What Have You Done With Katie Price And Her Jordans, Pete?
ON Novembr 23, Anorak will be attending an audience with Peter Andre. Then we will ask him what he has done with the brash, neon-skinned, pneumatic mass of taffeta, filler and snaggle tooth and her gargantuan Jordans:
Has she now been dipped in plastic and hidden inside this shell of a person seen in the picture? Is Pete’s curent squeeze a new kind of inflatable?
Posted: 2nd, November 2008 | In: Celebrities, Jordan and Peter Andre | Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Happy Halloween From Jordan And Peter Andre
HAPPY Halloween from Jordan and Peter Andre….
Trick or treat?
Posted: 22nd, October 2008 | In: Celebrities, Jordan and Peter Andre, Photojournalism | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Jordan and PAPA Polish Up In Love Affirmation Ceremony
AFTER the TV show, Jordan is “finally” responding to the clamour and will tell OK! readers about her marriage.
Or what there was of it. Says Jordan of her romance with pop acorn Peter Andre (PAPA): “WHY I WALKED OUT ON PETE.” She is showing readers her clean hand, and muscular naked ring finger. “It looks like I’ll be a single mum.”
Jordan gets the photo spread and the kids, and PAPA gets to wax his back, crack and sack on daytime telly.
Posted: 15th, October 2008 | In: Celebrities, Jordan and Peter Andre, OK! | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Jordan Sex’s Up Horse Of The Year Show
JORDAN is at the Horse of The Year Show. She’s performing to Color Me Badd’s “I Wanna Sex U Up.
Beats riding Pete…
Posted: 10th, October 2008 | In: Celebrities, Jordan and Peter Andre, Twitterings | Comments (5) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
JORDAN, aka Katie Price, has written a letter to The Times.
Sir,:
So the Cartier Polo International was happy to invite a man convicted of assault on an elderly couple, dozens of aristocrats and an assortment of would-be actresses in minuscule dresses. But it wouldn’t have me. More than 35,000 people came to the polo match last weekend but I was excluded.
Why? I’m a successful author and businesswoman, a rider, I am learning to play polo and I compete in dressage events. I rode my first horse when I was 7, and saved up to rent my first pony, Star, when I was 11. He was the ugliest, hairiest pony in the yard but I adored him. My mum couldn’t afford for me to go to Pony Club but it didn’t stop me going to gymkhanas. I just wanted to beat all those smart little girls in their perfect jodphurs and jackets.
All my life I’ve been surrounded by horses, I earned my pocket money sweeping out stables and I now have six horses. I’ve been invited to take part in the Royal Horse of the Year show, I’ve even played a charity polo match at Cowdray Park.
My book Perfect Ponies: My Pony Care Book was shortlisted for the WHSmith children’s prize and I have written a bestselling series of stories about ponies. I know more about fetlocks and forelocks than most of the celebrities invited by Cartier and the Chinawhite nightclub. I’ve certainly mucked out more horses.
I also have a business career, I’ve a No1 perfume and a lingerie line. I’m a wife working as hard as I can to bring up my children, Harvey, Junior and Princess Tiaamii, and be a good role model for them.
I didn’t want to go to Windsor to meet royalty. I’ve met the Prince of Wales and the Queen before. I don’t need to be photographed with the A-list, I’ve met quite enough celebrities. I wanted to watch the matches and give my family a treat.
It’s pure snobbery. However good a horsewoman I may be, I’m also a glamour model. That embarrassed the organisers. I paid Chinawhite £6,000 for my table, but my manager was told that I was not the sort of person they wanted. Eliza Doolittle went to the races with Henry Higgins after a few elocution lessons, In Pretty Woman Julia Roberts went to the polo straight from Sunset Boulevard, but in the 21st century we have become even more class-ridden. Unless you are a toff or an aspiring actress, they don’t want you.
Polo should be for people who love horses, not a media charade. It should be about the sport. Horses are a wonderful hobby, one that gets you outside and keeps you fit. They should be for everyone - little girls, glamour girls, working-class girls like me. No one should be excluded.
For your comments…
Posted: 6th, August 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Celebrities, Jordan and Peter Andre, Twitterings | Comments (9) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Celebrity Quote On The Day: Peter Andre On Jordan I And II
CELEBRITY Quote of the Day: Peter Andre on Jordan and Chantelle Houghton
“It might not be deliberate, but Chantelle is looking more like Kate everyday. I guess imitation is the sincerest form of flattery”
Imitation. No real, then..?
Posted: 5th, August 2008 | In: Celebrities, Jordan and Peter Andre | Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Sophie Price Does Implied Topless
WHO’S that girl on the Star’s cover page?
