Jade Goody’s EastEnders Funeral
JADE Goody celebrity cancer: Jade performs a Marilyn Monroe tribute.
News of The World :”Jade: hours form death.”
Daily Star: “JADE’S FINAL HOURS.”
The People: “Jade Goody to have funeral fit for Cockney ‘royalty’ - TV funeral firm plans a farewell that’s like scene from EastEnder”
A fight, a cliffhanger and a punch up with local villains with pool balls in socks?
Fact and fiction is the new reality. It’s the Jade Goody omnibus:
Jade will have a funeral fit for Cockney “royalty” with thousands of fans paying homage to the Big Brother star. Undertakers featured in ITV1 documentary Don’t Drop The Coffin have everything planned for her last journey.
I had that Jade Goody on me shoulders ocne. Proud of meself for carrying her…
Horses called Ronnie, Reggie, Fred and George are expected to pull the 150-year-old hearse - which was used for the 1988 TV funeral of EastEnder Lou Beale - through the streets of Jade’s home area of Bermondsey, south London. Her coffin will be made of oak from Royal Windsor Forest.
There will be 21 cars in the cortege, including a Daimler limo once used by the Queen Mum and a Rolls-Royce formerly owned by the Sultan of Brunei.
Jade’s family asked undertakers F A Albin & Sons to handle the arrangements because of the firm’s long links with Bermondsey.
Then:
A memorial to Jade will be placed in a special garden that Albin’s opened near their offices in south London in 1999.
A statue?
People: “Brave Jade Goody tells her two boys: I’m dying”
And look out for Jade Goody Book:” Tadpoles of Death!”
“I never, ever want to leave you because I love you so much. I wish I could stay - but I can’t. The tadpoles had so many babies the doctors couldn’t make me better.
What’s a dread fear of tadpoles called? And don’t get them started on frogs…
So I’m going to Jesus and he’ll look after me. You may not be able to see me anymore but you will feel me with you always. Just think of me and I’ll be with you. When you look up in the sky and see the brightest star, that’s me looking down on you and loving you for always.”
A few private words for the boys.
Mail on Sunday: “Fears grow for Jade as family gather at bedside”
Jade Goody was said to be ‘on the edge of a precipice’ last night as her condition dramatically worsened, leading to fears she may not live more than a day.
Unable to speak and struggling for breath, she was drifting in and out of consciousness.
Sunday Mirror: “OUR MUMMY ISN’T SMILING ANY MORE..”
By Adrian Butler And Victoria Murphy:
EXCLUSIVE Sad boys make a happy face mask to cheer up Jade Jack rushes to bedside to help her through night
Sunday Times: “My Week: Max Clifford”
Beyond Parody:
Every day for the past few weeks the phone has started ringing from about 7.30am with inquiries about Jade Goody. I always get an update from the hospital the night before. On Sunday I arranged for Michael Jackson to speak to her. He wanted to talk before he left the country – he’s been in Britain to announce his farewell tour. Jade was on Celebrity Big Brother with Michael’s brother Jermaine; they got on very well. She’s not racist. Some of her best friends are black.
Her story has gone worldwide. According to my friend and client Simon Cowell, it’s the biggest story in Los Angeles…
Nice one:
Later on I went to play tennis at St George’s Hill, near my home in Weybridge, Surrey. I play three or four times a week. I’m reasonably fit for 65. I have a pool at home: I swim five days a week, half an hour at a time. It keeps off the excess; I do a lot of eating. I love everything, from fish and chips to Thai, and I am very lucky – I can get a table anywhere…
My first wife died of cancer six years ago in the Royal Marsden hospital, where Jade is now. My doctor was responsible for getting Jade in there at the last minute…
A free plug there for the Marsden. No problem, lads, this one’s on Max…
On Monday I had a business meeting with Stephen Less, who owns Secrets, a chain of lap dancing clubs in London. He’s a client, looking to expand the chain across the capital, so we met to plan launches and organise celebrity involvement.
