World’s Smallest Mum Stacey Herald Gives Brith For Third Time
IN this week’s Closer magazine, we get to meet “the world’s smallest mum”.
How small is she? Well, she’s smaller than Cheryl Cole, who says “The baby’s on hold”. (Cancel the twins!) The world’s smallest mum is Stacey Herald and she is 35 and 2ft 4 in small.
Posted: 3rd, November 2009 | In: Closer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Closer: Lindsay Lohan’s Suicide, Katie Price’s Crying Kids And Cheryl Cole
IN this week’s Closer magazine: Lindsay Lohan’s suicide, Victoria Beckham is 700, Myleene Klass is proud of Charlotte Church, speaking for Cheryl Cole and fears for Katie Price and Peter Andre’s kids…
* THE death of Lindsay Lohan is proving to be a popular story. Following news that Lohan will die in 2010 – and your glimpse into her future - Closer magazine explains the method of her demise:
“SUICIDE FEARS FOR LINDSAY.”
“Friends say the star – who looked miserable and dishevelled in Paris recently – is living on a diet of pills, vodka and cigarettes.”
That would seem to be unlikely. But Closer has no time to investigate and beneath a picture of Lohan smoking a ciggie, tells us:
“She’s been wearing loads of bracelets too, which friends fear are covering up wounds from cutting herself.”
Posted: 21st, October 2009 | In: Closer, Key Posts | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
David Beckham Can Barely See Victoria
VICTORIA Beckham’s weight is subject of heated debate in the celebrity magazine community. Today we invite you to consider two Closer magazine headlines and move the polemic forward:
“MISERY DRIVES POSH TOWARDS ANOREXIA” – September 29, 2009
Posh stress: ‘David barely notices me any more” – October 7, 2009
Well, if there’s less to notice - unless, of course, Day-vid looks at the magazines, the billboards, the TV shows, the magazines, the websites….
Posted: 7th, October 2009 | In: Closer | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Victoria Beckham Just Needs The Food Of Love
IT’S walking magazine insert Victoria Beckham on the cover of Closer, Her Thinness advertising the news: “MISERY DRIVES POSH TOWARDS ANOREXIA.”
Misery is not Posh’s new lead sedan chair operative, and Anorexia is not the hottest-most club in Milan. Closer explains:
“So insecure she starves herself until she’s dizzy and weak.”
“Expert warns: ‘She could end up dead.”
Dealing with each point in turn, isn’t dizzy and weak how WAGs are supposed to be? And this expert should know that celebrities never die, they just perform to a captive audience.
Posted: 29th, September 2009 | In: Closer | Comments (7) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
STOP Press: Earlier today Anorak introduced readers to the Angelina Jolie Diet, by which wannabe gaunt-faces can get the look by taking a constant state of agitation brought about by Jennifer Aniston’s face and partaking in loadsa shagging and rowing with Brad Pitt.
Now we read in Closer that Angelina’s small frame is the result of something else:
“Ange is shrinking to get attention from Brad.”
The smaller Angelina Jolie gets the more Brad Pitt will notice her. So says a source:
“Ange is shrinking before our eyes and looking skinnier than ever.”
Posted: 22nd, September 2009 | In: Closer | Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Dancing With The Stars: Kelly Osbourne’s Unbearable Loss
IN this week’s Closer magazine new columnist Kelly Osborne talks about her time on the celebrity dance circuit and how she’s lost a stone.. in weight.
Kelly is set to appear on Dancing with The Stars, the US version of Strictly Come Dancing. And she tells us:
“I’ve almost lost a full stone already.”
Posted: 16th, September 2009 | In: Closer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Kerry Katona Calls Psychic Hotline From The Attic
KERRY Katona “BEGS PSYCHICS FOR HELP”.
“Troubled Kerry Katona is running up huge phone bills to 24-hour psychic hotlines”.
So Kerry’s not mumbling to herself, then as she paces the loft like an alcopop-laced Miss Haversham? A source explains:
“She’s been spending loads of time locked in her room, drinking and phoning these expensive psychic lines.”
Posted: 15th, September 2009 | In: Celebrities, Closer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Charlotte Church Loses A Dress Size In A Day
EARLIER this week, OK! magazine brought news from Charlotte Church’s bathrooms scales and wardrobe, and it was sensational…
“Charlotte is now a large size 12 but wants to get down to a size 10. If she does, she wants to do a workout video – but she’s told Gavin she’s happy to be a toned size 12.”
