SURI Crusie (get back!) is going head-to-head in a match up with Shiloh Jolie-Pitt (may her name ber forever golden). Star magazine has the battle (American ) royale: 

Suri Cruise:

Special skills: They say she has telekinetic powers, can bend a weaning-spoon has fluent German and can sing hymns backwards

Intelligence: Out of this world

Strength: Resistence is futile

Shiloh Jolie-Pitt

Special skills: Blonde to very blonde

Intelligence: Probable

Strength: Pout

There can be only one…

THE NEWS of the World has news form Los aNgeles:

HOLLYWOOD exposed - Becks parties with Tom Cruise. PLUS: Gemma shops for bras

- Good luck Gemma, a woman whose new breasts take on the might of M&S…

FNAR:

Tom Cruise has reportedly recruited Hollywood pals David Beckham and Will Smith to join him in his newest hobby: fencing.

The Mission: Impossible star is said to have built a room in his U.S. home for practicing his swordsmanship - and often invites close friends Smith and Beckham to join him in the sport.

I know…

TO celebrate Tom Cruise’s 25 years since his big break in Risky Business, Anorak has been reenacting Tom’s best scenes. And Tom has a new website.

Today’s we’ve been using the actual Airfix fighter jet Tom sat in for those Top Gun action sequences, and some of the toy soldiers and play-dough figures that were also used in the original.

Goose was sadly sat upon by one of the accounts team, and now doubles as Tom’s wheelchair in Born On The Fourth Of July.

Today Tom’s in the National Enquirer, on account of his wife’s stint at Gold Base, the Scientology rewiring centre in Hemet, California.

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AFTER that performance, Tom Cruise is going back on Oprah Winfrey’s couch.

The 45-year-old will feature in two shows to mark the 25th anniversary of his 1983 flick Risky Business.

Lie down and tell Oprah where it hurts.

She’s listening…

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IS YouTube in cahoots with The Church of Scientology?

The Church drives a lot of traffic, especially the spoof Tom Cruise videos.The Xenutv1 channel run by Mark Bunker is no more. As reported, last week Bunker trailed a three-hour interview with Jason Beghe - a film and television actor who recently defected from the world of Scientology.

See it here.

Xenutv1 has gone the way of Xenutv, whish was turned off in February – the same day Bunker’s other channel featuring the video on which Tom Cruise refers to Scientology as “a blast” was offed. (more…)

SAYS Madonna of Tom Cruise:

“I don’t care if people worship turtles or frogs – if they’re good people.”

Frogs are people too. It needed saying. Go on:

“I think he gets a raw deal, just as I think orphans in Malawi get a raw deal, just as I think a lot of marginalised people get a raw deal.”

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IN Touch magazine reports that all is not well with Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, and she plans to leave Los Angles for Manhattan with the couple’s daughter Suri.

In “Katie wants her life back”, an “insider” tells the magazine: “Of course Katie still loves him (Tom), but she does often feel like the little wife that has to sit there quietly and smile serenely at everything he says.”

On a happier note, Tom’s Scientologists are No.1, edging out atheists as the religious group America feels least positive about.

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A PICTURE of Victoria Beckham, aka Her Poshness, outside a florist shop.
“Mrs Becks just too Posh to push,” says the Express on its front page. Too posh to push a – he-he – “Shopping trolley”.

Indeed, gentle readers, no small shock to learn that Posh buys her own flowers and is not met each morning by a carpet of orchid petals with Day-vid stood at the foot of her bed with a bud between his lips and another tucked nearly into his thong.

But sensation upon sensation as David is said to be buying a football club with the not-in-the-least-bit-creepy Tom Cruise.

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JENNIFER LOPEZ, aka Jenny who owns the block, has lost loadsa weight since giving birth two twins.

Running up and down the stairs all day, feeding two children, washing their clothes and keeping them in nannies sure does scorch those calories.

Says the Mail: “New mum J-Lo loses 40 pounds in four weeks with aid of gruelling workouts.”

Mums may well nod.

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FROM Tom Curise’s heroic Nazi movie Valkyrie:

“When the SS catch you they will pull you apart like warm bread!”

For you ze bread rolls ist over…

JOURNEY with us to the home of Tom Cruise and his not-that-much-taller-if-you-squint wife Katie Holmes. The home is to be modernised with space age technology:

Says a source: “There will be codes and devices that only Tom will have the secret information to operate. Katie, who led a carefree life before she met Tom, says it’ll be like a prison. Every move she makes inside or outside their house will be recorded. she says she’ll feel as though there is no escape from Tom’s controlling ways. You can escape the eyes of another person by going to a different part of the house. But [Katie] knows she can’t escape the roving eyes of the cameras that are constantly sweeping the house.”

(more…)

TOM Cruise et al: “The English-language term ‘Scientology’ originated neither with Hubbard nor Nordenholz, but with philologist Allen Upward, who coined the term in 1907 to ridicule pseudoscientific theories.”

Irony -

Via
Source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scientolog … es_Wissens

TOM Cruise And Hillary Clinton are the dream ticket:

CELEBRITY quote of the day comes from Selma Blair.

