CHRIS Bryant is Deputy Leader of the Commons – this is his photo he sent into gay dating website.

Gordon Brown - Is she serious?

PETER Mandelson is returned to Government. What hold does he have over Gordon Brown? Why back again?

It’s not enough unlike the Italians, who seem to play political musical chairs, the names only changing when someone dies or gets jailed.

Indeed, the political system seems to cater for those who have been away, either in jail or hospital, and might have missed the news.

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PETER Mandelson is to make his third come-back to the Cabinet. It’s a reshuffle on the deck…

THE overarching reaction to the banking crisis is that so few of our elected representatives have a clue about the money markets.

It’s not just Sarah Palin who is utterly ruderless, but also ambitious Michael Meacher, our Labour MP for Oldham West & Royton. This is what he writes in the Times:

For Labour to have a fighting chance at the next election, radical demands surfaced at Manchester for significant policy change. Not just a crackdown on short-selling, but action against speculators in general.

We must cut down on speculators. Go it? Now read on:

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THOSE party conferences are just an excuse to debate into the small hours:

Maybe it was something in my eyes, but as I wandered around the GMEX picking up freebies in the form of frisbies, screwdrivers, pens, paperclips and countless varieties of sweets, I was approached by an operative of the Terrence Higgins Trust who handed me a free chlamydia test.

What are Tories tested for?

IN The Telegraph Tim Walker says Margaret Hodge is planning to leave the cabinet…

Your thoughts as to why she should do so now…

HAVING told Vladimir Putin in no uncertain terms that if Russia continued to roll guns and tanks into Georgia he would be very, very displeased, Foreign Secretary David Miliband is keen to show that their is no Cold War between he and Gordon Brown.

As DM says to the PM:

“Until such a time when Gordon Brown, should he, possibly, sort of, feel old and tired and useless, I will continue to honour him as the terrific leader he is, unless, of course, the man no-one ellected to be Prime Minister should see fit to answer the prayers of millions of backbenchers and step down immediately, sort of…

“In the meantime, Mr Brown should not lower himself to sack me, because as a strong man and a man of untold strength and courage he knows better than to listen to idle rumour and unsubstantiated articles in the national press that I Miliband want his inherit his job, his home, his children and his rare fortitude…etc.

Your captions please…

SINCE 1997, the Labour Government has created more than 3,600 new criminal offenses.

As it says, “Britons can now be charged with everything from importing Polish potatoes to holding an unlicensed concert in a church or community hall.”

The challenge is to find more things to ban. You want more? You can’t handle more:

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POLLY Toynbee is a Guardian columnist and president of the Social Policy Association. She is a solid and clear voice, an opinion former:

“A cabinet of minnows and spineless backbenchers include many - perhaps most - who want Brown gone, but lack the nerve to act. They wait for someone else, for Brown to walk away or for a proverbial bus to save them from the task” – Polly Tonybee, Sep 6, 2008

Not to be confused with this Polly Tonybee:

“…as they stepped into No 10 yesterday, here was as decent and clever a team of ministers as ever graced the cabinet table. Two Milibands, Ed Balls, Jackie Smith, Harriet Harman, Alan Johnson, Douglas Alexander, Peter Hain and Hilary Benn - with the likes of John Denham and Yvette Cooper in attendance - present a good front. It’s certainly the most genuinely united government in living memory” – Polly Tonybee, June 29 2007

Consistency is what we’re after…

“LANCASHIRE MAFIA SPRING HIT ON BROWN,” says the Mail on Sunday’s front page.

No, no Gordon Brown’s not got his own death cult. He’s not that exciting. It’s just the tabloids love to talk of Mafia when MPs are revolting: Tafia (Welsh MPs), Rafia (Ex-forces MPs), Fifafia (Football mad MPs), Dafia (Duck-faced Mps), Jafia (MPs Biscuit and Snacks Select Committee) and so on…

So here’s the Lancashire mafia. “Ta-ra-luv,” say the Lancashire mafia as they dispatch their mark with a rogue Eccles cake.

And the Laffia the are getting rid of the capo, wher is Jack Straw, MP for Blackburn, Lancashire:

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DUST off your tired suit and secretary, it’s the party political conference season. Gordon Brown’s career is under consideration. Says Nick Robinson, the BBC’s ace politics reporter:

“Gordon Brown no longer appears to be under threat. The cool political climate of the Autumn has replaced the heated frenzy of the Summer… The PM, it seems, has been saved for now at least not by anything he’s done but by an atmosphere of weary resignation that has taken over much of his party.”

