Katie Price’s Marries A Toffee Crisp And Peter Andre’s Other Woman Confesses
OK! magazine continues the push the limits of trades descriptions as it tries to eek more sensation from the predictable life of Katie Price, aka Jordan.
In “KATIE PRICE – ‘We can’t wait for our wedding day’”, the OK! cover sees Katie dandling her kidzzz under her pendant charcoal drawn eyebrows over a picture of she and Toffee Crisp-dusted Alex Reid looking smoochy.
Anyone who expects to read about Katie and Alex’s big day is either a fool, a bigger fool or someone who has never bought OK! before. Eight pages into a Halloween photoshoto in which Katie appears as a neon Jack-o-lantern and hr progeny Princess Tiaminimeeeee takes on the guise of a young Marty Feldman channelling Danniella Westbrook, we get:
OK!: Do you still believe in marriage?
KP: Absolutely. I definitely want to get married again.
Posted: 3rd, November 2009 | In: OK! | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Katie Price And Peter Andre: How Dignified Peter Keeps Private Things Private
HAVING told Katie Price’s current accessory Alex Reid in a phone call that he was going to “break your fucking legs”, a dignified Peter Andre, who also called Reid a “fag” and a “tranny”, tells OK! readers:
“A private phone conversation should be kept private. I believe within minutes it was put on Facebook. It’s a game and I really don’t want to be dragged into it.”
You can read all about how dignified Peter doesn’t like to be dragged into it here. And you learn why Peter keeps mum and rises above it all here:
I’m aware that at some stage they’ll want to go on the internet, read what happened, and see what was said, and I don’t want them to read anything bad their dad has said about their mum.
And here.
And if you want to hear about private phone calls, you can read this in the Daily Mirror:
Horrified Peter Andre accused Katie Price of being a “despicable mother” during an expletive-filled row witnessed by the Mirror. The singer was incensed after discovering Katie was teaching their children to swear – using the C-word in front of Junior, four, Princess, two, and Harvey, seven.
During the ferocious six-minute phone conversation Katie, 31, instructed Junior to use vile and offensive language.
The Mirror was with Peter, 36, throughout the conversation.
It went on:
Katie then took the phone back from the youngster and launched a vicious attack on her former manager Claire Powell, who still represents Peter. She called her a “fat, ugly, evil c***.”
The emotional singer retaliated, calling Katie a “despicable mother” and a “disgrace”. By chance, the argument was captured by an ITV2 camera crew filming for Peter’s reality show.
Elsewhere in OK!, Peter tells readers about his new song for Katie, the delightful, You Ain’t Worth Shit.
“I hope the ratings for this are good, just so people can hear that song at the end,” he chuckles to us, clearly regaining his sense of humour after a torrid few months.”
Privacy. What privacy. They can’t handle the privacy…
Picture: Peter enjoying a private meal with few of his agent’s clients in a Mayfair hotel, before a big row that made it into the papers. Why do they stare?
Posted: 22nd, October 2009 | In: Key Posts, OK! | Comments (5) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Peter Andre And Alex Reid To Cage Fight For Katie Price
IN today’s Peter Andre and Katie Price missive, the Daily Star leads with a picture of Peter Andre and Alex Reid, and this headline:
“YOU’LL have your legs broken, you fag tranny.”
The story goes:
FURIOUS Peter Andre has sensationally raged at love rival Alex Reid: “You’re gonna get your legs broken!”
This is dignified Peter Andre. Go on:
The normally mild-mannered singer finally snapped in a late-night phone call as Alex refused to let him speak to his kids. Alex revealed that Peter yelled abuse at him, calling him a “druggie”, “tranny”, “fag” and “pussy”.
Hey, Pete. Steady on. Alex is taken. Find your own love interest. Pete adds:
“Hundreds of people want to break your legs!”
Posted: 15th, October 2009 | In: OK! | Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Kerry Katona Is Pregnant With…
IS Kerry Katona looking to get pregnant and so cash in on little Dona-Babs in a bid to solve any money issues?
OK! Magazine tells us that Kerry has set-up a scoop in which she is pictured browsing the aisles of Mothercare – snapped by the paparazzo’s Dummy Cam.
The press goes into overdrive and The People leads with:
KERRY KATONA: NEW BABY SENSATION - EXCLUSIVE, By Katie Hind and Rachel Spencer
OK! tuts.
