Ivanka Trump Marries Her Tycoon, In Pictures
IN this week’s Hello!, we are invited to the wedding of “Heiress Ivanka Trump” and a “Tycoon”, whose names fails to appear on the cover. You imagine Hello! has had the cover words written ever since Ivanka wanted her first engagement ring.
Inside and the tycoon is labelled as Jared Kushner, and from being a tycoon he’s now merely a “millionaire”.
Inside the mag and Ivanka has her hair in her father’s signature tsunami, swept off her face to reveal $265,000 in jewels and teeth that make her wedding dress look dull and brownish.
Posted: 4th, November 2009 | In: Hello! | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Hello!: Samantha Burke Introduces Jude Law’s Daughter Sophia For £185,000
IN this week’s Hello! magazine, Samantha Burke introduces Jude Law’s baby daughter Sophie and tells their “amazing story”.
Prepare to be amazed. Sophia has two eyes. Gasp! Sophia has two legs! Swoon! Sophia was conceived out of wedlock when Jude dated Samantha for a period that may actually be shorter than her 25 hour labour. WowZA!
Sophia weighed in at 5lb 12oz, which in gold and cocaine prices is not bad, but in celebrity prices is diamond, earning mum £185,000, reportedly, for this 14-page photoshoot alone. She tosses the words in for free:
“Her features are more like Jude’s. She has his chin and nose, and she does a little pout that I notice that he’s done before. I think her eyes are more like mine, though.”
Posted: 26th, October 2009 | In: Hello!, Key Posts | Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Hello Magazine Tuesday: Prince Harry And Chelsy Get Intimate
IN this week’s Hello! magazine, we go on an intimate dinner with Prince Harry and Chelsy Davy, Myleene Klass introduces Baby K and at home with billionaire John Caudwell…
IN a “ROYAL EXCLUSIVE” – Hello! magazine will tell readers “HOW ROMANTIC PRINCE HARRY WON HIS CHELSY BACK”.
At a push, we’d say Harry won her in a tombola, first prize being a year’s supply of Flaming Lobes at the Boujis nightspot.
It turns out that Harry wooed fair-to-platinum maiden with an “intimate dinner for two”. Just Hal, Chels, three waiters, a wine waiter, 5 security guards and a chauffeur waiting for a doggy bag.
Posted: 20th, October 2009 | In: Hello!, Key Posts | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Sinitta Takes Herself Inside Simon Cowell’s 50th Birthday Party
Hello! magazine invites us to Simon Cowell’s 50th birthday party, with your host for the night, Sinitta…
HERE come “CHERYL and FRIENDS” to give Simon Cowell “the night of his life”, trills Hello!.
Eamonn Andrews’ big red book has been replaced by Cheryl Cole’s orangey chest as we journey to Simon Cowell’s 50th birthday do in Wrotham Park, Hertfordshire and say “Simon Cowell- This Is Your Ex“.
Our host for the night is not Simon Cowell, rather his occasional X Factor sidekick Sinitta, who once dated the reality TV show supreme magistrate. Says she:
“I can’t believe Simon and I are as old as we are – I’m 40 and he’s 50! Where has all the time gone?”
We’d say it’s gone by in 1:40 second-long snippets of wannabe singers warbling someone else’s song.
But this is not all about Sinitta - did you know she used to date Cowell? – but about Cowell, whose birthday it is. Really. Sinitta. Really:
“For the 26 years I’ve known him… For week’s leading up to the event, I’d had friends from all over the world texting and emailing me about the party… My inboxes were inundated… I made a call to my friends Elizabeth Emanuel to see if the could sort out something amazing for me to wear…”
Simons Cowell is so glad to see you. He’s…
“I decide to switch off my phone… I also had eyelash extensions individually applied… As my present for Simon Dan would be painting a giant piece of art, accompanied by a Rat Pack stage show, in just six minutes…”
While we give it up for the fastest caricaturist in Christendom, Simon Cowell would like you to know that it is with a deep and sincere…
“I was completely blown away – every woman looked absolutely beautiful. Cheryl, Kate, Dannii, Amanda…”
Also there were… “Simon’s ex-girlfriends, Terri Seymour, Jackie St Claire, and myself [yes, Sinitta used to sate Simon!] all hosted our own tables in a row at the very front of the stage, with Simon’s top table immediately behind us…”
Just three of the friends and family who had “walked through fire with him in the past” – although Amanda, Dannii, Cheryl and Randy Jackson are more commonly seen sitting down and sipping drinks rather than walking through actual fire. But the challenge is no less diminished.
And who’s this? Ticket, please, sir. Why, it’s Simon Cowell, to thank one and all…
“Goodnight Sinitta… And I didn’t get to tell you, but you look absolutely gorgeous tonight. I appreciate it, I really mean it.”
Sinitta is 40.
