 |
Breaking Media, Politicians & Celebrities Since 1995Tabloid news for broadsheet readers |
But with celebrity fashion, celebrity s*x, celebrity p*rn (real and faked - see Paris Hilton, Britney Spears, Wags and more), celebrity gossip, naked celebrity, celebrity Big Brother and anything else a celebrity can endorse, celebrity is about so much more than the drugs, the s*x and the rehab. It’s
about fame, power and money.
US model and Michelle Obama wannabe Tyra Banks has a curse:
A number of presidential candidates have appeared on Banks’s talk show (Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, John Edwards) - Harpers Bazaar
John Edwards. Gone. Hillary Clinton. Gone. Barack Obama…
CELEBRITY Quote of the Day: Janne Jameson’s Virgin Birth.
Jenna Jameson is a mainstream, straight-to-tissues, Hillary Clinton wannabe American porn star, giving religious boys teenage kicks all through the night. She is with child.
She once miscarried:
But the devout Catholic — who has tried in vitro — told Us, “It was all in God’s plan” – Us Magazine
Who knew? She’s the devout Catholic who supports condoms…
HER Poshness, former Spice Girl Victoria Beckham, is doing as Posh people so and suing Now magazine over claims she uses diet pills.
It is incredibly that someone who looks like an extra from a Lowrie rendering of Tenko should be the subject of so much chatter about her diet.
It’s a bit like those giant pandas, who don’t have sex - the media spends all day watching for a sign of coitus, while over in the monkey enclosure everyone’s at it like, well, the rabbits in the petting zoo. But look, is that a bamboo shoot, or is Ming Ming aroused?
Says Beckham’s agent Jo Milloy:
ANORAK’S occassional look at celebrities ordering their children by number, shade and creed in magazines. Today Vin Diesel in OK!:
“I want a half a dozen. What do you expect from me? I want 12 kids!”
Do the math…
RUMER Willis would be the tabloids’ ugly rumour were we not told by those in the know that she is hooter than a wasabi enema.
People magazine anointed Rumer one of the “100 Most Beautiful People” last April. Said she:
“It was trippy, man. I was like, ‘Really?’ After being compared to Jay Leno for so long, you don’t think of yourself in that way,” she says.
Anorak likes Rumer for one reason: she said it trippy and not surreal…
ANORAK’S man in LA has been watching TMZ, the corporate celebrity porn channel.
Says TB: Don’t think that our watchdog posts about corporate porn-pushing gossip site TMZ.com and its shaved bronzed midget frontman Harvey Levin go unnoticed. A few months ago, the Tabloid Baby office was contacted by an editor from Playboy magazine, asking editor Burt Kearns to submit a letter to the editor in response to the magazine’s “20 Questions for Harvey Levin” feature in its June issue.
SURI Crusie (get back!) is going head-to-head in a match up with Shiloh Jolie-Pitt (may her name ber forever golden). Star magazine has the battle (American ) royale:
Suri Cruise:
Special skills: They say she has telekinetic powers, can bend a weaning-spoon has fluent German and can sing hymns backwards
Intelligence: Out of this world
Strength: Resistence is futile
Shiloh Jolie-Pitt
Special skills: Blonde to very blonde
Intelligence: Probable
Strength: Pout
There can be only one…
MICHAEL Gove makes oppotunistic comment. He gets headlines. He triggers debate. We all realise what he does. James Brown counters:
These magazines are designed to provide a weekly splash of fantasy: a world of wags, gags, lads and shags. They are irresponsible, short-term and narrow in their understanding of relationships because their purpose is to offer the reader a distraction from the stress of driving a van or fighting the Taleban.
Better yet, make the Taliban read lads mags with an air drop. Nuts, Front, FHM (Florida Holocaust Museum) and Loaded seem oddly appropriate title…
What would a Taliban lad’s mag be called?
Tally-ho!
JOHN Edwards, the former Presidential hopeful, is the subject of the biggest non-story in the US. The National Enquirer broke it. But no other big US media player wants to give the tabloid credit. Says John Edwards:
I think every single candidate for president, Republican and Democratic have lives, personal lives, that indicate something about what kind of human being they are. And I think it is a fair evaluation for America to engage in to look at what kind of human beings each of us are, and what kind of president we’d make.
Can a frontline politician hide:
JOHN Edwards, the former Presidential hopeful, is the subject of the biggest non-story in the US. The National Enquirer broke it. But no other big US media player wants to give the tabloid credit. Says John Edwards:
I think every single candidate for president, Republican and Democratic have lives, personal lives, that indicate something about what kind of human being they are. And I think it is a fair evaluation for America to engage in to look at what kind of human beings each of us are, and what kind of president we’d make.