Now, just on day one and Closer magazine brings joyous news:
“Size 10 Charl vows to get the ‘ultimate body’”
Posted: 10th, September 2009 | In: Celebrities, Closer | Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Joan Collins On Celebrity, And Alicia Douvall’s Georgia Rules
NOT only is Joan Collins alive but she is talking to BlackBook Magazine. Says Joan:
“Our civilization has become extremely dumbed down, with shorter attention spans. All they want are sound bites. The tabloid magazines are the same every week. People has the same cover as InTouch as OK! as Us Weekly as Star magazine. They’re exactly the same! It must be 100 to 120 people you read about all the time. They are appealing to a young audience, or a rather dumb audience.”
Fresh blood is needed. So here’s glamour model Alicia Douvall talking of her 13-year-old daughter in Closer magazine:
Georgia wrote a little birthday wish-list for her 13th birthday later this month and on it was Kate Moss perfume, an iPhone and a boob job.
Posted: 15th, April 2008 | In: Celebrities, Closer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Jennifer Lopez Thanks Her Little People And Tom Cruise
JENNIFER LOPEZ, aka Jenny who owns the block, has lost loadsa weight since giving birth two twins.
Running up and down the stairs all day, feeding two children, washing their clothes and keeping them in nannies sure does scorch those calories.
Says the Mail: “New mum J-Lo loses 40 pounds in four weeks with aid of gruelling workouts.”
Mums may well nod.
Posted: 9th, April 2008 | In: Celebrities, Closer, Tabloids, Tom Cruise | Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Coleen McLoughlin Takes In A Wag Shower
COLEEN McLoughlin has been busy.
Much of the McLouhglin week is condensed into a single page in Closer magazine. The highlights:
“I wore this outfit when I went to a hair salon in Liverpool to have my extensions tightened”
“I really like shirt with jeans and I think the look is smart but casual”
“I had such a lovely holiday in Barbados”
“I bought a Matthew Williamson scarf… it’s pastel coloured with a map on it”
Phew!
Now Coleen hot foots it OK!, where she appears on the cover with the Wagtastic Alex Curran and Sheree Kewell.
The conversation inevitably moves on from plate tectonics to Cheryl and Ashley Cole, whom Sheree hopes can “move on”.
The other topic of chatter is Sheree’s baby shower.
There are baby Dior outfits, designer berets and diamond-encrusted dummies. Says Sheree: “I have nothing left to buy.”
How they must have roared with laughter at Sheree’s little joke. More on that next week…
Posted: 21st, February 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, Closer, OK!, Wags & Players | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Once Around The Block With Amy Winehouse And Mitch Housego
THE appearance of Amy Winehouse’s father Mitch in Closer – the “UK’s No.1 CELEB & REAL LIFE MAG” – throws up a thorny issue of if he is a CELEB or a REAL LIFER?
Or can you achieve the impossible dream and be both a CELEB and REAL? Few dare to try.
Mitch blurs the distinction by telling us that he is “cautiously optimistic” for his daughter’s chances of recovery in rehab.
Mitch is happy that Kelly Osbourne, daughter to Sharon, with whom Mitch talks a lot, is around to help.
As Mitch says of professional Osbourne Kelly: “She and her brother Jack have both had issues with drugs, so they’re wonderful support.” If you can’t rely on a reformed drug taker, who can you rely on?
Mitch then says Sadie Frost has offered to help Amy. And he has received a call from Roger Daltry, the popstar-turned-fish farmer.
Do the name checks burnish Mitch’s reputation as the country’s most famous cabbie since Fred Housego took the Mastermind title in 1980?
Or is Mitch a real person, asking us “Do you know who I had in the back of my cab?” and offering up “Amy Winehouse, the popular chanteuse”..?
Posted: 21st, February 2008 | In: Amy Winehouse, Celebrities, Closer | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Jordan Is Trimming Away On ‘Powerful Drugs’
“JORDAN’S suicide agony over divorce threats.”
Once more we are forced to wonder if celebrity magazines are a suicide cult?
Closer magazine (“The UK’s No.1 CELEB & REAL LIFE MAG – and who would have guessed this chalk and cheese combination would work?) looks at the glamour model.
“WASTING AWAY!” screams the headline. Katie Andre, as she is now fashioned is more being trimmed than wasted, reducing her gargantuan Jordans to a more manageable size.
“PETE FEARS JORDAN IS HOOKED ON PILLS,” says another headline, adding another layer of polemic to the allegations of her being wasted.
“As Jordan’s post-surgery pain leaves her unable to eat, she demands powerful drugs to numb her agony.”
Closer says it is “believed” Jordan’s has not dropped in weight to below 7st. Can all of her apparent weight lose be attributed to problems eating, suicidal thoughts, a cry for help or shedding so much of her former self?
Questions and more questions…
Posted: 21st, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Closer, Jordan and Peter Andre | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
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