Lap dancing hasn’t been affected by the current climate…
It’s warming up. Must-take-clothes-off…
On Wednesday Kate Jackson, who produced the television coverage of Jade’s wedding, came to my home and showed me the programme before it went out. It was emotional – a real insight into Jade and the person she is…
Closer to Heaven:
On Friday I flew to Spain for the weekend. I have a home in the hills near Marbella. I’m there this weekend for business to meet one of my Spanish clients, Sisu, a property company that owns a couple of restaurants there.
It will be launching a hotel, Lorcrimar, this Easter in Marbella…If something happens to Jade while I’m away, I have a private plane and can be back in four hours. It could be tomorrow, but it could be a couple of weeks. I’ve already recorded 50 or 60 interviews over the past three weeks for her obituary.
Max keeps on giving.
The Observer: “After Sir Tony, have the Indies got a safety net?”
And maybe conclude, with a sad sigh and an even sadder glance at the plight of Jade Goody, that privacy can be sold to OK! for a million, become fodder for a nice little parental earner on demand, turned on and off like a tap in the search for a missing child, or invoked as a reason for not mentioning a lifetime in S&M to your wife.
The Independent: “Editor-At-Large: A little more love and 12 victims would have lived - Glamour politics I see you’re still avoiding celebs, Gordon”
Two years is a lifetime in politics. We know Gordon Brown might not be ready to say the “sorry” word, but he’s man enough to realise that his philosophy about celebrity culture needs to be dumped if he wants to get on the front pages of the newspapers in stories that don’t focus on the financial crisis. In April 2007 he said: “I think we’re moving from this period when … celebrity matters, when people have become famous for being famous.” Can this be the same Gordon Brown that sent Jade Goody his best wishes and “applauded her determination” last month, and cosied up to Cheryl Cole and Kimberley Walsh outside Downing Street to “celebrate” their climb up Kilimanjaro accompanied by 120 porters, 32 production staff, a team of doctors and two film crews? Did our starstruck PM raise the embarrassing point that Gary Barlow chartered a private jet to fly the celebrity climbers home, blowing £50,000 which could have gone to charity without adding to global warming?
Yes he can!
Jade Goody - Your thoughts for the day…
Posted: 15th, March 2009 | In: Celebrities, Key Posts Comments (65) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink
Comments
March 19th, 2009 at 5:38 pm
It’s getting worse:
‘Vatican backtracks over Pope’s condom stance’
March 19th, 2009 at 5:07 pm
ThanksC&C
when I can get my head round it, I’ll put a post up in the forums.
But its believed he had a spinal embolism causing paralysis, but we were lucky with the attending vet and it was a very gentle passing.
The remaining two are too old to introduce a puppy to, 11 and 15, but in due course…..
BUT Henry was a smashing dog, as many people said ‘a proper golden retriever’
March 19th, 2009 at 4:40 pm
I’m veggie but also eat very little dairy. Just can’t quite make the vegan jump…. Luckily we’re all veggie which helps and it is so much cheaper.
Mostly we have quorn and soya as bases and of course, vegetables. I actually eat a very healthy diet a la the Mediterranean diet, sadly I just eat far too much of it all!
June, sorry to read about your dog. its always such a bummer…… I inevitably shout and swear ‘never again’, but then I do.
March 19th, 2009 at 4:18 pm
Dairy, I think they are moderating everyone on that thread. Mine was held up too
March 19th, 2009 at 4:15 pm
Thankyou Dr Eggman
Mum’s a carnivore, but she has also had an oral cancer and survived that, and her lump remains small, she’s on some fantastic drugs to keep it under control which cost the NHS the earth, but even with other treatment she would still need it.
You are right, Linda McCartney did die of breast cancer, and I agree she was one dignified lady who also encouraged many many women to have mammograms,and more than likely saved many lives.
Ok am worried now, am veggie too, but do use a lot of soya based products, and although a dairy farmers daughter cannot tolerate milk.
dairy, off to look, email Anorak and tell him.
