Jordan Replaces Peter Andre

IN “Andre’s hate for Jordan”, Sun readers learn that Peter Andre “hates” Jordan.

Thankfully, Andre was not married to Jordan but to Katie Price. For some time we’ve been assured that Jordan and Katie Price are two different things entirely.

Jordan is the aid to masturbation, the cartoonish soft porn model who carries her breasts before her as a serving suggestion.

Katie Price is the horsewoman, mother, author and all round aid to masturbation for the more cerebral onanist.

The Sun has resolutely refused to buy into the PR-led schizophrenia and continues to refer to Jordan as Jordan.

As with so much about Jordan and Peter, the story can be surmised in a shouty headline:

“You never loved me, you cheated on me, you bullied me into a shadow of myself.”

A shadow of Jordan could be more than useful on a sunny day, bringing shady relief to acres of land, possibly to the greater part of Jordan. But this is Peter Andre talking, and he was once less a shadow than a bright ambulatory sun. And that’s just his skin tones.

Meanwhile, Jordan is spotted out and about with Michelle Heaton, the reality TV star and former pop singer. One cannot help but see Heaton’s orangey hue, her diminutive frame, her rounded hairless chest and wonder if Jordan has exchanged one Peter Andre for another..?

Anorak

Posted: 9th, June 2009 | In: Celebrities Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink