Royal Houses And Mansions For Immigrants
DANNI “cannot believe it’s possible to get a £1.2 million mansion on state benefits.”
Danni appears on the Sun’s Page 3, responding to the front-page news, “Mother of all council houses”, the tale of the mum-of-seven, Afghan refugee who lives in a £1.2 mansion in Acton.
Readers learn that taxpayer Toorpakai Saindi’s residence causes the local council to pay her landlord £12,458 a month in rent.
Posted: 8th, October 2008 | In: Immigration, Media, Page 3 Girls, Royal Family | Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Lucy Pinder Beats The Playboy Credit Crunch
CREDIT Crunch news of the day: Lucy Pinder saves Playboy…
See Lucy awake and asleep here.
“Daily Star discovery Lucy Pinder is set to save Playboy magazine from going bust,” says the, er, Daily Star.
After that, perhaps she can appear in the Daily Express?
Posted: 26th, September 2008 | In: Credit Crunch, Money, Page 3 Girls, Tabloids | Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Theo Walcott Scores With Topless Page 3 Girl
THEO Walcott is Trio Walcott, England’s hat-trick hero.
And topless Mel, 24, from Morecambe, lies back in the sand and tells Sun readers what she makes of it:
“The lad’s always had blistering pace, but I used to worry he might be a bit lightweight at this level. Last night he showed how much he’s grown in every department of the game.”
Bravo!
At a time when so many footballers are aping stunnas (shaved chests, sacked, crack and backs; moisturiser; tears), it’s heartening to see that stunnas are learning from footballers.
Posted: 11th, September 2008 | In: Back pages, Page 3 Girls, Tabloids, Wags & Players | Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Page 3 Girls Quote Of the Day: Sammy Braddy’s Gang
SAMMY Braddy is showing Zoo magazine readers “THE BEST BOOBS IN BRITAIN” (hers).
Says Sammy on the subject of bras (not featured):
“It’s very tricky to wear anything that doesn’t make you look a little bit slutty.”
Indeed, best to bother with neither bra nor knickers and look like a lot slutty…
Posted: 29th, July 2008 | In: Page 3 Girls | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Reasons To Be Cheerful: Keeley Hazell And Michael Jackson
THE naked pictures of Big Brother’s Channels make up the Star’s “THREE REASONS TO SMILE” front-page news. Reasons to be cheerful.
Like Anorak, readers may be confused as to what these three reasons are, the front page featuring:
“Keeley – My hottest topless pics ever”
“Hols from £5 – and you can go right now”
“FREE Naked Chanelle poster”
“JACKO FLAT ON HIS BACKO – Star can’t walk”
Old Mr Anorak considers a topless shot of Keeley Hazell to be two reasons to smile, or if viewed through his pre-war bifocals, four, which leaves room for debate on what the other part of the triple-grin is.
Posted: 10th, July 2008 | In: Celebrities, Page 3 Girls, Tabloids | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Sophie Price Does Implied Topless
WHO’S that girl on the Star’s cover page?
The face of a young Bobby Charlton between the hair and body of Cherie Blair circa 1983, suggests she’s the product of an unlikely coupling.
Inside there are more pictures of her, and our patron Old Mr Anorak identifies the woman as the new face of Channel X, his fellow one-handed organist Mr Richard Desmond’s tissue-clad TV channel.
Further reading and we learn that this vision is Sophie Price, sister to Katie Price, the model who put Jordan on the map.
Posted: 18th, June 2008 | In: Celebrities, Jordan and Peter Andre, Page 3 Girls, Tabloids | Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Moobs And Pun Bags Replace Page 3 Girls
THANKS to the Sun breasts are now so popular that even boys are getting them.
Yesterday, we brought news that doctors at Alder Hey Hospital in Liverpool have reported a growing number of lads wanting breast surgery to reshape their “moobs”.
But the Sun says the knife is not for everyone. For every Jordan, there is a Simon Cowell. And Sun doctor Keith Hopcroft “reckons top-heavy teen boys just need to exercise more”.
Says Dr Keith: “A breast epidemic is every adolescent boy’s dream. But not when it’s the boys who are affected – and especially if it’s starting to overwork our plastic surgeons. It’s not all bad news, though.”
It’s the bad mobs, or “mockers” or “mits”.
Says Dr Keith: “So let’s get a grip. Starting with the moobs themselves.”
That’s enough forom Dr Keith, who sees the mobs as nothing more than pun bags.
Posted: 21st, May 2008 | In: Page 3 Girls, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
If Aliens Didn’t Exist The Catholic Church Would Have To Make Them Up
THE new upmarket Daily Sport is unsure how to progress.
The front page is split between a picture of Emma who “GETS ‘EM OUT ON PAGE 3” and an image of the Pope’s disembodied head overhung by the headline “ALIENS EXIST SAYS POPE”.
The Pope’s eyes are angled at Emma, offering readers the possibility that the two stories are linked and the innocent Pope has mistaken Emma’s out-of-the-world charms for two extra terrestrials.
News of a topless model on Page 3 is as starling as news that the Pope is Catholic. And moving beyond Emma we receive news that “THE TRUTH IS OUT THERE”, a fact illustrated by a topless female with a cone-shaped head.
And there’s the Pope in a miter, an arrow pointing to it and the Sport’s poser: “Is he hiding something?”
Posted: 15th, May 2008 | In: Page 3 Girls, Tabloids | Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Keeping Up The Peckhams: Nicola McLean’s Posh Knockers
THE DAILY Express considers it to be of the utmost importance that Nicola McLean is given space on its front page to say: “I love big knockers.”
Nicola loves knockers so much that she has three sets of them in a variety of, tons, sizes and shapes. But it’s the big ones she loves best.
“I’d never have Victoria Beckham boobs,” says Nicola, sporting Wednesday’s 32G twin set. “They’re plastic looking. In fact, they’re disgusting.”
Cosmetic surgery shops may well look at their stock of Peckhams ™ and sigh.
Posted: 14th, May 2008 | In: Celebrities, Page 3 Girls, Posh and Becks, Tabloids | Comments (7) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Fulham Beat The Drop With Viagra
TENSE times at Fulham FC, where the team are staring relegation in the face.
For beating the drop, Fulham owner Mohammed Al Fayed has promised his players a hamper of Viagra and caviar.
Play up Fulham. Play up, play up and play the game.
Posted: 12th, May 2008 | In: Back pages, Page 3 Girls, Tabloids | Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Natalie Undressed: Wayne Rooney’s Cousin’s Tribute To Gascoigne
IS that Wayne Rooney sporting a massive pair of comedy breasts?
We will each of us react to news of Gazza’s death in our own way, and good on Wayne for invoking his formative footballing memories of 1990 and all that.
But the Sun says it’s not Wayne, rather Natalie Rooney, Wayne’s cousin launching her career as a glamour model.
Posted: 8th, May 2008 | In: Back pages, Page 3 Girls, Tabloids, Wags & Players | Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Lucy Pinder On Cowboy Builders
LUCY Pinder is right in front of the Star’s “Save the Great British Builder” campaign.
“It’s a brilliant idea,” says Lucy.
And so long as Lucy has the hat and the boots the job of cheering up a building site is hers.
All you need do is tell the Star why your building site is the best in 20 words or less.
Posted: 2nd, May 2008 | In: Page 3 Girls, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Keeley Hazell Launches Singing Career
KEELY Hazell wants to be a singer…
Posted: 29th, April 2008 | In: Page 3 Girls, Twitterings | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Body Building From The Front: Page 3 Girls On Site
THE STAR has always been the builders’ friend, and was for a time the official paper of the UK construction industry.
Now the Star wants its readers to save “The great British builder”, by winning a Great British Page 3 Girl to visit your Great British building site.
All builders need do to get some free labour – not hat, no boots, not stockings: no work – is to tell the paper in 20 words of less why their site in the Best of British.
Posted: 29th, April 2008 | In: Page 3 Girls, Tabloids | Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Nicola McLean Is Bigger Than Jordan’s Jordans
NICOLA will be “bigger than Jordan”.
That’s the Star’s front-page shocker as readers take in Fourth Division Wag Nicola McLean.
Nicola looks big enough already. Indeed, with her image posted on one side of the Anorak Towers’ indoor rifle range Nicola’s Jordans prove impossible target to miss.
But Nicola is ambitious to want more. Says she: “I want to go to Vegas and do topless shots on a roulette table. I’m really excited about it and hope everyone else is too.”
Posted: 17th, April 2008 | In: Back pages, Celebrities, Jordan and Peter Andre, Page 3 Girls, Tabloids, Wags & Players | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Page 3 Mel Holds It Together For London Marathon
RACING the Maasai Warriors at this summer’s London Marathon is Page 3 stunna Mel.
Yesterday, we reported on how the Maasai Striders have been told that it is illegal to show certain parts of your body in the UK so is important to wear underwear.
Mel can only agree, although her reasons for underwater are for matters of speed and improved aerodynamics rather than etiquette.
Says she: “I’ve had to wear a sports bra during my training to stop my boobs from wobbling around.
Posted: 4th, April 2008 | In: Back pages, Page 3 Girls, Tabloids | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Peta Has Not Time For Heather Mills
“PETA thinks Heather Mills will never again be taken seriously.”
No, not People for Ethical Treatment of Animals - Peta, the Sun’s Page 3 stunna.
“The judge’s ruling shows her up for what she really is, says Peta, who would rather go topless than wear fur…
Pic: The Spine
Posted: 19th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities, Page 3 Girls, Tabloids | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Messengers’ Killer Breasts In The Sun
AND on a more serious note, the Sun reports that Melinda Messenger…
Spotter: Dizzy
Posted: 23rd, February 2008 | In: Page 3 Girls, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Anorak’s Eazy 3 Machine Can Rebuild Jordan For Bacon Week
WITH a reduced Jordan now looking less like Jordan than a Kate Andre – and who the hell is she? – the country needs a news glamour model.
The new Jordan will be less created then moulded. Into Anorak’s Eazy3 steps young Nicola and with the addition of some vowels, GGs latex and sunset orange colouring (now in a handy spray) out steps Nikii.
The Eazy3 machine should be able to turn out at least 10 Jordans a day.
Nothing is perfect, though, and the seconds will go to the Daily Sport.
The Sport knows what it is. While the Sun has Nikkala, happy to talk about world economic issues and celebrity, the Sport has a “FREE BABE SANDWICH POSTER”.
Before that, readers get a “BONUS” babe” a kind of two-for-one deal, offcuts formed into a Sam, from Rotherham.
But it is the centre pages that draw the readers in like a rutting salmon to its spawning grounds. And there is the Star’s model du jour eating a bacon sandwich and allowing the tomato ketchup to cascade seductively down her bosom. It’s National Bacon Week.
It’s a piece of meat. With sauce, no less. But only half person. No legs, see. No feet. No page 3 backside.
They broke the mould when they made Jordan. But with the Anorak’s Eazy3, we can rebuild…
Posted: 15th, February 2008 | In: Page 3 Girls, Tabloids | Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
Page 3’s Amylu At The Presidential Elections
PAGE 3 Girl AMYLU is musing on the US elections.
Sys she: “It looks like it could be a close-run contest. And it is so important, because what happens in the US has an impact on the rest of the world.”
It’s the big picture. But not everyone is looking at it.
While Amylu talks politics, columnists in the Sun and Express are more talking of busts and cleavages.
Amylu should try and keep up with the debate lest she look ill informed, trite and lazy…
Posted: 5th, February 2008 | In: Page 3 Girls, Tabloids | Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed:RSS 2.0
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