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Breaking Media, Politicians & Celebrities Since 1995Tabloid news for broadsheet readers |
Fat people eating bad food, Frankenstein food, GM food, E numbers and more food than those with anorexia and eating disorders
IS there one story that sums up the new tabloid-focused Daily Telegraph? This comes close:
A Michelin-starred restaurant chain part-owned by the actor Robert De Niro is serving endangered bluefin tuna at its London outlets without telling customers, DNA tests have shown.
DNA test on food. Make that DNA tests on celebrity food. And why no kangaroo?
MARILYNÂ Wann is fat. She wants fat people to feel good about being fat. She is for fat pride:
Marilyn Wann, who weighs 285 pounds or 129 kilos, had her health insurance denied on the grounds of weight alone. This spurred her into becoming the leader of the so-called fat pride movement in the United States. She openly identifies herself as âfat’ and calls for society to change.
Says she:
“I don’t ask anyone else for permission to exist. Whether or not you want to ask me if I have a right to be fat or not, I claim it.
I grew up as a chubby kid. I think there’s sort of an implied question of âWhy are fat people fat?’ and I notice that we don’t ask the same question âWhy are these thin people so thin? What did they do wrong to be so thin?’
Dear Anroak, I’m a fat, Jewish, gay, black jhihadi with persecution issues…
KERRY Katona is recovering after going under the knife to âshrink her 34GG bust to a DD and suck out TWO LITRES of fat from her tum, bum and thighsâ, reports the NOTW.
The fat will be deep frozen and sold by the cube at branches of Iceland throughout the country.
And donât worry of you miss out because the celebrity is already hard at it replenishing her fat reserves for anther harvest.
IN China, the Master Kong bottled water is on sale. It’s dee-lish-ooos.
The TV advert says the mineral water, sold in Beijing for 1.5 yuan a bottle, is made of “high-quality water source” (äźč´¨ć°´ćş).
The “high-quality water source” is also known as tap water. But there is a twist: you have to boil the wonder product before it’’s safe to drink.
YOU want a media horror story? Hereâs one: the Sun says that schools are on âcaffeine kid alertâ.
Who is this Caffeine Kid, and how do we summon him? Is he bad or good? If bad, can he undone by Ritalin or a pint of London tap? If good, will he pop to the shops and give the upstairs toilet a good once over?
School nurses have been told to watch for signs of caffeine addiction in kids caused by drinks including Red Bull and cola.
WHO is David Beckham talking about as he writes in the Mirror:
David Beckham Soccer Aid exclusive: You can help us tackle hunger
Who is us?
FOOD and fat advice in the tabloids:
While children used to play regularly on their bikes or kick a ball, they’re now more likely to spend their free time in front of a TV or a computer console. That makes it even more important they do some running around during the school day - Councillor Les Lawrence, chairman of the LGA’s Children and Young People Board, Daily Mail, 1/9/09
COMPUTER games are good for your health â even when played sitting down, boffins claimed yesterday - The Sun, 2/9/08
Which is why Team GB wins Olympic gold for rowing, cycling sailing and all other sports that involve sitting down…
UNCOCORO: for Natural Unco Life (大䞿䚌) is a book about intestinal health, written by Fujita Koichiro (č¤ç°çşŽä¸é), aka Dr. Parasite. He wants us to secrete parasitic worms in our bodies:
For a long time, poo has been seen as a filthy yet unavoidable part of everyday life. When we are young, we’re indoctrinated that poo is brimming with germs: we must wash our hands after using the toilet, or else we’ll get those germs in our mouth, and other such ideas. So humanity invented the flush toilet and sanitation workers to carry out the important mission of “poo extermination,” and poo gradually vanished from our everyday lives. “Clean” Japan in particular has become a fresh, tidy, advanced, 21st Century country where poo is hardly to be found. Certain parts of the views outlined above are desireable or even necessary, but in addition to enjoying the plentiful fruits of science and a clean living environment, perhaps humanity ought to thing about whether there may be something wrong with all of this progress. Uncocoro: for Natural Unco Life will cause you to stop your blind drive to exterminate poo and carefully consider this question.