I think that Angela bod is one Frances Wicks, if so, she won’t last long….
March 19th, 2009 at 3:48 pm
hey June - I think it must be catching - just been over on the Jade Goody’s Words For Natasha Richardson thread and got myself wound up and tetchy - my post probably won’t be on there just yet (as am still being severely moderated???????) but if you read Mr Ogbuagu’s post, I think you’ll see what I mean….
March 19th, 2009 at 3:40 pm
Good luck to your Mum June. My Mum beat the dreaded BC, hope yours does too. It’s far from being the automatic death sentence it was once, thank goodness.
My Mum only drinks soya milk these days because she read there’s a possible link to those with a diet high in dairy produce (eg vegetarians like she is…and me!)
and breast cancer. Did Linda McCartney die of breast cancer, can’t remember?
There’s someone who died with dignity. It’s largely thanks to the Maccas I went veggie, but I digress. Veggie women, check your boobs!!! x
March 19th, 2009 at 12:02 pm
She and it are a worry, hopefully still under control though. Appt later today
Sadly it isn’t wot it used ter be (alternative spelling for non texters)
March 19th, 2009 at 11:48 am
…they probably can’t even spell the word “satire”, never mind be aware of the meaning…. ah well, edukashun aynt wot it yooosed 2 b….!
March 19th, 2009 at 11:44 am
really sorry to hear about your mum - must be a terrible worry…
best to ignore the idiots and take refuge in the amusing bits as usual…!
they’re not fans, they’re morons and sublimely unaware of how stupid they make themselves look…
don’t rise to it - you’ve got more important things to worry about…
March 19th, 2009 at 11:14 am
morning dairy
Just fed up with all the pseudo angst from the babbling masses who have probably been given a script to keep to (see one ventured into the Natasha Richardson thread doling out kisses)
My mother is at a breast cancer clinic today to measure the size of her malignant tumour (among other things)
But every- day life goes on for everyone else, but I do find it sickening that JG alone has ever had cancer and the rest of the world is immune, and her distraught ‘fans’ do her no favours in perpetuating that myth.
And their inability to see satire and its target
March 19th, 2009 at 10:52 am
go June - I can see your hackles are up today….!!
March 19th, 2009 at 10:35 am
Angela
This is a satirical site and the satire is directed at the Media.
How on earth you can however presume to know that no one on here has not seen relatives and friends suffer and die from cancer or other miserable painful lingering conditions, and all without the media shoving it in other peoples faces as though they are unique is showing YOU as an arrogant, presumptive pain in the arse.
Cancer is NOT the only disease and Jade Goody is NOT the only sufferer, and people do NOT have to be all over her like a rash because of it.
March 19th, 2009 at 10:06 am
I think Jade should be allowed to do whatever she wants she is the one dying here, your saying its a disgrace that she is doing it all on tv well she has the right its her disease she can do what she likes with, its not you that has it so you should’nt slag her off for it.
If any of you have seen what cancer does to a person you would’nt be so quick to call the poor girl, and if you did then you are basically slagging off anyone with this disease.
Jade had a lucky break with Big Brother good on her at least she got off her backside and did something with her life, she has used the press just as they have used her. (Quite clever for a girl who is suppose to be thick)!!!!!
Kaycie I agree with your first post but then you lost it chill out girl.
March 19th, 2009 at 6:51 am
I’m sure if she was faking, the Royal Marsden would have had something to say about it? I did see her getting treatment for her cancer on Living TV when I was flicking through the channels the other night, so it does appear to be genuine.
I read somewhere before Jade was diagnosed with cancer that she was worth £7m. What a shame she’s felt the need to thrust her to little lads into the spotlight. They must wonder why the hell are they being photographed and hounded all the time. Every time the press say they’re not going to do their paparazzi style journalism ever again, I just think, “Yeah right…”
March 18th, 2009 at 11:23 pm
I am surprised why the news says Jade Goody is writing a book, and at the same time the news says she is too ill to for Shilpa Shetty to meet her.