Posted: 13th, October 2009 | In: Hello! | Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Jo Wood Markets Her Home In Hello!
Hello! calls it a “cosy nest”, in much the same way Hitler’s nest was cosy, or a barn is cosy to a mouse. It’s so cosy that Jo’s daughter Leah, lives next door in a cottage with her husband Jack and her baby. Tom, a friend of Leah’s brother Tyrone is living in the gatehouse…
Posted: 6th, October 2009 | In: Gallery, Hello! | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Jennifer Aniston Compares Herself To Bambi
“But now that I’m that bit older, my fears have dropped away and I fell I have all this freedom to explore the world - like Bambi going out to explore the forest.”
Posted: 16th, September 2009 | In: Gallery, Hello!, Key Posts | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Elisabetta Briatore Show Us Around Flavio’s Home
Inside the Briatore’s home we realise that Flavio, never seen with a beard, has created a place where a man can shave wherever he sees fit…
Posted: 16th, September 2009 | In: Gallery, Hello! | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Freddie Windsor And Sophie Winkleman’s Special Hello!
How do you promote Lord Freddie Windsor’s marriage to Sophie Winkleman if the happy couple have declined to sell the rights to their do to Hello! magazine?
Posted: 16th, September 2009 | In: Gallery, Hello! | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Gary Lineker Marries Danielle Bux, Intimately
GARY Lineker is married to Danielle Bux and you are invited to gaze upon the “two-day Italian Extravaganza” in Hello!. It is a “small and intimate dream” that the happy magazine is willing to share with anyone prepared to fork out £2.
Mother-of-one Danielle looks resplendent in a wedding dress as white as Simon Cowell’s teeth as we meet the couple in the grounds of the Hotel Caruso on Italy’s Amalfi coast.
Danielle’s signing on fee is a reported £250,000, which includes food and drinks for 80, a £400 civil ceremony, a cliff top blessing and a £9,000 wedding kit. And in case you think that’s steep, a local councillor called Luigi Apicella tells us that “there was nothing extravagant” about the do.
But amid the shots of Gary and Dani in a clinch, Hello! tells us that the couple refused to sell their wedding to the highest bidder. And it turns out that what we get are pictures of Danielle in a dress and Gary dressed informally without jacket or tie. Gary looks like the mini-cab driver delivering the bride to her big day.
It’s all very private for Danielle Bux, who “exclusively” revealed her wedding plans to OK! and told us that her daughter Ella “took to Gary immediately because he is so fantastic with children”.
At the do, DJ Spoony spun the CDs and footballers-turned-media-pundits Alan Shearer and Alan Hansen gave running commentaries on the proceedings before agreeing that both sides had performed well but there was still along way to go.
Danielle Bux is an underwear model…
Posted: 8th, September 2009 | In: Celebrities, Hello! | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Snap, Bang, Wallop At Scott Maslen’s EastEnders-Themed Wedding
SCOTT Maslen’s wedding, and the stars have come out to shine, literally.
For just £2.00 HELLO! offers its readers a ready source of heat and light. One look at the sun-kissed faces of Scott’s EastEnders and The Bill co-stars and you feel as warm and snug as a jalapeno pepper up a camel’s bum.
“ALL the GUESTS,” says the cover page. “ALL THE GOSSIP.”
To Hertfordshire, where Scott is marrying Estelle Rubio, herself named after a star. They met nine years ago at 11 minutes past 11 on the 11 of August.
“They look as if they have stepped off the top of a wedding cake,” says Scott’s fellow EastEnders’ star Perry Fenwick.
We never do see the shoes and examine them for sings of frangipani, but our attention is moved by a sound from the toilets. The Sun takes up the tale:
“Scott’s pal was an usher but made a speech and it was filled with swear words. He called Scott a TV w****r and went on about their past.
Posted: 19th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Hello! | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Shane Richie Shows Us His Lolita Blue Range Of Mucus
SHANE Richie is cradling his newborn daughter Lolita Belle.
She goes with his son who goes by the name Mackenzie Blue.
Why Shane Richie names his children after ranges Laura Ashley pelmet fabrics we never discover in the course of his interview in Hello!. But there is more to learn.
And matters quickly run to the issue of sex.
Posted: 10th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, Hello! | Comments (5) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
At Home With The Jolie-Pitts And Hello!
EAT your heart out Mary and go fish Katie Holmes – when Angelina gives birth, she gives birth to not one but two Messiahs. Says Angelina: “I was at peace.”
Says Brad: “I find the process absolutely heroic.”
Posted: 5th, August 2008 | In: Brandgelina, Celebrities, Hello! | Comments (9) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Hello! Outbids Paedo Today For Pictures Of Knox Leon And Vivienne Marcheline
NEWS is that “Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have sold pictures of their newborn twins for a record £7.5million”.