“One downmarket Sunday newspaper even ran a front-page splash about how Kerry was keen to have another child in a desperate attempt to raise much-needed cash by flogging the first pictures to the press.”
Downmarket?
Posted: 9th, October 2009 | In: OK! | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Megan Fox Pushes Her Toilet To The Limits
MEGAN Fox leans forward, slips your eyeballs down her cleavage and tells OK! readers:
“I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I’M CAPABLE OF.”
Well, as female actress, there are babies, adoptions, getting your chest out, shagging an actor, starring in straight-to-pub-quiz-question films and mass murder.
Before we investigate Megan’s limits, OK! wants to interview her:
OK!: Is being the world’s sexiest woman a difficulty badge to wear?
Anorak: Depends if you’re wearing knickers and used to piercings.
Megan Fox: “I don’t think you ever get comfortable with it – it’s a strange almost supernatural thing…”
OK!: what do you look for in partner?
MF: I like bad boys… He’s usually the lead singer in a punk band that plays guitar…
Anorak: Megan dates Brian Austin Green, the former Beverly Hills 90210 actor with the voice of a chipmunk in a sleeper hold.
Megan than tells us that she forgets to flush the toilet. If she puts her mind to it Megan may be capable of remembering? Life is all about testing your boundaries.
If Megan can flush in a bikini then the sky’s the limit.
Posted: 30th, September 2009 | In: OK! | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Peter Andre’s New Love Revealed And Katie Price Says Alesha Dixon Is Welcome To Him
PETER Andre smoulders like a warm cup of sugary camomile tea and tells OK! readers:
“YES, I DO HAVE A NEW WOMAN IN MY LIFE.”
“PETER ANDRE REVEALS LOVE AFFAIR.” It is a “world exclusive”.
So Pete, who’s the new lover?
PA: Life is really exciting. I’m filming my new reality TV show… I can’t believe how many people have turned out to see little old me.
Is it Asda? Ikea? Budgena? Who is she Pete?
PA: I’ll be honest, I don’t want to talk about her [Katie Price]. I don’t want to retaliate to the things she’s done or said. I’m over it.
Posted: 30th, September 2009 | In: OK! | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Greg Lott’s Farrah Fawcett Love Story
FARRAH Fawcett has died, and with her passing came news of her romance with a Greg Lott.
Writes Our Man in LA: The tabloids know a good love story when they see one. Thanks in great part to publications like OK! magazine’s international editions (in this case, Mexico), Greg Lott’s secret autumn romance with college sweetheart Farrah Fawcett is getting as much play as Ryan O’Neal’s real-life version of his movie from 1970.
Posted: 30th, September 2009 | In: OK! | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Darren Day Is The New Bond, Darren Bond
DARREN Day, ‘member him, the actor / singer / fiancé who was engaged to former soap actress Tracy Shaw and fathered a child by former reality TV singer Suzanne Shaw, the actress who was engaged more times than a toilet at a cystitis convention?
Well, Darren Day is back in OK! and he’s playing at dress ups, pretending to be Sylvester Stallone in Rambo, Arnold Schwarzenegger in The Terminator and Gerard Butler in 300.
There is no doubting that Darren is a versatile talent. But can he do romance? The question is soon answered as Darren slips into a pair of duck egg blue swimmers last seen wrapped around Daniel Craig’s buttocks and PPK is Casino Royal.
Posted: 24th, September 2009 | In: OK! | Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Angelina Jolie Tells OK! ‘I Don’t Ask For Tabloid Attention’
ANGELINA Jolie would like OK! readers, and therefore us, to know:
“I don’t ask for all this tabloid attention so I never read what they write about us.”
It’s the media. It’s all the media. Angelina is talking about the invasive tabloids in an OK! interview. She doesn’t ask to be in the tabloids. It’s not her fault that hacks and snappers not part of her accredited team follow her about.
AJ: First I see myself as a mother – that’s my priority… I don’t even go out that much, I travel and do a film and that’s about it so I don’t understand why people want to know more about our lives.
Cue:
Posted: 24th, September 2009 | In: Key Posts, OK! | Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Raped Katie Price’s Married Man Confesses
In “My nights with married man made Peter leave”, Katie Price “finally confesses”. The cover of OK! captures Katie in a cuddle with Andre Gould and delivers the headline…
Posted: 22nd, September 2009 | In: Gallery, Key Posts, OK! | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Katie Price’s Rapist Give Hope To Women
KATIE Price is cradling Junior Andre on the cover of OK!.