I am certain it is a “British” stuckup tactict to ask for sympathy especially as she has been racist to us Asians in Big Brother 2 years ago. In addition, why did the tabloids say she was hesitant to go to India, and scared to go to Big Boss contect which Shilpa Shetty was hosting, and finding coincidence that she is diagnosed with cancer.
I know Jade Goody is finding a tactict to make money from reports so people, especially us Asians feel sorry for her. In other words,is Jade is faking her illness?
moderator edited
March 18th, 2009 at 10:56 pm
Is that a canon in your cassock …or are you just pleased to see me?
March 18th, 2009 at 10:31 pm
Any pictures of the Pope’s condom stance? I have one in my head I would like to lose asap
March 18th, 2009 at 10:27 pm
Percy
I have absolutely no inside information on the Pope, thank the Lord.
I was merely struck by the fact that the Vatican felt the need to defend him, though I suppose it’s understandable given the latest headline:
‘Pope’s condom stance under fire’
March 18th, 2009 at 9:36 pm
Woah! What the hell just happenened to Anorak? The comments box is one letter big!
March 18th, 2009 at 9:33 pm
coolandcalm
I’m staying in denial
(NB for the JG posse: not the river)
March 18th, 2009 at 9:30 pm
LOL, I love the Jade lovers, thick as pig shit like her.
Kaycie, what kind of stupid name is that anyway, a bit like Jordan or Tanisha.
Stupid racist chav, hurry up and die so’s I don’t have to look at your ugly plank money grubbing face anymore.
Telling people to get a life and spamming the board. Learn to spell and grow a brain, you speng.
March 18th, 2009 at 9:29 pm
….and did the condom reject the Pope?..or was it t’other way round? Chenier you seem to have some inside knowledge on this ..
March 18th, 2009 at 9:23 pm
The Pope has sex?….who with?
March 18th, 2009 at 9:17 pm
But why are we wasting our time when there is real news to discuss?
I was particularly fascinated by this story:
‘Vatican defends pope on condom rejection’
If the pope doesn’t practise safe sex, who will?
March 18th, 2009 at 9:13 pm
…oops …nearly forgot….XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXx
March 18th, 2009 at 9:12 pm
Well done Kaycie (?), you have successfully managed to tick most of the boxes for a stereotypical Jade fan.
1) CAPITALS
2) Poor grammar and punctuation
3) Not realising the satire behind the comments ie no one’s actually wishing harm on JG, it’s all the media shit and mournporn that goes with it
4) Wishing harm on someone or their family….
The one you missed out on is the excessive use of the letter “X” ie XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX. So close. But so far.
Good try though.
March 18th, 2009 at 9:12 pm
KayCie…how could you be picking fights on this site at a time like this…Jade could be dying right now as you write and you don’t seem to give a shite….it’s enough to make a grown man cry…. now get on your knees & pray beeatch!
March 18th, 2009 at 9:05 pm
Bat E Bird, I would love to think that they are spoofs, the alternative, that they are real posts from real people is just too scary to contemplate!!
March 18th, 2009 at 8:50 pm
A statement from the palace from the keeper of the Queens Snot, The Marquis of Gilbert
‘Her majesty is expected to retire early tonight, following The Bill, with a beaker of nightnurse with a tot of rum in it’
God Bless you Ma’am!
March 18th, 2009 at 8:45 pm
coolandcalm firstly who gives a shit about spelling! now repeat after me…. i should shut my mouth before i get it punched in! I really do care about jade to get as angry as i did today shows that. if you look up and read what i said on my first comment you would see that! dick. and bat e bird “forum world” fuckkkk time to step out that door and get a life love.. I wish this was real life see how big and brave you people would actually wanna get. dont talk about clever that was obviously a mistake get over your selfs. deb dont worry what this hermits say girl.
Moderator - Everyone has the right to an opinion, and YOU control your violent urges