Reports the BBC:

A junior member of the government has broken ranks to call for a challenge to Gordon Brown as party leader.

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WHY should we back Gordon Brown?

Because he lost an eye when he was younger and a baby when he was older.

He was also frustrated in his career by a man who reneged on a deal for a job and has holidayed in Suffolk.

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IVAN Lewis is the 41-year-old Health Minister apologising for sending loads of text messages to 24-year-old Susie Mason, an assistant who worked in his private office in Whitehall.

Yeah, that Ivan Lewis, the one who teaches us to hate ourselves.

The Mail illustrates the images with shot of Ms Mason dressed in jeans and cut-away top. The image is removed from her Facebook profile - Facebook: the sensation-seeking hack’s first port of call.

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DO you know how to spot is your child is in a gang? The Mirror hears Home Secretary  Jacqui Smith offers her tips, and notes:

“Key indicators include…coming home late, using drugs, drawing tags on books, wearing bandanas, using strange slang or hand signals, cutting themselves off from the family and having extra cash.”

Let’s consider the evidence:

Coming Home Late:

Alone, like Jacqui Smith.

Accompanied, like Jacqui Smith.

Taking Drugs

Like Jacqui Smith.

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CREDIT Crunch Watch: Anorak’s look at credit crunch in the news…

“CREDIT CRUNCH WILL SEND CRIME SOARING,” screams the Daily Mail.

Says the FT:

Those walking the streets of London late at night may soon be at risk of being mugged by gangs of investment bankers, driven to acts of desperate violence by the travails of the credit markets.

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BOMBS. Planes. Queues. Queues. Queues…

Have just read an interesting little factoid from 2006. Remeber the transatlantic liquid bomb plot? Well apparently, on the day that John Reid made a statement about it (August 10th), he was accompanied by the hten Transport Secretary “wee” Dougie Alexander.

Alexander didn’t really say much, but was there thanks to his use of the Queen’s Flight (also known as 32 Squadron) by helicopter. That flight only cost the taxpayer £13,895.55. Had he used a scheduled flight (and enjoyed the chaos other travellers were facing) it would have been a mere couple of hundred, a train would have been as effective too.

Those who can do. What would you have done?

Source

Gordon Brown says bring a brick to party.

From an ebay listing for Brown’s ‘Alternative Edinburgh’, penned by Gordon Brown in the early seventies:

“This book was edited by Gordon Brown when he was a student in the 1970s at Edinburgh University. It is entitled Alternative Edinburgh and was penned at the time when Brown was a socialist student leader - it is full of suggestions of how to live in Edinburgh for next to nothing!…my favourite one is how to turn up at a party without bringing a bottle with you - so what do you do… you bring a carrier bag of empty cans and put two half-bricks in the bottom of it to weight it down“.

Spotter

ARE you ready for “JACQUI SMITH’S SECRET POLICE”?

While the potty Home Secretary keeps you distracted with her kebab and embonpoint, her police force is hard at it.

And the Mail knows how to spot them. Some of them, let’s call them “Security guards” are dressed in black jumpers (although they can be a dark navy blue) and polyester blend trousers.

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THE Mail’s Benedict Brogan reports on Gordon’ BRown’s press confernce with Hamid Karzai: 

“…the visit had a routine flavour for Gordon Brown, livened up only by Hamid Karzai, who was evidently bemused by the way British broadcasters all asked questions about the PM’s troubles without even a mention of Afghanistan or the British effort there. “Cabinet ministers plotting is nothing new. We have that in Afghanistan too. But not my foreign minister.”

Yikes!

Via

THAT’S John Prescott licking the face of the Jodie Marsh biscuit on the Express’s cover.

Says the headline: “Don’t fret Pauline! I’m just discussing class with this young lady.”

She’s Jodie Marsh, the strumpet who once invited music television viewers to take her “up the aisle”. It’s “2 Jags Meets 2 Jugs,” observes the Sun, and readers are left to wonder which of Prescott or Marsh has the larger bust and the bigger “parking space”.

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EVEYONE wins at the Olympics. Reports the Mirror:

Gordon Brown said yesterday Britain’s Olympic heroes had inspired him to fight on and win the next election.

(Picture: Beau Bo D’Or Wesbite)

Is Gordon using his personal trainer to get him fit enough to do away with voting and make it to straight foot race between he and Cameron?

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DOWNING Street on Clarkson. This is the state of politics in the UK.