“MY RAPIST IS A VERY FAMOUS CELEBRITY,” says Katie. OK! promises a “shocking interview and pictures.”
There is something about the headline that suggests being raped by a celebrity is better than being raped by a run-off-the-mill rapist, and that a famous celebrity is even better.
In refuges now are abused women bemoaning their dumb luck that their rapist was a workshy boyfriend who couldn’t even be bothered to appear on The Jeremy Kyle Show. What a bastard.
Posted: 16th, September 2009 | In: Key Posts, OK! | Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Katie Price Reveals Rapist’s Identity
KATIE Price says she was raped. And then the other heeled clog drops: Katie says the rapist is a well-known celebrity.
So who is this celebrity?
“A famous celebrity raped me and Peter knows who it was. It was years ago before I was with Pete, and my friends and family knew about it at the time.”
Next week, Katie might tell us the colour of the rapist’s hair. Then she will maybe say where she was raped and give us a clue as to whether it involved lead piping, a rope or a gun. Then we’ll be able to play Strip Cluedo, Celebrity Edition, using our vibrating pieces to race around the board from Anand Jon Alexander, Fatty Arbuckle, Mike Tyson and whoever it was who Ulrika Jonsson said raped her in her book.
Posted: 15th, September 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts, OK! | Comments (8) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Natalie Cassidy’s Simplisitic Weight Watch With Charlotte Church
IN this week’s OK!: Natalie Cassidy talks weight, Charlotte Church’s keep fit with kidz, The Saturday’s flakes and The Apprentice’s Alex Wotherpsoon ties the rings…
NATALIE Cassidy is using her outing on Strictly Come Dancing to tell OK! readers that if her lover of ten weeks asked her to marry her she’d say yes.
“One day I want a church wedding or a castle. It would be simplistic with not many people, just ones that mean a lot to us.”
Like Natalie’s old English teacher. Simples.
In other Fatalie Cassidy news.
NC: “I’m in magazines all the time and the stories are all about my weight. That’s just hurtful.”
OK!: “Are you hoping it [SCD] will help you lose weight?”
OK!: “Natalie vows: I’ll lose three stone on Strictly.”
Charlotte Church’s Weight
Says a friend:
“Charlotte is now a large size 12 but wants to get down to a size 10. If she does, she wants to do a workout video – but she’s told Gavin she’s happy to be a toned size 12.”
And what about that video – cue the Benny Hill theme tune?
“To be honest, I couldn’t; give a fuck what people think I look like. I didn’t have a personal trainer or anything, but running after the children keeps me trim.”
It’s a PG-rated work out video.
The Saturday’s Frankie Sandford:
“I always aim to have Brand Flakes with semi-skimmed milk for breakfast. Sometimes I have granary bread with butter and marmite. Or, if I’m in a rush, a banana.”
Adding:
“I love popcorn, so it’s a bonus that it’s not very fattening.”
Alex Wotherspoon marries Hannah Robbins
Wotherspoon was last seen sloping off from Surr Alan Sugar’s office in The Apprentice. Now he’s married. And OK! looks on.
Wife Hannah “wears an unstated veil which covered her face”.
Which is traditional. She then lifts the veil to east Norwegian prawns with melon, followed by leg of lamb with seasonal vegetables and a stock of profiteroles to finish.
Leave room for the cake:
“Next came the cutting of the cake which again showed what an intensely personal and family orientated day this was, with the stunning ice tower being created by Hannah’s auntie.”
A word now from the happy couple:
Hannah: “… the wedding ring should be simple, understated and oure.”
Alex: “I designed mine myself. It’s just a band with a cross along it and a diamond in the middle. If we have children we will add an diamond every time.”
Simplistically.
Posted: 9th, September 2009 | In: Celebrities, OK! | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Katie Price Hopes Andre ‘Rots In Hell’
THE Daily Mirror speaks for its readers when it looks at the Katie Price and Peter Andre divorce and screams:
“THANK GOD IT’S OVER”
But it’s not over. It goes on. There it is on the front page of the national press. And here’s Jordan telling Daily Star readers:
“I’LL WED MY ALEX AT XMAS…and it won’t be tacky like when I married Pete.”
The model plans to have a secret winter wedding and she is fast-tracking the nuptials because she is convinced Pete is hiding a secret girlfriend.
In other facts, Katie tells OK! readers that far from being shouted at by girls telling her how much they hated her, the truth is…:
“It’s like when I was in Ibiza, they said girls were shouting they hated me, when they were shouting: ‘We love you, we love your perfume.’”