The face of a young Bobby Charlton between the hair and body of Cherie Blair circa 1983, suggests she’s the product of an unlikely coupling.
Inside there are more pictures of her, and our patron Old Mr Anorak identifies the woman as the new face of Channel X, his fellow one-handed organist Mr Richard Desmond’s tissue-clad TV channel.
Further reading and we learn that this vision is Sophie Price, sister to Katie Price, the model who put Jordan on the map.
Posted: 18th, June 2008 | In: Celebrities, Jordan and Peter Andre, Page 3 Girls, Tabloids | Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Father Of The Year Pete Andre Uses Daddy’s Sauce
PETER Andre is the ”Daddy of the Year” - says Daddies Sauce. Daddies is a brown sauce, a poor man’s HP.
Andre is an orangey brown colour.
Use the sauce as you wish…
Posted: 10th, June 2008 | In: Celebrities, Jordan and Peter Andre, Twitterings | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Jordan Cosies Up With Fred West
WHAT news of Jordan, Gordon Smart, the Sun’s celebrity hanger outer?
Smart says Jordan is “hooked on bedtime reading — about killers Fred and Rose West.”
Says Jordan: “I like curling up in bed with a book. I love reading about serial killers. My favourite is one about Fred and Rose West.”
Smart notes that “the couple were responsible for the deaths of at least a dozen young women between 1967 and 1987 in Gloucester.”
Posted: 3rd, June 2008 | In: Celebrities, Jordan and Peter Andre, Tabloids | Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Jordan To Compete In 2012 Olympics
IT’S the 2012 Olympic Games and the rider enters the arena. No more than 23 seconds later the horse she is sat upon emerges.
“Katie Andre-Price-Jordan-Rooney-Windsor riding Dana,” comes the announcer’s brogue.
Dana is dressed for the occasion in a pink cowboy hat, Swarovski-encrusted bikini and white leather boots.
News in the Sun is that pop acorn Peter Andre has bought Kaite a horse, and that she plans to ride it in the Olympic dressage.
Says a pal: “Katie loves training and riding her horses but wants to take it a step further. It’s her dream to compete in a dressage competition at the Olympics.”
Posted: 22nd, May 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, Jordan and Peter Andre, Tabloids | Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Taking The Piss With Jordan And Peter
PETER Andre leaves urine on the toilet seat.
Given Peter’s careful appearance, we imagine this urine is left on the rim in a hand-blown, crystal-studded glass vial tied with a pink bow.
In turn, Jordan gives her husband a vial of her eponymous perfume, for him to pour lovingly down the pan after said urine.
But what of the rumours about this and that and the other things?
Peter tells OK! readers of his “inner circle”, which is very possibly a euphemism, and says: “Sometimes we’re a bit too trusting and we tell people things we shouldn’t.”
The urine, right? “A lot of stories are false anyway.”
Posted: 29th, April 2008 | In: Celebrities, Jordan and Peter Andre, OK! | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Nicola McLean Is Bigger Than Jordan’s Jordans
NICOLA will be “bigger than Jordan”.
That’s the Star’s front-page shocker as readers take in Fourth Division Wag Nicola McLean.
Nicola looks big enough already. Indeed, with her image posted on one side of the Anorak Towers’ indoor rifle range Nicola’s Jordans prove impossible target to miss.
But Nicola is ambitious to want more. Says she: “I want to go to Vegas and do topless shots on a roulette table. I’m really excited about it and hope everyone else is too.”
Posted: 17th, April 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, Jordan and Peter Andre, Page 3 Girls, Tabloids, Wags & Players | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Jordan And Peter’s Simulated Sex Guide
IN Jordan’s and Pete Andre’s Apocrypha, the Next chapter, the couple are simulating “sex acts” in front of their children.
So says the Star which is disgusted enough to place the news on its foremost page.
Inside, and there are three more pictures of Jordan and Peter at it, engaging in rubbing, staring and suggest positioning.
Among the Taliban, say, or Carmelite nuns, this would be a guide to pre-marital sex. But in the UK it is plain sick.
Says child psychologist Dr Ruth Coppard (age 7): “Young children aren’t sexual beings and watching Mum and Dad have sex, even if it is simulated, is not appropriate. It could damage a child.”
Posted: 16th, April 2008 | In: Celebrities, Jordan and Peter Andre, Tabloids | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
JK Rowling Turns To Jordan As Katie Price Sells Pirate Books
HOW does JK Rowling, Harry Potter’s creator, compete with Katie Price, she of the gargantuan Jordans and the children’s book Mermaids and Pirates?
The Express looks on as Katie pulls on a pink fishtail gown and flowing hair extensions to meet the young book buyers in Harrod’s department store.
