehouse who has prepared for the London 2012 Drugs Olympics with what the Sun is calling a “POT MARATHON”.
And that’s not all.
AMY Winehouse shows what drugs can do you in the London Lite freebie newspaper, and Tube seat cleaner.
It’s nothing short of tragic…
LILY Allen News Of The Day…
A KNITTING group which has lent a helping hand to charities across the world is celebrating its first anniversary. Longford-based group Helping Hands Knitters has been going for just one year – but it’s been a busy one. Members have also raised money for Age Concern by knitting miniature woollen hats for smoothie bottles – even created life-size versions of pop stars Lily Allen, Amy Winehouse and Beth Ditto - Wales Online
More Lily Allen news tomorrow…
AMY Winehouse? Yes, she is alive. And d0ing what’s does best: making news.
DAILY MIRROR: “Sadie Frost worse for wear after evening with Amy Winehouse”
Arriving at Amy’s Camden pad at around midnight, the 43-year-old mother-of-four was all perky and smiley, holding hands with on-off toy-boy lover Kristian Marr.
What happened?
We can only begin to imagine what happened behind closed doors…
WE’RE “OUT OF OUR HEADS,” screams the Sun.
“Drugs epidemic wrecking Britain.” For Sun readers that’s “broken Britain”, being wrecked, or mashed, as we know it to be. “DRUGS BRITAIN,” advertises the Indy.
The bombshell figures — which reveal 2million adults have taken drugs in the last month — will fuel calls for a crackdown on celebrity drug users like Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty.
Before Winehouse and Doherty appeared, drugs were an Americanism for pharmaceuticals. Says the Sun: “More than 400 under-16s were admitted last year, compared with 272 in 1997.”
In 1997, Anorak can reveal that the country’s top stars were, in order, Timmy Mallett, Steps and Ally McBeal. Innocent days, indeed.
NOTE to hacks: If in doubt write about Amy Winehouse. If in crisis write about Amy Winehouse sining James Bond theme songs. She isn’t. But she cold be.
Says Aiymeee:
“I do think they could have waited a bit. If they want a worldwide hit I have them all up here (pointing to her beehive). I guess they are going for clean-cut and boring. When I do release mine - and I am tempted to do it on the same day - this would be the bigger hit.”
A hit in her hair? Cue the video…
AMY Winehouse is, as the Star reports, to dispense sage advice to Londoners when her father Mitch takes over Danny Baker’s show on BBC Radio London.
Given her apparent state of agony, she is, fittingly, to be the station’s agony aunt.
Danny Baker’s Treehouse is required listening at Anorak Towers, and we will tune in for Winehouse and Winehouse’s Out Of Her Treehouse with equal vigour.
What advice Winehouse will administer to Londoners is uncertain, but listen out for advice and tips on:
STYLE:
Teach your hair to heel, beg and play dead to keep its nose wet and shiny…
CREDIT Crunch watch - making debt into a tabloid news story…
AMY Winehouse is six times more boring then the credit crunch. It’s in a survey. It’s a fact:
Stephen Waddington, managing director of Rainier PR, said: “At a time when many people are watching the pennies, it’s not surprising that the public have become tired of news about rock stars being odd, and pampered celebrities holidaying in exotic locations. The fact that Amy Winehouse is seen as six times more boring than the economy this summer illustrates this perfectly.”
Have drugs gotten cheaper yet..?
THE internet soap opera The Secret Life Of Sam King is to feature a character based on Blake Fielder-Civil, Mr Amy Winehouse, says the Star.
The role is: “Not your typical drug-dealer. Probably looks like a DJ or musician.”
Or, to open the auditions up a bit: Not your typical DJ or musician. Probably a drug dealer.”
HAS Gordon Smart’s Bizarre Sun column reached the apogee of its ambitions?
His daily gawp at Amy Winehouse allows readers to know that:
JUNKIE singer AMY WINEHOUSE’s dad insisted she was “fine” yesterday — hours after she punched a wall and burst into tears. Wild-eyed Amy, 24, caused her fist to bleed.
While the Celebrity Police Force scrape blood from the wall and take it down to forensics, Smart tells us that:
That’s right. The headline news is: “Amy Winehouse breaks nail.”
The star, who had one of her nails ripped off, also lashed out at her security guards.
Look out for more Amy Winehouse breaking news: Amy breaks wind; Amy breaks sweat; and Amy Winehouse breaks out.
No sooner said than done, says Smart:
With her face ravaged by the skin condition impetigo
More breaking news to follow…
HOW scary is Amy Winehouse?
Norfolk farmer Marlon Brooks has modelled his scarecrow on singer Amy Winehouse:
“The pigeons are terrified, they’re sitting up on the telephone wires too scared to come into the field which is brilliant. Every farmer needs an Amy scarecrow”
If farmers need something scary to stand around in a field all day, why not put on a music festival and invite Max Hastings to attend?
AMY Winehouse is appearing at Madame Tussauds.
The Sun’s pouting Gordon Smart says he has created his own “filthy, sweaty, scarred model”. Why, he does not say, but we imagine it’s to save the Sun the trouble of paying the paparazzi for pictures of Winehouse looking waxy faced and standing very still.
THE Celebrity Ordering Toddler Service (COTS), sister company to the Celebrity Baby Ordering Service, takes a call from Amy Winehouse.
Says the chanteuse in the Telegraph, the UK’s leading celebrity broadsheet:
“Blake and I can’t wait to have kids. I want at least five kids. I want twins. Blake is gonna be the most amazing dad. When Blake was about we talked about it all the time. To be honest, I think kids have got a lot more going on than adults. They’ve got their heads screwed on a lot better.”
It’s not only Blaaake that’s doing time, but also Amy’s biological clock.
AMY Winehouse’s husband has been sentenced to 27 months in prison for trial fixing and grievous bodily harm.
Judge David Radford said he behaved in a “gratuitous, cowardly and disgraceful way”.
Winehouse remains at liberty to belch her husband’s name every few minutes, as is her wont.
Amy Winehouse didn’t turn up to see husband Blake sentenced today but his reported girlfriend was in floods of tears outside the court.
Blonde German model Sophie Schandorff, 21, was obviously distraught after the hearing, which saw Fielder-Civil sentenced to 27 months in prison today for grievous bodily harm and perverting the course of justice.
Schandorff caused a stir at court in April when she was in Winehouse’s usual place to support Fielder-Civil and the couple were seen to mouth ‘I love you’ to each other.
You may be intersted to hear what Blaaaake’s brief had to say by way of his defence:
“They are very much committed to each other and their ambition is to divorce themselves from hard drugs and not separate themselves from each other.
PHIL Taylor writes for the News of the World on husband bore Amy Winehouse and her Blake Fielder-Dreams.
Says Taylor:
Amy showed her love for her husband, who works in the record business, only last week when she dedicated a song to him at the T In The Park musical festival.
One thing we know about Blaaaake is that he works at Her Majesty’s Pleasure, and is as much a force in the music industry as Super Hans is, the muso, cabbaged shyster on TV’s Peep Show.
Says Winehouse at that show: “This one’s for my husband, who’s out a week today.”
Brilliant news. At least when Blake emerges blinking into his wife’s limelight her act can move on.