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Irish Judge Stops Drink Drive Trial For Urine Steam Inhalation
When he is urinating, he is inhaling vapourised alcohol and there's always steam off it
Celebrity News Of The Day: Jennifer Aniston Is Rushing
THERE’S a picture of Hollywood actress Jennider Aniston in the Daily Mirror. But why?
“Jennifer Aniston seems to be in a bit of a rush – perhaps she’s heading for a date with a new Friend?”
Yeah, perhaps…
Posted: 18th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Jennifer Aniston, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Enjoy The Best Sex Ever With Jennifer Aniston
JENNIFER Aniston is having the “BEST SEX EVER”.
She might be having the/her best sex ever right now, and readers of the National Enquirer’s front-page news may care to pause before turning the page.
In readiness for more insights, Anorak zips through our collection of celebrity sex videos, and after a scene involving Margaret Rutherford, Bobby Charlton and Lord Charles we are ready to look on.
Over two pages we are met by the sight of Aniston and pop singer John Mayer taking in the sun. It’s hard to see any frotting, let alone full coitus, and the effect is not unlike watching giant pandas in the zoo. You wait for the Hollywood gene pool to expand, but nothing.
Posted: 20th, May 2008 | In: Celebrities, Jennifer Aniston, Magazines, National Enquirer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Jennifer Aniston Adopts The Name Alex, Like Angelina Jolie’s Son
JENNIFER Aniston is to adopt a baby boy.
Forget auditioning to be the new Oliver, this is the gig any fame-hungry boy wants.
One condition, though, is that all contenders have to be called Alex.
Grazia magazine reports that Aniston has told friends that she is to adopt and likes the name Alexander. As the front-page headline says: “Jennifer to adopt a baby boy called Alex!”
Jen has, we learn, already spent $300,000 on a nursery for the son she does not yet have.
Her Beverly Hills mansion has two children’s bedrooms, a “nanny suite” and a playroom “with storage space for toys and clothes”.
The wardrobes may already be full of choice garments, all monogrammed with the initials AA - letters that invoke images of a cry for help (Alcoholics Anonymous, the Automobile Association, Adam Ant), but which now suggest hope and love.
Posted: 15th, April 2008 | In: Celebrities, Grazia, Jennifer Aniston, Magazines | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Jennifer Aniston Picks Paris Hilton And Angelina Jolie for Slasher Flick
JENNIFER Aniston is the Express’s front-page blonde du jour.
“Has Jennifer found love at long last?” asks the paper?
The matter is debated across two pages within.
Jennifer Aniston is pictured with actor Owen Wilson. It turns out that they are stood on a beach and – get this – appearing in a new film together.
Aniston has already appeared in the movie The Break Up, in which she met and romanced her co-star Vince Vaughn. They then – shock of shocks – broke up.
It is life mirroring art.
And while the Express wonders if Aniston has fallen for Owen, we cannot help but wonder at her next film, the slasher flick Hollywood Death Row, staring Aniston as a serial killer alongside Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Angelina Jolie and the cast of Desperate Housewives…
Posted: 12th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities, Jennifer Aniston, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Jennifer Aniston Life In Films, Starring Aaron Eckheart
HER films may smell like the insides of Dustin the Turkey’s post-binge cage but they do enable Jennifer Aniston to meet men.
And what is Aniston’s career but a chance to meet men?
As the Enquirer reports, after three years Jennifer Aniston is “getting even with Brangelina”. This is “JEN’S PAYBACK!”.
Aniston is recording a new film with Aaron Eckhart. We learn that Jen and her actor friend are now “inseperable on and off set”.
Anorak readers will recall how Vince starred in The Break Up, a movie in which - irony of irnies - Jen met co-star Vince Vaughn and then - get this! - broke up with him.
Now she is recording a new rom-com film with Eckhart, traveling to Vancouver with him to record the film - whoaaa! - Traveling.