Says Katie: “I have to be honest and say I haven’t read her Harry Potter books, but she was such a lovely lady, really elegant and glamorous and it was nice to meet her.”
As Jordan sells Pete the Pirate and Katie the Mermaid, Rowling is at the British Book Awards. And she’s doing a passable impression of La Price, as she threatens to tumble from her top.
In “JK and the one that nearly got away,” the Mail looks on as her publicist cups his hand to Rowling’s right Jordan and tucks it back in.
Posted: 11th, April 2008 | In: Celebrities, Jordan and Peter Andre, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Suzanne Shaw And Jordan Are In The Thick Of It
WE like our celebrities to be a bit thick.
Sure, they make millions doing very little, but Jade Goody is an idiot, so too Jordan, Kerry Katona et al. If we can believe they are all thicker than Wayne Rooney’s neck the audience at home can feel unthreatened and better love them.
So here’s Jordan calling BBC Radio 5 Live DJ Richard Bacon Kevin. D’oh! And here’s Suzanne Shaw telling Sun readers: “I’m going to be honest. I’ve never heard either of these names before.”
Shaw, the Dancing On Ice queen, is replying to a question as to whether she prefers Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama.
“You Shaw are dumb,” says the Sun. Says her “pal”: “Suzanne can be a bit dizzy about foreign affairs.”
Thankfully, geopolitical commentary does not form a part of pro-celebrity ice dancing. But one imagines that if it did, Suzanne would bone up and offer a full and frank opinion on the US presidential race, before tripping over her feet, smiling inanely and widening her eyes.
“Oops! Silly me!”…
Posted: 20th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities, Jordan and Peter Andre, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Chantelle And Jordan: When Chests Go Wild
“CHANTELLE can’t control her chest,” says the Sun’s Gordon Smart.
It’s following her around the room. It’s got a mind of its own. It cannot be contained. What can Chantelle Houghton do?
Jordan knows. Says she: “Chantelle isn’t me. She was really nice in Celebrity Big Brother but she should have stuck with her true self. She’s never going to do all of what I do. I’ve been there, done it and bought the T-shirts, with the boobs packed in.”
Those gargantuan Jordans come with a free T-shirt? We look again at the Sun’s picture of the enhanced Chantelle Hayes spilling out a dress. Her breasts running amuck.
She’s got the breasts. But – fool of fools – she’s taken them out of the wrapping.
Someone fetch her a T-shirt.
Quick…
Posted: 11th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities, Jordan and Peter Andre, Tabloids | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
“GAZZA SUICIDE WATCH,” says the Star’s front page, words illustrated by a picture of Paul Gascoigne.
The tabloids routinely offer their readers a chance to slide back the peep hole and check on the mental wellbeing of the celebrity in “my hell”. Paris Hilton, Brintey Spears, Amy Winehouse, Jordan - you alright in your mental prison?
The talk is always of suicide:
Posted: 10th, March 2008 | In: Amy Winehouse, Back pages, Britney Spears, Celebrities, Jordan and Peter Andre, Paris Hilton, Tabloids | Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Jordan’s Lingerie: One Size Fits All Members
JORDAN - Katie Price - is all for what the media call “real women”.
As she says: “I decided that I wanted girls from my fan club to model [the range] with me in front of the press so I got them to write in and then I chose six girls.”
Spot prize: How many girls do you think are in the fan club?
Posted: 5th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities, Jordan and Peter Andre | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
“JUMBOS jet for Jordan,” says the Sun’s front-page headline.
Jordan is planning to buy a Hawker 900 jet for £4.5 millions.
Says a source: “She has three round trips planned to Australia. The cost of taking the family abroad this year looked ridiculous.”
And if there is one thing Jordan and her husband Peter must not look it is ridiculous…
Posted: 3rd, March 2008 | In: Celebrities, Jordan and Peter Andre, Tabloids | Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Jordan Doesn’t Write Her Autobiographies, And Nor Does Jordan
KATE Price, Katie Andre and Jordan never writes a word of their autobiographies:
Price, aka Jordan, told me last week that her publishers Random House insist on calling her latest book an autobiography. “But it isn’t,” she said. “It’s a diary. I talk into a dictaphone for two years and each month someone takes the tape away and something’s done to it. I’ve started talking to my dictaphone for my fourth diary that’s out in two-and-half-years’ time.”
As Madame Arcati says:
A diary! Of course! At her current rate, and given a normal lifespan (let’s say 87 years from her current age of 29 years) we can look forward to at least another 27 or 29 “memoirs” or updates (one every two years over the next 58 years).
Plus the weekly serialisation in OK!…
Posted: 29th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Jordan and Peter Andre | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
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