Reports the Mirror:
Hello! magazine secured the deal after a bidding frenzy with rival OK! to show photographs of Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline, three weeks old tomorrow.
Other magazines believed to have been in for the snaps, were Paedos Today, IVF Monthly and Voyeur Weekly.
A cheque from Russian website Kidz4Sale.com for the sum of £4.3billion is believed to have bounced…
Picture: 14
Posted: 3rd, August 2008 | In: Brandgelina, Celebrities, Hello!, Money, Tabloids | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Madonna And Gwyneth Paltrow Are Pramfaced
“ALWAYS THERE FOR EACH OTHER,” says Hello!. “Madonna and Gwyneth share a stroller as they power pram in the park.”
There’s * Madonna, her legs dangling from the pram, and there’s Gwyneth tucked in beside her, champing on a rusk and demanding they be pushed “Faster! Faster! Faster!”.
Posted: 29th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Hello!, Madonna | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Lady Rose Windsor Marries Kate Middleton
IT’S been a while since we last saw Lady Rose Windsor, and those of you who enjoyed her in episodes 2 and 5 of Upstairs Broadstairs, the aristo soap set in a 1950s resort, will be concerned for her wellbeing.
Posted: 29th, July 2008 | In: Hello!, Kate Middleton, Royal Family | Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
A Week In The Life Of Knox And Vivienne
HOW about this for a scoop: “BRAD AND ANGELINA – THE TWINS FIRST WEEK.”
Anorak had been assured by (Fort) Knox’s people that he would get back to us, and not to bother contacting his sister Vivienne directly because she never takes calls on a Tuesday - “on ‘Chooseday’ people should be free to be themselves.”
But while we wait, Hello! nips in and gets the scoop, and we read that Knox is looking at scripts for a film based on the early life of Ghengis Kahn and Vivienne is pleased that Brad and Angelina have ended “this leg of [their] parental journey” and will have her people call their people…
Picture: 14
Posted: 22nd, July 2008 | In: Brandgelina, Celebrities, Hello! | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Birthday Suits You, Sian Lloyd, Madonna And Mehmet Ali Agca
IN Hello!, Sian Lloyd, former weather girl and fiancee to Cheeky Chappie Lembit Opik, is making a “tribute to Madonna”.
Why Ms Lloyd should do this is not immediately apparent, what with her looking and sounding not a bit like the singer.
Reading on, we learn that Lloyd turns 50 this year, as does Madonna, and therein lies the theme for the conceit.
Readers may be interested to know that others turning 50 this year are Irish on-the-spot dancer Michael Flatley, screeching Seventies singer Kate Bush, Pope shootist , Michelle Bauer star of Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers), Simon Le Bon, Thomas ‘The Hit Man’ Hearns, Michael Jackson and Charlene Tilton.
Posted: 8th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Hello!, Madonna | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
New Jobs For George Clooney’s Sarah Larson
HELLO! informs readers that Sarah Larson is no longer working as a cocktail waitress, and, as befitting George Clooney’s ex, is considering her career options.
“I’ve never had the desire to really want fame,” says Sarah who was spotted “being hung from her ankles 120ft in the air, eating a scorpion and walking a tightrope” on a reality TV show, having been observed dancing on 2o-ft high platform at a Las Vegas club…
Posted: 8th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Hello! | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Not COleen And Wayne’s Wedding II
“IT was the wedding that all Italy has been waiting for,” coos Hello!.
The curries and chipped potatoes bathed in hot oil coating had been ordered and Naples was ready to welcome Wayne and Coleen.
But further north in Rome was where Hello! tells its readers the real wedding action was to be had.
To the Santo Spirito in Sassia church, which Hello! tells us is “just a stone’s throw from, St Peter’s Basilica”. Armed with handful of confetti and pebbles Anorak looks on as billionaire Flavio Briatore, 58, marries 28-year-old “homegrown model and TV favourite” Elisabetta Gregoraci.
“She has got her feet on the ground,” says the bride’s father Mario, and we, walking on air, nod.
Says the bride: “I feel like I’m in a fairytale and I haven’t woken up.” And we look for the prince to plant a kiss on her ruby lips.
Posted: 25th, June 2008 | In: Celebrities, Hello! | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
GIRLS Aloud are on the cover of this week’s Hello!, sporting skin tones rarely seen outside a Starbucks coffee cup.
Fans might even get alight caffeine buzz from staring too long at the image.
Looking down the menu, we find the Mocha Valencia, the orangey-chocolate shot-sized concoction called Cheryl Cole.
Cheryl, we learn, is wearing shoes to cover her self-confessed flat feet (“like flippers!”), holding a white china mug and sat before a bowl of banoffee pie. The potion is described as “big”.
Posted: 10th, June 2008 | In: Celebrities, Hello! | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
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