Dame Edna Everage would doubtless call this spooky. And we are tempted to adopt her phrasing. But let us not jinx this revenge romance, but allow it to take its natural course, to develop into a journey…
Posted: 26th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Jennifer Aniston, Magazines, National Enquirer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Jennifer Aniston Is Frozen In Egg Time
JENNIFER Aniston will not feature on the cover of the National Enquirer for the next few weeks.
There will no stories about Jennifer Aniston falling in love with her new leading man on the set of a – irony of ironies - a romantic comedy.
There will be no stories of how poor Jenn is coping with the first trimester of Angelina Jolie’s pregnancy.
This is not because Hell has frozen over or all magazine space is taken up with news of Britney Spear’s conversion to Islam. It is because Jennifer Aniston has had her eggs frozen.
An insider tells Star magazine: “It was a really smart move, because it buys (Jen) a few years to figure it all out. The pressure has lifted.”
Great plan. And if it doesn’t happen Jenn can be cryogenically frozen and injected with frozen sperm from leading men though the ages. One each. To the winner the spoils.
And if the freezing eggs plan doesn’t work, Aniston can always revert to Plan B:
Before making the decision to freeze her eggs, Jennifer considered other options, according to another Star source. “Her friend Sheryl Crow turned her on to the idea of adopting.”
Although it is thought all the more photogenic orphans have been taken by the aforesaid Jolie…
Posted: 25th, February 2008 | In: Brandgelina, Celebrities, Jennifer Aniston, Magazines | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
IN “WHAT’S WRONG WITH COURTENEY”, Grazia magazine pulls on its doctor’s coat and therapist’s wringing hands and diagnoses Courtney Cox, Hollywood actress.
Courteney is “frail and gaunt”, which may well be this year’s signature look. “In Hollywood, you get your bottom half to be the right size, your face may have to be a little gaunt,” says Cox. “You choose your battles.”
Upsettingly, there is no picture of the Courteney lower regions, Grazia preferring to focus on the upper Cox. As such, we cannot tell which part of the greater Cox warzone is taking the high ground, unable to see which battle is being won and which lost. At a guess, though, given the look of Cox’s face, we can guess that her backside is as round and ripe as a fresh-plucked nectarine.
The face may, however, look more like the stone within the nectarine, and friends are said to be concerned. Readers learn that Jennifer Aniston has sent Cox a chef to “encourage Courtney to start eating better and more regularly”.
We are then afforded an insight into the Cox-Aniston eating regime and how they have indulged in “food mirroring”. Children under the age of seven may know this as “she’s copying me”.
Says Grazia: “Each morning they both had a bagel with the bread scooped out and for lunch they always ordered the same low-calorie salad of turkey, lettuce, chickpeas, pecorino cheese and lemon dressing.”
In addition, Cox and Aniston are said to follow “Budokon, a fat-free shake which combines energetic martial arts movements with yoga and meditation”.
When supple enough, the hope is that Cox can ruminate on her backside and in a downward dog pass it off as her face…
Posted: 19th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Grazia, Jennifer Aniston, Magazines | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Jennifer Aniston’s Exclusive Womb
“JENNIFER’S PREGNANCY SHOCKER.”
This Jennifer is of course, what with this being the National Enquirer, Jennifer Aniston. And the shocker is that she is or is not pregnant.
That Jennifer Aniston may or may not be pregnant is a “world exclusive”. It’s very likely the biggest world exclusive of the year so far, more exclusive than “Mel Gibson Might Be Jewish”, “Madonna Gets Older By The Day” and “Will We All Be Speaking French in 2010?”
And it keeps on getting more exclusive when we learn that Aniston will only get pregnant by “sperm”, so ruling half of you out.
Still more exclusive, is that the sperm should be produced by a human male.
Filtering down the ovarian tube of sensation, we happen upon one Jason Lewis, a model-turned-actor.
Failing that, there is Vince Vaughn, or boxer-turned-model Paul Sculfor.
We would go on but to do so could jeopardise the exclusivity of Jennifer’s womb and open it up to just about anyone…
Posted: 3rd, January 2008 | In: Celebrities, Jennifer Aniston | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