Better than reading the paper…
THE Local Government Association wants a return to the good old days of British bulldog, when schoolchildren would attempt to cross a line of their baying peers.
A touch, a smack on the back, a tap on the ankles or a straight honest-to-goodness punch in the head and the runner becomes the hunter.
Needless to say fat children were ever domed. With their fat legs, fat heads and fat minds they were ill-suited to the playground fun, acting more as bouncing bollards then actual persons.
THINGS that may contain milk: The non-dairy creamer:
Submitted by: Karen Hawty
JAMIE Oliver sees the benchmark for fine food in Soweto.
In 2005, Oliver offered us:
TV chef Jamie Oliver says school dinners are better in impoverished Soweto than they are in this country.
Now, Oliver gives us:
Oliver said in his experience the cuisine of “people living in the slums of Soweto” was “more diverse” that that of Britons.
Is there a link between Oliver not having cooked in Soweto and the place having better food then in the UK, where the tonguesom chef has been cooking on the telly for some time, and instructing us how to eat and how to shop via cook books and campaign?
We should be toldâŚ
FAT people are all sooo funny, jolly even.
Hotel chiefs were rapped yesterday for planning to weigh children - and charge fat ones more for Sunday lunch.
THE best thing about fairground food is that if the rides are any good the stuff wonât be in your body long enough top enter your digestive tract.
Compiling a list of which is best and worst food on offer at such venues is like arguing over whether Manchester United or Chelsea is the greedier, or if Prince Edward is brighter than Prince Andrew.
Still Which? Holiday has emabrked on a mission to sort the wheat from the ⌠the puke from the merely pukey.
JAMIE Oliver and his in-the-know-know better than-thou food freedom fighters who campaign for equality in chicken and the casues of chicken, also cheap protein, would like this news from Holland:
“The Netherlands Nutrition Centre wants the brakes put on the growth of snack bars and fast food restaurants. In neighbourhoods with an abundance of such outlets, it wants local authorities to prevent any more being opened. In areas around schools, its demands are even stricter: it wants a complete ban on any business selling fast food”.
Yeah, that’s right, Holland wants to ban the munchies.
SAYS defence agent Matthew Nicholson at Edinburgh Sheriff Court, the sweet is “a substantial piece of confectionary”. It can be eaten.
Mr Nicholson is speaking on behalf of one Jamie Harvey, who is partial to giant gobstoppers.
For preservative reasons and in case he should become stranded and be threatened with starvation, Mr Harvey keeps a restorative gobstopper in a sock beneath his car seat.
NEWS reaches Anorak that German lawmakers want to ban Kinder surprise eggs.
“Children cannot tell the difference between a toy and food,” the Welt newspaper cites Miriam Gruss from the commission as saying.
This is a sure sign on how stupid German children now are, especially the fat ones like Augustus Gloop. The time is ripe for an invasion. But there is more:
Says a spokeswoman for Ferrero, who make the device: “There is absolutely no evidence that there is an increased danger from the combination of food and toys.”
Oh no. Anorak hears that anti-paedo campaigners have long believed the combination of pocket-sized chocolate and toy a clear and present danger.
These egg-shaped lures should be banned before it is too late. We must act now!
IN the food Olympics what food-style product would Team GB enter?
Anorak considers the alternatives and answering the criteria of higher, faster, stronger, Anorak advocates the Ginsters slice.
But fast food has a slow after taste as Simon Enticknap, from Basingstoke, Hampshire, bites into his mid-morning livener and encounters a snail.
Mr Enticknbap takes up the tale:
A MAN has been beheaded on a Greyhound bus in Canada. In Canda, no-one can hear you scream. It’s like living in a chicken shed, only bigger, colder and without Jamie Oliver.
Peta, the animals rights militants have not claimed responsibility for the killing, but they are using it to further their cause. They are running an advert. It goes:
 âHis struggles and cries are ignored … the man with the knife shows no emotion … the victim is slaughtered and his head cut off … his flesh is eaten
âIf this ad leaves a bad taste in your mouth, please give a thought to what sensitive animals think and feel when they come to the end of their frightening journey and see, hear and smell the slaughterhouse.â
NUT lovers. Always read what it says on the packet…
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Spotter: Tiggy