“Oi, Jordan! We love your new range of equestrian daywear in a full range of pinks and mauves, and your curling tongs that operate at the bleeding-edge of technology, oh, and that book that has been so cruelly left off the Man Booker shortlist.”
And while we inhale those words, Jordan revisits Andre Pinto, her post-Peter andre homophonous former lover who told his story to the tabloids.
Andre: “There is nothing I can say but sorry!… I swore on my parents live that I wasn’t lying to you, I feel like Judas doing that to you…”
Katie: “You’re not stupid, you’re evil. Calling you Judas is a compliment. It makes me sick you even touched me. I hope you riot in hell.”
Which is why in a few moths time we will still be reading about Jordan in the tabloids and Sentimental Peter Andre will be on daytime telly, if he’s lucky…
Posted: 9th, September 2009 | In: Celebrities, OK! | Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Peter Andre Says Katie Price Is Like ‘Raging Psychopath’ Lord Voldemort
Dignified Peter Andre copmpres Katie Price to the “kilelr weed” and a “raging psychopath, devoid of the normal human responses to other people’s suffering”…
Posted: 9th, September 2009 | In: Celebrities, Gallery, Key Posts, OK! | Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Jordan and PAPA Polish Up In Love Affirmation Ceremony
AFTER the TV show, Jordan is “finally” responding to the clamour and will tell OK! readers about her marriage.
Or what there was of it. Says Jordan of her romance with pop acorn Peter Andre (PAPA): “WHY I WALKED OUT ON PETE.” She is showing readers her clean hand, and muscular naked ring finger. “It looks like I’ll be a single mum.”
Jordan gets the photo spread and the kids, and PAPA gets to wax his back, crack and sack on daytime telly.
Posted: 15th, October 2008 | In: Celebrities, Jordan and Peter Andre, OK! | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
The A To Z Of Celebrity Illnesses
READING this week’s OK! is to venture into the A to Z of Celebrity Diseases.
Victoria Beckham would like OK! readers to know: “I HATE LOOKING AT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR.”
For such reasons does Her Poshness appear in magazines and thereby gets to see herself in glossy print.
Natasha Hamilton, a singer, tells us about “MY DEVASTATING MISCARRIAGE”. Although she pulled herself together to watch Disney’s On Ice Finding Nemo, which the kids “loved”.
And Girl Aloud singer Nadine Coyle tells us:
“I kept getting ill, coming out in cold sores with the stress. Then a found a lump in my breast.”
And? And it wasn’t cancer. But it could have been. It could have been a piece of gristle. But it could have been cancer. And Nemo could have died.
Posted: 1st, October 2008 | In: Celebrities, OK! | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Styrofoam, The Essence Of Kerry Katona
KERRY Katona uses her OK! Diary to tell us that’s she has a perfume coming out in October.
Parfumiers are right not harvesting the contents of Kerry’s knickers, sheets and husband for an essence that can be boiled, distilled and poured into a styrofoam burger box.
Posted: 1st, October 2008 | In: Celebrities, Kerry Katona, OK! | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Cheryl Cole’s Water Retention And Karma Suits Yer
CHERYL COLE wants you to know that “I CAN’T CRY ANY MORE THAN I’VE CRIED.”
Cheryl Cole has suffered, although not from water retention.
“I WAS CLINICALLY DEPRESSED AND UNDER SIX STONE,” says the headline.
Moving inside OK!, past “CHERYL WALKS AND TALKS” to Cheryl weeps and wails.
It’s not all about Cheryl, and this is a feature on she and her Girls Aloud bandmates. And we will get to whatsherface, the skinny one, the very skinny one and the one with the red-hair soon enough.
Posted: 24th, September 2008 | In: Celebrities, OK! | Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
GARETH GATES has got married in a castle.
Not a Hardcastle, although on hearing the news Old Mr Anorak did say that his average age is nine-nine-nine-ninety.
Gareth Gate is getting married in Belvoir Castle…
Hey, it wasn’t us that mentioned Gareth’s stammer, but OK which says: “How on earth would the young prince ever muster the courage to speak to a woman?”
Gates is not a prince, and if he was then Will Yonug, who beat him to the Pop Idol crown, would be king, and a gay king would never do, not since you know who was on the throne. Gay princes, on the other hand, remain de rigueur.
Posted: 31st, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, OK! | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
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