Can a frontline politician hide:
TAKE a gander at Madonna, with her “Mount Rushmore cheekbones, the angular jawline, the smoothed forehead, the plumped skin, the heartlike shape of the face“.
Madonna is on the cover of New York magazine. The accompanying article says Madonna has the “ultimate face”.
The ultimate face for what is not said.
But a clue comes via the Telegraph, which quotes Writer Jonathan Van Meter:
“Looking at Madonna, I kept thinking of the British expression for reconditioning a saddle: having it ‘restuffed’.”
BREAKING news in the National Enquirer of “OBAMA LOVE CHILD SCANDAL”.
Cynics and afficiandos of tabloid news, such as we are, wonder if the story is:
“Goat born out of wedlock in Japanese city of Obama”
“Barack Obama is Not a love child”
“Claude Obama III, of Wisconsin, has had love child and named it…BARACK”
Inside the magazine, and the news is: “HUNT FOR OBAMA’S SECRET LOVE CHILD.”
BREAKING news in the National Enquirer of “OBAMA LOVE CHILD SCANDAL”.
Cynics and afficiandos of tabloid news, such as we are, wonder if the story is:
“Goat born out of wedlock in Japanese city of Obama”
“Barack Obama is Not a love child”
“Claude Obama III, of Wisconsin, has had love child and named it…BARACK”
Inside the magazine, and the news is: “HUNT FOR OBAMA’S SECRET LOVE CHILD.”
EAT your heart out Mary and go fish Katie Holmes – when Angelina gives birth, she gives birth to not one but two Messiahs. Says Angelina: “I was at peace.”
Says Brad: “I find the process absolutely heroic.”
EAT your heart out Mary and go fish Katie Holmes – when Angelina gives birth, she gives birth to not one but two Messiahs. Says Angelina: “I was at peace.”
Says Brad: “I find the process absolutely heroic.”
ANTONY Worrall Thompson, celebrity chef and renegade oompah loopah, writes in Healthy & Organic Living, a magazine.
Wozza, as is his wont, says the weed henbane, also known as stinking nightshade, makes an excellent addition to summertime meals.
It does - if you want to kill of the kind of people who don’t read Heath & Organic Living for the laughs.
SAYS Michael Gove, the Conservative’s education spokesman, and Times hack:
“Titles such as Nuts and Zoo paint a picture of women as permanently, lasciviously, uncomplicatedly available.
“The images they use and project reinforce a very narrow conception of beauty and a shallow approach towards women. They celebrate thrill-seeking and instant gratification without ever allowing any thought of responsibility towards others, or commitment, to intrude.”
Nuts and Zoo, the Argos jewellery section of the magazine shop.
Here’s a thought, Mr Gove: boys who buy Nuts and Zoo do so because they can’t reach the topshelf magazines.
Mr Gove’s thoughts are published in the Guardian. (The words hereunder are scored through because of the comments below, and a note to Anorak from Simon Waldman, Director of Digital Strategy and Development, Guardian Media Group):
In March 2008 Emap plc was acquired by Eden Bidco Ltd, a joint venture between Apax and Guardian Media Group plc.
Emap publishes Zoo. The Guardian is run by The Scott Trust - “As the sole shareholder in Guardian Media Group the Scott Trust measures the return on its investment in terms broader than pure financial performance.”
The Scott Trust values are:
- honesty
- cleanness (now interpreted as integrity)
- courage
- fairness
- a sense of duty to the reader and the community
We put these principles into action and fulfil our responsibilities primarily through our day-to-day business conduct and the editorial content of our newspapers, websites and other media.
Cleanness - all the girls on Zoo are scrubbed ready for your inspection.
Michael Gove writes for The Times, owned by New Corp, publishers of How to Make Love Like a Porn Star (Jenna Jameson), The Sun (Page 3 Girls) and the News of The World, which contains adverts for readers to call dirty college girls live.
Anorak feels dirty just writing about it…
NEWS is that “Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have sold pictures of their newborn twins for a record £7.5million”.
Reports the Mirror:
Hello! magazine secured the deal after a bidding frenzy with rival OK! to show photographs of Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline, three weeks old tomorrow.
Other magazines believed to have been in for the snaps, were Paedos Today, IVF Monthly and Voyeur Weekly.
A cheque from Russian website Kidz4Sale.com for the sum of £4.3billion is believed to have bounced…
Picture: 14
NEWS is that “Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have sold pictures of their newborn twins for a record £7.5million”.
Reports the Mirror:
Hello! magazine secured the deal after a bidding frenzy with rival OK! to show photographs of Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline, three weeks old tomorrow.
Other magazines believed to have been in for the snaps, were Paedos Today, IVF Monthly and Voyeur Weekly.
A cheque from Russian website Kidz4Sale.com for the sum of £4.3billion is believed to have bounced…
Picture: 14