“I had long hair for a while, almost down to my waist. But I wanted to go back to my Tom Cruise cut. So I told my hairdresser to shave the back and leave the front long.

“Then someone thought I was Tom from the back. I guess I had better wear high heels.”

To complete the impersonation, right?

Pic: The Spine

Spotter

ANOTHER religious war. A group calling itself Anonymous has declared war on Tom Cruise’s Church of Scientology.

The group has made a video.

“Over the years, we have been watching you. Your campaigns of misinformation; suppression of dissent; your litigious nature, all of these things have caught our eye. With the leakage of your latest propaganda video into mainstream circulation, the extent of your malign influence over those who trust you, who call you leader, has been made clear to us.

“Anonymous has therefore decided that your organization should be destroyed. For the good of your followers, for the good of mankind–for the laughs–we shall expel you from the Internet and systematically dismantle the Church of Scientology in its present form.”

SCIENTOLOGY is, of course, not a real religion, merely a joke on Tom Cruise that has gotten out of hand.

The first recorded mention of Scientology was when Beattie (Maureen Lipman) became agitated that her grandson had got an ‘ology’ in science.

Had Tom Cruise not been watching TV at that moment on that day, Scientology would have been consigned to the dustbin of advertising history, along with the Smash Robots, Buzby and Ted Moult.

Show Me The Ology

But Tom was watching. And we fast forward to the present day where Tom Cruise is a famous Scientologist and being laughed at and ridiculed by millions.

Scientology is not a religion, of course. Real religions demand subservience, for the supplicants to hand over money and be selfless and unquestioning in their dedication to other beings and the Big Book.

Scientologists are just required to watch a film. And the film is proving to be a hit in Germany, where tabloid newspaper Bild published comments by World War II historian Guido Knopp likening Cruise’s speech to propaganda delivered by Goebbels in Nazi Germany.

Says Knopp: “It may be the case that Cruise’s delivery style is not uncommon in certain religious movements in the U.S. But for Germans with an interest in history, that scene where he asks whether the Scientologists should clean up the world and everyone shouts ‘yes’ is inevitably reminiscent of Goebbels’ notorious speech.”

Asks Goebbels: “Do you want total war?” And the crowd yells back: “Show me the money!”

Ein Gross Deal

In response, the Church of Scientology has accused Bild of being “grossly irresponsible” for publishing Knopp’s claims.

Karin Pouw, the church’s public affairs director, says: “Bild am Sonntag is grossly irresponsible for publishing horrendous and disgraceful claims about Mr Cruise…

“In doing so, he was urging other people to become involved in similar humanitarian activities to the betterment of all. Anyone who knows Mr Cruise knows that he does not have a prejudicial bone in his body and that, unlike Bild am Sonntag and other German anti-religionists, he does not discriminate against any other religion, race or colour.”

But he does have an ‘ology’…

YOU’VE seen the Tom Cruise videos.

You’ve taken the audit.

Now look at the spoof (?) videos on You Tube. A collection:

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A BLOGGER called Harlem 26.2 whose description has, as Defamer reports, been following all the Katie Holmes marathon conspiracy theorizing. He adds his thoughts:

All the conspiracy theories fail to mention or recognize the “mystery runner” that accompanied Katie in the race.

He wore bib # 6074, he does not show up or exist in the results database. He’s the first runner in the history of the NYC Marathon to “not exist”. He can be seen in photos on Flickr, we have the links on our site, just look in the comments of today, you’ll see them.The conspiracy fails when you see Katie has registered “split times” - however they could have been recorded by this “mystery runner, bib # 6074 - wearing her assigned timing chip - clearly adjacent to her at all times in the few photos that exists. Check out site, the photos on flickr, the NYC Marathon database - that runner is a total mystery….

A conspiracy, or not..

My point is, reading that Katie Holmes ran the entire New York City Marathon then posed for photos and attended the premiere of Tom’s movie “Lions For Lambs” strikes me as another one of those moments. How can this story be true? How could Katie — who in some circles is rumored to be pregnant — have had the time to get into phenominal running shape in “two months” while attending to a one-year-old child, run the entire marathon, then glowingly appear in photos right at the finish line?

On the other hand, though, how can this story be made up?

File under: This is how gossip on the internet works…

WANT to be a Scientologist, like Tom Cruise? Sure you do. You’ve seen the movie, and here. Now take the test.

Then take the Church of Scoetology’s “SEC WHOLE TRACK” questionnaire, all 343 questions. It part of your “auditing” sessions, the ones designed to identify your trapped “thetans”.

The “thetans,” or alien ghosts, were implanted in Earth’s volcanoes 75 million years ago by the evil intergalactic ruler Xenu, until the nasty buggers escaped and invaded the bodies of each and every one of us.

While taking the test, you are attached to an E-meter - a polygraph-like device. Radar magazine has published some of the questions. Radar magazine might not be around for too much longer. Anorak only produces the questions to show how, er, brilliant they are.

The questions (your answers please):

• Have you ever enslaved a population?

• Have you ever debased a nation’s currency?

• Have you ever killed the wrong person?

• Have you ever torn out someone’s tongue?

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